


From Conway to Tulsa

by ITZtigress3



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Consensual Sex, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Tulsa - Freeform, Undecided Relationship(s), Unexpected Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-11-04 05:25:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 165,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ITZtigress3/pseuds/ITZtigress3
Summary: Miranda is from a bartender in a small town in South Carolina. When her friend moves to Tulsa she goes, but her life takes a dramatic turn.Zac's been hurt deeply and doesn't want to move forward, but a chance encounter with a pretty red-head changes his life in many ways.The ups and down of life and choices can take many roads, but only one path leads from Conway to Tulsa...*Special thanks to Tondada for the editing!*Other reading places:http://itzthebox.placetohide.net/www.itztigress3.livejournal.com





	1. Painting Blues

POV: Miranda

 

February 6, 2010 

It was rather late when I woke up. It had been about four am before I reached my brother’s house and got to crash on the air mattress he was using as furniture. I knew he’d be awake and busy long before me so I’d chosen the spare room and it paid off. I got up and stretched, went to the bathroom and then to the kitchen for a soda. 

“Morning, I was wondering if you’d ever wake up today.” 

“Hey, you went to bed at ten, I got in bed at four. The bar was off the chain last night.” 

“I know. So, I just ordered pizza since it’s about lunch time and I am starving. No fear little one I ordered your absolute favorite, white cheese with pepperoni and mushrooms. I have plenty of drinks here.” 

“That sounds amazing actually. What is the goal for today? I don’t have to work tonight unless they call me in. So, I can work as late as needed providing you feed me.” 

He laughed and I smiled at him. I had always liked his laugh, good thing he was over two years older than me. He was also nearly six foot like our father. He was fit and healthy, but not a muscular person. Dark blue eyes and brown hair which he preferred to be clipped kind of short. The only thing that said we were related was the fact we had the same parents and blue eyes. I was five seven, pretty average height and just a hair taller than our mother. Average weight, about 110 and I stayed as healthy as I could. The biggest difference was I inherited Mom’s red hair but also dad’s dark hair. I’d always had this reddish brown color, it was definitely more red though. 

“I shall feed you but the goal is basically for the painting to be done. The flooring guys I want to schedule my next off day which if you are available I may need you if the hospital calls me in.” 

“Not a problem. Paint huh? You do have the paint right?” 

“Har Har Miranda. I have the paint and the ceilings have all been done.” 

His job was future pediatrician, he was currently interning at the local hospital and had about a year left after that he’d move to more specialized area. He loved children and especially making them feel better. He’d been that way toward me my entire life. Whether it was a booboo from a fall or our parents’ divorce, or a break up. He was the person I could go to and he’d have the right words and the right advice. 

“So, what color is that guest room?!” 

“It is not going to be pink!” 

“Boo! You know you want to do a pink room just for me.” 

“Sure, and one of my guy friends comes over and I lose my dude card for having a pink room. Baby sister or not.” 

“Caleb, I’m not a baby.” 

“You are younger than me and therefore still my baby sister. I did chose the pale yellow you selected the other day. I think it’ll fit with the white furniture I plan to add and I found this red and white diamond pattern bed set.” 

I sighed. “Fine. I’ll deal with the yellow. So, what have you done while I was snoozing?” 

“My bathroom. The tile guys are done for both and I chose the bluish teal color. It works with the tile and the white vanity.” 

“I saw the tile in the guest bath, it’s nice too that strip down the wall is nice. That pale beige also fits. Brightens the room more.” 

“That was the goal. Basically, I have the spare bedroom and the main living areas left. Which the main area is a darker brown than the bathroom but will look good with the dark floors I have picked out.” 

“Makes perfect sense then, when is lunch?” 

He checked his phone. “About ten minutes.” 

“Perfect, time for me to change into paint clothes then.” 

I went back to the guest room and changed into the paint clothes I brought, he’d bought this house last summer and then renovated it himself. The final part was paint and I’d volunteered to help and had helped a lot really. I gathered my things and put them in the bag and then made it back just in time for pizza! So we sat at the kitchen cabinets that were just put together and scattered because he couldn’t install without the floors. 

“Dad was over yesterday, helped me pick out the counter top, white marble. It’s going to be awesome when it’s done.” 

“What does Mariah think about it?” 

“She loves the view but agreed with you, I need more windows. But, I just like having that closed and the big doors viewing the lake and stream behind the house.” 

“How was dad? I haven’t talked to him in like two weeks. I’m awake he’s asleep and vice versa.” 

“He’s fine, he’s been working a lot too. I’m sure you’ve seen Mom more than me.” 

“Oh yeah, she bugged me for an hour while I was trying to get ready for work last night. Neither she nor Kenneth believe that bartender is the best choice. I should be like you, I should follow your supreme example.” 

He gave me a blank look. “I think you like being a bartender and you enjoy it. That should be all that matters. Mom wasn’t so…picky until she married Kenneth.” 

“Our parents weren’t super religious either, Kenneth is pretty set. Wants me to attend church like four times a week. I just can’t. The last one the preacher said being gay was a sin and that anyone identifying that way that was going to hell. I can’t identify with that because I know gay dudes and lesbians and there super sweet and nice. He thinks the job is condemning me and will corrupt me.” 

He giggled. “He cannot corrupt what is already corrupt.” 

“Har Har Har Caleb.” 

He just smiled and we finished eating. We then got busy painting, I went to the guest room first doing the trim and then the walls. The floors were just plywood so any paint on them didn’t matter. The trim and ceiling however had to be cleaned as I went because they had been painted white already. 

Our mother had met Kenneth Briarwood a year or so after their divorce and they got married in 2005. At that time I was working at a steak house as a waiter and had just started dating Alexander, when I turned 21 though I went to a real bar. The pay was better, the hours better, it was more fun for me and it provided enough income. Even though Kenneth charges me for the room in my mom’s house. It was partially why I loved staying with Dad more. 

Kenneth had gotten my mom into religion and while he certainly tried to force Caleb and I, our father stood his ground saying that it was our choice and we were both old enough to determine if any religion is what we wanted to follow. Kenneth had always liked Caleb’s career goals but hated mine, because well, I had none. 

I enjoyed working at a bar, I enjoyed making drinks and even creating unique concoctions for that locations. The hours suited me personally and it gave me the freedom to explore places. When I was done with the guest room I carefully went to the front to help. 

“So, how are you and Stanley doing?” 

“We’re…I really don’t know.” 

He turned from his place and frowned. “What do you mean? You seem happy with him and he’s a nice guy.” 

“Yeah, but he doesn’t like me working there either. He claims too many guys can see me and they may assume I am available.” 

“Then he should ask you to be his wifey.” 

I had to laugh. “Wifey? That’s funny. It would be nice but we’ve been dating a year and it’s not near that yet.” 

“Problems?” 

“Not really but like we don’t go out like we use too, or have the same conversations. I have better conversations with Zac than I do him.” 

“Zac?” 

“Hanson…the band. Mmmbop, don’t make me refresh your memory!” 

“Heavens no. But, I didn’t know you had conversations with him at all.” 

“We’ve had some rather long conversations on the website. He complimented my username as being unique and out of the normal.” 

“What did you choose?” 

“Fairydust.” 

“Interesting, did you explain why?” 

“When he asked I did. But, really we’ve talked many times on there and sometimes about music, sometimes about general stuff. It also depends on his schedule, some conversations are long but there also over weeks. But, really I have better conversations with Zac than Stanley.” 

He frowned, he’d hoped Stanley was the one but clearly he wasn’t. I couldn’t decide the future for us by myself. But, Stanley had planned a valentines for us so, maybe it wasn’t hopeless. 

I grabbed a new roller and started with the walls, he was almost done with the trim areas. We worked in silence for a bit until the first coat was done and now we watched paint dry, literally. 

“I thought I’d hate it, but I kind of like it. With the white cabinets it won’t be so bad.” 

“Glad you approve.” 

“Speaking of approved, work approved my vacation for May. So, I’ll be going to Tulsa.” 

“Is Ruby going with you?” 

“No, her job said no and her class schedule also said no. She graduates in May. There is no way for her to take the class online or go. It sucks because I was hoping she’d get too. But, I may ask Stanley. He’s no Hanson fan but he does like music so I might can get him too. If not, I may ask around and see if someone wants to split the room or I’ll just enjoy the solo room.” 

He laughed. “I’d take the room alone but that’s just me. It wouldn’t be bad to split it with someone but make sure you trust them some or know them pretty well. What all occurs that weekend?” 

“Not a whole lot really. There doing a band chat and a few shows. It’ll be kind of…just the two days but I want to visit a few places that I’ve heard about.” 

“I think getting out of Conway would be good for you, see the world and visit places. Even if it is one city.” 

“I think so too. I’ll miss Ruby though, she’s the only other obsessed fan I know.” 

He laughed. “She isn’t band obsessed Miranda, she’s Taylor obsessed.” 

“Ah! You DO know their names!!” 

“Hey, don’t get all happy. When you said going to Tulsa for them I had to check them out a bit.” 

“Yeah. So, wanna second coat the bedroom while we wait?” 

“Sure.” 

We got busy with the other two rooms, blue for his bedroom because like me it was his favorite color and then we finished with the second coat in the main living area. Once we were done he treated me to dinner out and then we separated. He was staying with our father when he wasn’t at the house and I lived with our mother still. Was that ideal at 24? Not really. I parked in my spot, Kenneth’s idea again and went inside. 

“Miranda honey you’re home.” 

“I was at Caleb’s today Mom, helped him paint the house. I know he’s getting close and it’s a lot of wall space.” 

“That’s good. Is he doing well?” 

“Yep. He’s fine and the colors look good.” 

“Have you had dinner yet?” 

“Yes. He treated me to dinner for helping him.” 

She smiled, her red hair bright and her blue eyes clear. I really wished her and Dad could have worked through their problems but they just couldn’t. They held on for years for our benefit but eventually it just ended. Thankfully we were old enough to chose where to stay, we elected to stay with Mom for school and Dad in the summer. Not that we lived far apart either way. 

She was cleaning the kitchen up and I pitched in to finish helping. 

“Evening Miranda.” Kenneth said. 

“Hey Kenneth. How was your work day?” 

“It was pleasant, played some golf with the guys. You helped Caleb right?” 

“Yeah. We got all the painting done. I think he has floors and kitchen left really. The bathroom tile was down already and there also painted. They just need touchups and a good cleaning.” 

“He planned to be done by March right?” 

“End of April is the goal but he’s ahead of time. So, he should finish in March.” 

“Have you put anymore thought into your permanent career?” 

“Ken honey.” Mom said. 

“I haven’t because I like my job. Although, I am now senior with Mariah because Angie left.” 

“You really should consider a change in your career. You have always been a smart young lady and you could be good at management or administrative.” 

“I can be a bar manager where I am. I am actually working toward that, if that’s any help. I like the atmosphere and the location.” 

“But, you really can’t live alone on a bartender salary Miranda.” 

“I’m sure if I needed to I could. I do make enough for rent and utilities.” 

“Non-sense. You’ll be staying here as long as you want.” 

“Anna.” He said. 

“Kenneth she is my child and I don’t mind if she stays here forever. She’s my baby after all.” 

“I’m just saying.” 

“I’m just going to go up-stairs. I have to work tomorrow but vacation was approved so I’ll be going to Tulsa in May. Heads up.” 

He no more liked that than anything else but I headed up-stairs to avoid another argument. Kenneth had two sons, Caleb and I had met them only once at the wedding. Jacob was in the army and his brother, Nathan was in the marines. They both wanted to be career, so they were aiming to achieve the highest ranks possible. They talked to him but it wasn’t like they ever considered Caleb and I as relatives. 

I got a shower to get the paint off my hands and arms, legs and out of my hair, then sat down with my laptop. I checked Hanson.net first, but Zac hadn’t been on in days but they had members kits to do and stuff. When my phone went off I got it and answered. 

“Hey Ruby!” 

“Miranda. How was your Saturday? Did you and Stanley do anything?” 

“It was good I was with Caleb though, we painted his house today. It’s looking nice but he refused to paint the room pink. He settled with the pale yellow though.” 

“Nice, I think you’d do everything pink if you could.” 

“Fairies baby!” 

“I know! If Hanson did anything with fairies you’d probably buy it all.” 

“I would…hands down. So, how was your Saturday?” 

“Fucking sucked ass. I worked this morning and spent all afternoon working on assignments and studying.” 

“See, I don’t miss that.” 

“I know. I’m going to start applying at various places this week. Hoping that my dream job comes up soon. But, I’m going to have to go out of Conway.” 

“What? You can’t leave me here with the crazy ones.” 

“I’ll try not too but no promises. Have you even talked to Stanley?” 

“Not really…” 

“Honey what’s going on?” 

“I’m not sure really. He was fine through Christmas and my birthday but I think he’s jealous of Cam.” 

“Cam? Why?” 

“Because we’re friends, we share a birthday and Cam basically said I had to celebrate with him. Stanley wanted to do other things.” 

“You passed up sex for a party with Cam?” 

“Well…yeah.” 

“You are crazy.” 

“Not really the sex is not really that mind blowing. But, I can’t say much Kenneth is home and I really don’t want to argue over that again.” 

“That was brutal, you’re a grown woman dating someone. You should be allowed to have sex.” 

“Not his belief, courting and then marriage and all that. And as long as I am here I can’t say much.” 

“I understand. So…did work approve you for May?” 

“They did. I have the room already I was trying to decide what to do. Stanley probably won’t go, but I can ask. Your job and school suck.” 

“Well…if Stanley doesn’t ask Cameron.” 

“I’m sure Stanley would so appreciate that.” 

“At least Cameron does like the band Miranda. He’d be better company.” 

“He can’t attend the events without signing up and all though. He’s not going to do that. I may just ask on the forums and get a roomie, I know a few of them fairly decently.” 

“That’s a good idea too. So…plans for v-day?” 

“Stanley said not to plan anything, he apparently has something planned already.” 

“That’s a good thing.” 

“What about you?” 

“If you are busy there is a valentines party at Pinky’s, gonna go there.” 

“There valentines party is the bomb. So, any ideas on where you are looking for jobs?” 

“Nationwide?” She then laughed and I laughed too. 

“Seriously, I’m looking inside South Carolina first, I love home and all. But, if that doesn’t pan out then I will expand state by state. I’m hoping east coast job for sure.” 

“I hope you are close, I’ll be bored without you around here.” 

“I know. So, did Zac reply again?” 

“He has not replied to the message I have waiting, doesn’t even show he’s seen it yet. He did say last message that he was going to be recording the member’s CD and Fool’s banquet was soon. So, he’s probably busy.” 

“Taylor never replied to me.” 

“He hasn’t me either and Zac said he’s rarely on.” 

“He needs to be on and he needs to talk to me.” 

“Ditto. But, anyway I think I’m going to play some games and chill. Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?” 

“Yes. 11:30 I’ll text you where in the am.” 

“Ok. You get some rest.” 

“I am. Night Miranda.” 

“Night Ruby.” 

I hung-up and did what I said, played some video games to kill time. I was a night owl usually because I was often up all night and it helped to not mess that up. Stanley did send me a good night text. I went to bed about 2:30 am. 


	2. Valentines? Who needs it?

POV: Miranda

  

February 14, 2010 

I had to work a double yesterday so I was glad Stanley’s plans were for the afternoon, I got to sleep and catch up on sleep. Even if Kenneth tried to wake me up at fucking eight. I loved him, I really do. He’s great for our mother and he loves her but he just didn’t understand how we were raised and that we weren’t like his sons. He was an army drill sergeant with them apparently. I’d only had to tell him once that I’d get up when I felt like it. Even tenants got privacy! 

It was after one before I sat up in bed, still a bit groggy. But, Ruby had sent several messages and I called her back. 

“Girl, I worked a double yesterday…why are you calling me so early?” 

“Because I have a date.” 

“A date? With who?” 

“That cute little classmate of mine, Jeremy.” 

She had told me all about Jeremy, blonde hair blue eyed cutie in class. He was studying for the same thing she was, computer networking, but he was her type. Tall, thin, kind of looked like Taylor Hanson. 

“Did he ask or did you?” 

“He did! It’s one date but I’m hopeful. We’re going to Pinky’s after dinner so if you and Stanley want…” 

“I haven’t talked to him. I just know he’s getting me at 5:30. After dinner I don’t know what his plans are, but I will message you either way.” 

“Okay, you sound tired. Why don’t you set an alarm and lay back down?” 

“I would but I need water and I am sure Kenneth will bitch if I lay back down.” 

She snorted but didn’t comment, we’d had the conversation time and time again. She knew how much a pain he was when it came to religion and what he thought Caleb and I should be doing. We hung-up after a few more minutes and I went downstairs to get something light. My dinner break had been at like ten and I was starving. 

“Did you finally get woken up? I tried to get you up for church this morning.” 

“I worked all day and all night last night, I don’t even want to be up now. Besides, I don’t do church Ken you know that.” 

“I think it would be good for you. Is Stanley coming over?” 

“He picks me up at 5:30, we have plans for dinner. I’m not sure afterwards.” 

I could mentally see him shaking his head, Kenneth believed that dating was structured and that courting occurred. But, I’d been dating since I was sixteen and no one had ever gone with me. I am sure in his mind it was dinner and then to some sleazy hotel for sex. Which, honestly, wouldn’t bother me one bit! I would be very fine with that idea. 

“Did Mom stay for the ladies gathering?” 

“Yes. She’ll be there most of the day actually and then after service tonight she and I are having dinner.” 

“I’m not sure when I’ll be home. Sometime I am sure before midnight. If you guys are home I’ll be quiet as usual.” 

“I appreciate that.” 

I fixed the bagel and then headed up-stairs. I got showered and ready before time and pondered what to wear for this date. I knew it was going to be cold so I finally chose the brown long sleeve sweater dress, it would come just above my knees. Maroon leggings and my light brown ugg boots. I left my hair down and went with simple stud earrings. The dress itself was kind of loose, so it wasn’t like it hugged every curve. He sent a message about five and I went downstairs to meet him. 

“I’m gone Kenneth. I’ll either see you later tonight or tomorrow. I’ll sent Mom a text to let her know where we are.” 

“Alright. Be good.” 

I rolled my eyes, I was twenty-four, not twelve! Stanley didn’t remind me of any member of Hanson. He was tall and thin like Taylor but he had jet black hair and brown eyes. He did construction normally. 

“Hey. I like the look.” 

His own attire was black jeans and a black shirt, his normal. But he held the door for me and went around. 

“How was your weekend?” 

“It was nice. Worked a double yesterday.” 

“Baron said you were at work, he was there with some friends.” 

“Yeah, I saw him. He wasn’t at the bar though which is where I was all night.” 

Baron was one of his friends, didn’t shock me he told him I was there. He drove to a local Italian place and we went inside, apparently he requested a seat in the back overlooking the Waccamaw River. It was very nice but things felt awkward as we ordered drinks and he ordered a simple appetizer. Starting conversation revolved around what he’d done over the weekend, which wasn’t much just playing games and goofing off with his friends. What I’d done which was primarily work. Thought the entrée it was simple conversations on how work was going for him. 

Once the entrée plates had been cleared, the wine refilled, and the desert on the table he sighed. 

“Miranda I think we should break up.” 

I finished the bite of cherry cheesecake I’d ordered and looked at him. “Like…now?” 

“Yes. Come on, we both know this isn’t working. I hate that you work at the bar and I’ve asked you to consider something else.” 

“You knew I worked there before we started dating Stanley.” 

“Yes, it’s how we met. But come on, every single guy that walks in flirts with you. They buy you drinks, hang around, compliment you. Baron even said it and I’ve seen it myself. I know that’s not your fault but you don’t do anything to stop them either.” 

“Because there just flirty Stanley, they don’t touch me or grab at me. So they smile and flirt, so I smile back. What do you expect me to do?” 

“Find somewhere else to work. You said you wanted to settle down and have a family some day you can’t do that there. You seem obsessed with staying there and working there.” 

“It’s what I know. But you could have chosen another day, another week, another month. Kind of…rude to chose today. Are you sure this has nothing to do with Cameron?” 

He laid the fork down. “Actually, it does. I asked you to be with be on New Years. You said you couldn’t because you and Cam always celebrate your birthdays together. Miranda you aren’t his girlfriend, you are not his sister. I wanted us to be together and we weren’t. You chose to be with Cameron.” 

“You knew before you asked and I invited you to come. You wanted to go to Myrtle Beach and not stay here.” 

“I just…it’s not working Miranda. You and I both know that.” 

I pushed the plate away. It didn’t really shock me but I was shocked at how much it really did hurt, even though we weren’t super tight or anything. It still just hurt. 

“Yeah, why force something that obviously isn’t working?” 

“Exactly.” 

He still covered the bill, saying he’d invited me and I resisted the crying until he’d at least dropped me off and I’d made it inside. It seemed like all relationships were doomed to fail for me. One after the other. About nine I sent Ruby a message and told her what happened, but insisted I was fine and was just gonna do whatever for a while. She was out with her date and I didn’t want to be a third wheel. I ended up deciding to play my last video game, Forza Motorsport 3. I wasn’t a big shooter game person but I liked Halo. I much preferred my play station though. I had been playing about an hour before the message icon popped up, I smiled seeing the name, MasterChief22, it was the gamer tag that Zac had given me. I was having hella problems in the last Forza game and he finally gave me the gamer name and connected, of course he gave me strict rules not to tell a single other person. I hadn’t. Once I finished the race that I was in I opened the message from him. 

> MasterChief22: It’s Valentines…and you are playing Forza? Shouldn’t you be out with that guy you were dating?! 
> 
> FairyDust: “that guy” was Stanley. That was the plan but he felt like dinner was a good time to tell me we weren’t going to work… 
> 
> MasterChief22: Seriously? He sounds like an asshole. 
> 
> FairyDust: So, Mr. Rockstar did you not have a hot date for tonight? 
> 
> Masterchief22: No. 

I was rather shocked he didn’t. I mean, who the hell wouldn’t want to date Zac Hanson? I’d sure as hell have dinner with him! His name said he was playing Halo so I didn’t mind the excessive time. 

> MasterChief22: Hop on H.net – I can reply there faster and better. 

He didn’t have to tell me twice, I got my laptop and connected it and then signed in. My name there was the same but he used his name on Hanson.net. 

> Fairydust: I am here now – and why exactly didn’t you have some date?! 
> 
> ZacHanson: Hey! I didn’t ask anyone honestly, I am sure anyone in town would have jumped at the idea but I didn’t see a need. I can stay home, play my game and let my brothers be the romantic ones. What happen with Stanley? 
> 
> Fairydust: Hmft, I think you just wanted to be home gaming. Well, I guess he was mad that I chose to spend New Year’s/My birthday with my friends in town versus going to the beach with his group. Cameron and I have always done something together and he knew that. So..he said that he didn’t think we were going to last. 
> 
> ZacHanson: I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Things seemed fine. Well – you didn’t complain to me anyway. 
> 
> Fairydust: It hurts a bit but really I’m good. I just got all dressed up for nothing! I uh…well, I did complain to my female friends…but didn’t think you’d want to hear me complain about bedroom antics. 
> 
> ZacHanson: Aww, you got dressed up?! Not like your profile picture I presume? Uh…what would you have to complain about bedroom antics wise? 

I paused and read the last question. Mother hell I shouldn’t have said anything about my complaints. I wasn’t really sure how he’d handle sex talk as our conversations had never ever ventured past video games, movies, other artists, and the occasional political one. Sex? Totally not something we ever discussed. Nor had my profile picture been brought up. I mean, it was a picture of me after all, but I was with Ruby at the last show. 

> Fairydust: Yes. I got dressed up and no, not like the profile. That was just jeans and a show shirt…I mean like makeup and hair and nice cloths. 
> 
> Um…I’m not sure you’d want to hear those complaints… 
> 
> ZacHanson: Picture? I’ve only seen your profile picture really and that one you posted in the forum a few months back. 
> 
> So..if you are “complaining” about bedroom antics. I’m just going to assume that his skills somehow sucked? Or that he had some really off the wall fetish! 

I had to laugh at his assumptions but the request for a picture was new and the admittance that he had seen that other one was kind of new too. I knew he read them but he hadn’t commented anywhere about it. I recall the picture I took earlier before leaving, more to show Ruby the dress than anything else. So, I went ahead and uploaded it to Instagram because I could link it to him. Did I care that he would then have a social media sight of mine? Not really…There was nothing there to hide. 

> Fairydust: Here’s a link to my Valentine Heartbreak Day outfit. 
> 
> Um..well…*sigh* you are making me blush and that’s not cool. Yes, his oral skills were not that bad but everything else pretty much just sucked. 
> 
> ZacHanson: :-) You look very nice there. I can’t image why he’d be stupid enough to leave you! 
> 
> Hey, not all men can be gifted in the bedroom in *every* way. Takes time and research and stuff. Least he didn’t have some super weird fetish. 

I could feel the blush, it was very rare that he actually complimented me but that second part really did cause the blush. I’d not heard of anyone he’d really talked sex with! 

> Fairydust: Thank you. *blush* you keep complimenting me and I may have to stop playing, gonna end up wrecking. –lol 
> 
> Yeah, well I haven’t met any man that was. Wait – are you saying _you’ve_ done the research and stuff?! I really don’t count porn as acceptable research either. 
> 
> ZacHanson: I’m not doing anything! You really do look nice! 
> 
> I have a feeling this will be screen capped and shared across the world but yes, I did the research and stuff and no it wasn’t porn (at least not all of it). I figured that if I was benefitting from the encounter, then she should too. Wouldn’t _you_ at least agree with that?! 
> 
> Fairydust: I guess it’s just really different to be complimented when you were sent a specific picture… 
> 
> You should know I won’t do that, it’s a “private” conversation after all. See, I know wanna know what _you_ researched…I didn’t think men looked at _anything_ that wasn’t porn. Least, none of the ones I know. 
> 
> ZacHanson: I have my moments. Yes, yes I should since none of the others have appeared. 
> 
> I have to have some secrets…ahh yeah, not every dude does. Most rely on porn and then don’t understand why she hates it and never calls back. I’m a realistic guy here, I can’t expect every girl to have the ability to hang upside down for 45 minutes. 
> 
> Fairydust: You signed out of X-box, did the aliens kick your ass? 
> 
> Soooo….that’s a “I’m not sharing my secrets”. Fine. Fine. I just won’t share mine either :P and yes, you shouldn’t expect any girl to hang upside down for 45 min..I’m pretty sure blood rush to the head would be..well..bad. But really, his bedroom skills were eh, workable but not that grand. 
> 
> ZacHanson: No..the aliens weren’t kicking my ass. Actually…it was better to just talk to you than try to do both. Not like you’re ripping up the roads over there either. 
> 
> Yes, that was a subtle “not sharing”, guess I wasn’t that subtle though. Haha, no blood rush to the head is bad. Well, maybe the next guy will be better. 
> 
> FairyDust: Negative. I’ve graduated a full level since this started. And see…there you go again being all super sweet. I think…I think I may just take a break from dating, keep getting assholes and I don’t want another asshole. Kind of want Mr. right. 
> 
> ZacHanson: A full level huh? You saying you can beat me if I came in? I told you, I can be sweet! Sometimes you have to step back and take some time. Nothing wrong with that at all. 
> 
> Fairydust: Yes. A FULL level. Hey, if you want me to run you off the road I’m not going to complain. But, I’ll be nice. You somehow manage to win 2 against me back to back, I’ll post a picture taken just for you when I get ready for work tomorrow. 
> 
> ZacHanson: That is…tempting. But, if the picture is taken just for me, wouldn’t uploading it somewhere defeat the “just for you” part? Likewise, I have no public way to send you one. 

I paused and looked at the last message, send to me? He did have a point about the just for you being posted somewhere, kind of defeated the part but I didn’t have any another way to get a picture to him. I had no phone number, e-mail, or other platform. I considered it for several moments before hitting reply. 

> FairyDust: You have a point on the just for you part, but we can’t send via H.net or Xbox. So, unless you have a secret account where I can send a direct message. I can easily give you an e-mail address. 
> 
> ZacHanson: I can do e-mail, I can’t do one from work because well…Tay or Ike may see it. But, I have a few non-work ones. So, deal? You win I send you a picture no one else has, I win you send me one. 

I agreed with the last one and he chose one race and I chose one. Yet, I guess I under estimated his racing skills with video games because he won two back to back very easily. The last message he sent me was an e-mail address and a smiley face, it was a generic yahoo account so it was possible he created one just for me. I replied that I’d send it as soon as I was ready and that I had to be there at seven, so he would expect a message late in the afternoon. He signed out, going to bed since he had to be up earlier than me. I was feeling slightly bummed I could have gotten a picture no one else had seen! 

I kept on playing for several more hours, only pausing when Mom and Kenneth got home to hear about their afternoon and day. I think Kenneth was overjoyed that Stanley wasn’t with me anymore. But, it was probably because he felt like I needed to be more proper and shit. 

The next day as I got ready for work I was trying to chose something pretty normal and not super sexy, I wasn’t one of the bartenders that wore tube tops and crop shorts, I liked some extra coverage. I mean, I wasn’t like some with super huge asses or super big breast. I was average C cup and well, a little bit of an ass but not huge. I ended up with my normal bartender pants, which had pockets for pens, bottle openers, and other things I had to have and a black tank top that had the bar’s logo on the front. After I was ready I snapped a picture with my phone until I was happy with the it and then sent it to him as promised. Whether he liked it or not was a mystery. 

  

Her Valentines Outfit 


	3. Flirty Fun

POV: Zac

 

February 21, 2010 (Sunday)

Taylor and Isaac were about to drive me insane so I’d taken today off to be away from them and well, everyone really. Not that ‘everyone’ was bad, just my parents nagged me to settle with a nice girl and Isaac has been gushing about his daughter Eliza. She was 19 months old and running wild at the studio when Melanie and Isaac were both there. I loved my family, but sometimes I just wanted to be alone! I’d actually slept late this morning having not had much with work and recording.

I fixed myself a decent breakfast of cereal and milk and then settled on the sofa for some vegetable time in front of a TV and maybe video games. About one my doorbell rang and I got it, finding my friend Thomas at the door.

“You are a hard fucking man to find. I’ve been to both brothers, your parents, and the studio and you’re here? Lounging in fucking sleep pants?”

“Been here all day dude, was there some reason you were trying to track me down?”

“Day off, I’m bored.”

“Come in, I was thinking movie or games. Wasn’t sure which.”

“Let’s kick back with a few beers and a movie first, games later.”

I let him in and got drinks for us both while he found a movie, choosing the first Lord of the Rings movie, perfectly fine with me. We kicked back and he started the movie.

“So…been out with anyone?”

“I guess Taylor and Isaac put you up to asking?”

“No. I’m curious. Have you been out with anyone lately?”

“No.”

“Not even a hook up type out with someone?”

“Not really, just not interested and no I am not gay.”

“You’re 24 Zac. You should be at least interested in someone.”

“I’m not.”

I really didn’t want to explain what I did last Sunday or who I talked too. It had been five years…

“I tried to call you last Sunday, you didn’t answer.”

“I didn’t answer for anyone really.”

Except her…I’d replied to her messages.

“It was five years right?”

“Yeah, fifth anniversary of the worst day of my life. I spent it playing video games. Not thinking about her and what happened.”

Five years…it was hard to believe it had been five years since she left me standing at the altar. I’d dated Kathryn for four years, asked her to marry me and we were supposed to be married in 2005 on Valentine’s day. She planned everything and I just showed up. She made it to the I do part, I said mine and she just kept standing there. Eventually she dropped my hands, told me she couldn’t that she was pregnant and the baby wasn’t mine. That she was in love with her best friend. She left me standing there in front of every fucking one I knew and left with him. They’d gotten married that afternoon.

“It’s been a while Zac, maybe you should consider the long-run.”

“Like I did with her? Four years she strung me along.”

Truth came out months later from her best friend, who was married to Taylor at the time. Kathryn had never been a faithful girlfriend, Natalie had known the entire time that she was sleeping with men behind my back all the time. The bitch had my virginity and I thought I had hers.

“Zac, not every girl is like her.”

“I’m fine dude. A few one night stands and I’m good. I don’t even make it a habit, so really what’s the big deal? Mom is nagging me, Taylor, and even Ike. I’m good.”

“I just worry. I know how badly she hurt you and I don’t want you to be this bitter old man in ten years.”

“Eliza will keep me from being that.”

“How is she?”

“Fine, she’s running now…handful when she’s at the studio.”

“I bet.”

We settled a bit more and after two movies he got called by his job and groaned, having to go handle something. I was fine with that, I was planning to order pizza anyway. I called and ordered then sat down, figured I’d upload the video I planned too. When I signed in I noticed I had a few hundred new messages but I checked my inbox. I caught myself smiling as I saw that FairyDust was the top one.

We didn’t tell fans that we had the option to mark any user and they’d show up at the top of our lists, mostly because it was for each other and staff members and not fans. I’d kind of marked her account because I enjoyed chats with her in general. I clicked her name. Her response was to a question I asked about what her general likes were.

 

> FairyDust: General likes?! My you want a whole ten pages of responses! I like a lot of things really from foods to music to movies to the beach. You’ll have to be a tad more specific on what you want to know. Such as…my favorite food is my brother’s burgers and fries. My favorite colors are blue and pink. My favorite musical artist should be obvious…Hanson. As for other music and movies there is soooo many to list.
> 
> I read her response and giggled, I was half asleep Wednesday when I sent the message but the reply was from today and it was showing her as being online.
> 
> ZacHanson: Haha – I would not mind a 10 page response at all. I may have been slightly tired as hell when I wrote the message. But…you managed to answer most of the key ones, color and food. I can relate to the brother’s food thing, Taylor’s cooking is the bomb.

The doorbell rang and I got it, tipping the guy who brought me dinner. I then sat down and went ahead and uploaded that video I intended too before digging into the pizza. I hit the inbox and even replied to a few others but when hers came up again, I clicked it!

 

> FairyDust: I considered that you were tired, in retrospect I worked every day plus a double last night so I didn’t even get to see it til this afternoon. Cam said I had to spend the day with him, we watched Lord of the Rings – What…did you do today?
> 
> ZacHanson: A friend came over and he and I watched…LOTR as well. I presume you like those movies since you watched them? Maybe a friend day isn’t bad, was Ruby able to join?
> 
> FairyDust: haha – Yes, I do like the movies. I’ve also read the books but no Ruby has this major ass test tomorrow so she was nose in book. I particularly like the LOTR movies for the concept I mean a golden ring that a hobbit has to deliver to a volcano? Epic. But, I like those types of movies well. Along with like Jurassic Park and Aliens and others. I have to admit, I haven’t seen all of the Star Wars movies.
> 
> ZacHanson: !!!!!!!!!!!! You have NOT seen Star Wars? OMG Cam and I need to chat and he needs to sit your butt down with them all. That is just unacceptable.

I really wanted to offer to watch them with her but there was no way I could do that. I also wouldn’t be telling her that I was such a creep Wednesday. I’d logged in and was just checking the sight and message and seen the link for her Instagram. Curiosity got to me. I followed the link and then clicked on her Instagram name which took me to hers, which is not private. Dozens of pictures.

She was a bartender and it showed, she had several dozen with her co-workers and while they were sometimes dressed more on the slut end, her attire always seemed more appropriate. But there was a few with some cleavage. The Christmas outfit though, my god. Red and white number with a hoodie and whoever took the photo was awesome. The New Year’s Eve outfit was just as impressive but I wasn’t happy with the fact Cam was in the picture!

What captured her most was that hair, reddish brown and gorgeous blue eyes. Dozens of photos and she really was gorgeous herself. But so were a lot of our fans! I refreshed and her name came up first.

 

> FairyDust: lol – He says he’s tried. He really has. I’m sure I’d like them but I’ve only see the 4-6 series, maybe one day we can figure out something and watch them at the same time…? I’m not sure if schedules can align though. I tend to work most the time and you apparently do also.
> 
> ZacHanson: I made them give me today and I am STILL working! Although, I did upload a video…I suggest you view it. So…what about other likes? Do you have a preferred clothing brand…hair brush… restaurant…
> 
> FairyDust: Are you drunk? Clothing..hairbrush…restaurant?! One of these things is not like the other…But…no, no and no. I like comfortable clothes, I don’t care the name on the label. I like a brush that doesn’t frizz or get tangled, and as long as the foods good I’ll go. What about you?
> 
> ZacHanson: I have had a few, but far from drunk. I have random words at times! Clothing wise, if it fits well and feels good I’ll wear it, obviously comfort in jeans is a big deal to me. I like vintage shirts or comfortable ones. Brush wise, long as it works…when I remember to brush it. Restaurant wise, I have a few I prefer right around the studio. Mexicali’s and Caz’s. I recommend both.
> 
> FairyDust: Mmm…are you trying to be subtle again? I thought comfortable jeans would be important to anyone but you specified it. Should I let my mind venture there and ponder the reasons why?
> 
> Haha – yes there are a few pictures posted where it looks like you failed to do anything with your hair, let alone brush it. There is a good taco place near work, but I try not to eat there all the time. In fact, my mom usually fixes dinner and I take it with me. Cheaper, taste better.

I nearly choked on the swallow of beer I’d taken when I read the first part of the message. Could I say I was innocent, hell no. I’d been tired Wednesday but venturing to her Instagram had woke me up and made me horny as fuck. The picture she’d sent me privately had been sexy but tasteful. Most of hers were, but rule number one…even if the fan is a turn on…you don’t ever tell them! Yet, had I subtly mentioned it?

 

> ZacHanson: Gorgeous your mind can venture to wherever you want, I shall plead the fifth though. ;-)
> 
> Taco’s are awesome. Very..very awesome and sometimes our mom brings us dinner plates too.

I didn’t really think about the message until after I sent it and at that point there was nothing I could do. I went ahead and loaded a game to play and signed in and all, refreshing from time to time. It took a long time for a reply…

 

> FairyDust: Gorgeous huh? Oh…so my mind can venture to the ‘obvious’ answer of you just need the room? There could be reasons why…room obviously to move or to hide things from fans in the front row? You do know that pictures exist…right?! I mean..there is that Cain’s video from last September…
> 
> I read the message and I knew exactly what she was referring too. The ‘crotch’ grab video with the comment of needing tighter pants. I couldn’t deny that video and let’s face it I was sure there were more.
> 
> ZacHanson: Yes, gorgeous. I say it can venture and you went straight to the gutter with your guesses? Actually…hiding things from front row would require tighter pants…not looser.
> 
> I…yes I know they exist and I know the video does too. The question is…how many times have you watched it?
> 
> FairyDust: See, you need to stop making me blush. Well…it’s not like I am innocent little flower here. Where did you think it was going to go? Guy tells me he needs more room in his pants and I assume the reason is well…you need the room due to size (which I am sure you won’t comment on) or you need the extra room for the hard on hoping fans won’t notice. ..so…which one is it Zachary?
> 
> As for the video…I am sure more times than you’d really want to know ;-)

I blinked, that was not a response I’d ever intended to get and why was it a turn on to know she’d watched that video many times?! Ugh, I did not need another night of jacking off to her pictures. I already felt like a creep! Yet, she had my gamer tag and an e-mail address, I am sure she wouldn’t share anything I said.

 

> ZacHanson: and if I like that I can make you blush from just words? Haha – I would never assume you are some innocent flower, even though _you_ never mention what makes you so non-innocent…
> 
> Well…both honestly. Some of the jeans are rather…constricting and can hurt some. So lose jeans helps. And well, lose pants do nothing for hiding hard-ons, in fact they tend to make them more obvious. The jeans just allow movement and tenting…

I came really close to informing her that my pajamas bottoms were loose pants and was not doing much to keep the growing erection down. I just wasn’t sure if she’d freak out if she knew about that.

 

> FairyDust: My My Zachary you are getting into that naughty little section tonight! Assumptions can be pretty bad, not saying I am some nymph or anything…I could stand for more exploring but I am content with the ‘normal’ sexual activities. Not that I am getting any lol – requires a willing person.
> 
> So…is that why you wear the tighter jeans on stage? Trying to hide the hard ons you get while drumming? Tenting is new…I may legit have to use that sometime.

The game was useless so I went ahead and turned it off. She literally wasn’t saying much at all and yet my mind was churning out some super hot images. Normal sex? Fuck, I wondered what she’d be like in person. Would she be as flirty? Would she be as open with me if I was standing in front of her? I wondered…exactly what her blush looks like.

 

> ZacHanson: exploring can be fun if the other person is trusted. I don’t think I’ve had that much trust in someone. Normal sexual activities can be…just as fun. Yeah, I can relate to the not getting any aspect as well. It’s been a while..you however had the asshole there for a while :P
> 
> Hahaha – Not really. Does it help when the mood hits? Yeah, but I do try to avoid that situation in front of 1,000 women. What..you think guys can’t be mortified too?
> 
> FairyDust: Agreed. I don’t think I’ve had anyone that I would trust that well either. Can’t say anyone really wanted more than just the normal, they didn’t get adventurous or anything. No kink stuff. Yeah, he was around until last week but truthfully…we hadn’t had sex since November of last year. Schedules and then problems…
> 
> One thing I always liked about not being a dude…it doesn’t matter how turned on I am, no one knows but me…Did you get tired of playing?!
> 
> ZacHanson: Not many I can trust to do anything else, I mean…pictures on the internet would be shared like crazy but I’d rather keep that private. We’re there problems that far back?
> 
> Hahahahaha yeah, I guess women have that up side. But, even women show some signs..flushed skin among others. Not tired of playing, just wasn’t really playing for refreshing.
> 
> FairyDust: Aww, I could let you get in some game time. I can understand that, popular and well known anything ‘nude’ would be a major thing. But, you know us fans would go insane… ;-)
> 
> Hmm…I am not aware of many outward signs that clearly say “im horny come fuck me” for us girls. Okay, sure the flushed skin may, breathless tones, but you gotta be close enough for that to be seen. A fan in the middle of the venue can see you are.
> 
> ZacHanson: I am fine not gaming. Hahahahahah yes, fans would go bezerk.
> 
> Do you get that way?

Again, fucking foot in mouth. I hit enter before I even thought about it. That was probably going to be seen as a very overt comment! I was almost afraid she’d run away from me. Yet, on the third refresh there was a message.

 

> FairyDust: Flushed, breathless, touchy, and well the other ‘obvious’ signs. Of course. I presume you do as well. I’m reading between the lines…did you stop playing because you wore lose pants today and there tented at the moment…? Not sure if I should feel special or not if they are…

I hovered thinking about a reply for several moments, before typing it out.

 

> ZacHanson: I can almost, almost, envision that but I haven’t seen any photos of you blushing let alone flushed skin and it’s my turn to blush.
> 
> *hands up* You caught me tents and all…and you should. I actually never changed from my pajama pants. I can’t totally blame you either, my own fault…
> 
> FairyDust: You should check your e-mail. I would ask for a return picture but I know the answer is no. Not much I can do to help from here though, so you are pretty much…on your own. Sorry…

Check my e-mail? Part of my brain said I shouldn’t right now that whatever she sent could wait. But yet my brain went and signed in and opened it anyway. Most of her pictures had showed a light color to her skin but this pretty picture of her clearly in bed was different. Her cheeks were flushed this delicious light red and it contrasted well with the hair. I could even see pink sheets.

 

> ZacHanson: I think….you did that on purpose. You certainly aren’t helping the tent issues!! Well, I can think of many things but it’s probably better not to mention them and yes…I am capable of handling it on my own. It’s just not as fun.

I tempted fate, I wouldn’t include my face but if she wanted a lap picture then I could do that. No face and definitely not an angle that would really show size or anything. I sent the picture before I sent the message. Honestly, I’d give her the phone number but I really didn’t know her that well and it was very risky with just sending the picture and the messages. She could easily make a picture and distribute it everywhere…

 

> FairyDust: I may have maybe…done that on purpose. Um..I…really didn’t expect a picture like that. Pretty sure my face is on fire at the moment…I’m going to e-mail you something else…but I really have to get in bed. My brother has to be at work and I am supervising the installation of his floors and it requires me getting up at dawn…I hope you enjoy the something else…. ;-)

How the hell could she go to bed now?! Ugh. I Sent an okay and for her to have a good morning and then I checked my e-mail. I wasn’t sure what to expect really, but it was not a photo it was words and lots of them. I began to read…

_I laid my head back against the sofa, her hands continued to slide across the fabric of my jeans, each stroke feeling better than the last. Her warm body was pressed against my side, the warm air circling my neck. The rest of the world failed to exist._

_Her pressure increased, her graceful fingers gently pressing the sides of my dick, fuck I wanted her so badly but she was controlling this pace. Her tongue grazed my neck as she made her way up my neck to nip at my earlobe. Fuck._

_The sound of the button popping and the zipper cut through the air like a knife, and it wasn’t long before I could feel her fingers touching my skin, I adjusted to assisted some but my mind was being cloudy, the warmth of her hand against my dick felt amazing, it was even better when she carefully removed me from the jeans, allowing her fingers to flick across the head, probe the slit gently. I just let my head collapse on the couch. Her fingers wrapped around me and the way her hand felt as she stroked me slow and steady was so nice._

_I felt the kisses down my neck and down my bare chest before her lips gently kissed the head, fuck I wanted to make her go faster! But her lips trailed down the shaft and then her tongue effortlessly glided up, sending little jolts of pleasure all through my dick. Not as much as her mouth though, the wet warm feeling engulfed me a moment later._

_I couldn’t suppress the moan and she slightly grinned at me before she continued her assault, occasionally feeling the back of her throat, the way she swallowed when I was there was like she was trying to devour me. Her hands were put to good use the one gently massing the balls, the other one mimicking her bobs. I could feel the building heat, feel the tingling and then she was sitting in my lap, her back to me and my cock pressed between her supple ass cheeks._

_“That’s not how I want you to cum for me…” her voice was like velvet as she guided my hands around her waist…._

Not gonna lie, after the first read through I just couldn’t wish that erection away, so yeah, I removed the pants and just pretended she was right here, pretended the hand wrapped around my cock was not mine but hers. That the pumping was her hand and fuck I wanted her mouth around me so badly. Thankfully the laptop was elsewhere and the only mess was on my pants. I cleaned up and showered before I hit reply on the e-mail, mostly I needed that space to calm down!

_Now…THAT was on purpose! 100% straight up on purpose. Thank you gorgeous. :-)_

I finally turned everything off and then crashed in my bed.


	4. I'll be there

POV: Miranda / Zac

  

April 4, 2010

Cameron had basically hijacked me at ten am, much too early for me but he said I had to hang out with him today so here I was at the gym watching him work out, this is what he got me up for? 

“Cam, you realize I got home at like four thirty right?” 

“Yes and you can sleep all night tonight.” 

I shifted on the bench, I really wouldn’t be going to bed until later. But, I didn’t want to be tired tonight. The iron blocks landed with a thud and then he was staring at me , the same intense green eyes that he’d had forever. His blonde hair was pulled back right now, he didn’t usually work out with it down. 

“You didn’t answer me, I know you plan to sleep tonight.” 

“Well of course, what else would I do Cam?” 

“There’s a lot of things you can do Panda.” 

“Seriously? We’re 24 and you still call me Panda. Actually, I was supposed to have a game tonight on Xbox. We’re meeting with pizza and soda and Forza.” 

“I will never stop calling you Panda.” 

I sighed. He’d given me that nickname when we were six, why? Because my mother thought it would be cute as fuck if I went to a Halloween party as a panda. Miranda the Panda. No one else called me that, only him. Yet, not many even know why he calls me that. He laid back down and I groaned. 

“Spot me?” 

I snorted. “Glad I didn’t wear a dress.” 

I got up and moved to the front and he just smiled. “Really wouldn’t matter if you did.” 

“Don’t make me let you suffocate.” 

“Never!” 

I rolled my eyes and watched as he lifted the bar and dropped it to his chest. Watched the muscles ripples and move. Ruby thought we were a couple when she and I met in middle school, she’d moved from Florida for her father’s job and she swore we were together. 

Cameron and I were too much alike to be together and while our first kisses were each other, that was about the end of the intimacy between us. He was a great friend and when Alexander fucked up he was there. When I told him about Stanley he was there. Our chemistry was different but hey, we could joke about things that were sexual. 

“So, did you ever finish that story you were writing?” 

I shrugged. “Got bored, you know me I can’t write anything but sex.” 

He put the bar back in the holder. “But you are super good at that. You’re turn.” 

“Hold up, I didn’t bring no gym bag or clean clothes.” 

“Wimp.” 

“You drug me here remember? Not like I need a gym buddy.” 

“I don’t know, you sure that bikini still fits?” 

“Bitch please, that bikini always fits.” 

“Fine, then you can watch me and tell me who this person is you’re meeting tonight.” 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” 

“Try me.” 

There was no one else around us. “I’m meeting Zac to play tonight.” 

“Zac? This Zac have a last name?” 

“Hanson.” 

Yeah, that stopped his progression to the next machine. “Are you shitting me Miranda?” 

“No. We’ve exchanged messages on the fan website but nothing extensive and he gave me his game tag to help with Forza. Well, when Stanley ditched me on Valentines I was playing and he was on. We had a rather long conversation and then it seemed flirty almost. I mean he sent me a picture of his lap.” 

His eyebrows furrowed. “His lap?” 

I stepped in a bit. “Yeah, preferably of the tent in his lap.” 

“But he was dressed?” 

“Yeah, can’t blame him for that really. Well, I might have kind of sent him a portion of that one I sent you.” 

“A portion?” 

“Start to his hands moving down.” 

“I knew you were a fucking tease.” 

“We’ve been talking quite a bit on Sunday nights. I’m off and Sunday is a day they take. I’ve sent the others too, finished the last part at the end of last month.” 

“Did he like them?” 

I smiled at him. “Enough to send me a picture in return. I gave him an out, bubble bath.” 

“Wait…he sent you a nude photo?” 

“I can’t see anything but his upper chest, bubbles. But come on, I’m just a fan to him and he can’t really send me nude photos.” 

“Are you sure you’re just a fan? Doesn’t sound like he does this to everyone. Better, are you sure it’s really him?” 

“Yes. I am. The bubbles included his face.” 

He frowned at me, which was never good. His frowns usually meant he didn’t like something. 

“What?” 

“Panda I know you like I know myself. Don’t assume that he’s head over hills for you. He could be doing that to other fans as well. You may not be the only one and I’d seriously hate to have to stomp his ass for hurting you.” 

“You didn’t stomp Stanley’s…” 

“Please, you complained about the sex being horrible, that was doing you both a favor. But, no sending Zac nudes.” 

“Haven’t yet but I am pretty sure he’s stalked my Instagram..” 

“Why?” 

“He mentioned a picture of us from New Years, thought you were Stanley…” 

He laughed and I groaned. “I’ll be sure to flood your Instagram with a dozen pictures of us.” 

“You better leave mine alone!” 

“Never! I shall blow it up with pictures. I could show him the panda one..” 

“You post that picture on Instagram and you will need gender reassignment surgery. No Pandas.” 

“You were adorable as a panda, you have to admit it. Cutest little red headed Panda there was.” 

I picked up the five pound dumbbell from beside me. “Keep on…Violence all up in here.” 

“You wouldn’t hit me. Well, unless I did post the Panda. Anyone ever tell you what a fiery red head you are?” 

“Pretty sure you have a time or two.” 

“Still, you were adorable.” 

“Didn’t your mother dress you up as a lion or something?” 

He paused and then just busted out laughing and I had to wait. 

“You don’t remember? Oh my god. Panda we were ten months old and our mother did a joint theme. You were a little monkey and I was a lion, Mom has pictures of that..Oh! I can post that instead!” 

I groaned. “Can’t win for losing here.” 

I laid the dumbbell down and stuck my tongue out at him. “Finish your work out, I want pizza.” 

“You want me to work out and then get pizza? Impossible you are.” 

I sent Ruby a help me text to which I got a laugh. Ugh. I waited on him and then we did get pizza. I humored him that afternoon though, I did go to the gym but I wanted to make use to the pool. I then left him at the gym for his appointment and headed home. Grabbing another Pizza on the way and I was a few minutes early, Kenneth had to lecture me about life again. He joined at five after eight. 

> MasterChief22: Sorry, Isaac insisted on a visit. They left like ten minutes ago. 
> 
> FairyDust: No problems. Cameron woke me up way to damn early and had me at the gym. I swam this afternoon but I watched this morning..How was your Sunday? 
> 
> Masterchief22: It went well actually. Why the gym? And you didn’t even send a picture of the pool?! 
> 
> FairyDust: Hah! I didn’t get any pictures because my phone can’t be in the pool room. But, dude check your e-mail for the one I sent from the locker room. And he works there. He tried to tell me I needed to work out and I told him negative. 
> 
> Masterchief22: Did you *have* to tell me about that email now?! He must be blind if he thinks you need to work out. That’s an unusual color for a bathing suit bottom though. 

I giggled and wondered if I should leave it be…but what fun would that be? 

> FairyDust: It’s not a bathing suit bottom…I forgot to take the picture before I showered. It’s why it’s from the back…I kind of figured you wouldn’t mind. Besides, you were nice enough for the bubble bath picture. 
> 
> MasterChief22: ….no. I do not mind one single bit. You want to chose the game before I can’t? 
> 
> FairyDust: haha – sure. 

I picked a rather extensive game something to distract him from the picture and for several hours we played and our comments were game related. 

> MasterChief22: Damn you’ve improved! Ugh, you’re running me off the road and stomping my ass all over the road! Gonna have to find another game so I can have a chance again. 
> 
> FairyDust: haha! I’d just do the same on that game. It’s how I roll. I do have a few others I play with during the day. 
> 
> MasterChief22: Yeah, but they don’t get hot ass pictures before the game now do they? 
> 
> FairyDust: Nope. They get me screaming at them to get the hell out of my way… 
> 
> MasterChief22: hmft, you don’t seem like the type to scream and yell…least not outside the bedroom. 
> 
> FairyDust: and what makes you think I do that IN the bedroom? 
> 
> Masterchief22: ;-) Fiery red hair and you think I’m going to believe you are “quiet” in the bedroom? Well, maybe with Stanley because he sucked but give you someone that knows what they’re doing and you will be screaming. 
> 
> FairyDust: Yeah, I’ve never screamed anyone’s name. With or without someone. A few of them did know what they were doing too… 
> 
> MasterChief22: Dare I ask how many men have had that pleasure? 

I blinked, had he just asked me how men I’ve had sex with?! I wasn’t sure he really needed to know that information, I mean Cameron had a point, he could be talking to others too. He wasn’t married or in a committed relationship with anyone and hasn’t since her. 

> FairyDust: You can ask (you kind of did) but wouldn’t I get to ask the same question? How many women have had the pleasure? 

I’d see if he answered, if he can’t tell me for whatever reason then he didn’t need to know my answer either. 

> Masterchief22: Touché. Ten have. Two were actual relationships that ended, eight were casual hookups. 

I stared at the screen, he’d fucking answered me?! Shit. 

> FairyDust: All of mine have been in relationships that end and there have been three. Alexander, Chase and Stanley. 
> 
> Masterchief22: Kathryn and Gwen were relationships. Then Naomi, Ashley, Heather, Destiny, Emily, Gabriella, Carmella and Serenity. In that order. No Cameron? 
> 
> FairyDust: Cameron is like my twin brother. We’ve kissed once and that was it. I um..knew about Kathryn. I think everyone does really. 
> 
> MasterChief22: Yes, most everyone does know about her. 
> 
> FairyDust: Do you ever talk to any of them? I don’t. 
> 
> MasterChief22: Gwen e-mails from time to time, she was rebound and we both knew it wasn’t going to work. I don’t talk the others at all. Different cities, different places and no numbers were exchanged. They were casual. 
> 
> FairyDust: They were all assholes. Wait…you aren’t an asshole in person are you? 

I probably shouldn’t have asked but then again in a few weeks I’d be standing in his home town and the chances that I would run into him were pretty high. Fuck, I had no idea how I was going to face him now that he’s seen my underwear! Then again, he didn’t even know I’d be there and what if he changed when I was standing a foot away and nothing separated us? 

All fans knew the story of him and Kathryn, most wanted to kick her ass for the way she treated him. Who the hell would leave him on their wedding day? And to marry their best friend?! Insanity. 

> MasterChief22: rofl – that’s a loaded question Miranda. I can most certainly be an asshole in person. I try not to be but let’s face it, sometimes you have to be. You work with the public I am sure you know how people are. 
> 
> FairyDust: Truth. But…I had a reason for asking that question. Yesterday afternoon I booked a hotel in Tulsa for May 7 th through the 10 th. I’ll be in Town for Hanson Day events. Wanted to be alerted if I needed to avoid you :P 

**-Zac-**

The message came in and I just stared at it. Miranda was coming to Tulsa. She would be right here in town and I couldn’t avoid it. I was bound to run into her at some point during the events. Why the thought of her being here scared me was a mystery. 

> Masterchief22: Really now? What hotel did you book? Make sure you chose a good one… 

My heart pounded and I was praying the hotel was someplace out of town, what the hell was wrong with me? Would it matter what hotel she was in? It wasn’t like she was going to invite me back there. She had literally just told me everyone she’d been with had been in committed relationships. The chances of me going with her or her with me were slim to none and I knew this! 

> FairyDust: Fairfield Inn. I got SUPER lucky that someone canceled when I called. Booked it for the days available. Isn’t that close to the studio/events? 
> 
> MasterChief 22: Yes…walking distance really. 

My heart was pounding out of my chest as she’d be within blocks of me. 

> FairyDust: Really? That’s good I guess, was flying in and didn’t want to rent a car. I know the weekend would be busy and all but…if I don’t see you during the weekend could we may be set up a time that Monday morning? 

The pounding tripled in my chest as I read and re-read the question. She wanted to set up a time to specifically meet me in the event that she doesn’t get to randomly. Setting a day and a time was almost like making this a date. 

> MasterChief22: Sure. There is a little coffee shop across from the studio, Chimera. Maybe, 10 am? Are you flying out Monday? 
> 
> FairyDust: 10 am would be perfect, check out is noon so I have to be back and then my flight is two. It would be perfect timing. I’m not a coffee person though, didn’t think you were either. 
> 
> MasterChief22: They have other options and even light plates. So Chimera’s, 10 am Monday. 

She replied with a smiley face and then started a race but I was so distracted that I barely even came in fourth. I really wasn’t sure what I’d just done. It really sounded like I set a date and I just wasn’t sure that was what I wanted. Really, two failed relationships? One disaster. But, maybe she really did just want to meet me. I could hold out hope. I mean she’s talking an hour and a half max, that wasn’t time to do much more than meet and talk. 

> FairyDust: Did you get tent conditions cuz your skills went from good to you need major help… 
> 
> MasterChief22: hahaha funny. You’re being funny. You know I’ve told you on three occasions (twice being your fault anyway) and yet…you...haven’t said a word. 
> 
> FairyDust: See, if I told you that you would def have a tent. Pitched high, ready for more. You’re driving skills already dropped to nothing…really want to finish this section. 
> 
> MasterChief22: That was evasive as hell. *waits* 
> 
> FairyDust: *sigh* I am not to blame if you have issues. Once a week to every other week is normal. Pretty sure I know how you handle it *wink* but I have toys for that. 

I will not get hard, I will not..fuck. The very image of her touching herself was enough. Perhaps, she was right. But if this occurred next month? I couldn’t hide it from her! 

> MasterChief22: I’d ask for details – but I can’t handle them. My driving skills just died by the way, but I will stay so you can finish the section. 
> 
> FairyDust: See! I told you. :P 

I giggled and we proceeded to finish the section, which took about forty minutes and she just stomped my ass all over the place. But my brain was filled with scenes that couldn’t happen. She lived in South Carolina and I was in Oklahoma, if I couldn’t do relationships in town, how was I going to out of town? Added, I didn’t want to risk that pain again. Kathryn had taken my heart, my dreams, my desires and just crushed them to dust. She hadn’t cared what it did to me. 

> FairyDust: You seem distracted, maybe not all because of a tent either. Is everything okay? 
> 
> MasterChief22: Yes. Getting tired + tents. Lol. But, you did warn me so I can’t say anything. 
> 
> FairyDust: Aww, sorry. It is getting late but I need to sleep super late today, because I work is until at least 2 am, maybe 3.. 
> 
> MasterChief22: Do you not hate those hours? Being up when everyone’s asleep? 
> 
> FairyDust: It’s hard to chill with friends but we all knew we couldn’t be together 24/7 as adults. Cameron’s schedule is flexible so we sometimes chill mid-day or on off days. Which I’m usually off Monday’s but I told them I’d come in. Then Ruby is rarely available now that she’s at the end of her program. So, I work. 
> 
> MasterChief22: Is Ruby not coming with you in May? Yeah, my friends have jobs and some are in relationships and others have kids. It’s hard sometimes to just hang. 
> 
> FairyDust: She is not. She graduates at the end of May and the weekend of Hanson Day is her finals, she has to be there. She told me to take lot’s of pictures and she’s sending something with me in the hopes I can get it signed for her. If not, she said there is the shows later this year. Ironically, none of my friends have children. But, I should let you go so you can get some rest, I know they expect you there early. 
> 
> MasterChief22: They do. They do. I’m sorry, she will definitely see us on tour later and I think we do come near you, I’m not 100% though. I must warn you, we have the big 5 of 5 in New York and I cannot guarantee I will get to have Sunday’s this month. I may have to reply randomly and honestly, e-mail will be best because I don’t know if I can sign in to the site either. :\ 
> 
> FairyDust: You warned me last month too but I remember. I’ll catch some of the streams and for sure the re-streams when I get home. You have a good night and enjoy the time between now and our next conversation. 
> 
> MasterChief22: Thank you and you have a good night and a good week. :- ) 

She sent a smiley and I signed off. I shut everything down and got myself ready for the week. I was going to be fine for sure, I mean she wasn’t asking for much and maybe meeting her would be nice. Although, maybe I would be able to control the tenting problems! 


	5. Hanson Day Bliss

POV: Miranda

  

May 8, 2010 

My flight into Tulsa had been eventless, I’d flown a few times before though. I had taken a cab from the airport to the hotel and even managed to make registration. It meant I got to sleep in a little today before getting breakfast at the hotel and then proceeding to figure out where shit was! 

Tulsa was a huge place and I didn’t know anything about it other than what I’d seen on Google earth. Which, wasn’t much. I knew that the shows were at Cain’s, at the end of the road and that the state of the band lecture was also at Cain’s. The show today was later tonight and that left me virtually all day to do nothing or shop or look around. The first thing I did after breakfast was walked down to the studio for the picture with the door and then the store which was also there. I had to wait in line with others though. 

“First time?” She asked. 

“That obvious?” I asked. 

“You have the dazed look that most first timers have.” 

“I decided to come this year and see what it was about, but my friends couldn’t come.” 

Cameron had been set to go but job said no, he couldn’t get off for the days I’d be here so I came on alone. 

“Least your surrounded by like minded people! It’s my second year coming here.” 

“Well, once I’m done here what…should I do? I know the show is later tonight.” 

“Show opens at 7, you’d want to be there kind of early if you want decent seats.” 

“I’m not seat picky, I’ve been front row before and feel like I don’t have to be there all the time.” 

“Well, I’d still say by six you’d want to be in line. Um, outside the events I’d recommend the Rose Garden and Philbrook, but Philbrook isn’t open right now.” 

“Rose Garden?” I asked. 

“Yes, it’s gorgeous I recommend, if you like flowers anyway. If you’re more of an animal person there is the Zoo but it takes longer to go through.” 

“I like Gardens, I may check that out.” 

She and I talked the entire hour we were in line about the shows, the town, and of course them. She’d met them all at some point and she said they were super nice and easy to get along with. I pretended that I hadn’t been talking to Zac regularly for months, that I didn’t have a…date set up. Although, was it really a date? Sure we set up a location to meet and a time, but neither of us said it was a date. I didn’t want to label it at all because realistically, even if I met him I lived in another state. 

We got into the store and I got what I was aiming for, shirts, key chains, and maybe stickers which they didn’t have. I got Ruby what she wanted and myself and then headed back to the hotel, I dropped off the bag and then called for a taxi to the Rose Garden. I was really impressed when I got there, it really was so pretty and pristine. I was at the first tier when Ruby called. 

“Hey, have you seen them?!” 

I laughed. “No. I’m at the rose garden killing time because damn there is nothing to do at the hotel and the show is tonight.” 

“Rose garden huh?” 

“Yep. I shall have five billion pictures for you. It’s pretty.” 

“Nice. Have you been to the store?” 

“Yep. I got three shirts you’ll love and two key chains. They didn’t have stickers.” 

“That’s cool. So…you feel like doing something for me?” 

“Depends…..You already have me asking for autographs.” 

She giggled on the other end of the line. “Can you just grab some general pictures of the area? Nothing extensive as I know you have to get a cab. But, just around the area.” 

“Sure, any specific reason why?” 

“Just want to know what it looks like and you are my little stalker friend.” 

“Fine. I have time tomorrow morning I can walk a few blocks around the hotel and grab some. How is it holding down there?” 

“Pretty good, almost beach weather and final part one is done. Part two is Monday and I will be studying my butt off again.” 

“Okay, well you study and I’ll get your pictures. You may have to wait until I am home though.” 

“No problem. Enjoy and hope you run into Zac.” 

“You and I both.” 

Yeah, I hadn’t even told them I had set up a time and date. I moved around the garden most of the early afternoon, taking I know way too many picture. I think I took a photo of every rose there was and included a few selfies of myself to Instagram. A nice lady here even took a good one for me to post. I headed back to the hotel after that and got dinner at Mexicali’s, Zac was right they had the bomb food here. I then went to Cain’s, I didn’t mind that I was near the back of the line. It was nice to speak to other fans and just be social with people that liked them and the music. 

I actually saw Isaac come up and go inside, so they were clearly here! The line was rather boring just waiting endlessly but we finally got let inside and I chose a spot that was somewhat close but not right up on the stage. The girl from the store line joined me and it was nice to have her here to talk too and even dance with. 

“How did you get your hair that color?” 

“It’s actually my natural color.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. My mom joked that when I was a ball of cells they couldn’t decide whether to make me red or brown haired, so they did both. I never argued with that.” 

“It’s super cool. I wish I could do that with mine.” 

“I’ve had a few hair stylist try to copy it with my friend Ruby a few years ago, never could. Are they always this late?” 

“Hanson time girl, you’ll get use to it.” 

“You’d think I’d know that by now.” 

She giggled and we settled in and the show finally started. The show itself was amazing, full of energy and vibrancy. The floors vibrated and I could feel it in my soul, the kind of music that blows you away. I couldn’t help it really, having seen tent picture and others seeing him in person really was a little bit arousing and especially given the sweaty look. Cameron never understood that about me, sweaty men are hot. 

“Damn he’s hot.” She said. 

“Agreed, wait who are you talking about?” 

She laughed. “I meant Taylor, presume you mean someone else?” 

“Zac.” 

“He pleasing too.” 

“Yeah.” 

In more ways than one really, because I had a general idea of what he was hiding in the tight pants he wore tonight. I swear, if they got any tighter he wouldn’t be able to breathe. I wasn’t sure if he could see me at all, but when he was sitting on the Cajon drum for the acapella portion of the show I swear he looked right at me the whole song. Not that I minded. At the end of the show a few of the girls around me wanted to go out and I agreed to go with them, it wasn’t often I got to just go out. Overall, it was a really good day even if I didn’t get to meet them! It was about 2 am before I crashed though. 

**Sunday, May 9, 2010; Day 2**

I got up in time for the hotel breakfast, which was perfect. I then got a good shower and got ready. I chose to wear black shorts because it was hot in pants yesterday and I chose the Shout it Out tank top. I got hotel breakfast and then headed out to get Ruby’s pictures. I was down near this green space when I saw Taylor. 

“Taylor?” I asked. 

He was taking pictures oddly enough and turned, smiled. 

“That’s me.” 

“I really didn’t expect to run into you here I figured you’d be preparing for the show and stuff today.” 

“I needed to get out of the studio for a few, are you just getting pictures?” 

“My friend Ruby asked me to get some around where I was. This was the last area because I got Main street yesterday.” 

He smiled. “Is she here?” 

“No, she’s back home actually. Last semester before she graduates and has major tests she couldn’t skip. I know this sounds very weird but she sent the CD cover with me to get signed. Do you mind?” 

“Not at all.” 

I got the cover but failed to find a damn marker and I swore I put one in there. 

“Tell you what, why don’t you walk back with me? I’m going back and I can maybe get Isaac and Zac to sign it too.” 

“You don’t mind?” I was rather shocked he offered that! 

“No.” 

I followed him, grabbing pictures and that included of him. There were a few people on the sidewalk so he lead me to a back door and I waited in the alley while he took the two items inside. He and Isaac returned a few moments after he vanished. 

“Zac is half awake and he did sign but he needed to get up and all. Sorry.” 

“It’s okay really.” 

I’d be seeing him tomorrow anyway, so it didn’t matter. They had all signed the CD covers and I even got pictures with the two of them, it was kind of surreal! I thanked them countless times before they went inside and I grabbed a picture of her cover and texted it to her. 

_OMG! Thank you SOOOO much for making me get pictures, lol. I ran into Taylor and he got Isaac and Zac to sign. I didn’t see Zac though, just T and I. :\ Zac was just waking up._

**_You suck!_ **

_I got pictures with Isaac and Taylor too!!!!_ _J_

**_Ugh. I so wish I was there instead of here in the library cramming. You’re welcome though and have a great day!_ **

I returned to the hotel long enough to put the cover’s in my bag for safety and to download my camera because it was about full. I then headed down to the line meeting the same girls, Sofia and Nancy. We waited about an hour before being let in and because we were closer, we got closer to the stage this time. Inside was cooler. 

“I wonder what the plans are for this year?” 

“I know they’re touring.” I said. 

“Definitely, new albums there is always a tour. Added, they have some dates announced already.” Sofia said. 

“Didn’t they record a video too? I wanted to come out for that but I couldn’t do both and this was more important to me.” I said. 

“They did, Thinkin’ About Something, it should be out soon actually. It was recorded back in March.” 

We talked about some non-Hanson things too. Sofia was from California and Nancy was from Texas. They were good friends and had meet here last year, but talked online for years. They also had another friend that didn’t make it though. They also liked more pop artist like Britney and Backstreet Boys. But Nancy had a tendency for more metal as well. When the lights dimmed we focused and before long they were on stage. Taylor welcomed us, Isaac explained the purpose and Zac was rather quiet. 

I’d never attended such an event and it was very different. They talked about the upcoming tour, premiered the new video which was very different. They also discussed continuing the walks on the tour and the cause for them. I tried not to be partial when I got photos, but I was taking more of Zac. 

I was looking forward to the meeting tomorrow, looking forward to seeing him a foot away and not over the internet. But, at the same time I was very nervous and terrified. It was like a date and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that really. I kind of wanted to ask him but at the same time I wasn’t sure how he was seeing it. If I asked if it was a date and he saw it as just a friendly meeting it could be awkward as hell. 

I felt the slight nudge to my side and I turned to Sofia. 

“I think Zac’s staring at you.” 

“He’s not…” 

“He is. He seemed to scan the crowd and settle on you.” 

“It’s the hair really. It’s unique.” 

“Maybe, but he watched you last night too. He’s staring.” 

Yet, when I glanced at him his attention went to Taylor. Maybe he had been watching me, but come on there were like 600 people here, he seriously couldn’t single me out. Could he? When they finished talking they asked if anyone had questions and Isaac was calling pointing, I could barely hear the questions but someone asked about merchandise, which Zac said new stuff would be available during the tour. Someone asked about special packages, they had done paintings for the packages and Taylor said they’d be a little later but they were being packaged now actually. I started to ask a question but didn’t. When the State of the Band was done they departed and we headed back outside. Sofia and Nancy were starving so I tagged along. 

Caz’s was pretty good too and I had to give Zac credit, they were good recommendations. The chicken tenders were the bomb and the sauce was just the right mixture of sweet and tangy. 

“Where are you from Miranda?” 

“Conway South Carolina. I was born there actually.” 

“I’ve been to Myrtle Beach before.” Nancy said. 

“I’m about thirty minutes away from me, I spend a lot of free time at the beach because of that.” 

“What do you do? I’ve seen your Instagram and can’t tell. I’ve seen the beach ones and those with that hottie friend, you got to elaborate on him.” 

“I work at a bar as the bartender, I’ve been there since I was a little over 21. I like doing it really but my step-father hates it. He’s a religious guy and seems to think it’s wrong.” 

“Long as you like working there it’s fine.” 

“My thoughts too.” 

“So, what do you two do?” 

“Bank teller for me, I like working in the public and it works for me.” Nancy said. 

“I’m in school for psychology and plan to move into pediatrician psychology, treating children mostly.” Sophia said. 

“Well planned.” I said. 

“I’ve always known. Are you not happy with your chosen career?” 

I pondered that for a moment. “I am. I mean I have the chance to move up into management areas and then I can be less bartending and more professional. But, learning drinks can be hard.” 

“Any special skills?” 

“Not really, the bar I work at doesn’t do like the real fancy stuff. But, we are busy and we do have some special drinks. But just a few.” 

“You and Isaac would get along well, he likes mixed drinks.” 

“Doesn’t he have a kid?” 

“Yes, little girl named Eliza. She’s like 18 months or something. I don’t really remember. He’s the only one with children.” 

“I knew that, Taylor was married right?” 

“Divorced in 2008. No kids.” 

“I kept up with the music but not so much their personal lives.” 

“It’s hard sometimes, like with Zac’s first alter thing..with Kathryn. There was rumors about it.” 

“What kind of rumors?” 

“We know she left him at the altar for a friend, but rumor was she was sleeping with Taylor. No one ever confirmed and they don’t seem to act like that.” 

“No, they don’t. Added, Taylor was married then too. So, I think that’s a false rumor.” 

“Probably. Didn’t they date a while?” 

“Couple years. Gwen was another relationship, she cropped up about four months later and then was around for like a year before she vanished. No idea why.” 

I didn’t comment that I knew why, he’d admitted that she was a rebound and it didn’t work out. We finished eating dinner and then headed back to the venue for the show, another long wait in line where we kept talking about random things. Sometimes our own lives and they ogled Cameron, asked me why we weren’t dating. They showed me their boyfriends and time seemed to fly by before we were being let back inside. Again, we chose about mid-way of the venue. I wasn’t fond of the front row because people often got crushed at times. 

We sat to wait on them and when the show started got up. It was about mid-way through that she nudged me again and that time I caught him. He really was watching me! Holy crap! Maybe that was a good sign because I hadn’t gotten any messages from him in about a week, but I knew they were busy. Knowing he was watching me made me feel confident that he’d be there tomorrow. Whether it was a friend meeting or a date. I just hoped my face didn’t blush because well, the mental images of him jacking off to my pictures was quite shocking and always made me blush, seeing him that close could be worse. 

Again, after the show ended we hit up the bar for snacks but I didn’t stay long. I needed to get packed up ready to sign out tomorrow and I needed to be up early to meet him. I went ahead and laid out clothes for the next day and got whatever I didn’t need packed back up. I’d be ready to check out before leaving. I sent Cameron a quick message to make sure he was picking me up at the airport and he assured me he was. I started to send one to Ruby but feared she was asleep. 

Once that was done, I crashed! 


	6. I should...But Can't

POV: Zac

  

Monday, May 10, 2010 

It had been so late when we finished packing up at Cain’s that I’d crashed here instead of going home. I mean, the sofa here slept fine too. I needed to update the website and do normal morning shit anyway so why go home for a few hours? I got up rather early and began to edit some of the footage. 

I was aware that she was probably going to be at Chimera’s at ten and I really should send her a message to tell her not to go. As much as I wanted to walk across the street and sit there for an hour, I couldn’t. It had sounded so easy over the internet. A simple meeting, just an hour or so face to face. Now? It was anything but easy. 

Even now as I edited the footage from the shows and figured out what to do for the little post-Hanson Day video I could see her. My eyes knew exactly where to go to find her in every frame. I couldn’t even find many where she wasn’t in the frame at all. There were a few times I caught myself just watching her in the video, not even focusing on what I was supposed to do! 

I felt bad not telling her that I wasn’t going to be showing up, I felt like a jerk for being across the street. I was kind of hoping that she wouldn’t show up. So I edited until 9:45 and then moved to the front of the building. Our windows were tinted and while I could see everyone outside the building they can’t see me. I sat down on the counter that was still put up and watched the sidewalk. 

She was just down the street, if she was going to show up she’d come from the left side of the building. I was really hoping she didn’t show up but at five until ten I could see her walking up the street looking at her phone. She was perfect. She’d worn her hair down and that unique color shown bright in the morning sun. She’d worn black pants that literally hugged her curves. She had a white button up shirt on and what could be a black tank under it. The white shirt was loose and flowed around her, she had opted for regular shoes. She went into Chimera and took a seat near the window, presumable to see when I came. 

“Why did you have to show up?” I asked. 

It literally made me feel worse than before, more of a jerk because I wouldn’t be going. She apparently ordered a drink to wait and I just fiddled with my shirt. I hadn’t understood what was going on really. Then came Saturday when I saw her in the audience. I thought that seeing her in person wouldn’t be a big deal, I’d met hundreds of fans before. I’d even talked to them before on the website or in person somehow. Never once did I feel anything different, they were fans. 

I knew she was in town because she posted a few photos from the Rose Garden, she was just as gorgeous as those flowers were. I’d seen a few general pictures too, but I never dreamed I could find her in the audience with 600 others around her. Yet, there she had been center of the seated area and I just knew then what was different about her. 

Besides the fact seeing her seemed to give my dick a mind of its own, it was the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach, the increased heart rate and the way my eyes couldn’t leave her. No big deal one time I was a little more open with her and all, but then it occurred again Sunday during the state of the band. I think it was after that I realized what was going on and why I couldn’t meet her today. 

I had fallen for her. The butterflies, the heart rate, the looking forward to speaking to her, it was all the same shit I had when I met Kathryn. I’d been stupid enough to continue seeing her and I was not going to do that again. I didn’t want to risk being hurt and I knew if I went there I would be. 

I’d meet her and never want to forget and I would have too because she lives in another state. She wouldn’t be available all the time and really, that was why Kathryn strayed. I was never home. She was in another state and there was less of a chance of us spending time together than with Kathryn, there was literally nothing keeping her from dating others and me never knowing. I couldn’t handle another one of those. 

I glanced up and found she was still sitting by the window looking my direction, it was twenty after and she was looking over here. I dropped my head some, I knew it was going to hurt her somehow. It maybe be a complete betrayal or a complete fuck up but I just couldn’t handle being hurt. I’d rather just…get it over with now. I glanced up and watched her, the waiter brought her a plate and she kept watching and I was sure it was cold before she decided to go ahead and eat what she ordered. 

“I’m sorry Miranda…” 

“Miranda must the girl sitting in the window that you’ve been staring at for the last forty-five minutes.” Taylor said. 

I jumped clear out of the fucking chair, crashed into the floor, because he scared the fuck out of me! I then looked up at him from the floor. 

“What the fuck Tay? Where the hell did you come from?” 

“I came in the back door and I’ve been standing there for ten minutes, watching you watch the window. I presume the red head in the door is who you’re stalking? I know her name is Miranda.” 

“You should, you met her Sunday and brought here back here, I just didn’t realize it was her until later.” 

Thank god I hadn’t gone back out with them, that would have been hard. 

He leaned against the wall. “So…why are you apologizing to her when she clearly can’t hear you?” 

I sighed and got up. “Because I was suppose to meet her at ten and I can’t go.” 

“Why not? You’re not doing anything Zac. You’re dressed, although may want to adjust and you’re two minutes away.” 

I adjusted in the seat and know my face turned ten shades darker with his admittance of noticing that my dick had a mind of its own. I really didn’t want to admit to him why but Taylor was tenacious and I knew if I didn’t give him a reason he’d go get her! 

“I’ve been talking to her online on the website and on Xbox, we’ve had a few e-mails too but I didn’t give her any critical accounts. Just conversations and when she said she was coming and then suggested meeting I was nervous. But I can’t Taylor. She doesn’t live anywhere near us and I don’t want another Kathryn Taylor.” 

“She may not be that way Zac, you can’t know.” 

“She doesn’t live here Taylor. I’d rather just avoid it.” 

He came and sat down, looked across the street. “So you’re going to be asshole and sit here and watch her be disappointed that you didn’t show up? She probably knows you are here. You’re really going to make her just sit there and wait?” 

“I can’t Taylor. I’d rather disappoint her and her never speak to me again. I’m not going to put myself in that position again. I let Kathryn in and you see what she did Taylor, I just…can’t.” 

“And when she asks you what happen? You know she will.” 

I glanced over and she was really looking disappointed, it was almost eleven now. 

“I’ll apologize and tell her I over slept or something. It’s not difficult to assume that Taylor. I don’t want to be hurt and this is better honestly. I don’t get hurt and she doesn’t either.” 

He frowned and glanced over. “She looks very disappointed Zac.” 

“I know that Taylor. Thank you for the reminder.” 

“If you like her and think you may have other feelings why not pursue it? You can’t assume that every woman is like Kathryn. There not. Look at Isaac’s wife, she’s loyal and faithful to him. She loves us and she would never hurt us. Who’s to say she’ll be like Kathryn?” 

“No one but I don’t want to risk it Taylor. You took that chance with Natalie and you guys made it five years, I never got that far. Natalie didn’t have sex with everyone behind your back, she didn’t leave you at the altar either.” 

“She didn’t tell me she was pregnant and then lie?” 

I whipped my head up to him. “How the fuck did you know that?” 

“She was Natalie’s friend Zac. When I grilled her ass she finally told me that Kathryn told you the baby was yours at first, to get you to keep on with the plans. You said you didn’t know but Zac I know you, I knew you were lying then. Kathryn was wrong in what she did, but Miranda isn’t her.” 

“I really don’t know if she is or not.” 

“Okay. Are you going to sit here until she leaves?” 

“She has to check out at noon, she’ll have to leave soon.” 

“I think you should go over there, but I won’t make you and I’ll respect that you don’t want too. So, I will go get busy going through my photos.” 

I nodded and he went to the back, I actually watched to make sure he didn’t try to sneak over there. I really felt bad that I was so close and yet not bothering but I just couldn’t do it. At 11:40 she called for the check and paid, I should have but she’d know then. She then left Chimera’s and walked back down to the hotel. She looked very disappointed and even a bit hurt. 

I felt like a asshole and a stalker for sitting here the whole time. I sat here another twenty minutes before I went back to the office. Taylor was going through photos but laying on my desk was a perfect fucking picture of her. 

“Taylor.” 

“It’s the only one I got. She was taking pictures near Gunthrie and well, I knew you’d find some way to keep it anyway.” 

I moved the perfect picture elsewhere and continued to edit videos, it sucked that she was always there! Like my eyes couldn’t find anyone else. But, in the long run it was better. I edited videos for hours just trying to ignore that she was going home and I’d never see her again. Her image seemed to crop up everywhere. I was so glad to get them posted! 

“I’m gonna head home.” 

“Don’t forget your picture.” 

“Taylor.” 

He turned and just that look. “I’m serious Zac. It’s not to torture you or anything. It’s to remind you that you could be happy but you are choosing not to be.” 

I picked up the picture and just left. I wasn’t choosing not to be happy, I was choosing not to have my heart ripped out again. I stopped and got some dinner on the way home and then settled in for a movie. Anything that wouldn’t remind me of Miranda. The comedy was horrible but it was working until my phone signaled. I picked it up and seen it was an e-mail, I figured I’d get one somewhere. I opened it. 

**_I made it home, but missed you this morning. I waited as long as I could…what happen? Did I do something to upset you?_ **

I sighed, could see her disappointed face. I hit reply and considered what would sound plausible because really I wasn’t going to say why. 

_I’m sorry, we were at Cain’s super late and I crashed at the studio. My alarm never went off and I was woken up by Taylor at 1…I knew you’d be at the airport by then. :- ( It wasn’t anything you did and I’m not upset with you for any reason. I feel bad we didn’t get to meet._

**_I wasn’t sure if it was something from the weekend, but I know you and the guys had to be tired. Alarms can be evil that way, I’ve been late a few times because the alarm thought I needed sleep more than work needed me. You owe us that recap video!_ **

_I worked on it today actually for a bit, little more editing is needed and all. Yeah, we’ll be even more tired once tour starts. How was your flight?_

I sighed. I shouldn’t be adding to this I should be cutting this off and I guess I could when tour started. I hated it though because she seemed so disappointed! 

**_The flight was a little tense, we came through a storm that is headed my way now actually. Ruby is asking me to download the pictures and sent them right away and I’m questioning if we’ll have power in an hour. But beyond that it was good. Sitting at the airport bored was horrid though._ **

_I think the weather here calls for those later and you be safe there! Haha! She’s just impatient that’s all, she wants to see the goodness and all! You didn’t take a book or something?_

**_I was an idiot and packed it up in the bottom of my bag and I refused to unpack the unmentionables in the middle of the airport. She will have to wait, I am not risking my laptop for her right now. She’ll understand I am sure and she can’t even see them until Wednesday anyway. What’s on the Hanson agenda for the next few weeks?_ **

_We have the Bamboozle tour the end of this month, then some promo next month. We also have the tour coming up. Busy is good sometimes. What about you?_

**_Work work work…maybe the beach soon, it’s getting warmer. Bamboozle sounds fun, will you be posting anything from that?_ **

_Depends on the others, not really our tour but I may send you something but if so it’ll have to be kept to you. The beach sounds nice...we *might* get an off day during tour, I haven’t really checked yet. When we do it’s usually a boring place._

**_We vacationed in one of those once! Our parents had a blast but Caleb and I were bored to tears. That however was the vacation they “talked” on and decided that divorce was better. Least Caleb and I did have some fun and good memories._ **

_We’ve had a few of those too. But, I know it’s late there and it is here too, I should probably try to sleep so we can work work work tomorrow. If you happen to find any pictures you wish to share I won’t say no :- )_

**_Haha – you act like you haven’t been curious enough to explore my Instagram. If by some chance you haven’t, you should. You get some rest and recover. I get 2 day and then I am back at work too. I’ll be looking for that video! G’night Zachary._ **

I sent a goodnight reply and could almost hear a voice tell me goodnight Zachary, but I’d never heard her voice. I laid the phone down and tried to finish the movie but fuck I just wanted to call her and talk to her now! I wanted to hear her voice and see if it sounded good. 

But I couldn’t. That is just one step toward heartbreak that I couldn’t take, despite the need to hear what her voice sounded like. I understood Taylor wanted me to get out there and date people, he’d started dating a year after the divorce, but hadn’t yet found anyone else. I just couldn’t risk it. 

Even like giving her the number to text was too close, even if it would be quicker than the e-mails, Hanson.net or Xbox. I just needed to chill out until tour time because really, I wouldn’t be able to contact her near as often on tour because of lack of the internet and service. Our service was good, but not always that good. If I could hold out until then I could put some major distance there. 

I finished the movie and then did some cleaning, trying to ignore the obvious desire to call. I realized I had no clean underwear so I started a load of clothes and when I moved them to the dryer I got in the shower. I was super intent on not thinking about her but that last about ten seconds before the beach picture came to mind. She’d had on a pink bikini and it had given her cleavage and showed off the curves. She was sitting knees up and she was leaned back, that reddish brown hair barely touching the sand and the sun behind her. 

I cursed the images because that pretty much guaranteed the blood flow to my dick and I tried to ignore that as I washed my hair and washed off but the rag over the shaft felt good. I rinsed off the rag and me and fuck I couldn’t just will it away, the tingling was too bad the need to strong. I wrapped my left hand around the base and made a few long slow strokes, feeling the tightness of my hand and wishing it was her and not my hand. I could just picture that bathing suit being flung off and fucking her right there on the beach. I just let the images go and pumped myself frantically, the occasional time where my thumb glided across the slit was enough to send shivers down my spine. I could feel the orgasm coming and it was a strong one. 

Best part about the shower, clean up was a breeze. But I really did want her hands on me still. Yet, I knew that couldn’t happen so I checked the dryer, putting on clean warm unders and then crashed. My dreams were filled with sandy beached and one hot red head. 

 

  
Outfit she wear's to Chimera's

Bathing Suit Zac describes. 


	7. You're going where...?

POV: Miranda 

  

May 24, 2010 

Two weeks since I got home. It had been back to normal life and that was super fucking busy! Apparently my job had a few leave while I was away so I was pulling a lot of doubles. It meant that while Ruby wanted to meet up and see pictures, until I could get time off it just wasn’t possible. I had gotten a few hours to attend her graduation Saturday but it wasn’t enough. Thankfully, I had today off or at least as long as no one called in. She agreed to meet me for lunch at Cam’s since he was dying to also see the pictures. I got there earlier than she did though. 

Cameron had picked me up from the airport and the moment I sat down in his car he asked me what was wrong, the worst part about us being born and raised together was he was like Caleb, he could read me long before I even mentioned there being a problem. I hadn’t mentioned the date on Monday, so I told him. He listened, he always would listen, and then he’d give me his wisdom. In this case it was that I should probably ignore his comments and just move on because odds are he was talking to others or else he just didn’t really want to meet with me. 

Yet, I couldn’t let it go. Did I believe Zac’s story about over sleeping? Part of me did believe it because I hadn’t seen him coming or going, but part of me felt that was an excuse because Taylor had arrived not too long after I had, I saw him arrive. Yet, I got the feeling maybe his brothers didn’t know about me and Taylor wouldn’t know to wake him up if he didn’t know about the meeting in the first place. I hadn’t really had time to talk with him or really, anyone since coming back. 

“Panda…you gonna stare off into space all day or you going to let me see those pictures before her?!” 

I glanced over. “No, you know she’ll be here soon. You finish that pizza.” 

“Pizza doesn’t need me Panda, it’s cooking all on its own. So, I presume you were thinking about him again?” 

I shrugged. “What can I say?” 

He shook his head. “I’m telling you Miranda. You need to let this little crush go. You said you weren’t dating anyone until next year and come on, Zac Hanson hasn’t dated anyone in five years.” 

I rolled my eyes but the doorbell distracted me and I got it, giving Ruby a hug as well. Ruby was about my height, little thinner and had long dark brown hair and light colored bluish green eyes. She always said she was the home town girl. She came to the kitchen and smiled. 

“Pizza…you better have me a loaded meat in that oven.” 

Cameron rolled his eyes. “You know I do.” 

“Good, you can see these elusive pictures then. Damn Miranda did you lose weight?” 

“A few pounds yeah, happens when you work doubles for days.” 

“I told her to eat more burgers, she won’t listen.” 

Ruby laughed. “You look fine.” 

We sat at the table while he served us pizza and soda. Plying us with lots of food before we kicked back in front of the TV in the den. Large flat screen hooked up to my laptop meant they could both see the same pictures as I flipped. I started with the non-Hanson events, which really wasn’t much just the Rose Garden and the city pictures. Cameron, always a love for cities loved those. Ruby was very interested in them as well. I then moved on to the event pictures. 

“Before you start there aren’t any butt pictures are there?” Cameron asked. 

“Probably…” 

“Okay..I can deal..but crotch shots?” 

“There are a few…” 

“For god sakes…Okay..just warn me if you can. I have no desire to see either their asses or their crotches.” 

“Speak for yourself, bring on the ass crotches.” 

We devolved into laugher at her comment and then I started the pictures. But as the pictures moved past on the screen I could see it then. As many times as I’d gone through them I could really see it here. 

“Um…is Zac like stalking you?” Cameron asked. 

I glanced over. “Maybe?” 

“I mean sure there are pictures of his sides and all, but a lot of them he’s looking at you.” Ruby said. 

“Who knows, could be one of the many around me.” 

Ruby shook her head and Cameron sighed. I kept moving through them and she had me pause a long time on the crotch shot of Taylor. Ruby was a Taylor girl straight up, she had always said he was her favorite. She finally let me move past it when Cameron began to gag. I didn’t linger long on the Zac ones, I’d stared enough really. When the pictures had been viewed she looked through the city ones again before she moved to the coffee table. 

“I got a call for a job.” 

Cameron and I exchanged looks and looked back at her. “Where?” 

“I applied for the Myrtle Beach office and I had the interview last week, they were impressed with my resume and skills. I had another interview Friday and they offered me a job, however it’s not at the Myrtle beach office.” 

“What office did they want you to go to?” 

“Well, they asked me to go to Tulsa, Oklahoma.” 

Cameron and I both sat there dumbfounded and confused. Clearly she didn’t just say Tulsa. That was just too coincidental. 

“Are you…joking?” Cameron asked. 

“I wish I was. They offered to help cover the moving costs, they’d set me up with an apartment for a little bit until I could get more settled and kind of know the area.” 

“Tulsa? What company is this?” 

“Tecwork Incorporated, they do computer networking for large businesses. There offering a really great salary and competitive benefits.” 

“Uh..wow. That’s great. Are you taking it?” 

“I already accepted the job, I did Friday. I move next month.” 

Part of me wanted to tell her to stay but really, this was what she wanted in her life and I always knew one day she’d leave. Conway was too small for computers really and she was perfect for that area. I was just going to miss her like hell. 

“Well, upside is when I visit for Hanson Day I won’t need a hotel.” I said. 

She smiled. “Well, there is something I’d like to ask…I want you to come with me Miranda.” 

“You what?” Cameron asked. 

“Wait…you want me to come with you? For the move or..” 

“No. I want you to move with me. You don’t have to answer right now, I know you have an established job and everything and I don’t expect an answer right now. I actually want you to think about it.” 

“You want Panda to move to Oklahoma?” Cameron asked. 

“Yes, Cam. I am sure you can live without her. I just, I don’t want to move that far without knowing someone. I don’t mean you have to stay forever, I’ll understand if you get home sick and want to come back. I won’t stop you. But, I want someone there and I think maybe it’ll be good for you as well.” 

“How would it be good for her?” 

“Cameron. Come on, it gets her out of this town for a bit.” 

“Cam..” I said. 

He looked at me, he and I had grown up together but we weren’t incapable of living without each other. 

“I know I know…I just…that’s a long way. What if I want to invite you for pizza and beer?” 

“That’d be hard but Cam.” 

He sighed again. “I know. I actually think it might be a good idea.” 

“Why?” I asked. 

“Well, you would have to find another job so you may get more experience in different areas. Even if you chose a bar, there’s are bound to be different. So, you could gain more knowledge in the industry. Added, you would be around different people and environments. You did say you liked the feel of the city. Would I miss you? Fuck yes. But, I can visit and let’s be real, you know your parents aren’t going to tolerate you just leaving and never coming back.” 

“Don’t forget Hanson does live there..” Ruby said. 

He smirked. “I left them out intentionally. It shouldn’t be the reason why you go.” 

“He has a point there Ruby.” 

“I know, I’m just saying.” 

“When would I have to tell you?” 

“I leave the first weekend in June. I have to tell them what apartment size before the first.” 

“Okay. I’d like to think about it.” 

“That’s fine.” 

“So, what else was on the agenda as Caleb has also commanded I join him and Mariah for dinner.” 

“Just spending time.” Cam said. 

So, we talked about her job what her perks were, they were offering her a very good package and I couldn’t blame her for taking it. The benefits alone were extensive and it’s exactly what she wanted. They were offering her an apartment basically rent free for six months. After that she could stay there or move and her only financial responsibility was her utilities. So, that was awesome. It was also a perk to me because it meant I could take a few days to settle then apply and I wouldn’t feel as burdened if I didn’t get hired right away. We also talked about my crazy job and Cameron’s and his new girlfriend. 

I left Cameron’s at 5:40 and went to Caleb’s, greeting Mariah when she answered the door. His home was pretty much done by now, he still needed some art work on the blank walls but otherwise it was done. Mariah was a blonde hair blue eyes young women that was also a bartender where I worked. She’d kept her hair pretty short though not liking to do much. We had dinner first and then sat down in the living room where I showed them the photos as well. 

“Really Miranda? Ass pictures? Crotch pictures?” Caleb said. 

“Hey, come on I wasn’t the only one!” 

“Besides I’d take those too, Isaac’s booty is on fire.” 

He just rolled his eyes and Mariah laughed. She liked the band a little bit, a few songs here and there but she was always one to agree with a comment and Isaac seemed to be her favorite. I got caught up in their lives and what was going on. 

“So, Ruby got a job.” 

“Really? Where?” 

“Tecwork Inc but um, it’s in Tulsa.” 

“Oklahoma?” Mariah asked. 

“Yep. She got a really good offer and it fit her wants and needs. There offering a damn good salary, good benefits. She couldn’t pass it up at all. Not that I blame her.” 

“That would be very good for her, especially it’s in her field.” 

“It is.” 

“So…what’s the catch?” he asked. 

“She asked me to move out with her and she leaves next month.” 

They both seemed shocked and after a few moments Mariah recovered enough to speak. 

“Are you going?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you want too? I mean it’s far away and all but girl, Hanson lives there.” 

“I know that and I just…I don’t know.” 

“Have you mentioned it to Mom or Dad?” 

“No. I’m sure Dad wouldn’t mind. He’s always encouraged us to travel and he was on board for the trip to Tulsa. Remember? He offered to pay for the hotel. Mom, might not be on the same page. She was skittish of the trip and didn’t really like that I went.” 

“Dad most definitely wouldn’t mind, he’s encourage you to go actually. He could probably provide some tips. Being an army brat himself he traveled. Yeah, I don’t think Mom would he happy. Not sure about Kenneth.” 

“Who knows with him. Actually he’d be glad I moved out.” 

“There bar scene is different, different feel. Lot of local brewers and local people. Lot of festivals too. Hanson aside, let’s be realistic you shouldn’t move simply because of them.” 

Caleb seemed to be really thinking about this scenario, Mariah was optimistic I think. 

“Caleb? You’re awfully quiet.” 

“Well, on one hand the idea of you moving there is unsettling. You’ll be far away in case something happened, you won’t be right around the corner or here. I won’t be able to protect you like I can here. So, on that hand I don’t want you to go. However, I look at it from another angle and I think that you getting out of town a bit and exploring other areas would be good. You’ll meet new people, you’ll gain experience in whatever position you choose, you’ll be with Ruby so you won’t be there alone. I also think it could benefit you to know what’s it is like to be away from all of us.” 

“All of you?” 

“Come on Miranda, Cameron is practically stuck to you. Stanley was upset about you choosing Cam over him. Maybe some separation will be good for you both, you can meet new guy friends and get different perspectives. I’m not saying he’s a bad friend, I couldn’t ask for a better guy friend because he will stomp ass for you.” 

Mariah even looked at him oddly. 

“I’m including myself, Dad and Mom because I know Kenneth stays on your back a lot about what you do, how you do it, and all that. Maybe if you get away from us you really could find out what you love. You are a great bartender and I feel like you love that, but you don’t seem to enjoy it because of him.” 

“Well, he really does seem to ride my ass a lot about everything.” 

“What do you think about it? Do you think moving would benefit you?” Mariah asked. 

I paused and thought about it. 

“I think Caleb has a point. I do think getting away from familiar things would be good. It would allow me to determine if I truly do love and enjoy being in the bar scene and I could apply at other places too. It really depends on if they need help. It would increase my ability to find new friends and potential boyfriends, but I still want to wait on anything serious.” 

“Do you see any negatives?” Mariah asked. 

“Being away from everyone and being in a new city. It’s possible I can’t find employment or something occurs between Ruby and I because we haven’t lived together or really been in the same house.” 

“I agree there but you and Ruby get along great. I doubt you’ll have issues.” Mariah said. 

“As much as I want you to ask Mom and Dad first and get their opinions, I think I want you to make this one yourself. Dad will be elated and Mom won’t be, we both know that. I want you to make the decision yourself and what you feel is best. My opinion is that you go, I think it’ll be good for you to get away from us and have some real freedom. Worse case you come back home if you don’t like it. If that’s the case, then I’ll make sure you get home and if you’d rather our parents not know that can be arranged.” 

Mariah giggled. “Always the protector.” 

“As older brother it is my job. But seriously, if you want to come home for whatever reason. Know that you making it back is not a problem or something you should worry about.” 

I smiled at him. “You gonna offer me that room too?” 

“If I have to, yes.” 

Mariah excused herself for the bathroom and while she was in there I looked at Caleb. 

“What about him?” 

Mariah didn’t know about my messages with Zac, I couldn’t really bring myself to tell her about them. Caleb knew about the meeting and the reason. 

“Honestly, I wouldn’t tell him Miranda. Let your conversations maintain. Once you are settled there with Ruby you can mention it. I wouldn’t beforehand. This is not your reason for going is it?” 

“No. I wouldn’t go just because of him. Not after the failed meeting.” 

“Okay. Are you going?” 

“I don’t know yet, I think I am leaning toward yes.” 

“I think you are already there. Seriously Miranda, if you get there and hate it, coming home is an option and one you will always have. Even if Mom and Kenneth refuse or Dad, then I have a room.” 

“I know.” 

Mariah came back and we decided that a movie was in order and after that I headed home. It wasn’t super late when I got home but Kenneth basically jumped the moment I got there. Wondering where I’d been, if I was with some boys or what not. I didn’t need to justify where I was to him, but it felt like I had to every time I come home. When Mom joined I just blurted out that I was moving. Kenneth seemed okay with it but Mom spent over an hour trying to talk me out of it. But, I couldn’t keep being treated like a child here, I come home and I’m interrogated on where I’d been, I get told I need to attend church and find another job. Caleb was right, I needed to be alone so I could find my way in life. When I finally made it to my room I sat down and checked e-mail, Hanson.net, and even the gaming tag. But he hadn’t sent anything. But I knew he was out touring on the Bamboozle road show, so he probably wouldn’t be replying anyway. 

I then called Ruby. 

“You are calling late.” 

“You can call your company and say you need two bedrooms.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“I spoke to Caleb and Mariah and when I got home Kenneth jumped in and I just…I think Caleb is right. I need to get away from Conway and this is a chance I can’t pass up. So, tell me what I have to do and I’ll be there.” 

“Well, I have to be there the first weekend, my job officially starts the fourteenth. The apartment will be rented the first. I said that weekend because I can pack up that week and drive out.” 

“You’re driving?” 

“Yeah, I mean I can get more stuff later on I need essentials right now. A car is essential.” 

“Truth. I guess I’ll drive out with you.” 

“We can plan out everything this week when you’re off.” 

“Shit…I’ll need a 2 week notice. But, I might can do two weeks and not really work the two weeks. I’ll ask the boss.” 

“Okay. Sounds good. Just keep me informed. I gotta snooze girl, you have a good night.” 

“You too.” 

I hung-up and let reality settle…I was moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Shit…I was moving…. 


	8. Welcome

POV: Miranda 

  

June 7, 2010 

Moving…I never thought that when I moved out it would be so far away! Over 1,100 miles from Conway to Tulsa, way farther than I ever thought about moving. It was very hard to leave home and the endless miles of riding alone behind or ahead of her had made me really think about it! We had left Conway at three in the afternoon yesterday and here it was just barely nine and I was parking beside her in a double driveway for a duplex. 

I was glad that my manager had been super nice and let me cut out earlier than the two weeks, otherwise I’d be a few more days getting here but she was always good that way. I could only hope my future boss was the same way. 

Part of me was super excited that we were in Tulsa, because well, maybe I could get Zac to actually meet with me. I know I was holding that to a high esteem but it was possible and it would be nice. But, I knew right now he wasn’t even in town. They were off in California somewhere. He really didn’t know I was even here because I hadn’t been able to talk much with working doubles so much and he was off touring. 

I got out of my car and stretched, we were at the end of a cul-d-sac, there was an open grassy area behind the building and aside from the attached duplex to what I assumed was ours now, there was no other house next to us. Just the duplex, and then those we passed. I wasn’t familiar with this area but I could tell we were close to the Brady Arts District and I could almost bet we were in walking distance. 

“Is this the right address?” 

“Yes, it’s north Cheyanne and it’s the right address. Let me see if the key works!” 

The company had provided the key to her before we left Conway. She went to the door and inserted the key and it worked! The company said the apartment was fully furnished and when we walked in they hadn’t lied. It wasn’t extravagant or super high end, the furniture was simple and nice. The main room held a living room and then a kitchen, it had the same light colored hardwood floors, three of the walls were tan and the one on the far left was a burnt orange color. 

“That is a weird color.” 

“Definitely, but it kind of works.” 

There was a little half-wall between the two areas and I walked through, the kitchen wasn’t super huge but for just us it was perfect. The back splash was black tiles with a raised pattern, black appliances, white cabinets and dark counter tops. Behind the stove was a patterned white detail which was kind of odd as well. The area just wasn’t big enough for a table and chairs. 

The living room had a large wooden media cabinet with a flat screen TV mounted on the wall and a light colored sofa. It was minimal but for just us, it was sufficient. The wall to the right of the door had three generic doors and she moved to the first with me. It was a bedroom but it was super small. It was big enough for a twin bed and dresser with a little room left to walk around. 

“This is very tiny.” She said. 

“Very, dresser and bed it can’t hold anything else! But the color’s kind of nice.” 

It was a pale blue-green color with an accent wall of wallpaper in a almost purplish blue color with dark circles in a flower like design. The next door was a small bathroom, beige walls accent tile of brown with small white ones and dark wooden vanity. The last door was another bedroom, same tiny size as the other room with more greenish walls and a blue accent wall in the back with little dark trees. 

“You can have this one if you want it.” She said. 

“I like the green but they need design help for sure, the wall papers don’t match the colors!” 

“No kidding. The rooms are so small.” 

“Well, let’s be real. How often are we going to be in the bedrooms?” 

“Not often if I have anything to do about it. So, you want to nap and then unpack and explore or unpack, nap, explore?” 

“Let’s unload first, we didn’t bring much beyond clothes.” 

It really only took us 45 minutes to unload the cars, she’d brought more but I had stuck to clothes, video games, and needed items. We then checked the cabinets and found that the kitchen had the dishes and pots and pans, including a nice set of knifes. It was a good thing because we both totally forgot that we’d need something to eat off of and to eat with and cook! There was also glasses in two sizes and even storage bowls. 

I went out the back door to find a small laundry room and then another door leading out, it was funky but it worked. 

“So, let’s nap and then we can find the store and all.” 

“Deal.” 

We set our alarms for 2:30 and then both of us crashed until then. The drive had been long and while a few hours wasn’t much at all we needed to get food and stuff and then settle in. Neither of us wanted to get woken up but once we were woken up again we did a Google search and while there were a few around us, she said Wal-Mart would be better. 

“You’ve been here, where is 3CG?” 

“Right down the road actually, under the bridge and down. It’s super close.” 

“Is it possible we go by there first?” 

“Sure.” 

We left the apartment and I drove her to 3CG, she had to get the customary door picture and the double selfie with us both and the door. She looked around the area a few minutes before we headed to find her work location, which wasn’t far from 3CG. A few blocks down and in the same two story building as the TV station, KOTV 8. She was both close to the studio and close to home, it was perfect. 

Ruby would make more than enough to cover the utilities of the apartment, but I wasn’t an idle person so while we were out in this area I filled out a few applications and turned in resume’s. There were several bars around 3CG and I’d hit them all. A few I’d applied for online before we left Conway. Once she was sure she knew where work was we headed to Wal-mart. 

Ideally, we’d visit places and stuff but reality was we were both tired. We spent over an hour at Wal-Mart. We realized as we browsed the apartment there were no towels or dish rags and cleaners. We also got food for a few days, because we needed a better plan but we were tired as hell! When we got back to the apartment we unbagged everything and put things up. We also organized the kitchen the way we wanted it and then went to our rooms so we could unpack them. 

“So…where did you go when you were here?” 

“The only place I made it to was the Rose Garden and the area right around the hotel.” 

“Where did you want to see?” 

Well, that was easy there was a dozen or more places like the Tulsa Driller, Philbrook, different parks, different areas. Tulsa was a huge place and there was a lot of things to do. She made a list and because she was more organized she settled on a schedule for the week. She had a dozen different places like the Tulsa Driller, Rose Garden, Philbrook, and she was finding more places. 

“Recon we’ll see Hanson?” 

“Not this week, I think there in California for promotional stuff. Not sure though, I’m not sure how available they are here in town.” 

“I work and live a few blocks away, I should surely see them sometime.” 

“Probably. So, when are bills due?” 

“This month was fully covered so we owe nothing until next month. Then it’s just utilities which they had turned on in my name and right now it’s just lights and water.” 

“That’s fine for now really, we’re going to be exploring and working so, not a lot of time at home.” 

“Exactly. I figure we can go without internet or a while. Television though…that’s a must.” 

I laughed. I wasn’t even a TV person, I liked more games and movies but right now I had only games and one TV, so maybe cable was needed. She marked that down to accomplish and then we both got ready for bed. Sixteen hours of driving and then naps we needed more quality sleep. 

**June 12, 2010**

Our week so far had been anything but idle! Each day had been another location and we’d made the most of it. Philbrook, Tulsa Driller, and Center of the Universe had been Tuesday. The aquarium was Wednesday, we ended up spending all day there because we got lost as hell going there. We hit the zoo Thursday along with the air and space museum and wal-mart for provisions. Yesterday had been the Gilcrease museum which was really cool. Today we were picnicking in the park and seeing the roses again for me. 

While she showered for the morning I got our basket ready with sandwiches, fruit, and veggies. Added drinks and dips and then made sure my camera was ready. I probably had a thousand pictures from everywhere to go through. I had turned in applications all over town at various places, so far no one had called back. Ruby started her job Monday so I knew I’d have more hunting time them. My phone beeped at me as I was packing things in the little basket she had gotten. I picked it up and found an e-mail. 

**_I saw a very bright red piece of coral today in California and it reminded me of you. I have gotten your messages I just haven’t truly had time to reply!_ **

I hit reply. _No problem Z. I’ve been so busy and even moved in with Ruby. So, no net right now. Red coral reminded you of me? How?!_

**_Nice! Congrats on the move and no problem. We won’t be home for a few more days anyway. Yes, red coral because your hair is red, or at least more red than brown._ **

_Ha! You’re at the beach and looking at coral? You sure it wasn’t an actual red head?_

**_Pretty sure it wasn’t a red head, was some cute coral. So – what are your plans for the day?_ **

_Picnic with Ruby, visiting a park and then tonight I plan to whip her ass at racing and sleep. Tomorrow we are being lazy. No plans and then next week she has work._

**_Boo – We’re just exploring today. Well, Tay and I are. Ike went home this morning. You enjoy your picnic and I’m going to sit here and enjoy coral. Maybe think of you in that pink bikini on this beach…_ **

I read the last line a few times, I was sure he’d seen them and all. Didn’t shock me but the fact that he’d think of _me_ on the beach? He really hadn’t been shy in letting me know that words or a photo had turned him on. But Cameron did have a point on that, men are easy to turn on. Despite the fact that I’ve never turned him on apparently. 

“You look far off..” 

“Sorry, got an e-mail. You ready?” 

“I am.” 

She had chosen shorts and a simple t-shirt and I’d gone with the same. We headed out and first did the park because of the food. After lunch we roamed around and viewed the little rock areas, open fields, and the little pond. The park was so pretty even though it was minimal it was well done and a perfect place for a picnic! 

“This is so pretty.” 

“It is. I didn’t get to spend much time in the park, spend most of it in the rose garden. I think I just glanced over here, glad we came here first.” 

“I agree, this is a good picnic spot. We should do this more this summer.” 

“For sure.” 

We headed over to the rose garden next, starting at the lowest of the multiple tiers. 

“These are so beautiful!” 

She got a few dozen pictures like me and of course she could get better ones of me, ones she instructed to be sexy. Why, I didn’t know. 

“You should send that to Cameron. Since I apparently don’t turn him on or anything.” 

She laughed. “I am. I can’t believe he said that.” 

I laughed as she sent the pictures to him and we moved up. We were at the next to last tier when a little girl in a bright pink dress came running down the side, she was flying too! 

“Eliza!” 

I looked up and saw a pretty woman with brown hair not far behind her. Yet, Ruby was pretty quick to step over and scoop her up. Probably a good thing because her mom was fast but she could get hurt running down the steps. 

“Oh my god, thank you!” She said. 

She scooped the little girl out of her arms, private scolding about running off. 

“She’s adorable, how old is she?” 

“She’ll be 2 next month.” She said. 

“She’s adorable. Love that sundress.” 

“Melanie? Eliza?” His voice I knew well and when I looked up, Isaac Hanson was walking down the steps. 

“Down here honey, these lovely ladies scooped her up before she got too far.” 

She was handed over to him and she looked so much like her father. 

“Thank you, really. She has been running away quickly lately and we’re trying to teach her not too. It’s not easy by any means.” She said. 

“I understand. My mom ran a day care and the little ones are quick. Glad we could help.” 

I could hear the excitement and vibrations in her voice, Ruby was super excited and trying very hard to contain it. 

“Don’t I know you…?” Isaac asked. 

“Miranda, Taylor actually brought me to the studio during Hanson Day this year. Signed CD for us both actually. This is Ruby, my friend and the one I asked for the autographs for. She actually moved out here.” 

“Well, welcome to Tulsa. It’s nice to meet you again and you for the first time.” 

He shook her hand and the little girl, whose name must be Eliza wiggled in his arms. 

“Run Dada!” 

“I know you got to be patient.” 

“I didn’t expect to see any of you so soon, but don’t let me interrupt family time.” Ruby said. 

“It’s okay, I just got home and we decided the park would help her run off energy.” He said. 

I almost said that I knew, but I didn’t. I let Ruby talk to him for a few minutes. She asked for a picture and his wife took the baby back so I could take a quick one. They then headed off to the park. 

“Oh god. I met Isaac.” 

“Temper you in for Taylor.” I smirked. 

“Ugh, I’ll probably stand there like a dumbass.” 

“You’ll be fine Rubes.” 

“Hate that nickname..” 

“Yeah well, least I don’t use it often.” 

“I could adopt Cameron’s panda nickname.” 

“You hate that nickname though and he’s the only one that really has ever called me that.” 

She smiled and we continued up the paths and seeing the roses and the houses here with plants. We left the area and first went to Wal-Mart again, this time we had a plan for the entire week. We got everything we would need and the agreement was as long as I wasn’t working I would be the chef and cleaner. Which didn’t bother me at all. When we got home we put up the items and sat down to play some games. 

“I’m nervous for work.” She said. 

“Why?” 

“Well, different people and this is real. It’s not an assignment and it’s not some small time place.” 

I smiled at her. “Ruby you’ve always gotten along with everyone and you’re amazing at what you do. You graduated top of the class and I know you’ll do fine.” 

“What about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Are you going to be able to handle being away? I’ve seen the look in your eyes this week Miranda. You miss Cam and you miss your family.” 

I paused the game and sighed. “Do I miss Cam? Yes, I do. I miss just him dropping by and bugging me. Do I miss my family? Sure, I’ve only been away from them once. But, do I ever give up on anything?” 

“Not really.” 

“I miss them but I have spoken to them this week and really, once I’m back working it’ll be better. You’re away from family too and other friends. Once we’re both busy and not lingering then it’ll be better.” 

“Yeah, but I have you here and that’s helped me.” 

“Exactly. You are here and it’s helping me cope with not being around them. We’re each other’s coping mechanism right now. I miss everyone and I know you do too, but this change is good for us both. I think once we’re back working we’ll be better.” 

“I hope so, I like the city though it kind of helps. The multiple things to do and we can always find more attractions that are close or even in Oklahoma city. It’s not super far away.” 

“That’s right, there is a lot to do and once you’re at work I’m going to apply at more places and maybe even branch out some.” 

“Nice, branching out would be what Kenneth always wanted you to do.” 

“He hated the bar because it was against his drinking beliefs. I tried to tell him I wasn’t a huge drinker and that I was working and not drinking all night.” 

“I never saw your mom as a major religious person.” 

“Well, Mom was always somewhat religious but Dad wasn’t. I think it was part of the reason for their divorce.” 

“I didn’t get many details.” 

“They didn’t tell me but Dad told Caleb and he told me. Religion differences, disagreements on how to raise us, they just fought all the time. They were going to wait until I was older but Mom said I was old enough and filed.” 

“Do you think she’d met Kenneth by then?” 

“Oh no, she didn’t meet until she started dragging me to services on Sunday. Probably a year after it was final. I love Kenneth he’s a good guy he’s just…strict and all about his boys.” 

“Sometimes I wish I had siblings.” 

I poked her arm. “No you don’t.” 

She laughed and we unpaused the game and kept playing for a bit. Once we were tired we turned it off, did minor cleaning and then got ready for bed. She would be going early every night once work started because she had to be there by 8, but I wouldn’t have a time frame until I had a job. 


	9. Dreams of Red

POV: Zac 

  

June 18, 2010 

We were in the studio today just preparing for the coming tour and getting things prepared and plans final. I was on Hanson.net and I guess I didn’t believe she really was kind of unavailable, my last message to her was still unread. The game hadn’t seen her on in over two weeks! 

“Seriously Zac?” Taylor asked. 

I glanced behind me at him sitting at his desk, I then closed the browser tab. 

“Too late, I seen it. Are you really stalking her Instagram page?” 

“No..” 

Okay, maybe I was checking to see if she’d posted anything there. The last post had been earlier this month of boxes and then one of her with Cameron saying goodbye. I wasn’t keen on her best friend at all, reminded me so much of Kathryn’s “friend”. 

“Bullshit you are stalking it. Tell me you didn’t check other sites.” 

I really wish I could tell him I hadn’t looked anywhere else, but I had. She was on Facebook but she wasn’t very active there, she had a MySpace page that was practically dead. She had no twitter that I found. But, the one website I had found and wished I hadn’t was a blog. That scene she e-mailed me was just the tip of the iceberg. 

“Zac….” 

“I found a few other places but she tends to update Instagram more.” 

“If you want to know more why didn’t you just meet her?” 

I shook my head. “No, it was better Taylor. You know me, once we’re on tour I’ll forget she existes.” 

He didn’t look convinced but we got busy anyway. It was a long ass fucking day and while Isaac cut out about five we both stayed for another hour before he leaned back. 

“Man, I am starving and I want a cold beer. Tavern?” 

“Got my vote. Let me close up.” 

I got the files saved but I noticed her Instagram had a new picture! I opened it and she was leaned against a wall, hair down and in black shorts and a white tank top. It was such a good picture but the background looked familiar, I just couldn’t place it. 

“Damn, I hope there is some girl at the Tavern you find to distract you.” Taylor said. 

“Whatever.” 

I closed everything down and we walked down to the Tavern, it wasn’t unusual for either of us to be here and the bartender knew what to order before we even sat down. 

“Gimmie ten boys.” She said. 

“No problem Janet.” Taylor called. 

Within two we both had cold drinks. Taylor sat down facing the door and I was facing the back, my preferred spot because the dance floor was back there. Our usual order was delivered and we both set about eating the hot ass wings and smothered fries. 

“I have missed this food.” Taylor said. 

“I wish I could have tavern delivered when we’re on tour.” 

He was devouring wings one after the other but then he paused, wing stuck in his mouth, fingers holding it there and he looked so ridiculous. 

“Tay?” 

He moved the wing long enough to breathe. “Wow…” 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

Whatever, I kept eating my wings finishing the platter, Taylor finished his too but it was easy to see he was distracted by something or someone behind me. I considered turning but if Taylor was interested I was sure I wouldn’t be. Yet, twenty minutes passed after he finished eating and the wings. 

“Tay? Earth to Tay.” 

“What?” 

“Let me guess, she has brown hair and it’s pretty long and a nice body? Probably not like porn star quality but definitely nice.” 

“You saw her?” 

“No, but you did clearly. Go. Talk to her.” 

“She’s not alone.” 

“Are you eyeing a girl here with her boyfriend? That’s a new low Tay.” 

“She’s here with another girl. I may need you to be my wing man, get rid of the friend. Shouldn’t be too hard.” 

I laughed. “Naa, you got this on your own. Go.” 

He got up but stopped beside me and leaned in. “I don’t know, her friends a red head. Aren’t you obsessed with that now?” 

He then walked behind me and I could vaguely hear him greet them. Red head? No, the red head I want isn’t in Tulsa. She’s in Conway, stuck over a thousand miles away. I got another beer and I could hear this laugh which was sweet and soft. Red head? Maybe…maybe if I took her home I’d forget about the other red head I want. 

I turned and looked down the bar, seeing Taylor was super easy. He was taller than most everyone here but he was talking to two women sitting at the bar, empty plates on the side and fresh beers, courtesy of Taylor. Yet, what really caught my attention was the reddish brown hair of the one sitting closer to me. I didn’t give a shit who Taylor was talking to. 

She was wearing a white lace top that had sleeves that came down just below her elbow, a tight bronze colored skirt that showed a lot of leg. There were white high heels on her feet, with a wide strap over her toes and a thin one around the ankle. My eyes traveled back up the side of her legs, fuck those thighs and back to her hair. I couldn’t see her face. 

There was no way that was her! 

I saw Taylor hold his hand out and the person with her finally came into view, just as I described! Only she looked so star struck and her face was redder than a tomato but she took his hand and he guided her to the dance floor. It couldn’t be Miranda. It just couldn’t be. If it was, I needed to get the hell away and I got up to leave but my feet didn’t carry me to the door, no they took me right to her. I was about to redirect when she turned around. 

“Zachary?” She asked. 

Her voice was lower, smooth, and had a slight southern accent. Weeks I’d wondered what my name would sound like coming from her lips, it sounded like velvet. Smooth and soft. Despite her dressed up attire, she didn’t appear to have make up on at all. The very slight pink hue to her cheeks reminded me of the picture she sent. 

“I clearly have to be dreaming.” 

Wait…had I said that out loud?! Fuck! I must have because she smiled and I could feel the world shift beneath my feet. 

“You aren’t dreaming Zachary.” 

“I didn’t…why…how?” 

What the ever loving fuck was wrong with me? I should not have problems remembering what words were or being much smoother than this! My sentences usually made sense! She shifted in the seat to turn toward me some, that wasn’t helping really! 

“When I finally got to show Ruby the photos she dropped a bombshell. She was hired for a networking company here in town. She asked me to move out and I agreed. I told you I moved in with her and that was why I wouldn’t be on the website or xbox. We’re not going to get internet just yet.” 

“Yes, you told me you moved in with her, you didn’t say you moved to another state.” 

“You didn’t ask where I moved too.” 

“Touché, tell me Taylor didn’t order that crap for you?” 

Distraction! There was a horrible beer brand there. 

“No, it’s Ruby’s drink. I don’t drink beer.” 

“You’re at a bar.” 

She picked up the shot glass. “I don’t like the taste of beer but vodka on the other hand.” 

I ordered us both shots and the bartender brought them quickly, I pegged her a sipper but nope, she lifted it to her lips and then threw her head back, downing the whole shot at once. My eyes couldn’t move from her neck or her lips, seeing this was way more than my brain could handle! I was going to need a lot of shots to handle this. I moved to the vacant seat beside her and sat down. Being this close was different. 

For starters, not a single one of her pictures held up to the real version. Her hair really was that reddish brown color and it looked soft and I wanted to just run my hands through it. The outfit really enhanced the curves she has but that skirt was so evil. Not even seeing her across the street held up to this up close view. 

They were here to celebrate Ruby’s first week on the job and it seemed she was having tons of fun with Taylor. Clearly he was too I hadn’t really ever seen him smile that much dancing. I rather lost count on the shots but somewhere after six I asked her to dance. I did not dance. Why had I asked?! 

Despite having about five or more herself she was able to get up easily but I detected the subtle move to pull the skirt down. In the heels she was damn near eye level with me! About another inch and she would be. Taylor gave me this weird look but he gave me the signal that they were leaving. Ruby pulled her in quickly whispering something before she left with Taylor. 

I watched them leave and then turned to her. “Did you just get stranded here?” 

“No, we walked here actually.” 

My brain didn’t connect that putting her on a dance floor was probably going to be a bad idea. It didn’t start out bad but when the DJ got out of the lull God help me. The way she moved was criminal! She was graceful, smooth and her hips mesmerized me the way she was able to move side to side in such graceful manners. I didn’t realize at first the DJ had slowed the music down again, was her hands on my waist that kind of brought me back. 

“You zoned out on me.” 

“Just a bit. Anyone ever tell you how incredibly mesmerizing you are?” 

“Just one, you.” 

She moved her hands up some and once mine moved to her waist she rested them just on my biceps, I think maybe that was her intention. Another few millimeters and she’d be against me but seeing those eyes was hypnotic. They were this mixture of blue with tinges of green, they were gorgeous. I was hoping the DJ only did this one song though, I wasn’t sure I could breathe with her this close. 

The next song was a little more upbeat but she remained there for most of the song before she turned around, my fingers just trailed her body as she moved, sliding across the top of her ass and her abdomen, fuck! But, with her back to me I could breathe a bit. 

Yet, it only took a few minutes to realize why she’d moved to this position. The millimeter gap was closed and I could feel her ass right against me. Could feel the sway of her hips as she moved side to side. This position also afford me a pretty decent view down the top of her shirt. I felt a slight push back into my crotch and at first I thought I was feeling things but no, she really was moving back against me. I tried to envision anything else in the world, but I could feel the beginning of an erection. I leaned down next to her ear. 

“You are doing that on purpose.” 

She moved back again, before shifting to the right and this time her shirt moved and I found my fingers against her skin. I could feel my heartbeat quicken. I got her hips and tried to hold them still. 

“On purpose? Now why would I do that?” 

“I’m sure you know why.” 

Yet, even with me holding her there I could feel the movement in her hips. Her hands came to rest over mine and she leaned back against me. The view down the shirt was much better here and likewise I could see her neck so much better. A neck I wanted to sink my teeth into. 

“You just have to move with me.” 

She guided my hands around her to rest on her abdomen, then moved. It really wasn’t helping and my mind was getting clouded. I couldn’t stay here much longer, I just couldn’t. 

“Are you ready to get out of here?” 

She turned slightly and smiled. “If you want to go, sure.” 

I’d take her home and then go home and just forget this day ever happened. I covered the tabs and then we headed outside, the night was warm. She turned to the studio, clearly knowing where to go. I could hear the heels lightly on the pavement and I tried not to stare at her ass but I couldn’t help it! Thank god she was ahead of me and I could do a quick adjustment! 

She paused at the truck and turned back, waiting for me to catch up and I surely hoped the arousal I could still feel wasn’t that evident in this dim lighting. Was I sober enough to drive her home then me? Sure. Yet, I went to step down into the parking area to get the door and totally just stumbled. I was able to catch myself but she was between me and the truck. 

“Um…Hi…You okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

She was so close to me, I could feel the warm breathe sweep over me. The light barely illuminated her face and I just couldn’t read her expression. I saw her tongue graze her lips, I knew I should just recover my dignity here and take her home, yet I couldn’t resist it. 

Her lips tasted a little like vodka with a hint of honey, I should pull away but I couldn’t. I attempted to deepen it and she let me. Fuck it wasn’t helping the arousal issues and I was sure she could feel something being she was pinned to the hood. I felt her hands on my sides, pulling me closer to her. I wanted so much more now, I needed to walk away. 

The problem was I couldn’t even pull away from her, let along walk away right now. While her lips were certainly nice I moved down to her neck, her skin was warm and I could smell…cupcakes? It was a sweet vanilla scent that reminded me of vanilla cupcakes. It was just as intoxicating. I could hear her breathing change some, little less regular. 

“What was you told me outward signs were? Breathless tone?” 

“You stopped just to asked that? Doesn’t sound like I am breathless Zachary. You on the other hand, very clear.” 

Not breathless? Well, I wasn’t trying hard enough then. I went back to her neck, it took a little exploring to find the spot on her neck that worked, that magic spot. That spot was just at the base of her neck on the right side, a bite there elicited a moan. 

“Like I said, breathless.” 

I felt her left leg slid up my right side and it was automatic I didn’t think but I moved my hand to that side, feeling the back of her thigh and I couldn’t quite stop my hand was moving down, my fingers had barely graze the edge of her skirt when I heard the guy yell out a get it man from his car as he passed. That caused me to pause, kind of realize we were out in the middle of the fucking street almost. 

“I uh…think we should go somewhere a little more private.” 

“I think you might be right.” 

I rose up and the light shining on her showed the flush skin, I helped her up and went back to her neck. 

“I believe flushed skin was another sign?” 

Her hands seem to kind of collide with my ass and then squeeze. “Least if anyone walked by they wouldn’t clearly know.” 

“Really?” 

Her hands squeezed a bit. “No idea how long I’ve wanted to do that and a lot more.” 

I could only guess but I moved to adjust and even got the door for her, but when I got in she was sitting in the middle of the seat. Not that I cared really, I just wanted to get her somewhere private. Even if I should be taking her to her place and not mine. I was sitting at the red-light to turn and head to my house when I felt her hand on my thigh. 

“How long does it take to get to your place?” 

I glanced over. “Fifteen or twenty minutes.” 

The light turned green and I moved across the street and as I moved her hand came up my thigh and then across my crotch. I inhaled sharply because her hand had came right across the erection I’d been trying to hide. 

“Tents..doesn’t look the same as the picture. Tighter pants huh?” 

“Those were pajama bottoms.” 

I slowed down for the stop sign and her hand moved again, this time I was positive this was intentional because she followed the erection up, her fingers tight on both sides. Son of a bitch! I should probably move but the way her fingers felt was too good. 

“You keep on we won’t make it there.” 

I said that about the time her fingers popped the button on my jeans. “You will make it there.” 

I carefully moved and the sound of the zipper was so loud, but it wasn’t long before I felt skin to skin contact. I gripped the steering wheel tightly to maintain control, the shots and now this? I was a little compromised. Her fingers knew what they were doing, the slow movements on what she could get too, stupid pants. Fingers over the slit a few times and I was practically done then and there. She moved her hand and got mine, lifting it off and moving it behind her. I was confused on why she’s do that, until she was leaning over. 

She had to be fucking kidding but I was fucking glad I was stopped when I felt her tongue glide up the slit, the feeling seemed to radiate through my entire body. The wetness circling the head caused the moan. I finally came to my senses and proceeded across the road, but it was hard to concentrate on driving when she was moving. 

As a distraction I moved my hand down her back, barely being able to reach her ass. Fuck! I couldn’t reach her ass but I could her hair and I let my fingers tangle into the red tresses, they were so soft. I could see the apartment building ahead and slowed I really didn’t want her to stop. The whole concept of parking was hard to accomplish but once the truck was parked I could enjoy the feeling. The warmth that surrounded me, the way her tongue moved across the shaft and even the head and slit. 

“God damn you’re good. But, cupcake as much as I want you to continue I think I want you inside the apartment and in a lot less.” 

She rose up and looked right at me. “Cupcake?” 

I pulled her to me and captured those lips again for a moment. “Yes, because you smell like vanilla cupcakes.” 

“Okay…But um..how are you getting inside?” 

That was a good question and one that required some careful adjustments! Once I was adjusted we got out and headed inside, the fucking elevator was slow. Yet this pause made me question this, Desire was clouding my mind and I was sure she’d hate me after this weekend. I just…maybe if I had her then I could move on. The moment we were on the elevator I pulled her to me and my hands went right to her ass. 

“I was wondering how long you would resist.” 

“Now see, under these lights there is definitely a flush and you have been breathless!” 

The flush in her face deepened and she leaned in. “Oh, there are other signs too.” 

I really didn’t need a translation for that one, other signs commonly meant she was wet too and I’d check but the elevator stopped and I guided her down to the right door and let her inside. Screw turning on lights or pausing, I know I shocked her because I heard the yelp when I picked her up. Felt the tight grip and the heel of her shoes as they collided with my ass. 

“Damn, I wasn’t expecting that!” 

“I gathered.” 

I carried her to the bedroom and somehow managed to get us both rather in the middle of the bed and I just went back to that neck! I could still feel her legs wrapped around my waist, I was really enjoying the feeling of her body against mine. I followed the collar of the shirt as much as I could but eventually moved down so I could move it. 

Pushing the shirt up I placed kissed all around her abdomen, the bra she’d worn was pink with a leopard print trim under the cup and for the straps. I could bury my face between the soft pillows. She rose up so I could get the shirt off and unclasp the back. She really was perfect and another sign, her nipples were already hard. Made rolling them or sucking on them super easy and that brought out the moans for her. 

I felt the slight tug on my shirt and took the hint, stripped it off. I liked feeling her hands on my skin, but I moved down some. Easing that skirt down over her hips, the panties matched the bra pink with leopard print trim around the waist and legs. They were thongs to boot, so that made taking them off easier. She hadn’t lied, the entire crotch was wet. 

I’d dreamed of this so many times, yet the reality was so much better. That red hair spread out on the covers, the softness of her body, even that cupcake smell was all just fucking perfect. She’s never discussed how she kept herself, the little triangle that was perfect. I removed the heels, those can be super dangerous! I just tossed them elsewhere. I then moved down from her feet placing kisses as I went, even her legs had the same cupcake type smell, maybe it was her soap. I could hear her sigh the closer I got and I paused, wondering what she’d do. 

“Seriously, you know a picture would last longer.” 

“I’m sure the mental picture will last longer than any photo.” 

I was sure it would but I couldn’t wait any longer, I was aching to be inside her. There was a lingering part of my brain that said if I got a taste of her, I may not be able to walk away. I pushed her legs back and apart before leaning down and tempting fate. She still smelled like cupcakes even here and taste, fuck I couldn’t even describe how good she tasted to me. I moved my hands around her legs, keeping then back and I could feel the heels of her feet next to me, feel her legs. 

I shifted some, keeping my left arm around her leg, and a gentle nudge caused her to hold the other one, gave me clear access to run my tongue right up the slit, to devour the clit. She squirmed and moved around beneath me but it was the noises, moans and grunts. 

My finger slipped into her easily, she was very wet already. I could see her hands gripping the sheets could feel her movements, I was loving every noise, every movement. I slipped a second finger into her and shifted a bit. 

“Fuck, so good.” 

I moved my finger out and wrapped my hand around her hips, focus on the clit and allowing me to really make her squirm. Which is exactly what she did, squirmed and moaned and eventually her hands found my hair. I heard a few curse words but nothing major before I could tell that I’d done something right, her jerky movements and the hands that tried to stop me. I let her breathe a little by placing kisses to her thighs. 

When I rose up she was suddenly there too, undoing the pants. Well, that was my plan but this was better letting her. She got them down as far as she could and then I got them off before I pushed her back and I paused briefly to nip at her nipple before I went to her lips. 

Normally I wanted nothing more than just quick, to the point. As long as both of us walked away satisfied it was fine. But for some reason I wanted slower with her. Soft kisses and I could feel her arms around me, her legs wrapping around my waist, the heat from her body. After several minutes I adjusted so I could move my hand to guide. 

I was still capturing her lips when I slipped inside her, the hot warmth surrounded me, velvety softness and she felt perfect around me. When I knew I wouldn’t slip out I moved my hand back beside her, her hands gripped at my shoulders but it was a moan that escaped her lips. I moved rather slow at first, giving her time to adjust before picking up the pace a bit. This close I could feel every exhale against my skin, every subtle noise, every time her hands moved around me, every time her legs moved. 

I had no idea how much time passed with the same pace but I slowed down some, I wanted to remember this night. I moved slow for a few moments before pushing all the way into her. 

“Fuck Zac.” 

I pulled back slowly and repeated it, feeling every single inch of her. She pulled me down for the kisses as I picked back up but I kind of wanted her on top a bit. So I flipped us, she smiled and kissed me several times but with her on top she got to control things a bit. That hair moved with her as she rocked and move. She leaned down though and I loved the ability to move my hips into her and get my hands on her ass to squeeze. I even attacked the nipples while they were so close. Eliciting nice little moans. I felt her rock back, another moment where I was completely inside her and she was so close. 

“You like that?” I asked. 

“Yes.” 

I could feel that I was close though so I flipped her back over and she gasped and then giggled. But that giggle lasted for just moments as I picked up the pace again, faster than anything I’d done before. That reduced her into nothing but moans, curses, and cuss words. Culminating in her screaming my name, I kept moving until I came and I really didn’t want to move out of her so I just laid here trying to breathe. 

I felt her hands run down my back and back up, the soft kisses to the side of my neck so I moved to those lips. Pulling out of her felt wrong honestly but I knew I had to move and she even came with me, curling up on my right side. It felt like she fit perfectly right there and as tired as I was I was shocked she was asleep before me. The even breathing and relaxed posture. 

Here…laying in the dark room I wanted to cry, she was perfect in every way. But, I knew I couldn’t risk another broken heart. 


	10. Bliss

POV: Miranda /Zac 

  

June 19, 2010 

I blinked several times, the morning sun felt the same as it does at home. The headache said I’d drank a bit too much though, but there was that strange feeling of soft fluffy blankets and a pillows. It wasn’t my bedroom nor was it my bed. The bed was a four post bed and they went nearly to the ceiling, the room itself was large and had beige walls with large prints of different cities. There was just the bed and a night stand in the room, nothing else. I finally sat up and was reminded briefly that yeah, I’d had sex. 

The headache said I had too much, but I knew who else was here. I could hear movements in the next room and I got up off the bed. I went to the bathroom first, it was why I’d woke up and it was very nice. Large room, marble looking floors, big tub, with double vanities. There were hampers in here too but I had no idea where any of my clothes were. I didn’t see them in the bedroom so I checked the other door, closet. Lots of shirts, so I got a button up shirt from the left side, it was a pale blue color. I actually hopped in the shower first, before putting it on and walking out. 

Zac was standing in the kitchen, his hair was slightly wet and he was wearing just black boxers. He was standing in the kitchen area and it smelled like he was cooking. His apartment was really big, there was a table to my left and the kitchen, on the right was a book case and the living room. The kitchen resembled ours, only a little bigger. Black appliances, grayish cabinets and white counter tops. The beige color continued here, as well but the back splash was light in color. The living room area had a large TV with two shelves on either side with video games, books and other things. The couch looked super comfortable, two chairs. 

Pictures here did include family members, including band items and plaques. I walked quietly to the end of the counter and leaned against it. He was humming something random as he cooked. Bacon, pancakes, eggs, he even had some sliced fruit. 

“Good morning.” I said. 

He jumped and nearly dropped the pancake he had, I smiled some. 

“Without those heels you move like a nin…” 

He’d turned around and I think he was a little thrown off my his shirt. “Sorry, I couldn’t find anything that I had on last night.” 

“Right…I was hoping they’d be dry before you got up.” 

“Uh…dry?” 

“I washed them.” 

“Please tell me you didn’t wash the shirt too…” 

“I did…Why?” 

“It’s a dry clean item.” 

He seemed panicked and ran to the corner where a stack washer and dryer were. The blouse that fit perfectly last night was now child size. 

“I’m sorry, I am not use to items that can’t be washed. The skirt looks fine thought.” 

“I’ve washed it a lot. It’s fine, uh…as long as I have something to wear out side here.” 

“I have plenty of shirts and I rather like that one on you. Good morning. Did you sleep well?” 

He seemed nervous, it was different to think he’d be nervous around me. 

“I did, um little bit of a headache I think I drank too much last night.” 

“Would you like some aspirin? I have Tylenol and Advil.” 

“Tylenol should be fine.” 

He moved to a cabinet and within moments I had two Tylenol and a glass of water. 

“Breakfast is almost done.” 

“Smells wonderful.” 

“It’s about the only thing that I can cook very well.” 

“So, that rumor wasn’t a lie?” 

“Nope, it was true.” 

I waited there until he had finished and plated and then we sat down at the table. His breakfast really was good and I was rather confused on what would happen now. We’d talked a lot on the internet but this was real. I never expected to be here or to know so much more about him than I ever expected, I mean sure those few tented pictures were revealing but not near as much as seeing him with my own eyes. 

“Have any idea where my phone went?” 

“You’re ID, phone and debit card are on the counter. They were actually in the seat of the truck.” 

“You went down to the truck?” 

“I had to go buy eggs, I’ve been up a while.” 

I blinked, I’d been here alone?! Fuck. 

“I should check on Ruby.” 

He smiled. “I’m sure Taylor is plying her with some super fancy breakfast.” 

“I’m not sure she stayed.” 

I did get the phone and sent her an are you okay message and I got a wide grin emoticon with I am in return. That was the extent of the conversation so I assumed she was doing just fine and we’d talk more once we were both home. She did sent another one that said she wouldn’t be home until Sunday. 

“Um..well, looks like Taylor’s plying worked well, she’s not coming home until tomorrow.” 

He just smiled but there was something in the way he smiled that felt off, but I was half naked in Zac Hanson’s house, who cared what it felt like. Maybe Cam had been wrong about him. 

“So, what are we doing today?” 

“Whatever you want to do really, I obviously have the same games, I have movies and if not I have demand with more movies. We can even leave the house, everything else of yours is fine except the shirt.” 

“But, I am sure you’ve been everywhere in town and Ruby has dragged me to about every place.” 

He sat back. “Star Wars.” 

“What about it?” 

“You said you’ve only seen the first three?” 

“Four, Five and Six. Cameron said they were the best ones.” 

“You should watch the first three too. I have them all on DVD and it’ll take a while, Episode one is over two hours.” 

I leaned forward, I really didn’t want to tell him I hadn’t watched them because I wasn’t really interested, but it was a chance to be with him and whatever. 

“Works for me.” 

He cleaned up just a bit before setting it up and settling on the couch, it was super comfortable. Yet, it felt a little weird still. Episode one really was long but I had to admit the better graphics kind of drew me in. He fixed popcorn before the next one sitting the bowl between us. It made me wonder if he regretted anything, but he seemed fine. 

**-Zac-**

I wanted to fucking strangle Taylor, him keeping Ruby there over the weekend meant me taking her home today would be a dick move. So, while I wanted that separation I was trying not to be an asshole. I was rather hoping she’d chosen to wonder around town or something, but she had a point there wasn’t many places that she hadn’t seen now and I’d been to them all at least twice. So, movies it was and I’d have to do dinner as I couldn’t cook and probably didn’t have anything suitable. After the first movie I used the popcorn for some separation. I could feel myself slipping down the slope and I really couldn’t do that. 

I’d done so well for five years, avoided anything romantic in nature, avoided more than one night stands, sex was just a release and nothing more. Yet, last night felt so different. It didn’t even feel like it had with Kathryn, this was new. When the second episode went off she turned. 

“Why this apartment?” 

“The balcony, overlooks the river. I love that view and it’s always pleasant and nice to just relax there.” 

“You didn’t want a house?” 

“I didn’t see a reason for a house actually. Isaac has a nice house and so does Taylor, but I just wanted something simple. We’re not really home much and I don’t have to worry about grass here.” 

“Did you ever want a larger place?” 

“Maybe, I doubt it though. This place is big enough.” 

“My brother wanted land, he bought a house and some property with a lake and a little stream behind the house. He’s always wanted space though. The main layout here kind of reminds me of his house. He just has two bedrooms though.” 

“He have kids?” 

“No. He has a girlfriend and there over a year now I think.” 

“Taylor moved north when he and Natalie divorced in 2008. He got a lot of land but he’s been talking about moving, it was a cheap place. It’s perfect for him right now but he wants a little more space.” 

“My dad bought a two bedroom place when they divorced. Initially he did an apartment and then bought the house. Mom kept our original place with us.” 

“Was that hard on you?” 

“The divorce?” She asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“It was a bit, but I had Caleb there to help me a lot. He’s always been very protective.” 

“I personally understand that, I mean I have younger sisters. I’d beat anyone up too.” 

“But have you?” 

“I’ve not had to, no. Did Caleb?” 

“He knocked Alexander out for what he did.” 

“What did he do?” 

“He was the first serious relationship I had that wasn’t just a few dates. I met him when I was 18 and I was an idiot.” 

“How could you possibly be an idiot?” 

“I thought he loved me and wanted to be with me, what he wanted was for me to sleep with him. After I did, he left. Caleb was still living with us at home at the time and he came home after he’d told me the truth and found me crying in the den. Dragged the truth out of me. Alexander came over to get his things and Caleb met him at the door.” 

“He had things?” 

“Leather jacket, t-shirts, his class ring.” 

It wasn’t even something I’d ever asked Kathryn for, things of mine she obviously kept. 

“Big brothers are good for that.” 

“Well, Cameron wanted to but I told him to let it go.” 

There was Cameron again, she’d mentioned him often and there were dozens of pictures of them on Instagram, and some of them looked romantic. 

“How did you meet Cameron?” 

She giggled. “I met him in the hospital when I was born. Our mothers were friends beforehand, got pregnant at the same time. He was due January 14 th and I was due on the seventeenth. We both arrived the first.” 

“Your birthday is January first?” 

“Yes, I was born at 12:15 and he was 12:20 am. We were close in weight and all too, we’ve literally known each other our entire lives. My mom has photos of us side by side in the nursery.” 

There was no way anyone could compete with him and yet she just said some other guy was her first and that he was also her first relationship. That made no sense. 

“How come you never dated him?” 

“Cameron?” She asked. 

“Yes.” 

“We tried that in early high school actually. We had two dates and then we realized that if we went down that road and something happened that we’d lose the friendship. Ultimately our friendship is more important to us. I can’t say that anyone else has been my friend since birth. Added, I just couldn’t see him in a romantic sense. Even that one kiss was awkward and weird for us.” 

“Why not?” 

“He feels more like my brother and the idea of being intimate with my brother is not appealing. I couldn’t bring myself to even kiss him. So, we chose friendship. I’ve never seen him naked, least amount is his bathing suit which is as close to naked as he’s seen me.” 

Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could believe her. They seemed much closer and it just reminded me of Kathryn and her friend but I had to keep the façade up. So, I suggested dinner and she got up to get dressed with me. Her clothes were on the foot of the bed now and I went to the closet. This was so much like a date. As I was getting my pants on my phone pinged and I checked. 

**_So… did you like your fantasy red head?_ **

_You KNEW?!?!_

**_I recognized her the moment she walked into the bar Z, she really isn’t easy to forget with that hair color._ **

_Fuck you. You knew damn well I was trying to AVOID her._

**_You shouldn’t “avoid” her Zac, you clearly wanted to meet her. You can’t keep thinking everyone is like Kathryn._ **

I just ignored his messages, fucking asshole. He knew I didn’t want to physically meet her because of this, yet he knowingly set me up. I mean really, if I had left without her seeing me I am sure Ruby would tell her I was there. Bastard. I finished getting ready and found her waiting in the living room. That shirt looked good with that skirt and those shoes were awesome. 

I couldn’t avoid this at all, while the last time we planned something was clearly not a date, this was. There was no way to avoid it and no way to distract myself from it. So, I needed to at least make her feel good about it. Despite how frantic I felt. 

I choose a seafood place and our dinner was great. Conversation was kept light and on what she wanted to do or what our plans were for the tour. She was already planning to attend the show in town which was weeks away. When we got back I popped in the third movie and we settled but without popcorn I couldn’t stop her from curling up beside me. The movie was about half over when I felt her hand on my thigh, no big deal until it moved more inward. She couldn’t be serious… 

Yet, as Anakin began to murder Jedi’s in the school her hand moved right across my crotch. I moved my head some and raised an eyebrow. She was watching the TV at least her eyes were but her hands were definitely not mimicking anything there! Her movements were beginning to work too. 

“You’re going to miss the ending here.” 

She barely turned toward me. “I won’t.” 

I blinked and she kept on, her hands moving slowly and as the erection grew her hands focused more on just following the outline. Her movements slow enough that the movie really was getting close to the end! As the major fight scene began I felt the release as she unbuttoned the pants and unzipped them. Letting her hand inside my pants and then even into the boxers! I laid my head back, she may see the end I wasn’t going to. 

As my head laid against the back of the sofa I felt her shift, still beside me but she was now in a better position and I felt her tongue run up my neck and then a slight nip to my earlobe. I adjusted a bit which allowed her to actually safely get me from confined in jeans to standing tall though openings. It let her hands wrap around and I felt the moan in my throat. Her thumb moved across the slit again with just the right pressure. My hand kind of fell to her hip and I sighed. 

By the sounds the movie was reaching the end, I wasn’t even sure she was paying it any attention, her lips were attached to my neck and I really didn’t care if she was or not. Her hands was moving steady and something felt familiar about this. It took several minutes for me to remember why and my eyes flew open. 

“You…sent this scene to me.” 

I heard her giggle as her hand tightened some. There was another nip to my ear. “There all fantasies Zachary. All involving you.” 

I wasn’t sure if it was the tone of her voice, the hand around my dick, or the fact that she just admitted they were all fantasies that sent a chill down my spine. It wasn’t long before her kisses went down my chest, the soft little kisses to the tip of my cock, then down the shaft followed by the tongue up the vein and then I could feel her mouth. 

True to the same scenario she sent me I could feel everything she did and when I was so fucking close she moved and got up, I could feel her ass against me and she leaned back. I’d read those sections many times so if she wanted to follow that to some degree I knew what came next. It was the least I could do. 

I put my arms around her and went after her neck, letting my hands rest for a few moments before I worked to unbutton the shirt. She laid her head back on my shoulder and I kept working on her neck and letting my hands pull the shirt off. She had the same bra on and I pushed her forward some and undid it, moving to the other side of her neck. It was close to her written words. It really gave me the chance to appreciate breast, because I could really see her and feel every inch. Added, I could see those nipples harden for myself. 

She sometimes moved her hips in circles but for the most part she remained still. I finally moved my hands down and I expected to find the same panties but no, when my hands reached their destination there was nothing in my way. 

“So naughty.” 

“I didn’t think you’d mind.” 

I slipped my middle finger between the folds and began to make slow circles. “Never.” 

It was mildly easier in this position to use my hands. Added, I could have one focused on the breast while the other did more, like slipping into her. I was deviating from her story, in good ways. Letting my finger slide into her as far as I could, listening as her light moans became pants and louder moans. I’d managed to trap her arms underneath mine so she was gripping my leg as she got closer. In her fantasy I stopped, but no not this time. With one hand letting my finders slide in and out the other hand focused on the clit Until I could feel her tightening around my fingers and those noises. Fuck I was so hard and aching. 

She laid there a few moments before rising up some, standing in front of me it gave me a chance to kick my pants and underwear down and off. She’s the one that wiggled her way between my legs, I positioned as she slid down onto me. Fuck. It was very different in feeling and I hadn’t done this position much. But it was easier to get my hands on her hips and help her move. That red hair bounced with her as she moved, it was infatuating. Eventually though she moved her legs outside mine and leaned back. 

She felt tighter around me in this position and I felt when she slowed some kind of held like she was trying to remember this too. I slipped my hands around her, went back to the clit as she moved. 

“God damnit..” she cursed 

When I was sure she was getting tired I pulled her back against me, attacked her neck. 

“Want to refresh my memory on what’s next?” 

She turned and her lips still tasted sweet to me. “I believe it was some form of being bent over something.” 

“That’s doable.” 

It took very little to switch positions, putting her on the couch, so I could stand. I got rid of the skirt while she was standing. I rather loved this position, it allowed me to watch and I remembered from the words it was something much faster so I went with that. That got the best moans and yelps and the occasional curse word. I was certain she was close enough but I stopped. Pulled her up against me before I turned her around and moved down. 

With her sitting on the edge I could get back between her legs, her hands tangled in my hair as I swirled my tongue around the clit. It was a good way to bring her up again, because it wouldn’t be as strong, but would let her last longer! I could tell by the movements and then I moved up, taking time with her abdomen and I got to suck on those nipples before I made it to those lips. 

Her hands were still tangled in my hair but I felt them move down my shoulders as I pushed back into her gently, fully and then just paused. It gave me time to devour her lips too! It wasn’t included but I just wanted to. It was different to be this deliberately slow, pulling back and then just slowly pushing forward add in those lips and I couldn’t resist. I found that this slow movement really did allow for feeling a lot more and it still got noises, but eventually it just had to be picked up. There was no way I was stopping this time and with her being in this position I could easily reach the clit when I needed. 

I really hoped I could commit the way she screamed my name to memory…hoped that I could remember this in all the details. I was sure she was going to hate me after I took her home. I rather liked that in this position I didn’t have to pull out so she could breathe, I could hold myself up and just enjoy it. 

At least until I had to move, my knees were beginning to cramp, I then realized the movie was still on the menu screen. 

“Did you even see the ending?” 

She laughed. “Seriously? You really care about me seeing that ending?” 

“What’s the fun of watching a movie if you’re going to miss the ending?” 

I figured she’d move but holy hell did she have to crawl up my body that way? So slow and sexy like. 

“If it means that much, I’ll watch them all again and you can even quiz me.” 

I slipped my hands down onto her ass. “Quiz you huh?” 

“Yes, but…that’s got to be tomorrow. I don’t know that I can remain awake through six more hours.” 

“I know I can’t.” 

Tomorrow? I was going to kill my older brother come Monday. She suggested a shower before bed and I couldn’t deny that we both needed one. It was after she’d chosen another t-shirt and we laid down that I began to feel it. That deep set fear that I was getting in too deep and I was going to be hurt. One more day. I could handle that. She hadn’t said dating or doing other things, it’s just sex. 

Right? 


	11. Vodka Bar

POV: Miranda 

  

June 21, 2010 

I woke up around nine, sleeping alone felt weird after being at Zac’s house for two nights. I couldn’t believe that I’d even gone home with him! Couldn’t believe he’d stuck to his words, I’d screamed for him on more than one occasion! Yesterday we’d re-watched the movie and damn he stuck to that quiz idea! It was kind of nice to have that time though and after dinner he brought me home, not that it mattered because Ruby didn’t even come home. She texted me about 10 and said he was just taking her in and bringing her back after work. I guessed that was a good thing. I hadn’t even been up an hour when I got a call from the Inner Circle Vodka Bar, which wasn’t far from us, they asked me to come in for an interview at one. I got myself presentable and made it on time. 

The bar was rather upscale and a little more refined, it definitely wasn’t the down home country bar I was use to. Concrete floors, lots of metal and glass, but the bar itself was nice. I met with the manager at one sharp and we talked for an hour. She then introduced me to the bar manager who put me through a test of skills, I’d been doing it so long that a lot was second nature. When I left at three I had the job and started Wednesday. I could wear my bar pants but I had t-shirts from the bar and tank tops, so I was good. 

I went to the store and then went back home, arriving about an hour before Ruby was due to get off. I picked up a little bit and then texted her. 

_What do you want for dinner? I can do chicken, spaghetti, or burgers._

**_Fix whatever you want, Taylor promised me Mexicali’s tonight._ **

_So…you won’t be here?_

**_Nope. If you want, I can bring you a plate back._ **

_Naa, I’ll fix myself some chicken and be good. So…you ARE coming home right?!_

**_Yes! It’ll be about 7-8._ **

_Ok. See u then._

I sighed, put away the extra chicken and began to prepare my own dinner. I ate standing in the kitchen, we’d tried to find a small enough table and it just wasn’t possible there wasn’t enough room. I was reading a book when Ruby got home, heard the car door shut and it was about ten minutes before she came in. Her smile was wide, toothy, and the look on her face was plum goofy. 

“I take it you had a good weekend?” 

“The best weekend ever. Oh my god Miranda he lives like ten minutes from here.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, north of us on 56 th street.. His house is nice but he doesn’t like it much. He’s just content for the moment.” 

“Same thing Zac said…so…Sit.” 

She sat down. “Why are you all dressy?” 

“Interview today and I start Wednesday, Inner City Vodka Bar it’s not far from here really.” 

“Wow, that’s awesome but weren’t you looking for something different?” 

“Well, I can still look silly. But, I can’t rely on you forever. Besides it’ll make me feel useful. But, we’ll need to modify dinners because there open at 4 pm and close around 2 am.” 

“Yeah, we can work out something. So, how was your weekend?” 

“I’m more curious about yours, I mean I’ve talked to Zac before. But you meet Taylor and go home with him?” 

“I know it’s so surreal! I really didn’t think about it when he asked if I wanted to head there I was like hell yeah! But, I’m so glad I did. He’s so different from the jerks back home.” 

“Really?” 

“For started the man believes in equal orgasms, none of that bull shit about I came fuck you. Oh no, he’d make damn sure and girl there was no need to pretend anything. Skills for days. But, we didn’t spend the whole weekend in bed.” 

“Sure about that?” 

“I am. He cooked breakfast Saturday and we then went kind of east of here to a park I didn’t even know about. We then had this super romantic dinner and yeah, it was back to bed after that. Yesterday we went back to the Rose Garden for a picnic lunch. I was going to come home but I just couldn’t get enough.” 

I laughed. “You meet Taylor and he turns you into a nymph in three days? Come on now.” 

“Hey, he’s that good. Not gonna brag much but he’s also the biggest I’ve been with. Not like king kong but over average for sure.” 

“He and Zac must be close then because I’d use that same description. You remember that little fantasy thing I wrote a while back?” 

“You have a blog full. Be more specific.” 

“Couch one.” 

“Yeah.” 

“It’s not a fantasy anymore, I sent him snippets months ago and we were watching Episode three and I just kind of took it upon myself to start it, he caught on and fuck he improved it so much.” 

“Impressive, so did you do anything else?” 

“Not really. We watched the movies twice, both days. I kind of interrupted three and he complained. We didn’t leave the house but he did kind of shrink my top to child size. He didn’t know it couldn’t be dried.” 

“Oh no..” 

“Yeah, it’s okay I brought one of his home.” 

She laughed. “I wondered how you got home if he shrunk it.” 

“Yeah. So, do you see things moving forward with Taylor?” 

She leaned back and thought about it. “Well, we set up a few dates for this week and especially this weekend. Will it last? I don’t know the answer to that. But, I felt so different with him and really happy. Like, not just because the sex is great but because he’s nice. He opened doors, pushed in chairs, and it’s so different.” 

“Sounds like you both may want more.” 

“Well, what about you and Zac, you’ve been talking?” 

“You knew about the Hanson.net talks but we’ve also talked on X-box and e-mail.” 

“You have his x-box handle and e-mail?!” 

“I do. I’ve had it since last year. I mean we were suppose to meet in Tulsa in May but he didn’t show. Said he overslept. He gave me his number and said he’d get with me this week sometimes when he knew what the other two were doing.” 

“That’s a good sign actually. Taylor said he really hasn’t dated anyone since Kathryn.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t bring her up.” 

“Taylor told me about her, she was his ex-wifes best friend. She basically cheated on him, got pregnant by her best friend, and then waited until the wedding to leave.” 

“The bitch. He didn’t bring up ex’s.” 

But he had asked about Cameron and I quite a bit, I suppose if his ex got pregnant by the best friend it would be why he’d worry. I could understand that really. She talked more about her plans with Taylor, most were just dinner dates. But, they were practically every day this week so clearly Zac had time free unless he worked through dinner. 

Taylor had been awesome to her all weekend and I was glad, she’d practically been in love with him forever. Both of us went to bed kind of early, but I knew tomorrow night I’d need to be up longer because Wednesday night would be long. I laid down and just needed some contact so I sent Zac a text message, told him I would be working and where. About ten minutes after I sent the message the ringtone went off. 

_I’m not sure who you are, but I’m not Zac…Uh..Congratulations on the job though. I’ve been to that bar and it’s nice. Perhaps, I’ll see you there sometime._

I swallowed, not Zac? Had I heard him wrong when he gave me the number? I guess I did, so I sent the same message to e-mail instead along with a verification for the number. I didn’t reply to the other guys text or girls, or whoever! 

**June 26, 2010: Saturday**

Six days since he dropped me off, six days since I’d heard anything from him. The phone number I must have misheard or put in wrong. Taylor and Ruby came by the bar Wednesday to see how my first day was going and I asked Taylor to check it, he seemed confused but did. It was one number off so he fixed it for me. I’d sent Zac a message on my break, nothing. The e-mail wasn’t answered either. I had even logged into the website from work and sent a message, nothing. It was showing it was read though! 

Ruby and Taylor had basically had dinner, either out or at home, each day and she’d gone back to his house Friday night. I had gotten home at 3:30 am and it was now noon and I was just waking up, adjusting back to night owl hours was hard! I didn’t have to be there until eight tonight though. After getting woke up I sent Zac a message, asking if we could have dinner. But the message never sent, it kept failing on me so I gave up. I tried the e-mail, maybe it was just my phone but the e-mail came back. It had been rejected saying it didn’t exist. I just sank on the couch. 

Rejected e-mail? Failed texted? I really didn’t want to call but I did and it didn’t go through. I could feel that slight pain, the slight little feeling in the pit of my stomach that was nervous and wondering. Sometimes I think Cameron had a sixth sense because the moment the tear fell down my cheek his number came up. 

“Hey Cam.” 

“Panda! It’s been like three days...” 

“Sorry, I’ve been sleeping all day.” 

The other end of the line was quiet for a moment. “Panda, why are you crying?” 

“It’s nothing Cam.” 

“Don’t pull that bullshit with me Miranda Sage. Twenty-four years I have known you and you don’t just randomly cry unless something is wrong. So, talk to me.” 

“It’s really nothing, I promise.” 

“Don’t make me come to you, that’s a hellishly long drive.” 

I sighed, Cam was persistent sometimes. He always had been and probably always would be. 

“You remember what you told me at the airport in May?” 

“Yes, I remember what I told you. That this Zac guy was just playing with you, that you deserved more and better. I also recall conversations when you showed us the pictures.” 

“Yeah, you were right. For the record, I will never say that again.” 

“What happen? Please tell me you didn’t…” 

“I went home with him Cam.” 

“Miranda.” 

“I know Cam. We went out last Friday to celebrate her first week and Taylor rather swept her off her feet, literally she’s not been here all week. Zac came up and we talked, drank and I ended up at his house. I was there all weekend Cam, it wasn’t like one time and he shipped me off.” 

“One time, two, five it doesn’t matter. He got what he wanted from you and now he doesn’t need to keep on.” 

“I guess so. He dropped me off Sunday night and gave me the wrong number, Taylor gave me the right one but messages are failing to send, the e-mail he gave me came back unknown, and while the five messages to Hanson.net went through and say he’s read them, no reply.” 

I wasn’t entirely sure what really hurt more, the fact he couldn’t just tell me he wanted nothing else or the fact I had been stupid enough to fall for it. Or that I’d been stupid enough to believe he’d want anything more than just some fun. 

“Could he be busy?” 

“Maybe, but Taylor’s taking the weekend and the things were going through until today.” 

He sighed. “I’m sorry Panda, it sounds like he blocked your number and well, if he deleted the e-mail account too maybe it’s better.” 

“How the fuck can it be better Cameron?” 

“Honey I looked him up, he has dozens of interviews where he said he didn’t want to settle down with anyone. He didn’t want long-term relationships or to be committed to anyone. He likes freedom. It’s better to deal with it now than another time.” 

“I don’t like this feeling Cameron.” 

“What feeling?” 

“I feel like he used me Cam, that he knew Friday when he took me home that he’d just disappear. I feel like an idiot.” 

“You feel like you did when Alexander left.” 

“Yeah. That’s it.” 

I wouldn’t tell him that I felt guilty as well because I hadn’t been totally drunk off my ass, I knew what was happening. Saturday was my fault, I initiated that sex. What bothered me most was feeling ashamed of myself. I’d always been someone that wanted a few dates before sex, that sex wasn’t something you did on a first date. Yet, I’d seen him remembered all those conversations and just went home with him as if it was fine. We weren’t even on a date, it was just a hookup and I’d never done those. I hated feeling ashamed of myself and like I should be washed in scalding water to wash away the sin. 

“I could tell Caleb..” 

“Don’t. Cameron you know he’ll come out here.” 

“I know and that’s why I said I could.” 

“I’ll be fine Cameron.” 

“Does Ruby know what he did?” 

“Honestly Cam, I haven’t seen her since Wednesday. Taylor gave me his real number and they came by the bar to see how my first night was going.” 

“Why not ask Taylor? He’s his brother and maybe Zac’s got other issues going on right now.” 

I snorted. “Taylor didn’t seem amused when I asked him if the number was right. I doubt he really cares what Zac does as long as it doesn’t hurt him in the long run.” 

“Well honey, all I can tell you to do is forget about him and move on. I know it won’t be easy but there are other people there in town. Find someone else.” 

“You make that sound so easy.” 

“Panda, I’ve seen your flirty skills remember? You flirted your way into an adult party at seventeen. I’m sure you can find someone.” 

“Doesn’t make me feel any better.” 

“I’d drag you off to some park or play games but you moved away.” 

“I know. I guess I’ll be fine.” 

“You will be. Use those flirty skills, find you a hot mother fucker and then prance that bitch by the studio every day when he’s there.” 

I laughed. “That’s so mean!” 

“Mean, sure but it got you to laugh and I like that better than the tears.” 

“So, why did you call?” 

I heard a giggle. “Something told me I needed to call you. I guess it was right.” 

“I guess. Thanks.” 

“Anytime Panda. I’m going to get back to the floor, but you call me if you need too.” 

“I will. Bye Cam.” 

He said his byes and we hung-up. Sure, his words did help me some but it didn’t take away the feelings. It was painfully clear he’d just lured me in that he didn’t mean anything he said, that all the questions and pictures were just to get me to follow. It made me wonder if he truly _was_ asleep in May or if he’d just fucking sat there and laughed as I waited. I got curious about what Cam said though, so I used my phone to look up interviews. Sure enough, there were dozens of interviews where Zac was asked about relationships and he stated he didn’t want them, ever. That he liked being single and free. Why had I never bothered to look? Did it help? Hell no. It just made me feel worse. 

Eventually I got up and began dinner and I was finishing dinner when Ruby opened the door. I glanced to see her but my attention went back to the stove. 

“I thought you had to work?” 

“I go in at eight. I was just going to eat and head on over.” 

“You’re car hasn’t moved in days.” 

“I’ve been walking over, it’s not that far.” 

“Is it entirely safe for you to walk home alone at night?” Taylor asked. 

I turned, confused because I hadn’t even heard him. “Uh..It’s been fine all week. I drove Wednesday but I’ve walked the rest of the week.” 

His brow furrowed and he frowned. “You shouldn’t be walking that late Miranda, it’s not safe.” 

I bite back the snarky comment I had in mind, I didn’t want to make him mad. But, it really was none of his business how or where I walked or when. 

“So, we’re thinking of going to this place in Jenks tomorrow night and you’re off right?” 

“I’m off on Sundays, they’re closed.” 

“Would you like to come with us?” Ruby asked. 

I looked at her and raised my brow. “You want me to join the two of you on a date? Would that not be weird as hell?” 

“Well, you can ask Zac.” She said. 

She made it sound like Zac and I had been hanging out all week and shit, but I laid the fork down gently. I didn’t want to tell her in front of Taylor that Zac had used me. That was his brother. 

“Miranda?” Ruby asked. 

I looked at her, ignored that Taylor was standing there beside her. She looked so happy and I just ignored that, she was happy and I was just miserable. 

“I haven’t heard from him Ruby, I guess it wasn’t what I thought it was.” 

She looked at Taylor of course. “Can we have a few moments?” 

He nodded, gave her temple a quick peck and then he went out front. 

“What do you mean you haven’t heard from him? Taylor gave you the right number.” 

“Just that Ruby. He hasn’t replied to anything all week. Not my texts, not e-mails, not anything. Let’s face it he’s said it in dozens of interviews he didn’t want relationships. I was just too stupid to find the interviews and stay away.” 

She came to me and smiled. “You aren’t stupid.” 

“It sure feels like I am. Pretty sure he sat at 3CG and just laughed at me the whole time I sat there waiting. Asleep? Bullshit. I shouldn’t have even bothered. But, you don’t need to keep Tay waiting long.” 

“You want me to come home earlier tomorrow? You and I can do something.” 

“No. You won’t get much time with Tay once they start touring.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Miranda…” 

“I’m positive Ruby. I’ll have you all to myself when he goes on tour but you won’t have him. If he wants to be with you then be with him.” 

She didn’t seem pleased but she did leave, some randomly stupid reason I went to my messages. The number he’d given me had lead to a person…who came to the bar before. I contemplated it as I finished eating and then sent the number a message. 

_I know you aren’t that Zac guy…but.. are you a guy?_

Several minutes passed before a reply came. 

**_Lol – Yes, I am. My name is Justin. I presumed you are a female? By chance, you wouldn’t be the gorgeous red head they hired are you? You mentioned being hired by Inner City Vodka and there’s been this red haired bartender there._ **

_I..am that red head yes…why?_

**_Curious, are you working tonight?_ **

_8pm to close._

**_I’ll be there tonight and I’ll be sure to actually say hey this time. I was afraid being all “I think you mis-texted me” to a new person might be awkward._ **

_Rofl – yes, it probably would have…but…you are single and not being a creep right?_

**_Yes. I am. I presume things with this Zac person didn’t work out?_ **

_No. It didn’t. So..maybe a little early but I was invited on a double date for tomorrow night. Maybe, see how tonight goes?_

**_I think I’d like that. I’ll see you tonight._ **

Was it super dangerous? Fuck yes, my brother would skin me alive for this. But, since he was meeting me I drove to work. In case he was a creeper I didn’t want to be that much of an idiot and walk home. The first few hours I was there was eventless but I did notice this very tall, kind of muscular man sitting at the bar. He was watching me and when I got my break he was still there so I walked over. 

“Are you Justin by chance?” 

“You caught me gorgeous.” 

“You call everyone that?” 

“If it fits, but really I don’t know your name.” 

“Miranda.” 

“It’s nice to meet you Miranda.” 

Justin ended up being a thirty-five year old accountant and he was nice. He stayed around the bar all night and after we closed he invited me to breakfast at dilly dinner. I accepted and he seemed nice enough so before I went to bed I sent Ruby a message to tell her to let me know the plans that I had a date. I was sure it was impulsive but I guess I needed it. 

Maybe, being out with someone older would make me feel less like an idiot, less like he used me, and maybe it would tamper the guilt and shame. 


	12. Moving Blues

POV: Zac / Miranda 

  

June 28, 2010 

The studio was quiet at 7:30 in the morning. I was the only one here and it was quiet, but that meant it was super quiet also and because of that I was given too much time to think. Too much time to sit here and stare at the message she sent Saturday. 

> FairyDust: I don’t know what your plan was or what your ultimate goal was with me, but if all you wanted was sex, then it would have been nice to know a long fucking time ago. I thought there could be something real between us really, we got along well. I kind of regret not bothering to read the interviews where you plainly stated you didn’t want ‘relationships’. I regret ever wanting to meet you. I regret ever going home with you. 

I understand that your ex-Kathryn hurt you badly, but that doesn’t give you the right to hurt others. 

I’d hurt her and I’d never wanted to do that. I never wanted her to regret meeting me or the weekend either. I never wanted to hurt her and yet, I had. I’d been so busy trying to not hurt myself that I didn’t consider how she’d really feel. I knew she’d be upset and I knew to some level it would hurt her, I didn’t realize it would be that bad though. 

However, despite how bad her message sounded. It must not have been that horrible because Patrick sent me a picture Sunday morning of her at Dilly Dinner, she was with some other guy. He asked if it was the same red-head I was obsessed with. She was wearing a shirt for the bar, clearly they went there after she got off but she was smiling in the picture. It kind of made me wonder if she really was that hurt or if she was just trying to find a replacement quickly. 

I heard the front door close and a few moments later Isaac walked by. 

“Morning Zac.” 

“Morning.” 

“Taylor’s on his way, he texted me. Neither of us expected you for hours.” 

“It’s fine, I couldn’t sleep.” 

“I’m going to start the coffee. I need like three cups.” 

I laughed and he went on to the kitchen. Not even ten minutes later I could feel Taylor was here. Just this energy in the room changed and it didn’t help that he closed the door to the office, yeah this probably wasn’t going to be pleasant. 

“I don’t know whether to slap your fucking ass upside the head or bring her here so she can.” 

“Bringing her here would do no good Taylor.” 

“No, you being a complete jackass would be no good. You stood her up once Zac, if you didn’t intend to ever call her back you shouldn’t have never approached her at that bar Friday.” 

“You shouldn’t have said any fucking thing about her being there, you knew who it was Taylor and you knew I wanted to avoid her.” 

“I can’t believe you gave her the wrong number.” 

“I can’t believe you gave her the right one. Clearly if I had wanted her to have the number I would have given it to her. I felt bad enough giving her the wrong number, I feel bad enough without your bullshit on top of it.” 

“If you feel so bad why are you not replying? It’s not like she’s leaving Tulsa.” 

I got up. “Because I don’t want to be sitting in my home wondering what the fuck I did when she runs off with her friend Taylor. I don’t want to be crying myself to sleep because she ran off with someone else. It’s easier to just be the jackass and leave than to be the dumbass and end up feeling like your dying. Natalie loved you and your divorce was a mutual agreement. She didn’t leave you. She didn’t walk away. She didn’t tell you were going to be a father and then in front everyone say it’s not yours and leave.” 

He paused. “She told you that and you stayed, you didn’t know Zac.” 

“More than once she told me and only so I wouldn’t call it off. I want to reply to her Taylor, I want to be like you. But, I can’t. I can’t have her rip my heart out . I can’t live through that again.” 

“But you can’t be sure she will Zac.” 

“It doesn’t matter. We need to get busy.” 

He looked at the screen. “You aren’t going to reply?” 

“No. She’s said what she wanted, placed the blame where it belongs. There’s no point in me replying. Nothing I say will ease her pain Taylor. Not that it matters, she already had another date anyway.” 

“Justin.” 

I blinked. “You…knew about her date?” 

“Ruby asked her Saturday to join us for a date last night. She nor I knew you were being a dick and not replying. She told her and Sunday morning she said to send the plans. So, they joined us. Justin, thirty-five, accountant.” 

“Yet, you’re so worried about her not hurting me. So worried that I am hurting her, yet she’s fine.” 

“She can’t wait on you forever Zac, but it’s unlikely they’ll make it long.” 

“Why?” 

“She nearly fell asleep on us, he’s boring as fuck.” 

It didn’t matter really, but we headed to the studio and got busy. We split for lunch for a bit and I just stared at that damn message. But, after lunch Taylor kind of had us gathered in the office, I expected some discussion about business. 

“So, I’m thinking about asking Ruby to move in with me.” 

Isaac and I exchanged looks. “Move in with you?” 

“Yes. We get along extremely well and I haven’t felt this way about anyone, not even Natalie. I think we’re sole mates.” 

“You’ve known her less than…what? A week?” Ike asked. 

“A week and a few days.” He replied. 

I didn’t need to ask, he met her the Friday I took Miranda home. So, that was a week and three days. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked. 

“Of course it’s a good idea. We get along and she’s awesome. She’s practically spent the last week with me.” 

“Yeah but Tay your talking less than two weeks here. You have no idea how she really is. If you’ll make it, there is a host of reasons why this is a bad idea.” Isaac said. 

He paused. “I love her.” 

I blinked. I couldn’t even say that about Miranda, could I? I’d been talking to her for months. Taylor barely knew Ruby! But, something hit me because despite my being a jackass toward her, didn’t mean I didn’t care. 

“Wait, doesn’t Miranda live with her?” 

“Yeah, but she’s working and I am sure she didn’t come here completely broke Zac. Added, if she needs to stay with us for a bit it’s fine.” 

“Might I add you don’t have the room.” I said. 

“I’ll make room Zac, Ruby isn’t going to just put her out. I won’t be like you.” 

Isaac looked at me confused and then Taylor. 

“So, I probably won’t approve of whatever Zac has done for that comment but Taylor you really need to think about that. Ruby just moved here, she just started a new job. She may not even make it at that job and she may have to remain where she is. I don’t know their situation but Ruby should consider Miranda’s feelings too because she probably moved out to be with her.” 

“Well, I said I was thinking I didn’t say she was or that I’d asked.” 

“Well, I’d think long and hard about it. Now, Zac, what the fuck is he talking about? And who the hell if FairyDust?” 

I looked at him confused. “How do you know that name?” 

“I got a message on Thursday asking me if the website was working correctly because she’d sent you messages and no replies even though you saw them.” 

Taylor just sat back with his smug look. 

“She is a girl I took home Ike. We’ve been talking and you met her in May she’s the girl he brought back to the studio.” 

“The red head?” 

“How in the fuck does everyone know about her?” 

“I saw her a few weeks ago when I got home from California. We took Eliza to the Rose Garden and she and Ruby were there. Ruby actually stopped Eliza from running. She didn’t mention you.” 

Same day I’d e-mailed her and she’d mentioned moving. 

“It doesn’t matter, we had a weekend and I chose not to pursue anything else.” 

“Guess she didn’t feel the same. Just next time avoid people on the website.” 

Taylor seemed shocked he didn’t jump me for the decision, but when he tried to argue it Isaac held up his hand. 

“Look Tay, I understand where he’s coming from. If you recall, my first girlfriend was the same way. Two years and she left for her friend. You got lucky with Natalie. If he chooses not to pursue more then it’s his choice. Although, Zac I will say that you shouldn’t always assume because had I done that I wouldn’t have Eliza or Melanie now.” 

I ignored that last part really and we got back to what we needed to get done. Tour began soon and we had plans to fix, prepare, and perfect. 

 

**June 29, 2010 – Miranda**

Today was my second off day but I kept the same sleeping pattern, making sure I got up around the same time so I’d sleep well tonight and tomorrow morning. I’d gotten three messages from Justin but I’d finally said it wouldn’t work. 

He had been charming when he was drunk. He was funny and charming and all around fun. When he showed up that night sober he was boring as fuck. All he talked about was math problems and ledgers and numbers, I swear even Taylor was glassy eyed. On top of being boring he was bossy as fuck. When the waiter came he ordered water for me, not allowing the waiter to change it when I asked for sweet tea. He ordered a grilled chicken salad because I needed to maintain my figure, when I went to text Ruby he said it was rude to use my phone at the table. 

I could tell that Taylor was seething behind those blue eyes. So much that he made up some excuse for me to leave with them, the guy made him very uncomfortable and he said he didn’t want me to riding with him. I’d also opted to drive to work last night because he showed up. My brother would kick his ass if he’d hurt me, but it was better to be safe. 

I kind of regretted my decision to send that last message to Zac, but it was truth. I still felt ashamed of my decision to go home but there was nothing I could do. I fixed myself lunch and returned my Mom’s call and Dad’s, both wanting to make sure I was alright and that things were doing well. Kenneth had been on speaker and again, I’d gotten the same lecture about working in a bar again. I just ignored him for the most part. I talked to Caleb briefly and to Cam for a moment or two as well. I got a message from Ruby saying she’d be home tonight, I about passed out! 

I made dinner for us and she got home on time! 

“I’ve kind of missed your cooking. It’s so much simpler than what Taylor whips up.” 

“Really?” 

“Yep. He thinks tons of flavors is good and you are more simple in taste. I like that sometimes.” 

“Well, you’re welcome. I am limited as we really haven’t cooked here much.” 

“Agreed.” 

We ate in the living room and she cleaned up before she sat down. 

“Any reason why you and Taylor aren’t having dinner tonight?” 

“I wanted to talk to you, actually it’s more I have to talk to you.” 

That never sounded good so I braced myself for whatever she could possibly say. 

“He asked me to move in with him last night and I think I am going to. We get along so well.” 

I couldn’t have heard her right. I had to be hearing things. 

“Did you just say you were moving in with Taylor?” 

“I did. He asked me last night and I spoke to the company today. They told me that I could leave here and I had to be out by the fifth of July.” 

“So you are moving in with him?” 

“Yes. He agreed to come help this weekend with moving whatever I needed but like I told him it’s just a little bit of stuff.” 

“Are you sure that’s wise? I mean you haven’t even known him 14 days.” 

“But, I believe we’re soul mates Miranda. I enjoy his company so much more than anyone else I’ve ever been with. He’s attentive, affectionate, he pushes me to do better and I think..I think I really do love him Miranda. If it doesn’t work out then I can always move back out.” 

I couldn’t deny she’d loved him forever but I couldn’t believe she’d love him that much so soon. 

“You know living there will be different than just being there for the weekend?” 

“Come on Miranda, I’m not three.” 

“I won’t stop you Ruby I just don’t think you should rush into it that’s all. You see how Zac did me and I’ve talked to him for months.” 

“Taylor may have said something to him.” 

“Which is why I didn’t want Taylor to even know. But this isn’t about Zac, it’s Taylor.” 

“I think it’s a good idea.” 

“Okay.” 

My brain must have been slow because it was well over twenty minutes before I realized she said the apartment was given up. 

“Uh…Ruby…?” 

“Yes?” 

“The company isn’t keeping this apartment, right?” 

“Right, I have to be out the by the fifth.” 

“No…Ruby…We have to be out. You are the reason they are paying the bill here not me. You moving out means I can’t stay. You realize I have no where here to go, right?” 

It really seemed like she just thought of that! How could she not know that! 

“Well, I am sure Taylor wouldn’t mind.” 

“Didn’t you tell me that he has a one bedroom house?” 

“Yes…but I know he won’t mind if you need to stay for a bit.” 

“Ruby, he doesn’t have a spare bedroom and you realize that I sleep all day. While that wouldn’t be an issue during the week, the two of you will keep me up Saturday and Sunday. I can’t sleep on a sofa in the middle of his house.” 

“Borrow the bedroom.” 

I blinked. “Ruby, I am not sleeping in a bed that the two of you sleep in.” 

“I can ask my job is they’ll let you stay until you can find somewhere. It can’t be that hard and I can ask Taylor for recommendations and stuff. I mean…You could just show up and ask Zac.” 

“Zac? The man who used me and obviously doesn’t want to speak to me. He’s not going to be willing to share a bedroom Ruby.” 

“Isaac?” 

I got up and went to the kitchen. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll…ask around.” 

“You aren’t thinking about calling Justin are you?” 

“Would it matter at this point Ruby? You are moving in with Taylor. I’m not going to sleep on his couch because he feels sorry for me. Which is the reason he would agree with it. I’m not going to ask Isaac who has a wife and a child there and I’d rather sleep in my car then ever speak to Zac again.” 

“Miranda.” 

“Don’t Ruby. I’m going to walk down to my job for their internet and see if I can find anything in this town.” 

I went to my room and got my shoes and laptop and then left. I wasn’t even a quarter of the way there when Cameron called. 

“Okay Cam, this is fucking creepy.” 

“It’s not creepy, Ruby called me. Seriously Panda?” 

“I have every right to be upset right now Cameron. Don’t pull that panda shit on me.” 

“She said you just walked out.” 

“Yeah, after she told me she was moving in with Taylor and that she’s giving up the apartment. Cam I have like four days to find a place to live. I have every right to be upset that she didn’t once consider what her decision would do to me. I’m 1200 fucking miles from home and now I’m fucked.” 

“She seriously is moving in with him?” 

“Yes. She moves this weekend. So I am walking to work to use their internet so I can see if I can find a place.” 

“You should have driven.” 

“I don’t even care right now Cam.” 

“Panda, you’ll be okay. Want me to look from here? I am soooo bored.” 

“No. I’ll find something. Hopefully anyway, if not then I guess I suck it up and let Taylor pity me.” 

“You’ll find something Miranda. I’ll let you go.” 

“Don’t call her back Cam, it’s not worth it really.” 

“Sure? Because I think she made the wrong decision and I want to let her know.” 

“I’m sure.” 

“Fine.” 

I hung-up but I was sure he’d call her anyway, I sat outside and went through hundreds of listings. Shayla sat down in front of me about midnight. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Internet, break time for you?” 

“Yeah.” 

Shayla was a co-worker, not really a friend but she was cool. 

“You look frustrated as hell.” 

“My roommate is leaving and the apartment is in her name, trying to find somewhere to go and there is nothing I can afford.” 

“Girl I know the feeling. Have you tried The Lofts on East Archer?” 

“No, nothing came up.” 

“My brother stayed there for a bit, the places aren’t grand or anything. I don’t know if they have anything open either. But, you may want to head down and talk to them tomorrow.” 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem. You’re boyfriend was here earlier.” 

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” 

“Justin?” 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” 

“Well, that explained why he was flirting with everyone. I gotta head back.” 

I thanked her again and she headed back inside, I went ahead and headed back to the apartment though, she should be in bed. Yet, she was sitting on the sofa with Taylor. I really didn’t want to deal with them both. 

“Miranda?” She asked. 

“Don’t bother Ruby, I’m fine.” 

“Come on, you know Cam called me back. He’s right though I should have considered you before making the decision and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” 

“You should have yes, but it doesn’t change that you are leaving and I have to also.” 

“I can cover it for next month.” Taylor said. 

I wasn’t even sure what pissed me off more about that. The fact that he offered because I was sure he felt bad about his own brother’s actions or if the offer just struck the wrong cord at the moment. 

“I don’t need you Taylor. I don’t want your pity nor do I want you to pay for anything for me. Don’t ever offer to do that again. This has nothing to do with you and Ruby should have considered it before agreeing. I’ll be fine.” 

I went on to my room and ignored them. I was mad and upset and hurt but it didn’t change the facts and I’d just go to that place tomorrow and see if I could afford it. Fuck that was the major problem, affording it! 

It was well after four before I tried to sleep, but it was more like six before I went to sleep.


	13. Firework Blues

POV: Miranda 

  

July 3, 2010 

It was 7:30 and I should be asleep because I had to work tonight, but her company said it had to be empty tonight so that they can come in and clean tomorrow. Not that we were going to leave a big mess, we really didn’t have much stuff here. But, I suspected it was more so they could make sure we didn’t take anything that was already here. We divided anything that had to be like towels between us Wednesday. I was virtually packed already. 

The place Shayla recommended had an opening, I wouldn’t see it until today but I’d nearly emptied my account putting down the down payment, first month’s rent and turning on the lights and water. Nothing had ever been in my name and I hadn’t been here long enough so everything had a higher upfront fee. I had no choice but to pay it, but I wasn’t happy. 

I really didn’t care if I had cable or internet there, I was close to a few hot spots and could go there if needed. Logic told me I was going to have to get a second job anyway so I’d be working and sleeping mostly. 

I was loading my car at the moment because once Taylor got here it would be hectic and I could park closer for now. Why he needed to be here was beyond me, she’d loaded and unloaded it before without his help. 

Yes, I was still pretty pissed off at her for this. I was just trying to ignore how much it was hurting me that she chose Taylor over me, that she really never stopped to consider how her decision was going to affect me. She asked me out here so she wouldn’t be alone in a strange place and yet, here I was. Leaving to go live alone in a strange place. Because she hadn’t thought that moving in with Taylor was going to affect anyone else but her. She hadn’t thought about how it would affect me or what it would do. 

She’d basically told me Wednesday to take all the food items because Taylor’s cabinets were over flowing and there wasn’t much she needed or would need. The towels and rags we split, because I had pink ones and she had gotten white. It still irritated me that she even had to go through the process of that, because I knew what colors were mine. 

Cameron said I was over reacting and I understood his point. She was happy with Taylor and I was glad she was. I was glad that she felt they were soul mates and that they needed to be together. It wasn’t her fault that Zac was a jerk and it wasn’t her fault that I’d been stupid. If she could find her soul mate then she needed to be there. It just really sucked. 

Tomorrow was the fourth of July and my plans were probably sleep. I may venture to the town for fireworks but I really wasn’t in a celebrating mood. Even though it was my favorite holiday. Ruby invited me to Taylor’s, but I knew Zac would be there and it was better to not go. 

Taylor and Ruby both arrived at 8:45, I was packing up the last of the fridge items, trying to go through what was there to make sure it was in date. Most of it was. 

“Need help?” Taylor asked. 

“I got it really. Almost done.” 

“You don’t have to fly through this.” She said. 

“I still haven’t slept Ruby, I want to get to this new place and unload the car and go to bed. Otherwise, I won’t be any good tonight.” 

“You didn’t get off early?” 

“No, I couldn’t. There was no one willing to stay to cover the shift so I had too. I got home at 4:30 and just finished packing and my stuff is in the car already, just this is left. I have even cleaned the room, so you don’t have too.” 

She frowned. “You didn’t have too.” 

“I know.” 

Taylor refused to let me take the food boxes to the car, insisted that he was taking them so I let him. It still felt like he was just being nice because of how Zac had been. By nine-thirty everything that was going with me, was in the car. 

“Where will you be?” Ruby asked. 

“East Archer, literally like two blocks from the studio. I haven’t even seen my place yet, I gotta get there before noon so the manager can let me in.” 

“Did you need a bed or anything?” Taylor asked. 

“I honestly don’t know Taylor, I haven’t seen the place.” 

“If you do please let me know. I have a half bed in storage.” 

I nodded but I doubted I would be asking for it. After saying goodbyes and hugs I left and headed to the apartment building. I parked at the office door, I’d have a personal spot but until I knew what apartment number, I couldn’t park in them yet. I went inside and a lovely lady meet me. 

“Ms. Moore?” 

“Yes, ma’am. I was supposed to be here by noon.” 

“I leave at noon on Saturday’s, the electric and water have been turned on. You’ll be in 4010, it’s a rather small place though.” 

She had me sign some papers and then took me up to the fourth floor, I had a corner room that overlooked the back side, looking away from 3CG thankfully. But when she said it was small, she didn’t fucking lie. 

“How many square feet is this?” I asked. 

“The main living space is 147, the bathroom is another 45.” 

I was standing in a room that was maybe nine feet wide and perhaps 17 deep, the kitchen area took up most of space. Full size fridge, stove, and some cabinets. It looked like a bathroom straight back. 

“Is this all?” 

“Yes. It’s the cheapest apartments we have. There are eight like this total, two per floor and all on this end. There perfect for single individuals. Just big enough.” 

Just big enough? This was a sardine can of an apartment and not super cheap, it was three hundred a month but my rent budget literally was no more than 350. So, I didn’t really have a choice in this matter. 

“Is there anything that I should know?” 

“You should read the welcome package. We have a laundry room for those in these it’s on the ground floor and we recommend you sit with your items. The welcome package goes through any rules but there aren’t many and most are like no loud noises, no parties, things like that.” 

Party? How could I have a wild party when I can’t even get six people in the room?! The laundry was nice though because this place was too small for a washer. 

“There is a cart in my office you can use to bring things up. You’re parking space is on the first level and there is only one space. If you have guest or company we do have a few extra spaces but they are subject to availability.” 

“I don’t foresee much company.” 

She smiled and we headed back down, she brought the little cart out and I thanked her. It was a pretty big cart and with really careful stacking I only made 2 trips. Once the boxes and bags were inside I assessed this sardine can. 

The ceiling was a few shades darker than the walls which were a light tan. There was white molding across the ceiling. The front part of the room was just empty. There was a small wall separating where the stove was from the rest, the stove was on the left and had a few shelves which would be good for plates that I didn’t have. The cabinets on the base were cherry wood with stainless steel tops and then on the right side where the sink and fridge were there were two upper cabinets. The floor was vinyl with horizontal and vertical rectangle boxes two by two. The bathroom was small with just a stand up shower, sink and toilet. It felt cramped but the pocket door helped. 

I started by putting the cold items in the fridge, so it didn’t spoil. The other boxes I just put on the counter for now. I couldn’t sleep until I had a bed, so I made a quick list and headed to Wal-mart for an air mattress, it wasn’t ideal but it was much cheaper than buying a bed and I didn’t want to ask Taylor. I then came by Dollar General for a few cheap plates and bowls. I found a hanging rack while there so that would help with uniforms to keep them wrinkle free. For the second time I unloaded the car but it was a longer walk. I set the air mattress up but the rest just got dumped for the moment. I needed sleep. I hung the new black curtain as the mattress inflated and then just tossed a blanket over it. I didn’t care right now, I was so tired. 

**July 18, 2010**

In years I’d never called out, but I had last night. I had been sick as hell for over two weeks now, every time I turn around I felt queasy and sick. I had gotten up yesterday and just couldn’t keep anything down, so I called out. I’d gone to bed early and I’d slept over ten hours and here I was still tired and feeling sick. I started a second job but thankfully I was off today anyway from there. My plan was simple, stay curled up and just rest and hope I felt better. But at ten Ruby sent a text asking for lunch. I really hadn’t had much to do with her or Taylor since I moved here but I really did seem to work around the clock. I sent one back and she chose a place far from here but said she’d pick me up. I got up and showered, changed and met her downstairs. 

I didn’t let her see the apartment or the sardine can as I called it. I hadn’t even told my parents I moved out, only Caleb knew and Cameron. 

“You look…I’m not sure.” 

“Tired? Sick? I think I’m coming down with the flu or something.” 

“Why?” 

“Headache, queasy and I got really light headed last Thursday.” 

“Are you eating well? I know you hate cooking at times.” 

“Best I can when I can. I started another job last Wednesday, so I think that it’s just not resting right or something.” 

“Could be.” 

She drove us to the Blue Rose Café and we went in but I stuck to something kind of light while she went with a super greasy burger. 

“How have you been?” She asked. 

“Well, besides being just tired and the headache pretty good. It’s boring as hell when I am off but I got to read some.” 

“Did you get things unpacked?” 

“Yeah.” 

Okay, that was a lie. I had unpacked the food and things I had to have, but my clothes were still in boxes unless it was dirty and then it was in the basket. There just wasn’t anywhere to put anything but the boxes. 

“So, when do I get to see this place?” 

“Nothing much to see really, it’s small living area, kitchen, bathroom.” 

“No bedroom?” 

“Nope. It’s like a loft type deal. It’s really small but it’s mine.” 

“That’s the best part.” 

“How are you and Taylor?” 

“We’re great. We spent most of yesterday with his family at Isaac’s place. Eliza’s birthday is tomorrow so they did a birthday party for her. I got to meet some of the other family members. His parents aren’t quite happy with our choice to move in so soon.” 

“Did you expect them to be?” 

“Not really. Has Zac made any effort to contact you?” 

I really wish she hadn’t brought him up at all, it was bad enough to know that she and Taylor were doing so well. 

“No. I haven’t sent anything since last month, the message on the website. No need really, he won’t reply anyway. I also have no internet and I just don’t care at this point. I can’t make him.” 

“He asked about you.” 

I snorted. “Don’t lie to me Ruby.” 

“He really did ask about you, asked me when you privatized your Instagram.” 

I had done that the fourth actually. Just needing to limit who knows where I am because I was alone and unsafe most the time. 

“Did you tell him?” 

“I honestly didn’t know you had, you haven’t posted anything. So, I had no idea you had.” 

“I privatized everything the fourth. Went to the job sight and used the internet. He can’t call me or reply to me and he blocked my number and deleted his e-mail address. He doesn’t need to use my pictures for his spank bank while they’re touring. He doesn’t need to be going there anyway, he clearly doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.” 

“I think there is more there Miranda.” 

“It doesn’t…” 

I paused because the table was spinning on me and I could feel it. I didn’t explain I just ran to find the bathroom. Lunch tasted far better going down than it did coming up. I sat down in the floor though because the entire room was spinning and I wasn’t even sure I could walk right this minute. 

“Miranda?” 

“Last stall.” 

She was there a moment later with wet paper towels wiping my face off. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, just everything is spinning.” 

She kneeled there with me until I could get up and then she got me a mountain dew. 

“You’re sugar maybe low, drink this.” 

Yet just the smell of it made it me feel sick. But, I managed to get some of it down before we left. She didn’t take me home though, instead she went to her place. 

“Ruby.” 

“You scared me Miranda, I just want to make sure you’re okay. You can nap here and stay for dinner.” 

“You don’t need to ask Taylor?” 

“He’s at the studio today with the others.” 

I didn’t want to argue so I let her. His house was really nice. The floors were zig zag wood and dark in color, dark furniture, a grand piano and kind of medium yellow walls. The kitchen was bright and airy with a unique back splash. I didn’t go into the bedroom but his office was nice and the bathroom was kind of normal. 

“How do you like it here?” 

“I love it. There is a hammock out back and I love being there.” 

“Nice.” 

“Why don’t you go lay down in the bedroom?” 

“Because as I told you before, I am not laying in a bed you both sleep in.” 

“Couch?” 

“I can do that.” 

She got a pillow and cup of broth, wanting me to try something. She also had some medication but none of the symptoms matched. Once I had that cup down she laid me down and even tucked me in. 

“Why does this feel like you are guilty of something?” 

She sat down beside the sofa on the floor. “Because I do feel guilty. I should have been more considerate when he asked and not just jumped on the chance to move here. It wouldn’t have hurt me to give you more of a warning or to have waited a bit. You shouldn’t have had to be out that quick. I’m sorry Miranda. I should have told him I needed to consider you.” 

“Would have been nice, Zac ignored me and then you just completely forgot too. Didn’t feel so good.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Accepted but you don’t have to babysit me.” 

“Humor me. Just rest here you look really tired.” 

She turned the TV on some program I’d not seen before but it didn’t matter, I was asleep long before the program ever reached the ten minute mark. 

What woke me up was Ruby gently shaking me. 

“Miranda, wake up. Dinner’s almost ready.” 

I blinked and she waited until I was sitting up. She then moved away, I heard light singing and turned. 

“Is Taylor home?” 

“He’s been here an hour, he refused to let me wake you up. Least until now, dinner should be done in just a few more minutes.” 

I went to the bathroom first before joining them. 

“Ruby said you weren’t feeling well so I whipped up my mom’s chicken soup.” 

“Thank you.” 

His chicken soup really did taste amazing. I ate slowly hoping it actually stayed down. 

“Have you checked your blood sugar lately?” he asked. 

“No, I don’t have a meter actually. My brother has before and it’s been fine.” 

“I have one, use to check mine when I got dizzy. You want to check it just in case?” 

The way he insisted and then Ruby jumped in I let them. I hated the prick to the finger and was glad he did it for me. Yet to have just eaten my sugar level was low. Good thing because he had some chocolate concoction that was amazing but so damn sweet. 

“Ruby said you got a second job?” he asked. 

“New Atlas Grill, it’s inside the Courtyard by Marriott. It’s close by and it’s a few hours a day. It just watch clean tables and refill juice. It’s not really a waiter but more just checking.” 

“That’s good then, considering you work at the Vodka bar a lot. Couple of our friends have commented on seeing you. Some of Zac’s have too.” 

I glanced at him. “I didn’t know any of them knew you.” 

“Yeah, there are a few that visit there. Did that Justin guy back off?” 

“Yeah, I told him it wouldn’t work and while he still comes in he pretty much focuses on others. He’s flirted a bit but usually when he’s drunk. Otherwise he’s been fine.” 

“Tell me you aren’t still walking to work.” 

“Every Day that isn’t pouring down rain. I saw your car at the studio a few nights ago.” 

“We’ve pulled some long days to get ready, we leave tomorrow actually. Couple weeks and then we’re home a bit.” 

“Hope it goes well.” 

We talked another hour before he fixed a huge bowl of leftovers for me to take home. Said I should feel much better but he said I needed a meter, I figure the sugar was low because I hadn’t eaten anything. Although I was glad the soup stayed down! I gave Ruby my schedule and she said we’d get together or talk sometime. She dropped me off and I headed to my apartment. Little sardine can. 

I put the soup up and then got ready for the next week. 


	14. Pity Calls

POV: Zac 

  

July 28, 2010 

Being back out on the road was so nice, being in front of crowds and walking with them was something I always enjoyed. Yet, it seemed like every red haired woman that attended I spotted, always made me think it was Miranda. Logic told me she wasn’t following us around and attending every show there was, but it didn’t mean I didn’t check to make sure. I was a little shocked at how many red-headed fans we really had! 

I was use to Isaac talking to Melanie while we were, they usually talked and video chatted each day or at least every other, he was usually very conservative and nice about the abundantly flirty or romantic type conversations, reserving those for hotels. Taylor on the other hand, I swear at times he did shit on purpose, intentionally sounding as sappy as he could to bug me. Constantly reminding me that the only person I could call, was our mother. He’d been on the phone with Ruby for an hour now with how much he missed her, how much he wanted to be back home, how he missed more personal things. 

“Tay..” Isaac asked. 

He looked at him and covered the phone. “Yeah?” 

“Can you like maybe take your conversation to your bunk. The rest of us don’t want to know what you do in the bedroom or how you run bubble baths for her…” 

Thank god someone said something! I was getting annoyed myself! Taylor just nodded and then went to the front, our poor driver. 

“You’re welcome Zac.” Ike said. 

“Huh?” 

He smiled. “I can tell that the constant happy stuff and constant lovey dovey shit was bothering you. It’s not hard and I am sure he knows it too.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t have anyone to call.” 

“Miranda.” 

I shook my head. “I can’t Isaac. It’s better to leave it be.” 

He scooted around so that we didn’t have to speak loudly, we were the only one in the back as the others were in bed, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t hear us. 

“Why do you feel like she’ll be like Kathryn? I’ve met her Zac, she doesn’t strike me as anything like her.” 

“When we first started talking I didn’t think she would be, but then again it was just another fan. Another person that I wouldn’t see much or be around much. It wasn’t until I kind of realized that I was maybe falling, that I got curious and looked around the web.” 

“Or you stalked her social media accounts?” 

“Basically. Well, I knew she was dating someone but I didn’t see him. What I did see was her best friend Cameron.” 

“Best friend? I thought that was Ruby.” 

“She is too, but there are far more pictures of Cameron than Ruby. Added, she and Cameron share a birthday and they’ve grown up together.” 

“Just because she grew up with him Zac doesn’t mean she wants a relationship with him.” 

“I know that but Isaac, it’s what Kathryn did. She had that male friend that had been there years, they didn’t want a relationship because they were just friends. Yet, she was having sex with him any chance she got. Ike, she walked out on our wedding day in the middle of the ceremony. Saying she was pregnant with his child. She told me for weeks that baby was mine Ike, for the sole reason of keeping me from ending the wedding. She planned that.” 

He frowned. “You knew she was pregnant?” 

“She was three months Ike, I knew for over a month. She said it was our baby. Then at the wedding it was his and they were deeply in love. Miranda and Cameron are almost identical to her and that guy. I just can’t risk it Isaac. She blew off her boyfriend for New Years to be with Cameron. She didn’t even want to be with a guy she was dating and sleeping with.” 

“I got to admit that does seem fishy, but at the same time you probably shouldn’t have taken her home if you knew you didn’t want more. It really sounds like she was expecting something else.” 

“She was.” Taylor said. 

He came in off the phone and I sighed. 

“I was trying to not be around her and to not put either of us in that situation. But Taylor here mentioned the red head and her friend without bothering to tell me it was her. For the record Taylor, had you told me it was Miranda, I’d have never gone over there.” 

“Did you know it was her?” Ike asked. 

“Yes, but I also knew that he wanted to meet her. I didn’t anticipate that he’d be a dick to her come Monday.” 

“Like Ruby was when she just chose to move in with you and didn’t bother to even think about her?” 

“How do you even know that?” 

“One of her co-workers knows Patrick. Miranda is the only red headed bar tender at that bar. She was talking to Patrick about how a co-worker was having problems. Patrick told me. What you and Ruby do is none of our business, we didn’t agree with her moving in but you chose to go ahead and ask. But, really Taylor, Ruby should have considered Miranda more.” 

“You seem to care so much about her but yet you won’t pick up the phone and call her. You care about how Ruby just left her, you care about her walking home alone all the time, you care about her. Yet, you just refuse to call or to take a risk.” 

“I don’t want to risk it Taylor.” 

“I see. My advice would be to stop having friends tell you about her, stop constantly trying to check her social media from different accounts. You can’t want to care and then just ignore her. I’m going to bed.” 

He got up and went to the center to his bed and got in. I couldn’t. I’d tried, multiple times to just ignore every thought but I found myself wondering back to the pictures I did save. Unfortunately, there weren’t many. I never thought she would make everything private. She didn’t miss any place either. 

She removed me from her friends page on Hanson.net and changed her icon picture to a set of headphones. Her Facebook profile picture was now the same headphones and everything was private. It was like she never even posted ever. Her Instagram was completely blocked as well. Added, I had tried to be sneaky and create an Instagram, including adding pictures of us and being a ‘fan’. She denied the profile, twice. While she followed Taylor, she denied him as well! 

“Earth to Zac.” Ike said. 

I turned. “Huh?” 

“I asked if you did care about her, not in a friend sense.” 

I thought about it for a moment. “I think I do. But, it doesn’t matter Isaac.” 

“I remember when we were starting 3CG records we were all terrified. It was a lot of money, a lot of time to invest, and we weren’t sure if it would work or not. You can’t know ahead of time.” 

“We had a greater chance of it being successful.” 

“You missed my point Zac. My point is that relationships are like that. No one can tell you it will work or not. You don’t know until you try. I understand that Kathryn hurt you very badly. I understand it’s terrifying and you feel like every single girl will be the same. But, there not. Miranda may be telling you the truth when it comes to Cameron, she may really just see him as a friend. You won’t ever know until you try.” 

He patted my knee and then got up to go to bed. I sometimes hated my eldest brother, because he always made fucking sense! 

But, as much sense as he made, it didn’t really help me feel like it would be different. She claimed to be hurt but she’d gone on a date with that Justin guy, boring or not, Taylor couldn’t guarantee me that she didn’t go home with him, that he didn’t have anything to do with her new apartment, that he wasn’t helping her in any way. Hell, he couldn’t even guarantee that she wasn’t still seeing him. 

I was brought out of my thoughts by a text message. 

**_Z – you up?_ **

_Of course I am, we’re traveling from VA to the next city which is Ashville, NC. What’s up?_

**_So…I was off tonight and I just wanted to see this elusive red head you seem obsessed with (yeah, she denied my IG request)._ **

I sighed. I hadn’t really even asked Patrick to try but he had anyway. 

_And did you see her?_

**_Yeah, I saw her but she really didn’t look that great._ **

_Um, are you fucking blind Patrick? She’s gorgeous!!_

**_Oh – I didn’t mean that she wasn’t hot as hell. What I meant was, she just looked really tired and stressed. She’s also made several trips to the bathroom._ **

_Taylor said she didn’t feel that great before we left, maybe she is getting sick._

**_Maybe. I can see why your obsessed with her, she’s very easy on the eyes even sick. Her hair is so unique and it’s getting tons of compliments. I may have to see if I can lure her over to where I work. Despite obv not feeling well – she’s working her ass off._ **

_Ruby had mentioned she was a hard worker and even she seemed like it at home. Do you see her car?_

**_No – she walked. Shayla said she got here a bit early._ **

I didn’t expect it but right after that he sent a picture of her behind the bar and he was right, she really looked tired and she had her hair pulled back and then braided. She still looked gorgeous, but a few feet down the bar was Justin. I also didn’t like that she was walking home at 3 and 4 in the morning alone. Granted, from what Ruby said she was just a few blocks from there and has to walk by the studio daily. 

_That guy four down from her – you know him?_

**_No, but he knows her. He’s been quite flirty with her but also others. Doesn’t appear like she’s paying him much attention tho._ **

_Ok. Dude, it’s late and I need sleep._

**_I’m about to leave here but I had to see her and see what captivated you. I see it. I do. You sleep well though. Night._ **

I sent a night message back and then laid down myself, but I couldn’t draw myself away from that one picture. I made the decision to block her from most things, to be the person to blame because I was trying so hard not to fall. 

Yet, I missed it all. I missed seeing messages from her when I sign in to Hanson.net. I miss having games with her where she beat my ass all over the game. I missed the flirty e-mails and her stories. She had deleted the entire profile off the sight for them. I missed the messages and conversations. I wanted to know how she was, if she liked her new job, if she liked the area, if she liked her new place. 

But, I couldn’t know the answer to any of those things without calling her or being the one to initiate the contact. I couldn’t bring myself to press send, to ask, to open up the channel because I was afraid. I’d typed out several texts but always delete them. 

I finally turned the phone off, plugged it up to charge and tried to sleep. It took forever to fall asleep but I finally did. 

**July 30, 2010**

I felt like I didn’t sleep but yet I had to get up for the interview today. 

“Did you even sleep last night?” Isaac asked. 

“I did a little bit, I’ll nap this afternoon.” 

The interview was radio so that was good for me, I didn’t need to be totally presentable. I wasn’t sure if the clothes I had on were clean or not but hey, people can’t smell through radio waves. We actually made it on time and before long found ourselves seated across from the radio’s top host. 

“Good morning, this is Tony Jones with Fate radio. We have a special musical guest here today. Straight from the Oklahoma heartland we have Hanson! Good morning!” 

Each of us said good morning and he jumped right into the album, single, reasons, and music. I always loved host that did this. We talked exclusively about the album for an over an hour. But when he took questions it was inevitable. ‘Are you dating anyone?’, I use to love being asked that back when I could say yes. Sure enough the third caller asked and her question to Ike was about more kids. 

“We do not have plans at the moment but if it happens it’s okay. We love Eliza and we wouldn’t mind have more.” 

“No, I’m not dating anyone.” 

Ordinarily I elaborated on my detest for relationships and perhaps he expected more because he waited a good minutes before he moved to Taylor. 

“I actually am dating someone right now and we’re pretty serious. I’d like to not mention much so she doesn’t get bombarded though.” 

“Can we get any information?” 

He appeared thoughtful. “She’s sweet, nice and polite. A southern born woman. There’s not much else I can say.” 

He looked at me, clearly he couldn’t have any more questions, I was pretty much straight forward. 

“There was a rumor about you that we heard, you were seen a few weeks ago with a red headed female. The poster said gorgeous red head, was that just nothing?” 

I have no idea how long I sat there. I was aware that both Isaac and Taylor had turned and everyone was staring but I really didn’t know how to answer it. She wasn’t ‘just nothing’, it wasn’t that. If I said it would and she heard this, it could just add to whatever I already done. But, admitting it was more than nothing wouldn’t help either. 

“She was our cousin actually, it wasn’t romantic or anything. She just needed someone to talk to and Zac was available.” Isaac said. 

I heard the answer and glanced his way, cousin? And if anyone HAD seen more?! 

“Makes sense then, I guess it can be quite alarming to be called out on meeting a cousin.” 

Yeah, he didn’t believe that anymore than anyone else listening would, but I was glad he answered and people stopped waiting on me and moved forward. When we left the building Taylor ran down to Starbucks. 

“Thanks Ike. You didn’t have to rescue my ass but I’m glad you did.” 

“You’re welcome. But, if it really was nothing to you why didn’t you just say it? Or is it that she does mean a lot more to you?” 

“She does but we’ve discussed the reason why.” 

“Muhum, and I told you the solution. It’s just risking it to follow it.” 

“Easier said than done, if 3CG tanked you both were screwed too Ike. If she does like Kathryn then no one walks away hurt but me. Kathryn leaving didn’t hurt you or Taylor or Jess. None of you had to stand in front of our entire family and see how much they pitied me for her leaving. Most of the family won’t even mention her.” 

He frowned some but didn’t keep pushing, once Taylor was back we moved on to the next radio interview and then lunch. We had a hotel but somehow I ended up sharing with both of them, Taylor stuck me with Isaac not that I minded, he didn’t hog the covers or try to shove me off the bed. The afternoon was low-key but I think Isaac and I both groaned when Taylor called Ruby. Isaac actually mouthed he was sorry. 

Thankfully he seemed more intent to listen this conversation and at first he was fine but then he frowned. 

“Did you tell her to come stay the weekend or something?” 

I glanced over, because ‘her’ had to be Miranda, it was quite for a moment before Ruby’s voice seemed to pierce the silence. 

“…tell her to stay but she said she just wanted to go home. I told her Saturday night when she got off she had to come here, even if I was waiting for her outside the bar when she got off. She also refuses to fucking drive.” 

“You’re on speaker Ruby. You can’t really make her stay though.” 

“Hey Ike, Hey Zac. I just don’t get it Tay. She won’t talk to me about anything that’s going on. She fucking passed out at work! Her co-worker called me. She wouldn’t even go home.” 

“She passed out?” I asked. 

“Yes Zac. She’s been feeling really bad the last week, major headache she can’t stop throwing up. I told her to go to the emergency room but she won’t go. I called her brother and told him and all that did was got a message to tell me to stop reporting. Cameron won’t tell me shit and she called him daily and I am sure he knows everything that’s going on with her. Dude has a sixth sense about her…” 

“Yet you are now?” I asked. 

I glanced at Isaac about the Cameron comment, she won’t tell Ruby but she will him? 

“She doesn’t have Ike or Tay’s number and you blocked her number. Which, she won’t even mention your name and the last time I asked about how she felt or if she was okay she just stared at me and then changed the subject.” 

“Is she still coming to the show?” Taylor asked. 

“Honestly? I don’t know Taylor. I told her you had tickets for us both and that we got backstage passes as well. She said that was very nice and she’d talk to her boss. I’m worried about her and I don’t know what to do.” 

“You tried what you could baby, you can’t make her talk.” 

“I’m going to be waiting early Sunday, she isn’t being given a choice. I don’t care where she sleeps here, but I want to know she’s okay.” 

I raised an eyebrow and turned back to the TV. Surely I hadn’t caused this deep of a depression? Surely she didn’t hate me that bad?! Bad enough to completely hate them all too? I heard him remove her from speakerphone and I honestly don’t know why he used it, didn’t help me! 

But, that was probably why in the first place. Remind me that whatever she was going through was my fault, I had caused this and there was nothing anyone could do. Then again, who knows what was going on with her. She may just miss home. 

The three of us went to bed rather early because we had the show and I hadn’t really slept much last night. Thankfully my dreams weren’t of her on the beach… 


	15. Shock

POV: Miranda 

  

August 1, 2010 

Ruby was relentless and I just wanted to sleep, working two jobs was definitely not social friendly. I basically only talk to Cameron, my family and co-workers. I actually talked to co-workers even more than anyone else. Yet, she was waiting when I got off and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried the sofa but she flat ass refused and told me I was taking her side of the bed. At 4 am I was too tired to argue much. I found that even her side of the bed smelled like Taylor which was irritating. I didn’t want to be in this bed. I had to admit it felt better than the air mattress though. 

I felt a little better, I was still queasy at times and sometimes I had spells like several times I’d felt so light headed and dizzy that I wondered if my sugar really was low. I’d tried to keep something sweet nearby in case and oddly it did work sometimes. I was making a note to get a meter because we had a few family members with blood sugar issues. When I woke up it was after one and I woke up because I felt sick but not enough to throw up, it was just queasy. Well, until I stepped into the kitchen and the smell of eggs slammed into me, that made me gag a bit, but I managed to not need the bathroom. 

“Morning.” She said. 

“Evening, it’s after noon.” 

“Yeah, but it’s morning to you. Sleep okay?” 

“It was alright, Taylor’s scent just dominates the entire bed.” 

“I don’t mind that really.” 

“I do. Sorry, I’m not a spicey scent type person.” 

“I know.” 

She finished breakfast or in most people’s mind lunch. She had fixed ham and cheese omelets with sliced fruit and water. They tasted very good to me, since my meals had been mostly chicken or beef ramen noodles. After we finished eating she gathered the plates, filled my cup up again and then went to clean up. 

Sitting at the table I could see photos in the living room. Taylor had general art work as well, including some of Zac’s, but he also had a lot of family photos. Photos of smiling sisters, photos of him with Isaac and Zac all happy, ones of them all when they were younger, and then there was the plaques and awards along with what maybe memorabilia from places. 

It was odd to see pictures of Zac back when he was little, odd to see him at all. Fuck that still hurt so much. I couldn’t shake those feelings either! 

But, seeing the photos just made me miss home. I missed Kenneth bitching about my job and how it’ll corrupt me, I miss my Mom’s homemade meals, I missed Caleb’s hugs and I missed Cameron. It was nice to move here and try but I was failing. And now I had some random ass virus that refuses to go away. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. I really wanted to give up and go home, but I couldn’t admit that I couldn’t do this on my own. 

“Miranda? What are you thinking?” 

“How much I miss home. I actually miss Kenneth bitching at me, it’s so weird.” 

“Are you thinking about going back to Conway?” 

“No. I have a job here and I know eventually I’ll get to visit. I just miss it that’s all. It’s times like when I’m insanely bored or something.” 

“What’s it like having your own place?” 

“Boring.” 

She laughed. “Boring?” 

“I didn’t turn the cable or anything on, caught up on reading but most of the time I’m asleep anyway. When I’m not I am bored as hell.” 

“Still working two jobs?” 

“Yeah, Seven to nine-thirty and then eleven to two. I cat nap between and then when I get back for several hours. I’ve been going in at six at the bar. Sunday’s off.” 

“You should sleep more. It doesn’t sound like you aren’t sleeping much.” 

“I’m fine. How about you? Job going well?” 

“It’s going. Learning their rules has been the hardest part of the job, the rest I’m comfortable with.” 

“Talk to Taylor often?” 

“He calls me daily, usually in the afternoons. Their tour is going well. You are going with me for their show in town right?” 

“I don’t know Ruby.” 

I wasn’t sure that I could be that close to Zac honestly, I wanted to just show up at his apartment or reach out but I knew he wasn’t in town and added, he wouldn’t respond. I actually missed the messages, e-mails and the flirty stuff. I regretted meeting him because I lost all of that. 

“You can’t just hate them Miranda.” 

“I don’t hate the band Ruby, I still listen to the CD’s and stuff. I just don’t want to see Zac honestly. I don’t need a backstage pass to meet them and hang out. He’s done nothing but ignore me since he dropped me off.” 

“How do you really feel about that?” 

“How I feel doesn’t matter now. Nothing you can do can change how he was or what he did. I don’t know that I can attend the show and still be able to move forward.” 

“Maybe you need to see him to do that. Taylor is adamant that he wants to contact you.” 

“Nothing is stopping him Ruby. If he wanted to reply to me he would have by now. He knows where I work, he knows where I live, I am sure Taylor has told him. As I am sure he knows how I am even though he shouldn’t know anything.” 

“Is that why you aren’t talking to me about him? You seem to change the subject every time I bring up.” 

“I know you’ll mention it to Taylor and Taylor will go to him. I’d rather he just not know. I am sure someone he knows has come to the bar. Too coincidental for the guy to send me a request and then show up. Zac even created an account and tried.” 

“Are you sure it was him? You said it was a fan like account.” 

“I am sure because it was a brand new account and a whole bunch of Hanson.net pictures. Not a single personal photo. He chose to ignore me, I don’t know why. But, he expects me to be okay with him using my photos for his personal spank bank? That is not acceptable to me.” 

“I doubt that’s why he wants them! He is on a bus with his brothers and other crew members.” 

I peered over the cup at her and smiled. “Ruby, he’s told me what he does in that bunk…it’s not all sleeping either.” 

Her cheeks blushed. “Shit. I didn’t need that visual of him.” 

“I’m sure Taylor does too, but Zac doesn’t need to use my pictures for that. I can’t control what he saved, but still. If I am such a turn on, then he should be calling me or something.” 

I didn’t want to admit that I was kind of jealous of her right now. Taylor was like a dream, he showed up and swept her off her feet like Zac had me. Only she got the fairy tale ending while I was the unwanted step-child. I couldn’t even see being here in general much with Taylor home because what if Zac just dropped by? 

“That just…with others on the bus?” 

“I’m sure they’ve done a lot on tour buses Ruby. They are men and they have had wives and girlfriends travel with them.” 

“I still think you two are perfect for one another. I mean you really are.” 

“He doesn’t think that. So, nothing I can do.” 

“I wish he had been different.” 

“You and I both.” 

I wish he’d been different too, I didn’t really care that he was the drummer. I’d never even thought the concept of us meeting had been realistic. But, I thought that we had interests and we got alone, I could clearly turn him on and he’d kept his promise to make me scream. Yet, he’d then felt it was okay to just walk away without any reason. 

It really felt like I was nothing more than just someone to toy around with. Which didn’t feel good at all. 

“Will you come to the show and just not go back stage? We can hang out in the back.” 

I really didn’t want to go, but we’d always gone together and I could just avoid Zac. 

“Yes. No backstage. No getting close. I don’t even want him to know I’m there.” 

“It’ll be fun. We’ll make sure.” 

We went to the living room and again, dozens of pictures and I could see them better here. Reminded me of home again. 

“You got all misty again…” 

“Family pictures.” 

“I miss home as well. Miss seeing my Mom all the time and Dad. I generally call them on weekends or Monday afternoon.” 

“I text or call about every day usually every other, Caleb prefers texts and calls when he can.” 

“He’s always busy though.” 

“Yeah.” 

I really kind of wanted to go home, it was nice to be here but really being in his house felt weird. Seeing the pictures of Zac kind of hurt more because I really did want more. But, it just wasn’t in the cards. I saw her hand when it moved to her right side. 

“Ruby? Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. Cramp, I forgot to get extra refills on my birth control before I came out. This period is brutal without it. I’ve got to find a doctor here though but my insurance at work kicks in today and I haven’t had time to really make an appointment or find someone. I considered asking Isaac’s wife or his sisters.” 

“It would be good to ask them, I’m sure they visit them and Melanie obviously has, she has a baby.” 

“Yeah, it’s just been really bad cramping and it’s at the end thankfully. But still hurts. I’m going to get some Midol I’ll be right back.” 

She got up and went to the kitchen, I could hear cabinets opening and the water but slowly my mind came to realize that I hadn’t had one. Surely I had, my periods were always on time and always predictable. They had been since I turned fourteen. I thought back and I remember having one in June, in fact I was glad that it was over before I met Zac. 

That was before I had unprotected sex with him… 

That couldn’t be right. I was pretty sure I had mine in July. I got my phone to check the dates and it should have been the week I took the second job, which I didn’t have one that week. But then again my doctor back home had said a lot of stress could impact and I was betting that was the problem. I was barely going to cover the bills for the next month and I was highly debating about having my phone cut off because I needed food over the phone. 

She came back and we settled on a movie but I couldn’t get it out of my head. The throwing up, headaches, the mild back pain. There was no way. It was just stress and I’d have one this month and be fine. After the movie she insisted on taking me to dinner before taking me home. Dinner was really nice and she didn’t come up-stairs thankfully, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. 

I went up and got a short list for food for the week and then headed to the store, I drove because it looked like it might rain. I really wasn’t eating well but it was budgeted so that rent, lights, and water were on! I got what I needed and then headed to the Health aisle. There was so many brands available but I got three pregnancy test. Three different brands. I then checked out and headed home, good thing I drove because the rain started before I got to the garage. I headed up with my bags and once things were put up I looked at the three boxes and read the directions. 

Caleb had always said the best time was first thing in the morning, but I was going to go insane so the cheapest of the three I went ahead and used. Standing at the sink felt nerve wracking and I could feel my heart beating faster. It was the longest two minutes of my life. 

Yet I could almost feel as everything around me seem to crash to the floor around me. There was a plus sign in the window. A plus sign meant positive. 

“That can’t be right…it’s just..” 

I couldn’t be pregnant. I just couldn’t be. Yet, the little window had a plus sign and according to the instructions that was a positive result and I was pregnant. I had to move to the mattress and sit down. It was just one test and it was fine. I’d take the other two in the morning and they’d say no for sure, this was just a cheapo one. After several minutes I got ready for bed. I had to be up early, so I’d know first thing. 

**August 2, 2010**

I had gotten up dying to pee but I remembered the test and I took them both, I then laid them on the sink and then showered and got ready to be at the hotel. Yet, when I checked them there was a plus sign on the clear blue easy test and a 2 lines on the first response. Both indicated that I was pregnant. 

Three test. Three positives. I guess I really couldn’t deny it. 

I was pregnant. 

I was in a daze as I walked to the hotel, making it on time but the smell of the eggs just made me so sick. I tried not to run to the bathroom that much because it interfered with the job. I didn’t even consider the weather today, it was sunny when I left but now at 1:45 it was lightly raining. I considered a cab but it was warm and the rain wasn’t bad. So, I walked home in the rain. Still completely dazed. 

Pregnant. In the many years I’d been active and with most it was a lot more than twice! I’d never even had a scare. Now, it wasn’t a ‘scare’, this was real! I laid down when I got home but my mind wouldn’t shut off. I’d be like six weeks or more, I really didn’t know much about pregnancy or symptoms but a quick check on Google said I was more like 8, having two weeks before the actual conception date. Eight weeks. How the fuck did I miss this?! 

It explained so much though. The throwing up for starters was morning sickness, which occurred whenever it feels like it really. The headaches were normal, the mild pain and you know that big one, the missed period. As I stared at the ceiling I wondered what I’d do. I didn’t have any friends with babies, I’d only been around them when cousins or other family members had them. 

The father had to be Zac, he was the only man I’d had sex with all year! There really was no question as who the father was, which meant that somehow I had to reach him. But he had my number blocked, he deleted the e-mail account, I couldn’t risk anyone else seeing this on a social page or Hanson.net. I didn’t have any way to contact him really except his home. Given that I wasn’t going to sleep anyway, I went ahead and got up. But, he wasn’t home right now, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t just write him a short letter and slip it under the door. 

The letter was simple, I told him I needed to speak to him as soon as possible and that it was very important. I sealed the envelope and drove to his apartment complex, I slipped the letter under the door ensuring it wasn’t blocking anything and it wouldn’t be pushed aside. I made it back to the apartment with three hours left before I was due at work. I did conclude I was driving because it was raining harder now. 

Hours to think left me on the verge of a crying. I was just trying not to cry when my phone rang and it was Cameron. Fuck. 

“Hey Cam.” 

“What’s up?” 

“Debating about walking to work in the rain, not sure I want too though.” 

“Drive girl, I know it’s not far but you’ve already been feeling sick and you need to not get worse. How are you feeling?” 

“Better actually.” 

Okay, I was no better but I didn’t want him to worry and if I told him he would tell Ruby and the grape vine would tell Zac and not me. 

“Good. You didn’t call me this morning.” 

“Sorry, I passed out between the two shifts.” 

“No problem, I know you don’t sleep enough.” 

“That is true. So, sorry I didn’t call.” 

“No problem. So, what’s up this week?” 

“Work, work and work. What about you?” 

“Well, I met this girl at work. We’re having a date Wednesday. I really wish you were here to help me choose an outfit.” 

“Wear something that is you. Seriously you have good fashion sense.” 

“Yeah and you are a terrible liar Panda. You said you felt better but I’m sure you don’t. I can hear it in your voice. I’ll let it slide this time though. I have no fashion sense.” 

I paused. “I’d appreciate letting it slide.” 

“Done, for now anyway.” 

We talked another fifteen minutes about his clothing choices. But the sadness set in after he hung-up, fuck I needed him to be here and he couldn’t be. Cameron had mentioned seeing my Mom and Kenneth at the store and as I sat there it hit me. Even if I did go home, Kenneth would never allow me to move back in with them. 

Kenneth was a diehard Christian and he didn’t believe in sex before marriage, he would most definitely be against having a baby out of wedlock. He’d preached about it when I was dating Stanley and the others too. He would never let me just stay there and while Mom would she was married to him. And she was joining his religious traditions as well. She’d mentioned several times how she didn’t like that I was with them alone. 

I mean, eventually, I would have to tell them. But, they wouldn’t be happy. I would also have to find a doctor now too, but I had time to find one and I made a list before work. I’d make the calls this week and see how things went. 


	16. Red Headed Temper

POV: Miranda / Zac

  

August 14, 2010 

I had to turn the phone off the fifth because I just couldn’t cover the bill and I couldn’t really reduce it anymore either, it mean I was basically cut off from everyone at home until I used the work phone or Ruby’s. Cameron had been not pleased at all, but there was nothing he could do. I was sleeping more only because the hotel let me go, they got tired of me being sick so much. Like I could really help that! I’d volunteered to work six days a week but she gave me Saturday off and I had Sunday anyway. 

I knew that Zac was back in town, had been all week. Taylor had gotten home Monday afternoon and they’d come in last night and invited me over for dinner tonight. I wasn’t going to go because really, it was just a reminder of not being home, however, Ruby mentioned I should call my parents and I could use her phone so I agreed. 

If Zac had tried to reach me, he hadn’t been successful, but I doubted he’d tried. Ruby didn’t mention it and neither had Taylor on Friday night. I guess he wasn’t going to get back with me so I’d have to be the one to reach out. I wasn’t even sure how to reach out really, I could just go to the studio but I don’t know if he’d answer. 

I slept as long as possible before getting up and getting something light to snack on, it was better to do smaller meals otherwise it just come back up. I considered telling Ruby but if I did then she’d know and she wouldn’t be able to not tell Taylor, so it was better she not know right now. 

I’d called every doctor in town during the week and cheapest person was still way too much. I’d even tried the Department of Family services and I didn’t qualify because I hadn’t been in town long enough. I didn’t have a clue what to do there but I had to figure something out. Ruby picked me up at four, she said it would be easier and they can drop me off when they headed home. It made sense and she was out anyway. 

“Hey! How are you?” 

“Awake for once, I got to really sleep this morning.” 

“Good, you look good and that’s a cute outfit.” 

I’d gone with jeans and a t-shirt, it wasn’t really that cute to me and she’d seen this outfit many times. 

“Just tossed it on, wanted comfortable.” 

“Have you lost weight?” 

“Yeah, couple pounds.” 

“Taylor decided to cook at home actually, rare treat for you. Taylor’s restaurant.” 

“Nice, I don’t think I’ve had his cooking before.” 

“His soup that one time but he’s not doing soup tonight, this is more involved.” 

“That’s right, that was good soup!” 

I just hoped he didn’t go super greasy or anything, because that was sure to make me sick. She dropped by the store and while we were there I called Mom and Dad, updated them and then called Cameron and left a voice mail. We then headed to their place. I probably should have noticed that Taylor’s car wasn’t in the garage like normal, but it didn’t stick out because I wasn’t here much. 

She lead us to the front door and went in, but I could see him moments after I stepped inside. 

“Ruby.” 

“What?” 

“You didn’t tell me he would be here. You said it was the three of us having dinner.” 

“Yeah, it’s what Taylor told him too. We both knew neither of you would agree if we said anything.” 

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.” 

“Yeah, well Taylor and I both feel like you need to talk to each other. You won’t talk about him to me and he misses you. I’ve got to take this to Taylor, you’re free to head outside.” 

She walked to the kitchen with the bags and I stood there. Maybe he had tried to contact me and just couldn’t, I’m sure he got the letter under his door. I really needed to talk to him so I walked through and to the door. His back was to the door, his hair a bit longer and just as messy. 

I felt the creeping hope. Maybe seeing him was what we needed. 

I opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind me. He was on the phone and I guess he assumed I was Taylor. 

“One minute Tay. Patrick I’m at Tay’s and he seems to need my help. I’ll talk to you later. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?” 

I couldn’t hear the reply but eventually he said bye and turned around. That creeping hope that had gotten pretty high, just crashed to the floor when he realized I was standing here. 

“I should have fucking known.” 

“Dinner for three, same thing they told me.” 

“I’ll just go.” 

“Actually, I um needed to talk to you.” 

He paused and looked at me, it was very clear he didn’t want too. That he wanted to leave because I was here, I wasn’t sure what the hell I done to him! What could I have done or said that was so horrible that a simple conversation wasn’t possible? 

“About what?” 

“Can we maybe move away from the door?” 

“Sure.” 

He turned and eyes on his phone, probably sending Taylor a nasty text message, and proceeded to walk away from the back. I just followed quietly, wondering what I’d done for him to just not want to be around me. He stopped almost to the other end of the yard on the left side, we were plenty far enough that Ruby nor Taylor would hear anything we said. I would image they were doing cartwheels inside. 

Zac seemed highly defensive, but it seemed like he just didn’t want to be around me and that confused me to no end. 

“I left a letter in your apartment.” 

“I know. But there is nothing for us to talk about. It was a weekend, nothing more. If you want more of a reason I just don’t have one. This conversation won’t make a difference.” 

His words really stung but I tried to ignore them. He really should have a reason! 

“You should have a reason, it didn’t feel like just a weekend. Felt like you used me.” 

“Come on, you know that’s bull Miranda. You went home with me and you stayed, nothing made you. Nothing indicated that it was anything more than that. If all you want is some reason there isn’t one and this is just wasting our time. It’s better that we move on and just forget it. I’m sorry you regret it but there’s nothing I can do.” 

“I wish moving on was such a simple thing, but it’s not going to be easy Zac.” 

“It’s been weeks and I feel like we’ve done well. You have an apartment and a job.” 

“Besides the fact that my best friend lives with your brother and we’re bound to be at events at the same time?” 

“We both don’t always have to be there. This is pointless. I’m just going to go.” 

He started to move past me and I actually blocked his path, my hands on his chest felt so safe and fuck I didn’t want to walk away. I wanted to be with him and have what Taylor and Ruby had. I wanted to be like Isaac and be a family. He seemed stunned that my hands were there as he made no movement to move it. Actually seemed liked his standoffish defense softened. 

“It won’t be easy because I’m pregnant with your baby.” 

I could almost feel his heartbeat increase but it wasn’t from just a happy standpoint. I could read it in every inch of his body, especially his eyes. Especially the grip that got my wrist. 

“That’s not funny and if that was some tactic to get me back with you, so fucking wrong. I think it’s time I go.” 

“It’s not a joke Zachary, it’s not some tactic. I took three tests and there all positive. Why do you think I left the letter? It’s your baby and you deserve to know.” 

“This is not fucking funny Miranda.” 

“I’m not being funny. Are you not listening to me? I’m pregnant Zachary. I am having your baby. I can’t do this alone.” 

The laugh hurt so fucking much. Did he not believe me? 

“Mine? That is bullshit and you can go to hell for that lie. I know about Justin Miranda. You send me a message saying how hurt you are but you have breakfast with this guy the next morning? Then you have a date with him? You should call him because I’m sure it’s not my baby.” 

It didn’t shock me that he knew about Justin, Ruby had actually mentioned it. 

“I never went home with him. Taylor and Ruby brought me home.” 

“There is always Cameron. I’m pretty sure he’s a lot more than some friend to you.” 

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” I yelled. 

“Because you’re fucking lying to me. Trying to pin some kid on me because you want to? You need to call the real father and tell them.” 

“I am telling the real father. He’s fucking standing in front of me acting like a fucking child! You’re the one that approached me, you asked me to go back to the apartment, if all you fucking wanted was to use me then you should have just left me the fuck alone. Just an asshole. I’m pretty sure you sat at 3CG and watched me wait on you in May. Laughed as I waited. Then gave me some bullshit line about being asleep? The baby is yours. You are the only fucking person I’ve had sex with this year. There is no other potential father.” 

He laughed again, that little pain was escalating so much. 

“You should stop lying to people and stop being a whore with everyone. You made no resistance in going home with me, don’t even lay that on me. I know about Justin and I’m sure you were sleeping with Cameron before you even left. You should stop being such a whore and then you wouldn’t have to worry about it.” 

I really didn’t know what happened but I know my hand stung like hell and I was positive that was leaving a really nice mark on his face. 

“You are nothing more than a fucking bastard. A selfish bastard who can’t even admit to wanting to be there. You think I can’t see it? I don’t fucking care what your reasons are anymore. I’ll call you in a couple months to let you know when your kid’s here. Until then you can fucking kiss my ass.” 

I turned to leave and god damnit it hurt so much. Cameron had been right on everything and I couldn’t even call him. 

He grabbed my arm for some reason but I just reacted, I wanted him to feel this pain like I did. I knew the moment he doubled over I’d connected with the groin just like intended. 

“Fuck you. You can explain to them why I’m not staying. Enjoy your fucking dinner you fucking prick.” 

There was a gate on this side and I left that way out of the back yard, I knew how to get home from here. I could feel the intense pain. He had never seemed like a asshole! And yet here he was being such a dick. 

“Miranda!” He yelled. 

“Fuck you!” I screamed. 

“Stop!” 

It was clear he was still in pain from the kick. 

“If you come near me you’ll be laying on the fucking ground again. Just leave me the hell alone. I just want to fucking go home and forget you ever fucking existed. To forget that I ever fucking liked you let along had any other feelings for you. I thought you were a decent guy, your nothing more than fucking prick who doesn’t give a rats ass about any god damn one but yourself.” I screamed. 

I could see the front door open and I just turned and started walking home, it was almost six miles but I just didn’t give a shit right now. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I just wanted to go home. 

“Miranda, stop.” Ruby yelled. 

“Just leave me alone.” 

“Not a chance in hell, stop walking.” 

“Ruby I’m really not in the mood right now. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want to be around the fucking asshole and I’d rather walk.” 

“I am not letting you walk six miles home.” 

“Doesn’t fucking matter, nothing matters anymore. Just go.” 

“Miranda.” 

I turned and she stopped. “I told you to fucking leave me alone. Go back to your perfect fucking dinner with your perfect fucking man. I’m going home. I’m not going back, I’m not getting in any fucking car. Just leave me the fuck alone.” 

She seemed very shocked and I just headed home. I really wanted to call Cameron, but I had no way to call him. The chest pain was so bad and I know it was just a broken heart that he ripped out. Somewhere along the two mile mark I realized that I couldn’t do it without him. I had no way to cover the doctor’s appointments, I wouldn’t be able to work the entire nine months, especially is this throwing up didn’t stop, I couldn’t eat right or do what I needed. 

Even if I could figure it out, I couldn’t raise a baby by myself. As much as I wanted to call my mother to come get me, I couldn’t stay there. I was four miles in when the rain started and by the time I made it to the apartment, two hours later, I was soaking wet, freezing and had no idea what to do. There was no one I could go to or talk to and I had no one to blame but myself. 

I got inside and let myself in, first changed clothes to something dry and then I sat on the edge of the air mattress. I was just fucked. I heard the slight knock about nine-thirty. I’d been home about forty minutes. 

“Miranda?” It was Ruby. 

“Just go away.” 

“Honey, please open the door.” 

“I don’t want to talk to anyone Ruby, just go.” 

“Miranda? Please, we just want to know you’re okay.” Taylor said. 

“Go ask your fucking brother. I’m not opening the door. I just want to be left alone.” 

I laid down and curled up on the mattress. I didn’t want a hand out from anyone, but I had hoped that Zac would at least be there to help some, that if he did nothing else but just tell me it would be fine, it would help. I never expected him to just completely deny it. To call me a whore. 

Now I was on my own. I couldn’t go home, I couldn’t tell Ruby, I couldn’t tell Taylor. As sick as I had been, I doubted I was going to make it nine months working. Added, the bar allowed smoking and that wasn’t safe for me now. I didn’t qualify for help and even if I got insurance at work, it wouldn’t cover the pregnancy and I couldn’t afford it. 

I finally let it go and stopped trying to be that strong person, it didn’t take long before the sobs and screams in my pillow drowned out everything else. 

**-Zac- 9:45 pm**

Taylor had screamed at me while Ruby left to bring her back, I’d ruined his dinner and her afternoon with Miranda and he wanted me to apologize to her. But, Ruby came back before I could leave and she’d laid in too but I just left. I went to the studio knowing she has to walk by the studio to get home, I’d just step out and well, maybe I’d put a pan or something in my pants. 

She hadn’t held back on the slap or the kick to the nuts, both hurt like a mother fucker. Her red haired temper was no joke. But, she never came by the studio, I waited until after nine and that was plenty of time for her to make it. My guess was she avoided the studio or went behind versus in front of the studio. 

As soon as I got home I got rid of the pants and found frozen peas for both my throbbing nuts and my stinging face. There was no question about it, I’d hurt her way more than she had me. I almost caved, when she stopped me I could see it in her eyes she wanted a lot more from me. The feeling of her hands on my chest had felt so comforting and I could feel how much I wanted to just pull her to me and kiss her there. 

Then she said the evil words, she was pregnant and the baby was mine. 

I was positive she and Cameron had been a lot more and she’s gone home with Justin too. I couldn’t believe that I was the only person she’d been with this year. I just couldn’t risk that same feeling of let down. 

Kathryn and I had discussed children before, we both wanted them and while we weren’t really trying to prevent it I never second guessed when she told me the baby was mine. I’d have a loving wife and a little baby and life would be complete. But she ripped that from me. 

I’d told Taylor and Isaac about her lies but I hadn’t told them she sent me a picture. A little boy, looked nothing like me. A son that should have been mine, a child that I should be watching grow up. The last time I’d seen him was two years ago, she attended the show in Georgia with her friends and brought him. I think it was more just to stab me than anything else. 

When my phone rang I checked, Taylor. Great, more yelling but I answered it anyway, but it wasn’t Taylor I heard. No, what I could hear was crying and screaming and I didn’t need to ask who it was. I know I hurt her, I just couldn’t act on those feelings. Isaac and Taylor didn’t understand how much it really hurt when she left me standing there. I couldn’t do that. 

The crying paused and it got quiet. 

“I don’t know what the hell you said to her or what the hell happened but you better fucking hope she doesn’t shut Ruby out because of you.” 

“She won’t Taylor. Ruby is her friend, she hates me not you, not Isaac. Just me.” 

“Yeah, so if we just have to chose between my brother and her best friend when we invite everyone over? What the hell did you say to her Zachary?” 

“It’s not any of your business Taylor. If she tells Ruby that’s her choice.” 

“She’s not telling us anything but to go away. She refuses to open the door and the apartment manager refuses to give us a key to check on her.” 

I just hung-up, I knew I hurt her. I know she hated me. But, it was the easiest way to protect my heart. I couldn’t take another love of my life walking away and I couldn’t handle getting attached to a baby that wasn’t mine. I finally got up and went to bed myself, I finally let myself cry over the fact that Isaac was probably right. 

Miranda was probably the one and I just couldn’t take the risk. I was sure we both cried ourselves to sleep. I just hoped that Miranda didn’t hate Ruby because of me and that in the future we could be civil to one another if needed. But, I doubted she’d ever want to see me again. 


	17. Checking On Sister

POV: Caleb (Miranda’s Brother)

  

August 23, 2010; Monday 

My flight left at 6:15 in the morning and by ten I was standing in the Tulsa International Airport. It was a bright sunny day here and since my sister didn’t have a phone I had no way to tell her I was coming nor did I have a way to get her to pick me up. So, I hailed a cab and gave them her address. The apartment building was tall, in the middle of town and the lobby looked nice. I paid the cab driver and got my bags and went inside. 

I really hoped that our mother was just over reacting, I had talked to Miranda last Sunday too and yes she sounded different but our mother called me the minute she hung-up and said she was worried that something was wrong and she wasn’t telling us. Honestly, I rather had the same feeling. As I walked down the nice hallway to the last door I wondered if she would be pissed off? 

I knocked on the door and waited, knowing she maybe asleep still. It was really early in the morning and while she was off Sunday’s, she usually tried to keep the same schedule. I knocked a second time and heard something move inside the room before I heard locks and then there she was. 

“Caleb? What are you doing here?” 

“Mom called me Sunday, told me that I needed to come check on you.” 

I could see the abject fear in her face. “She didn’t say anything to me.” 

“I thought about calling Ruby and having her tell you but I think this was better. Can I come in?” 

“Yeah.” 

There was no way she would tell me no and she moved but stepping inside I realized that the little I saw from the door, really was all there was. 

“You told Mom you were in a one bedroom apartment. Miranda this is a sardine can.” 

“It technically is a one bedroom, it wasn’t technically a lie.” 

I looked at her and while she had a point, it wasn’t what she told our mother. That was not common for her, to lie to our mother. But she’d told her multiple times she was fine and okay Sunday, she’d told me the same thing and Cameron had called me many times saying he felt something was wrong. 

“So, I guess I don’t need the big tour here, pretty straight forward.” 

“Yeah, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom. That’s it. It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted but it worked.” 

“So, you told us you were moving with Ruby, what happened?” 

“Ruby met a guy and chose to move in with him. He was fine with me crashing on the couch but this was better.” 

“You look really tired, do you want to lay back down for a bit?” 

“I’ll be fine really, I’m off tonight and tomorrow.” 

The way she sounded was off and she did sound tired, but I smiled at her and just pulled her to me. 

“I have missed you little sister.” 

Her arms around me felt nice but they were so tight and I just tightened up too, maybe it’s what she needed. But, I was starving now and from the looks of the ramen noodle boxes and lack of anything else I assumed she wasn’t eating like she told Mom either. 

“How about lunch? You told me there was this awesome Mexican place and I kind of want to try them.” 

“It’s literally a block from here.” 

Yet, she made no effort to let go so I held her there another several minutes before she pulled away. I wouldn’t comment on the fact she lost weight or how tired she looked or how just miserable she looked. She got some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom and while she changed I really took in where she was. 

Air mattress on the floor, which looked like it was in need of replacement, it wasn’t really looking that great. Her work apparel was on a cheap metal rack at the foot of the bed, the rest were in boxes on the floor. No TV, no radio, and nothing else was in the room. A quick glance through cabinet showed a plate, bowl, and some silverware but food wise there wasn’t anything but ramen and junk. The fridge was pretty much empty. I didn’t like what I was seeing. I didn’t like when she came out either because I had given her the shirt she had on and it fit better last time, it was too big now. 

She got her wallet and keys and I fished mine out of my bag and then we headed to lunch, she didn’t lie the restaurant was like two blocks down. We got seated and the order taken, but she ordered lightly. 

“So, how do you like Tulsa?” 

“It’s…different. It’s bigger than Conway for starters, but it’s easier for me to walk to everything except the store. I usually drive there.” 

“You’re job isn’t far from here is it?” 

“Straight up North Main, about four blocks or less.” 

“That’s great for saving on gas.” 

“It is really, I think I’ve added a hundred miles since we moved out. It’s insane, but it works.” 

“I agree, what about Ruby?” 

“She’s six miles from here.” 

“You said she moved in with a guy? Who?” 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” 

“Try me.” 

“She moved in with Taylor Hanson. We went out a Friday after her first week and he was at the bar. He approached her, they talked and she went home with him. Spent virtually the next week with him and then at the end of June she said she was moving in with him. I thought I told you that.” 

“You just said you found a place, you didn’t say why.” 

“Yeah, Taylor offered me the couch or the bed during the day but I just couldn’t.” 

“I don’t blame you. Sure it’s really him?” 

“Yeah.” 

“So that means you can get closer to this Zac guy right?” 

Her entire demeanor changed, what was a somewhat fine stance was now just pale and was that tears? 

“No. I um…haven’t seen him and I can’t talk to him.” 

I raised an eyebrow because her eyes had looked down at the table when she spoke, her voice wasn’t as loud it was softer. She had just bold-faced lied to me and Miranda hardly ever did that. In fact, the last time she had was Alexander. I started to grill her but the waiter came with the plates so I let us focus on food. 

She ate slowly and a few times seemed like she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted anything else. But she finished over half before she asked for a to go box. I finished mine and we dropped her to-go box off and then she showed me where she worked and around the area, when she passed by 3CG she stayed as far away as possible. Her job location was very nice, even if they were currently closed and she showed me the park too. We were in Gunthrie Green when she stopped walking. 

“Miranda?” 

She seemed like she was very unstable so I got her arm. “Hey, talk to me.” 

“I’m just really dizzy. It’ll pass in a few minutes.” 

“Are you having these dizzy spells often?” 

“Once or twice.” 

I waited until she indicated she was fine before leading her to a bench and the doctor in me had to check. 

“Caleb.” 

“Humor me. You’re heart rate is kind of fast for the level of activity. Have you been feeling bad?” 

“I had some weird flu a few weeks ago. I’m fine.” 

“So, my plan was to crash on your couch. But, you don’t have a couch and sis I doubt the air bed is going to hold us both.” 

“You can take the air mattress.” 

“I am not putting you in the floor Miranda. I was thinking if you want I can get a hotel room for the days I’m here. That way we can rent movies and eat pizza.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“Hey, you deserve a few good nights of sleep and there is hotel right next to you. It’s no big deal to me. I’m not putting you on the floor and that air mattress won’t hold us both. I’ll get a room and you can chill out and if you want take a real bath, I noticed you only have a shower.” 

“Yeah, no tub there. If you want too.” 

Instead of going straight back to the apartment I went by the Fairfield Inn and got a room. They only had a king bed available for the time period I’d need it, which was fine with me. She was my sister and we had shared a bed at our Dad’s house before. We then walked over to the apartments to get my bags and for her to get some stuff too, but as she gathered clothes and hygiene things she had another really bad dizzy spell. Nearly falling. I got my medical bag, I hadn’t been able to bring sharp items but I had the blood pressure cuff and stuff. 

“Caleb.” 

“Shush.” 

Her heart rate was up and her blood pressure was up, I got the blood glucose meter and her sugar levels were very low. 

“Miranda, you know you have to keep your sugar levels up.” 

“I know.” 

I found something sugary in the vending machine and made her eat that on the way back to the hotel. She’d brought what she needed in a duffle bag. She frowned at the room but sat her bag down on the sofa. 

“You mind if I leave you for a bit so I can take a long bath?” 

“I don’t, in fact you do that and I’m going to let Mom know I am here and Cameron sent me a message and commanded I let him know how you are.” 

“Would you mind maybe letting me call him?” 

“Not at all.” 

She smiled and she chose the bath first so while she enjoyed the tub I called Mom. 

“Hey Caleb dear. Did you make it?” 

“I did, I’ve been here a few hours actually.” 

“Well? Is she okay?” 

I glanced near the bathroom door. “Honestly, no. I can tell something is wrong Mom but she isn’t telling me. She’s having dizzy spells, low blood sugar and high blood pressure. She said she was sick.” 

“Yes, she told me about not feeling well. What do you mean you can tell?” 

“The way she’s acting, her voice, I’m worried now. I’ll see if I can get her to open up to me but if I can’t you may have to come out. I know she’ll open up to you if you’re in front of her.” 

“Okay. I’ll start making the plans in case you can’t. I’m sure Kenneth won’t want to but she’s my daughter and if she needs me then I will be there.” 

“I agree. I’m at the Fairfield Inn and she’s here with me.” 

“I thought you were staying with her.” 

“She isn’t in a one bedroom, it literally is a single room. It’s not even 200 square foot mom. It wasn’t possible for me to stay.” 

She sighed. “I had a feeling she didn’t tell me the entire truth about the living situation. I really want to have a word with Ruby for that bullshit she pulled.” 

“I know Mom. I’ll have her call you tomorrow morning, is that a good time?” 

“Yes. I’m about to go in now and I’ll request the time off in case she doesn’t talk to you.” 

We hung-up and I kind of chilled until she came out. I did find a good pizza place nearby, I’d have to drive there but I could use her car to get there and back, I also wanted to get some snack foods. She came out in clean clothes and I could tell she’d lost weight. She’d never been a huge person but I could tell. 

“Movie? Then I can go get pizza.” 

“Sounds fine.” 

She chose one for us and we settled back on the bed, but fifteen minutes into the movie she laid down and before it was thirty minutes in she was sound asleep. I knew she probably got woken up too early, so I let her sleep. Moved the hair from her face and I remembered when we were teens and Mom and Dad were arguing. She’d curl up beside me and sleep, because it felt safe and comfortable. 

I considered calling Ruby and asking her what happened with Zac, I was sure that Ruby knew given she was apparently living with his brother. But, perhaps it was better if Miranda told me herself and added, she would know all of the details. 

I woke her up before I left for Pizza, left my phone there so she could talk to Cameron, he was about as good as I was at getting her to talk, so when he told me she was evasive with him too, I got really worried. I got the snacks and drinks first and then the pizza, then returned. 

We found a movie and inhaled pizza and soda. Her talk to Cameron had apparently helped some she wasn’t as gloomy. She ate most of a pizza by herself, glad I got two. She chose a movie but about half way through she sat up. 

“Miranda?” 

She was fast, up off the bed and I could hear her throwing up. Glad I was use to those sounds, I paused the movie and got up, wet a wash rag as she just hugged the toilet. I gently held her hair back and waited. When she leaned back I handed her the rag, flushed for her. 

“I think you over ate there sis.” 

“Yeah.” 

We went back and finished the movie and then chose to lay down. But, about midnight I was woken up by the sounds of her throwing up again. I got up and went to check on her. 

“Miranda?” 

She had eaten another slice of pizza several hours after the last time but that shouldn’t have made her sick. I got another clean rag and again waited until after she’d finished and had her face wiped off, I then lead her back to the bed and sat her down. 

“What is going on? I know you want to be the strong and independent person. But, come on do you really think big brother is fooled?” 

“Nothing is going on. I just ate too much too fast.” 

I just stared at her for several minutes, I could see it etched on her face there was more. It wasn’t just because she ate too much or too fast. 

“Talk to me Miranda. Mom sent me here to check on you because you didn’t sound right. Let’s be honest here, I don’t like what I see. I don’t like the apartment, I don’t like that you aren’t eating right, you’ve lost weight, your hair isn’t near as shiny as it was. These dizzy spells, throwing up. Miranda, you look miserable. I can see it all over your face.” 

I turned her head to me, could already see the little pools of water in her blue eyes. Big brother knew what words to say and when to get her to open up. 

“You lied to me during lunch when I asked about Zac. The last time you did that was when Alexander hurt you. Talk to me, I’m here and you know I’m not Mom or Dad. What is wrong?” 

Little tears gathered and then escaped down her face, followed by a few more. Uh huh, now I waited for her to talk. Which, wasn’t very long. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

So, I expected many things but not that! “Pregnant? Are you sure?” 

“I took three home tests, all were positive. If I added right, I’m like eleven weeks or something. I know when it happened, but some websites said conception on others said add two weeks.” 

“You add two weeks, is your estimate including two extra weeks?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, so that explains the throwing up I guess. It could explain the blood sugar, higher pressure and the dizziness also.” 

“The headaches, back pain, tenderness, even the slight increase in chest size which you probably didn’t notice. I didn’t even think that was the problem but around the first Ruby mentioned having cramps and I realized I didn’t have a period in July. I took one that afternoon and then two the next morning.” 

She had never been shy with period talk with me, as a doctor I knew all about it and she’d been fine when she was younger. 

“Have you seen a doctor?” 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“I can’t afford it. The cheapest doctor in town is still two-hundred for the first visit. Not including blood work or anything extra. I don’t have that. I went to family services and I haven’t lived here long enough to qualify for anything.” 

I knew that most OBGYN’s were indeed expensive as hell. But, she knew that pregnant women should see a doctor as soon as possible. 

“You need to see a doctor Miranda. You know it’s important.” 

“I can’t Caleb. It’s just not possible.” 

“Didn’t you have money set aside when you moved out?” 

“Yeah, and because Ruby gave me like four days to find a place, get everything on, and move I had to use it. Because I haven’t had anything in my name it was costly to get the lights and water turned on, not to mention the deposit and payment for the apartment itself. I was working two jobs but the smell of eggs just made me so fucking sick I couldn’t do it.” 

“What is your plan then?” 

“I don’t have any options left. My only option is to see about an abortion.” 

“Miranda…There are other options.” 

“I can’t do this Caleb. The father wants nothing to do with me, he thinks I’m some whore that is just pinning it on him. He doesn’t care at all and I can’t do it. I’m not going to make it working nine months. I have been given extra days off because I keep getting dizzy and dropping bottles. I’ve already passed out on them twice, if they let me go then I am screwed Caleb.” 

“You have options.” 

“No I don’t! I made an appointment Wednesday to talk to them and it’s going to cost a lot but I just can’t. I was hoping the father would be there but he’s not going to be and I just…” 

I pulled her to me because she was getting chocked up and the crying was getting worse. 

“Let it out, it’s fine.” 

I don’t even know how long she cried, but I got her to lay back down and I held her. Mariah wouldn’t believe this was weird and it wouldn’t be the first time, she needed someone there. 


	18. Opening Up

POV: Caleb

  

August 24, 2010 

What woke me up was Miranda again, throwing up. I waited on her this time to come back out. The sun was up already and I realized it was a little after eight. She came back out several minutes later and looked no better. 

“Did you sleep well?” 

“Yes. I think the pizza was a bad idea though.” 

“I got some muffins yesterday afternoon. I know eggs bother you, but how about I go get you something? Fruit maybe?” 

“That might be fine. Everything pretty much makes me sick.” 

I got up and got woken up before I went down to the breakfast area for the hotel. I fixed two plates for us both, including more fruits for her and no eggs for either of us. I got two things of milk and then headed back. She sat at the table and slowly ate what I brought back. While she finished up I showered, but I couldn’t really erase what she’d said the night before. I got dressed and she’d brushed her hair while we waited. 

But, she was on the phone when I came out, talking to Mom so I left her alone. She was trying to convince Mom she was fine, eventually she convinced her and hung-up. 

I sat down on the bed and simply waited. 

“I don’t have a choice Caleb.” 

“You always have choices Miranda.” 

She moved to the other end of the bed, sitting with her back against the headboard and her legs crossed. 

“The father doesn’t believe me, he wants nothing to do with me. He believes I am some whore and that this baby belongs to Cameron or the Justin guy. He doesn’t believe me.” 

“Cameron?” 

I knew about her dates with Justin, breakfast and dinner and that she’d broke it off because of how he acted. 

“He saw my Instagram and doesn’t believe me when I tell him Cameron is like my brother and that there is nothing between us.” 

I took a deep breath. “I’m going to assume that Zac is the father?” 

“Yeah, he is.” 

“And you told him?” 

“The fourteenth. Ruby invited me to dinner with her and Taylor and he was there. Apparently Taylor invited him and they both neglected to tell us.” 

“So, what happen with him? Give me more.” 

“After her first week of work we went out, Taylor approached her and they went to dance then he approached me. I was the stupid idiot who should have listened to Cam and not gone home with him. I was stupid and thought he might want more, but all he wanted was a one weekend stand. He took me home Sunday, gave me the wrong number and then didn’t answer anything. When I found out I left a note under his door telling him I needed to talk to him and it was important, he ignored it. So, when they invited us over it was the first time we’d talked.” 

“And did he give you answers?” 

“No. He went to leave, I stopped him. There were words, I slapped him and when he stopped me from leaving I kneaded him as hard as I could.” 

I smiled some. “That’s my fiery sister.” 

“He tried to stop me, I kept going. I walked the six miles home, four of that in the rain. They showed up and I just shut them out. Ruby nor Taylor know that I am pregnant. I didn’t tell them before because I knew they’d tell Zac. I didn’t bother afterwards because I didn’t know what to do. It was better to keep it to myself.” 

“You didn’t tell Cameron?” 

“No.” 

“So Zac’s a major asshole that I need to find and hurt but aside from that, why do you think the only option you have is abortion?” 

She sat there quietly for several moments, she was always private in some matters, so I understood this was hard for her. There had always been that need for her to be strong and now show weakness. 

“Because I can’t afford a baby. I wasn’t even going to ask Zac for anything, but realistically I can’t see a doctor every month, because I don’t have the money too. After paying the rent, water and lights, car and insurance, what little gas I need, and then food I barely have a hundred left. I had to choose food or phone. I can’t see a doctor, if they keep cutting me, I’m not going to be able to afford the basic utilities. Which, let’s be real, I work at a bar with smoking there and I have passed out twice already. They are already cutting me one day, if they do it another one then I can’t afford utilities. There is no way I can afford to even do prenatal care.” 

“You realize they charge for abortions?” 

“I know and I can float one car payment, which is what I was going to do.” 

“You could have called Mom, dad or I. You know we would help you.” 

“Dad can barely afford to pay his own bills Caleb, he can’t pay mine too. You shouldn’t have to. And sure, let me call Mom who’s found God. You know what Kenneth would say. He’d call me a whore and tell me it’s my fault and I’m just a sinner. I feel stupid enough without having him telling me how horrible I am.” 

“What do you think he’ll say when he finds out you aborted? Miranda, he hates abortions.” 

“I don’t care if he hates me Caleb, I know if I call for help he’s just going to say no. That I laid down with sin and I have to pay now. He won’t let Mom help me. YOU are here because he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.” 

She really did have a point there, but I couldn’t believe she’d chose that option. I moved forward some. 

“Is there any other reason why you think that’s the only option?” 

“Even if I could afford the doctor’s and maintain working. I can’t take time off for delivery, I have no one here that could help me. Even if I can make it through three weeks without working, I can’t work without a babysitter and let’s face it, I can’t pay daycare cost. So, once the baby is here I’m royally fucked.” 

“Ruby and Taylor, I am sure after the baby is here you can do a blood test and file for child support. I don’t care who the fuck he is. As long as he is the father he has a responsibility to you and that baby.” 

“It won’t do me any good for months and he has money for lawyers, he can do whatever he wants then.” 

“I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to think about this answer today, don’t answer me now.” 

“Okay.” She said. 

“Do you want the baby? Do you want to be a mother? Don’t answer me right now. I want you to think about it today. I would like to see more of town while I am here, see where you’ve been. Maybe the Zoo? Maybe I’d like to see Ruby.” 

“She’ll be at work until five.” 

“Can you text her from my phone and ask for dinner?” 

“I haven’t really talked to her since that Sunday. I wouldn’t tell them anything.” 

“I don’t care.” 

She used my phone and set up a dinner date with Ruby, we’d meet at her house because Taylor was out of town anyway. She then got her shoes on and we headed out, I was being a bit of a prick with the Zoo, how? Because I knew children would be there but I wanted her to really consider my question. I know she’d never really discussed children or anything, but I couldn’t believe abortion would be her answer to this. I wouldn’t stop her, but I would make sure she was fully okay with it. 

I’d seen far too many women be determined and weeks, months, or years later regret it. 

The zoo was very fun and we settled for a light lunch. Following that she showed me the Rose Garden. She was always so talkative about the place and I could see why! Even now it was beautiful, she posted several photos of us to my Instagram. We got back to the hotel to freshen up before we headed to Taylor and Ruby’s house. 

“You walked this home?” 

“Yeah.” 

“As much as I want to, as much as I want to say something. I will not mention the pregnancy at all.” 

“Thank you.” 

Taylor’s house was pretty nice and I liked it very much, had a good feel. But, clearly Ruby didn’t have my number because she was shocked when she opened the door and saw me. 

“Caleb? What are you doing here?” 

“Mom wasn’t thrilled with the way she talked or acted last week, she had me come out and check on her.” 

She frowned slightly and looked at Miranda before letting us in. 

“I’m sorry you can’t meet Taylor, there in Indiana tonight on tour. But they’ll be here tomorrow night. Are you still going Miranda?” 

She vaguely nodded but it was clear she didn’t want too. 

“So, I’m no Tay cook but I made some burgers and there less greasy I used the grill. I also made some sweet potato fries.” 

Why she’d fixed extra ones was beyond me but I was glad! Her burgers were good really but Miranda only ate one and some fries. She ate much slower than either Ruby or myself. 

“So, Caleb do you like Tulsa?” 

“It’s alright, it’s not Conway. The river is nice though.” 

“It is, we’ve gone there a few times and just had a picnic or something. Did you see the rose garden?” 

“I did! We did the Zoo and Rose Garden today.” 

“How long are you here?” 

“Until tomorrow night, my flight leaves at 7.” 

“When did you get here?” 

“Yesterday.” 

She’d barely finished eating before I could tell it wasn’t agreeing, glad she knew where the bathroom was. Ruby just sighed. 

“I was hoping that was over with, she was feeling better the last few weeks.” 

Muhum, Miranda had been lying to her too. 

“She got dizzy a few times today but she’s fine.” 

I leaned into the table and she knew it was coming. 

“You want to explain to me why you chose Taylor over her? I know you love Taylor, you have forever. I understand that he really is a once in a lifetime chance, but you put her in a bad fucking position and didn’t seem to care.” 

“I made an impulsive decision Caleb and I wish I hadn’t. I could have waited or at least until she had time to get more acquainted. Have you seen her apartment? She won’t even show it to me.” 

“Because it’s a sardine can! It’ll fit in this kitchen, with plenty of room. I’ll forgive you this time, but don’t ever do that shit again.” 

She nodded. Ruby wasn’t stupid she knew my being here was major and that if Mom sent me out then something was majorly wrong. 

“Has she told you what was wrong? She just tells me things are fine.” 

“She has told me some but I’m not saying anything and when she’s ready she will tell you. But, Ruby tomorrow night do not force her to talk to him.” 

“I’m not. He won’t talk to Taylor either, he just says that he deserves what she did to him and that’s it.” 

I heard the sink running but no flush yet. “Why did you two set them up?” 

“Because I could see it in her eyes Caleb, she likes him and she wanted to be a lot more. Taylor told me that Zac wanted to be with her but he was just scared. We hoped that putting them in the same area again it would make them see they belong together. Taylor swears that Zac wants to be with her.” 

“He has a funny way of showing it.” 

When I heard the flush I dropped the conversation and moved it to how her job was. Miranda nibbled on the fries when she got back but she still didn’t seem fine. We stayed here until after 8 and then returned to the hotel. She and I both got comfortable and sat down on the bed. 

“You’ve had all day long to think about it, I want an honest answer Miranda. You know very well that I can tell when you’re lying to me. Do you want the baby? Do you want to be a mother?” 

She sat quietly in her oversized shirt and leggings, despite her hair being in the way I could see the tears on her face. 

“I do want the baby Caleb, I want to be a mother. But, no matter what I do I just can’t. Kenneth won’t let me come there, there is no way he’ll be fine with an unwed pregnant step-daughter being there, his entire church will frown upon that. He’ll never let me live it down. Mom won’t either, Dad probably won’t care either way. As much as I want to keep the baby, I just can’t. I can’t do it alone.” 

“Why do you keep ignoring that I am here? Okay, the father doesn’t want to be involved for whatever his reason is. Kenneth will frown upon the pregnancy, yes. But if he finds out you had an abortion he will never talk to you again and you know Mom doesn’t believe it in either. Dad, never has mentioned it. You keep saying you don’t have options.” 

“I don’t! I’m stuck in a cracker box with barely any way to take care of myself. You act like I don’t know that weight loss is bad for a pregnancy, that ramen noodles aren’t good. I know all of that, I just can’t do anything else. You keep thinking I have options, what the fuck are they? Because I don’t know what the hell you expect from me? I’ve tried my damnest for weeks to try and be happy and to ignore that Zac just doesn’t believe me. I’ve tried to be happy for Ruby even though she has every fucking thing I wanted. I tried to be happy and normal and I can’t. I don’t want to do the abortion Caleb, I know damn well in weeks and months it’ll feel like shit and I’ll hate myself. But I don’t have options! I’d rather Zac think I lied than anything else.” 

I waited until she had calmed back down, it was always explosive when she held things in. But, I slide closer and got her hand which caused her to look at me. 

“You keep saying you don’t have options, that Mom and Dad won’t help, that Kenneth will be all religious on you. You keep forgetting that you have me. Not once have you mentioned me as an option.” 

“You can’t be my caretaker either.” 

“Why not? You just sat here and said that you are sure that you’ll hate yourself for going through it. That you want this baby and you want to be a mother. Is that truly what you want?” 

“Yes but..” 

I laid my finger over her lips. “Come home Miranda. You are right, you can’t do it alone. You need to be around family and friends that will help you and be there for you. You don’t have to ask Kenneth or Dad. You have a room at my house and you know that. I know several OBGYN’s that will take you as a patient without charging me. You don’t have to work if you don’t want too or you can’t. I don’t mind taking care of you for a bit.” 

“It’s not your responsibility.” 

“I would rather you come home with me and let me be there for you, than to see you hurting because you felt you had no other choice. You don’t want the abortion and believe me Miranda, it’ll hurt like hell once you get settled and your mind clears. Come home.” 

“I can’t even afford to get there.” 

“No problem. You have a car and I can cancel the flight. We can pack you up and you can come with me tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow?” 

“Yes.” 

“But…” 

“Come on Miranda, you’ve wanted to come home for weeks now. You are miserable. You miss Cameron and you miss home. I won’t say anything to Mom, Dad, or Kenneth about the pregnancy until you’ve seen a doctor. I’ll just say that you really missed home and I brought you back. You don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready. I’ll be there when you tell them, you don’t even have to tell anyone who the father is. But, if you want to keep this baby then you can’t stay here. You’ve already said why you can’t.” 

“You really don’t mind just taking care of me? I don’t know that I can get a job there or not and I have nothing for a baby.” 

“You are the only sister I have and this may be the only nephew or niece I get. If our parents don’t want to help, then I will. The bedroom is yours, no painting it pink though. I’ll help you get everything you’ll need. If you choose to contact Zac again to try again, I’ll help you do that. Ruby was adamant, she said that Taylor told her he was scared. Maybe he is, maybe he’s a dick. Either way, I’ll support you. You’re my sister, you’re family and family takes care of each other. You were there to help me through breakups and when I was so ready to quit school. Let me repay you by doing this.” 

She sat there for what felt like forever, I was asking my strong and independent sister to just let me care for her. It was a lot to ask, she’d never asked for help before. But, I knew if she went through with the abortion, it would affect her forever. I couldn’t allow that to happen to her. 

“Home?” 

“Yes, home. Conway, you can see Cameron and your other friends. I know you’ll worry about Ruby but she’ll be okay Miranda.” 

Again it was a long silence. 

“I think…I wanna go home. I think I want to keep this baby. I can’t do that here.” 

I pulled her in for a hug. “I know how hard it is for you to accept so much help, but you deserve it and right now it’s the best thing for you and the baby.” 

“I need to call my job.” 

“It’s fine, you can. If you wish to go there you can.” 

“A call will be fine.” 

She used my phone to call her job and quit. Saying that she was needed back home. It was a long drive home and I knew that, so we headed to bed about 9:30, we planned to get up early and pack up her things. Which, honestly, wasn’t much that wasn’t in a box already! She then had to call the light, water and rental company. I hoped we could leave about eight, but it really depended on the companies. She fell asleep quickly and I got my phone. 

_Hey Mom & Dad; Mom-you can stop planning. She’s decided to return to Conway and I’ve offered her my spare room. We’ll be leaving sometime tomorrow and I will let you know when we arrive. _

**_(mom) Is everything okay?_ **

**_(dad) She decided to come home? What happen?!_ **

_Yes and yes – she’s really not doing well here. She’s not happy. I just wanted you both to know. We’re going to bed now so we can get up early. Love you both. See you soon._

I wouldn’t tell them the reasons, it wasn’t my place and I promised but her not being happy wasn’t a lie. I settled down and finally slept. 


	19. Lost Forever

POV: Zac

  

August 25, 2010 

All of us expected to be home yesterday so we could have one night in our own beds. But, delays and then a flat tired caused us to be super late getting into Tulsa, so we went right to the venue. It sucked. I wanted to sleep in my own damn bed but that didn’t happen. Granted, Isaac wanted to see his family and Taylor wanted to see Ruby, neither got that either. Well, Isaac did when Melanie and Eliza showed up about ten. I cat napped and entertained Eliza while they set up and prepared for us. 

I wasn’t looking forward to tonight though, Taylor and Isaac had put their foots down. I was apologizing to Miranda come hell or high water. Because it wasn’t fair for Ruby and Taylor to be forced to choose between me and her. Ruby had missed Melanie’s birthday party the following Sunday because she chose Miranda. 

Miranda had refused to inform Taylor or Ruby about what was said or what happened that Saturday. Telling them to ask me. Well, I wasn’t going to be telling them either. It wasn’t their business really. It didn’t matter either way because I was pretty sure she was lying to me about being pregnant. After all, when she told me it was after I said I wanted nothing and I know for a fact she did. 

Interacting with her during family functions wouldn’t be that hard, because there was normally 30 or so people and I could just ignore her there like I have been. Even if that would be hard, but her lying to me about being pregnant and flatly lying about not being with anyone else was making it easier for me to set aside the feelings I did have. She would be just like Kathryn. I could be amicable though because they were right, they shouldn’t have to choose. 

We did the walk here in town at three and it went well. After that we did our sound check and then Taylor and Isaac left to have a double date with the girls. I remained here to have pizza with the crew that stayed. Taylor returned alone though, not that I needed to question it. I knew Ruby and Miranda were attending together and would be near the back. When Taylor had asked she said Miranda refused back stage passes. So, Ruby was probably with her. 

We did our warm ups, listened to the opening band and then at 9 took the stage. Part of my brain looked for her, to see if I could see them standing in the back. But, the lights in the back weren’t that bright so I couldn’t see well enough to pick out people. No problem, I can’t talk to her until after the show anyway. I just wanted to get this over with and done. 

When the show ended I think Ruby must have used some spell to part people and get back here, she pretty much attacked Taylor the moment he stepped off the stage! Clear up in his arms and it was clear she was happy and so was he. 

Did it suck watching both of my brothers be so loving and happy with them? Yes. There was a large part of me that craved having a woman there when I walked off the stage, to have her jump into my arms like Ruby did Taylor. But, that meant being in a relationship and I just couldn’t risk that pain anymore. So, I went and washed off my face and let them finish being attacked. 

I hadn’t seen Miranda, maybe she was waiting on Ruby. So once I had my faced washed off and I was cooled off I found Ruby. She was still there with the others, talking about a hundred miles a minute! 

“Is Miranda waiting for you in the audience?” I asked. 

I thought at first she wasn’t going to answer me! But then she turned slightly to me. 

“No, she’s not in the audience.” 

Damn! “Has she gone home already?” 

I really didn’t want to talk to her alone, I wanted others there but Taylor was very adamant I was doing this tonight. Her apartment wasn’t far and I could go there and then go home. 

“The last time I spoke to her she was at the Tennessee border, about to go into Tennessee.” 

Taylor and Isaac both looked confused, Tennessee? 

“Tennessee? Why was she there?” 

She finally let Taylor’s waist go and turned to me, formally facing me. 

“When she came over she called her mother and brother to talk to them. She spoke to them outside and whatever she told her Mom upset her. Her mother asked her brother to come out and he showed up Monday. I don’t know what she said or what he said but we had dinner Tuesday and this morning about ten she came by my job. She said she was sorry but she was going home.” 

“Home? Like back to South Carolina home?” I asked. 

“Yes. I asked her why and I asked if there was anything I could do, she wouldn’t tell me why and said there was nothing I could do right now. Pretty sure that it’s not anyone there and something more personal for her. Her brother was driving.” 

“Any theories on why?” 

“Her brother mentioned she got dizzy Monday, her mom is a nurse and Caleb is doing an internship to be a pediatrician. My guess is he convinced her to go home so that the throwing up, dizziness and stuff can be figured out. She’s been like that for weeks now, it’s not normal. She’s lost weight, she looks tired.” 

I was kind of glad that both Taylor and Isaac had gone to wash up a bit, because I was sure that Isaac would piece that shit together much quicker since he has Eliza and Melanie had the same symptoms. But, throwing up was easy to induce. 

“Is she coming back? Taylor basically said I had to talk to her.” 

Miranda had said multiple times she loved Tulsa and wanted to stay. That she enjoyed the city, the atmosphere and everything about it. Surely, she didn’t go home forever. 

She frowned. “I doubt it Zac. She gave up the apartment and the job. She’ll probably go back to where she was and they’ll give her whatever she wants to come back.” 

I snorted. “You mean she’ll have Cameron to cuddle with and do whatever she wants.” 

Her brow raised. “Cameron doesn’t really cuddle. What do you mean by that?” 

“I saw her Instagram before she made it private, I saw the pictures of them Ruby. I’m sure they’re way more than friends.” 

She burst out in laugher about the time the others came in, which confused them really. Hell, it confused me! 

“Oh My God! You think…Cameron and her?” 

“She told me she dated him Ruby.” 

“Yeah, when they were fourteen and sure they shared a first kiss. But, both said it was weird as fuck and felt like they were kissing a sibling. Sometimes there’s a cheek peck or forehead, but mostly it’s just hugs. I mean, damn she introduced him as her brother.” 

“She chose him over her boyfriend to spend new year’s with!” 

“Stanley wanted her to go to some strip club with him and a bunch of his male friends. She chose Cameron because he was doing a party and not a strip fest. Damn Zac do you not have friends that you feel close to? She’s never seen him naked.” 

“How the hell would you know that?” 

Her face blushed a bit. “Miranda doesn’t know his dick size Zac. I do because we had sex when we dated. I asked afterwards because I thought they had but she didn’t know and wouldn’t let me tell her. If you think that she is with Cameron then you are blind. Maybe because you are looking at little images on a screen. I don’t feel like you have any right to judge her based on a few pictures, considering you left her screaming and crying in bed, because of something you said or done. Only Alexander ever did that to her and you don’t want to know what Caleb did or what Cameron wanted to do to him.” 

“Who taught her how to kick that hard?” 

“Her brother.” 

I had a bruise for like a week all down the side of my thigh from her one kick. Not to mention it hurt like hell. If her brother taught her it explained why she had the perfect placement. But, Ruby was her friend and when it came to Cameron she would always defend them. Even if she was right, Miranda was still with Justin after me. 

“Alright, we’re headed home. I want my damn bed.” Taylor said. 

We had a few weeks to be home so I understood the want of your own bed. We got packed up again and got the place cleared and then headed home. I was super tired when I got home and didn’t even bother to turn the lights on, I just stripped and went to bed. 

**August 26, 2010**

Sleep had been fitful and my dreams were all about Miranda. Some of them were her face as I called her names and told her to leave, some were of her on the beach, while the last ones were all super erotic. Of course that meant when I did wake up, I had a painful erection that wouldn’t go away. 

It was weird that on the tour bus I had the same problems but I could generally will them away, not every time but for the most part I could. I was just glad the other men on the bus never questioned me or anything. 

I finally got up and showered and handled the problem. I didn’t need pictures of her, I had the memories of that weekend. Erotic little images of her naked in my bed, the ones of her in my lap in the living room, fuck I wish she was here. Once I’d cleaned up I tossed on clean boxers and headed to find breakfast. 

I was barely across the open space when I spotted something white laying in the floor, I diverted and picked it up. Turning it over I saw my full first name written neatly across the front. It was Miranda’s handwriting, I recognized it from her last letter. She had obviously come here first or after she saw Ruby. 

Part of me wanted to rip it open and read it, but part of me didn’t. I was afraid really. I ended up laying it on the counter while I fixed myself breakfast. After eating I got dressed because I needed to run some errands and well, get food. I headed to the store and was just browsing. 

Yet, I could see the other couples here. Holding hands, picking out foods, the occasional kiss or hug. Why was this bothering me? I hadn’t wanted anything concrete and real since the day she walked away from me at the church. Having to see my entire family question what happen, the looks of pity and shame, I never wanted to feel that again. 

But, here I was wondering what it would be like if she was waiting on me after a show, to be waiting at home. What did Isaac feel when he walked in and they greeted him? What did Taylor feel like when he come home to Ruby? Kathryn and I had never actually lived together, so I had no idea what that felt like. 

I couldn’t ignore that I’d met Miranda, that I had somehow wished she had been there last night. Truthfully, as hostile as I was and defensive I missed her. When I got home I put away the groceries I had bought but I kept seeing the letter laying on the counter. 

The letter itself could be anything really, from a fuck you to an apology or even something irrelevant. I eyed it until I had everything put away. I started to just leave it there but I picked it up and went to the couch, flopping down in the center. I stared at it for what felt like forever before I carefully opened it. I pulled a single sheet of paper out which was filled with her elegant writing. 

_Dear Zachary –_

_I debated about writing this letter as I packed up my things, part of me felt you had no right to know while part of me felt you did. Ultimately, I chose to write it. I hope you actually read it._

_I am going back to Conway. I loved Tulsa in May, but now it’s just a source of misery. Everywhere I go is a reminder of you, every time I walk by the studio all I think about is that you had to be sitting there laughing as I waited on you in May. The bar reminds me of us dancing, which eventually reminds me of that weekend. Of course, I then remember how you ignored me and then how you ripped my heart out._

_I know you feel like I am some whore, but you are the only person that I have been with this year. Cameron and I are more brother/sister than anything else and the idea of having sex with him makes me kind of sick, because it would be like sleeping with my brother. I never went home with Justin, your brother refused to allow me to even leave with him that afternoon. I am sure if you’d get over yourself and ask Taylor, he would tell you._

_Concerning your baby, I’ll be honest, I was considering an abortion. It was heavily on my mind because without emotional and financial support, I simply can’t do it. There is no one in Tulsa that can provide me the help and support that I’ll need._

_However, my brother talked to me and asked the questions that you should have been asking, that Ruby should have or your brothers. Ones that made me realize that I would never forgive myself if I went through with it._

_You are the reason I am leaving Zachary, I cannot carry your child and remain alone in Tulsa. It’s not safe for me or the baby. I never wanted anything from you but to be told it’d be okay. I cannot make you believe me, I cannot make you be there. But, I will be filing for a DNA test once the baby has been born. I don’t want anything you have, but it’s not fair for me to take full responsibility for OUR mistake. I am 100% positive that this baby is yours. If you need the DNA proof, that’s fine._

_I will not tell Ruby or Taylor the reason why I left – I’ll leave that up to you. Right now, I need to make sure that myself and our baby are okay. I can’t keep it a secret forever, but I will at least for now._

_Miranda._

I re-read the letter a few times. Honestly, she seemed to be going overboard with the pregnancy thing. Even if she wasn’t lying, just because she said the baby was mine and I was it, didn’t mean that was true. How well did I really know her after all? 

Yet, if she was pregnant and it was mine then she contemplated killing my baby? That really hurt but at the same time could I completely blame her? Yes, it hurt like hell to think she would chose that versus trying again; but I had pretty much ruined her ever calling me again. I’d pretty much told her the child wasn’t mine either way. 

I put the letter up with the other one. If she would lie to me now, then there was no guarantee she wouldn’t be like Kathryn. Maybe her going home was better because I wasn’t close to her, Taylor and Ruby didn’t have to choose between us, it sucked that Ruby didn’t have her friend here but she had Melanie and our sisters. They all got along great. 

With her 1100 miles away, I could forget about her and move on. 

Well, unless her pregnancy wasn’t a lie. In which case she’d have to contact me sometime next year because her letter said she was going to file for a DNA test to prove the baby was mine, I presume that was required for her to file for child support. 

I stared at the blank screen on the TV as it kind of hit me. If she was pregnant, which I doubted she was, but entertaining the idea here and it really was mine…I’d be a father. I’d have child support payments and I’d have to be around her because we’d have a child together. 

“Zachary, you need to do something to shut your brain up. The pregnancy is a lie. She just wanted me to stay and thought that would do it.” I said. 

I finally sighed and got up. I needed to wash the clothes I had with me on tour so I could repack, I needed to air out the suitcase too because damn! I also needed to just straighten up. The mundane tasks kept me occupied through dinner which I fixed at home. Oven pizza was always a good plan! I then settled in to play some games and well, I couldn’t resist checking to see if she had signed in. But her X-box name said she hadn’t signed into her account in weeks, which was about right when she moved out. 

I played for several hours both in private campaigns and in on-line ones. It was a good distraction, a good way to forget everything. I didn’t touch the racing game because I would just remember the many conversations with Miranda. She hardly played the shooting games. When I got too tired I cut things off and went to bed. 


	20. I'll be there...

POV: Miranda

 

August 27, 2010 

Caleb and I had made it to the house at 3:45 am, it was a very long drive and wouldn’t have been as bad had he not had to stop for me so many times. Driving that far was horrible when I felt like throwing up. We’d both passed out when we got home and we spent yesterday sleeping mostly and then he made a doctor’s appointment with his female OB friend and then brought in the boxes. I just didn’t feel like unpacking anything. We’d gone to bed rather early but I had gotten up several times to be sick. 

What woke me up was the need to pee but I laid there several moments because I was sure Caleb was at work today. But, I heard music playing and movement in the kitchen. I got up and slipped a house coat on, my gown wasn’t that long and walked out to see who was here. 

I opened the door and started around to the kitchen but then the smell of eggs hit me. It was almost instant that despite not eating anything in the last few hours, my stomach did flip flops and I ran for the bathroom. 

“Miranda?!” 

I heard his voice as I reached the bathroom and it didn’t take but a few moments for there to be hands holding my hair back. I was so very confused though because the person holding my hair was Cameron. 

When I didn’t feel like my stomach was trying to come up too I moved back some, was presented with a clean wash rag. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, the smell of eggs is not pleasant right now. I should be fine though.” 

He looked perplexed but didn’t push it right now, I didn’t want anyone to know really. But he helped me up and I shooed him out so I could pee while I was here. I also washed up some and then went and changed. He wouldn’t care either way, but I knew it made him uncomfortable sometimes. I just slipped on a pair of longer shorts and then returned. 

He was fixing a huge breakfast and when I glanced at the clock it was just nine. 

“So…why are you here?” 

“Caleb called me early this morning, asked if I was busy today. I wasn’t. He asked me to come sit with you for today and to take you to a doctor’s appointment. Something about you having dizzy spells and he didn’t want you to drive. He also told me to make sure you ate and to check your blood sugar.” 

I then noticed the meter on the counter and groaned. Caleb knew I hated those things but I knew his intention was good. 

“When did he want you to check them?” 

“He said when you got up and then after you ate he wanted to check.” 

He at least finished cooking before he got the meter. I reluctantly let him wipe off and then stab my finger, but fuck it hurt. 

“Eighty is your result, that’s kind of low.” 

“It won’t be when I eat though.” 

We sat down at the table and while the smell of eggs bothered me the taste wasn’t bad. I could handle it, but it felt like he fixed way too much. Yet, I did get a little more than half down before I couldn’t do anymore. I saw his brow raise. 

“Panda?” 

“I’m stuffed Cam, if I force myself to eat the rest I’ll be throwing it back up. As it is, I might anyway.” 

He finished eating and I covered the rest and just kind of stood there in the kitchen. I really had no idea what to really do. I didn’t have a job to go to or anything to do really. But I could feel Cameron’s eyes on me. 

“Why are you staring at me?” 

He shrugged. “I’m trying to decide if I want to be honest on what I’m thinking or if I risk one of your nut busting kicks.” 

“You know I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

He checked the sugar again thought instead of saying anything, which was just around a hundred. We then moved to the living room and sat down, I felt pretty much okay right this moment. 

“I understand why Caleb was worried about you. Honestly Panda, you don’t look all that good right now and that’s from a health standpoint. I can tell you’ve lost weight and your hair looks kind of dull. It’s never looked that way. Not to mention this far away look in your eyes.” 

“Last couple of weeks haven’t been that easy.” 

“Clearly. You want to explain?” 

“Not really.” 

“Tough. I don’t like that you came back this way Panda.” 

“It’s just been tough and stressful. There’s nothing else to say. I thought I could do it on my own and I couldn’t. It was very obvious.” 

I knew he moved over closer and I felt his hand on my back. 

“You didn’t fail you just didn’t have time to prepare well. I think had Ruby not moved out so suddenly you would have been fine. You never showed her the apartment, why not?” 

“Because it was a sardine can Cameron. About the size of his kitchen really, maybe smaller. I also didn’t want her to know I was on a air mattress or that I couldn’t afford anything but ramen noodles. She doesn’t understand any of that. She moved in with someone who covered all utilities and rent. I didn’t have that.” 

“But you didn’t fail.” 

“Yes, I did Cameron.” 

“No. You were side lined and I understand that. No one will hold that against you.” 

“Except Kenneth. Mom called yesterday to make sure we got home and I could hear him in the background.” 

“His opinion doesn’t matter to me because he hasn’t been there either. He’s always had his plans and shit. But, you aren’t his child and you aren’t him.” 

“Doesn’t matter. Although, I guess I do need to unpack.” 

“You think changing the subject is going to work?” 

“Yep. Because I need to shower before the doctor’s appointment and get ready. I can’t do that until I find everything. We didn’t really care how it got packed.” 

“Fine, let’s go.” 

We went to the bedroom and he started helping unpack the boxes, it wasn’t weird that he even unpacked the underwear but I saw him just throw them into a drawer. I was unpacking a box and hanging up the shirts when I picked up the blue button up that wasn’t mine. I just held it because it still smelled like him. 

“Panda? You okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

I laid it aside, I’d forgotten even wearing it home. I kept on hanging up other shirts but my eyes kept traveling to that blue shirt. It brought back all the memories and before I even realized it I was crying. How could he be so perfect but be such an asshole at the same time? Why had he been so cruel to me when I was trying to tell him he was having a baby? I just sat down and cried. 

But I felt him there anyway, his arms around me. 

“Miranda, what’s wrong?” 

Logic told me that Cameron would put two and two together when he took me to the doctor, I just didn’t want to admit that I had been so fucking stupid, that I should have listened to him and followed his words. But he kept holding me and I could vaguely feel the soft kisses to my temple. 

“Talk to me Panda.” 

“It’s Zac’s shirt, I was so stupid Cameron. I should have listened to you.” 

“It’s fine Panda. You live and learn, you won’t do it next time. It’s not a big deal really.” 

I looked at him. “I’m pregnant Cameron, like twelve weeks. I found out the first and I told him, but he doesn’t believe me. He said I was a whore and I needed to tell you and Justin. I tried to tell him that you and I were friend and I never went home with Justin. Taylor wouldn’t let me!” 

“Tell me you kicked his in the nuts for that.” 

“I slapped him for that and kicked him for not letting me just leave. But you were right and I’ll never say that again Cam. You told me what he wanted and I just…I thought there was more there.” 

“Is that why you came home?” 

“I couldn’t afford to stay. Literally, I was eating ramen noodles because it was all I could afford. I couldn’t see a doctor, work was cutting me because I fainted twice on them and I just…I was…I had an appointment for an abortion and Caleb asked if I wanted the baby and to be a mother. I couldn’t lie to him and I tried to give him every reason under the sun. But he said I could come here and he’d take care of me. I feel so weird Cameron, letting him do that. Like he called in a favor for this doctor, she’s not charging him for this visit.” 

Again he pulled me closer to him and I felt the softness of his lips against my forehead. 

“You never do that, kissing my forehead or this much.” 

“I’ve never had a reason to really console you. I’m allowed to care Panda.” 

“You always prefer consoling kisses to my hair, not my temple or forehead.” 

“You need more this time. I’m sorry but Caleb is wrong. He won’t be the only one taking care of you. You are the only sibling I have ever known. I love you and I will do whatever you need. Whether it’s poking your finger ten times a day, driving you around, making food, or just sitting here while you cry it out. I can’t say that he will ever come around, but I swear to god if he comes around and hurts you, I’m kicking his ass. You wouldn’t let me kick Alexander’s.” 

“I don’t know what to do with him really. He blocked my old number, deleted the e-mail address, I can use xbox and Hanson.net but I just…I’m afraid Taylor will see it on those.” 

“Wait…did you tell Ruby?” 

“No. And you won’t either. If I tell her, she will tell Taylor. When they asked me what happened that Saturday, I told them to ask him.” 

“You didn’t tell her you were pregnant or that you might be, nothing?” 

“No. At first I didn’t want them to know and tell him, but after I told him and he hurt me that much I just couldn’t. Taylor is a fixer and Ruby even said when I saw her Wednesday that Taylor was going to have him apologize. I don’t want him to apologize to me because his older brothers tell him too. I want him to do it because he fucking means it.” 

“Right, he shouldn’t apologize because anyone else tells him too. He needs to do that on his own. He should have already done it. You should have told Ruby though.” 

“Not right now, I know there home for a bit and I’d rather just let everything calm down for a while. I can’t focus on him right now anyway.” 

His grip tightened. “No, you need to focus on you. And you should go get ready. I’ll finish unpacking.” 

I followed his advice and found clean clothes and my shower stuff and went ahead and got ready to go, while I showered and got ready he finished putting up whatever was left and even broke the boxes down for me. I found my Xbox and games in the living room, already plugged up and he was waiting with the stupid needle. 

“I forgot.” 

“I was counting on you forgetting.” 

I hated the prick and I could never poke myself that easily without needing several minutes of pep talk, yet he was able to prick and move on in like five seconds. He didn’t like the number was low so he heated up the left over’s and slide it to me. 

“If your sugar numbers are low, you’re going to have to try to eat something every couple of hours.” 

I didn’t feel hungry but I understand that it was back in the 80’s and that wasn’t good, so I did finish the omelet and then we headed to the doctor. 

Was I nervous? Yep. Because I knew the last few weeks were critical and that I needed to do more but couldn’t. So I was terrified she was going to tell me something was wrong. One we got there I checked in, filled out massive amounts of paperwork and waited. Cameron declared he was waiting with the other mom’s to be in the waiting room, I couldn’t blame him. 

I was called back on time and a nurse went through very routine things before settling me in a room and having me change. Sitting alone in the room though I wished someone was here. I could feel my hands shaking, I could feel the nerves and shit those eggs weren’t settling well. It was ironic that my head would be in a trash can when she came in. So much for good impressions. 

Yet she was quick to have a wet wipe ready. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to be, Ms. Moore. At least you made it to the trash can.” 

Doctor Whitney Barron was a light skinned African American with super curly hair that she currently had held back with a wide band. She had dark brown eyes and wore a light shade of pink lipstick. She was tall and wore a brightly colored set of scrubs. 

“Have you been throwing up quite a bit?” 

“Yes, the last month and a half.” 

“Caleb told me you were about twelve weeks?” 

“Yeah, if I added right.” 

“Well, we’ll definitely do a sonogram today to see if that is close. You are very adamant about the days you could have gotten pregnant, they were super defined in your paperwork.” 

“Yeah, I’ve only been with one person and only those days. I’m pretty sure it was one of those. That was ten weeks ago and I added two.” 

“Is he going to be around?” 

“I don’t know really.” 

She nodded and then proceeded with her checks such as a pelvic exam, went through all possible symptoms, checked my sugar again, and finally moved to the sonogram. 

“Concerns?” 

“Terrified I done something stupid. Did Caleb explain that?” 

“Yes, he did. Not in details though, he just said you weren’t doing well financially and as a result of the sickness and that you lost weight.” 

“Ramen noodles was like my sole diet.” 

She smiled. “I’ve had women eat much worse than that. We will definitely know if there are any problem developmentally today, being 12 weeks your baby should be well developed.” 

I liked her smile and confidence and laid back, she set up the machine and then that cold gel was smeared across my abdomen. It really made me take notice how much weight I had lost, which wasn’t much but it wasn’t good. The little wand felt a little odd and I laid back tried to calm my mind down. I wished Zac was here. 

The room was quiet as she moved the wand around and then there was this very strange whoop whoop noise, it was rapid and loud. 

“What is that?” I asked. 

She smiled. “That is your baby’s heartbeat. It’s strong, rapid just like it should be. Do you want to see what I am?” 

“Can I?” 

“Yes.” 

She turned the monitor around and there was this odd looking black and white image. It looked like a large white blob at the moment and at the bottom were vertical lines. 

“I have it zoomed in, I wanted to make sure the heart formed well.” 

When she unfroze the image the sound went away but I could see a small section just flutter. I wasn’t sure if tears were normal here but I assumed they were. When she zoomed out and moved then I could see the baby clearly, this perfect little form in the middle of all this black space. 

“What I am doing is measuring the progress, making sure the legs, arms, spine and so forth are the right size and length for how far you are. You can see here the face from the profile the little dips for the eyes, little nose, chin. At times you can see the arms moving.” 

She had to point something’s out but I could clearly see the profile. She spent ten minutes moving that wand around and checking measurements, sometimes double checking. She was making me nervous! But she showed legs, arms, spine, heart. 

“He or she is not cooperating to see which they are. I can’t really tell.” 

“It’s okay, Caleb said not to expect that.” 

She finally stopped, did something and then let me clean the jelly off. 

“You said these days only?” 

“Yes. And I am 100% sure that it has to be that Friday or that Saturday. At least, those were days I had sex.” 

“You most likely conceived over that weekend, the baby is measuring a little small but I don’t see anything wrong. Everything looks to be developing normally. I will do another ultrasound at or around 20 weeks. I really don’t feel like anything is wrong with your baby. He or she seems to be doing just fine. I predict your due date is around March 10.” 

She got something and then handed me a bunch of pictures, printed sonogram pictures. 

“Overall, I’m worried about your weight, it is a little lower and you shouldn’t be losing. However, I know that being sick all the time can cause that. So, I’m prescribing a medication that will help settle that some. We’ll try it for two weeks and then stop and see if it’s done. Sometimes it goes away on its own, sometime not. I am also worried about your sugar level and I’m going to run blood work too. I would like for you to monitor your numbers, three times a day until you come back. Morning before you eat, sometime mid-day and at night before bed. If any of your numbers are around or close to 70, you need to eat something or drink something with 15-20 grams of complex carbs. Caleb will know exactly what to get.” 

I internally groaned, three times a day?! 

“I want you to eat every couple of hours, doesn’t have to be a full meal, just snack. No strenuous exercise, normal activity only. Also, a prenatal vitamin, any over the counter brand is fine. Beyond that, I’ll see you back in four weeks unless your blood work comes back wonky.” 

“Ok.” 

“Go ahead and get dressed, the nurse will come take the blood once your done.” 

I nodded and she left the room and I got myself back into what I had on. The nurse came in and lead me to the side area where she laid things out. I didn’t watch her because I wasn’t crazy about needles but after she was done I got to leave. Cameron followed quietly until we were in his car and buckled up. 

“Well?!” 

I handed him the pictures. “She said the baby’s fine, developing well. Due around March 10.” 

“And you were worried.” 

We went to the pharmacy first, Caleb apparently had a card or something already on file for me. I wasn’t use to this for sure and then we went back to his house. I put the pictures on the fridge first, because Caleb would want to see them. I then found a snack and we sat down. We watched TV and just hung out until Caleb got home. 

“Alright, tell me. She couldn’t tell me anything because of regulations.” 

“Gee Caleb, we’re fine. Had a good day….” Cameron said. 

He just glared at him. “There are sonogram pictures on the fridge, she couldn’t determine sex, baby is fine and due around March 10 th.. Developing normally, no problems that she saw, but a little small for the timeframe. I’m to take a prenatal and the nausea meds and see if that helps. She wants me to check sugar three times a day for the next month and anything below like 70 I’m to eat complex carbs.” 

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to stock plenty when I shop which I need to do this weekend. I’ll also make sure there are emergency glucose tablets. But you’re okay and so is the baby?” 

“Yes.” I said. 

He then proceeded to check the sonogram pictures and call for pizza. The medication seemed to help, the pizza didn’t seem to make me want to run like hell to the bathroom. I walked over most of the details, but obviously skipped the pelvic stuff as they wouldn’t want to hear that. Cameron left after dinner and it was just chilling with the TV. 

We both went to bed about the same time, but it took me far longer to go sleep because there was this nag that I needed to send one of those pictures to Zac. It was his child as well, he should hear and see also. But, I knew he’d just ignore me. I eventually slipped into dreamland sometime around midnight.


	21. Friendly Conversations

POV: Zac 

  

September 4, 2010 

We had a little over a week before we headed back out on the road. The last week had been a mixture of being glad to be in my own bed to wishing I could visit Miranda. My own brain was driving me fucking insane bouncing between wanting to call her and saying she’s evil and I need to avoid her. So, I called friends and invited them over today to distract me from shit. I stocked up on snacks, drinks, and made sure the controllers were charged and ready. 

Thomas showed up at 1 in his casual style of khaki’s and a cross fit t-shirt. 

“Where is everyone?” 

“Not here yet, grab a drink. Where is this new guy of yours?” 

Thomas was the only gay friend I had, having come out of his closet about two years ago. He was down to earth and normal to me in every way, even if sometimes I wondered if he stared at my ass or something. Thomas wasn’t a bad looking guy really, he stayed in good shape and kept his hair clipped short. His hair and eyes were both a dark brown. He preferred no facial hair. 

“In the gutter with his other boyfriend? We broke up last week.” 

“I’m sorry. Anything I can do?” 

“Find another gay friend and hook me up?” 

“I’ll get right on that.” 

We both laughed but he got himself a beer and a handful of snacks and settled in the chair. We were just watching whatever was on until Patrick showed which fifteen minutes later. Patrick, in contrast to Thomas, was more hipster in style. Casual blue-jeans and a tightly fitted purple shirt, his hair was clipped short on the sides but he kept the top longer and sweeping over. When I opened the door though there was this blonde with him, shorter than him, blue eyes and blonde hair that was long and wavy. She was wearing black jeans, heels and white and brown stripped shirt. 

“Hey Z, this is Christina, she’s my new girlfriend.” 

“Hello Christina.” 

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” 

I stepped aside and they came in, but it took her moments to spot the various awards. 

“Hanson, right?” 

“That’s right. I’m Zac.” 

“My sister was obsessed.” 

“Was?” 

“She moved to Backstreet Boys.” 

“They’re a bunch of nice guys. Drinks and snacks are out, help yourself.” 

He got a beer, she got a bottle of water and both got snacks. When we started a game she joined us and she was good! It was nice to just hang out with people and talk about their lives for a while. Patrick caught us up on his adventures with Christina and she added a little about herself. She was studying to be a lawyer, was currently fourth in her class. She wanted to be part of her father’s law firm in town. Thomas caught us up on his management gripes and how his last boyfriend was a dick. 

I got up to go to the bathroom and then get another beer and when I sat down she looked at me confused. 

“Who is FairyDust?” 

I blinked. “Why would you ask?” 

Christina had no reason to inquire who or what that name meant, I hadn’t even told the other two what her screen names were. She was always the red head to them. 

“He signed on while you were in the bathroom. No offense to Thomas, but what kind of dude has a screen name like that?” 

“Mine is circleofhell, so no offense from me.” 

“It’s not a guy, it’s a girl.” 

“A girl? You mean you have actual friends that aren’t men?” 

“Not very many admittedly, but yes.” 

She seemed to not believe me! But, I didn’t push it and I resisted sending her a message because they were here. We played a couple more rounds before taking a break, I called for the pizza and Patrick started some music. It wasn’t always video games with us. 

“So, Thomas are you going to be on the prowl again?” Patrick asked. 

“I am. I think I want to take a little time though, it seems like I rush into things and they leave.” 

“Sometimes slow is better, that little build up before the confrontation.” Christina said. 

“I agree.” He replied. 

“What about you Zac?” She asked. 

Patrick and Thomas both snorted, but it was Patrick that spoke. “He doesn’t do relationships.” 

“Why not?” She asked. 

“There just not for me.” I said. 

“Is it because of what your ex-fiancé did? I did hear about her.” 

“Mostly, yes.” 

“That had to be painful, I couldn’t imagine that happening to me. I can’t imagine being that selfish as to do it to someone else. I mean to go through the costs and expense and then wait until you’re in front of family to be that selfish? You should know that not all women are like her. I wouldn’t be. I would rather break the engagement.” 

“I know.” 

I did know that not all women are like Kathryn, but trusting that the next person won’t do that was hard. It’s hard to just date someone and fall for them knowing that at any moment she could tear my heart out. 

“Hard huh? I understand. My second boyfriend ever was an abuser, took me forever to trust that not all men were like him. It takes some time but don’t cut yourself off from someone you really like because this other girl hurt you. You deserve to be happy too.” 

I was kind of glad that the doorbell rang, got me out of responding. I paid for the pizza and we dove in but as we ate I thought about it. Christina didn’t know anything about Miranda or Cameron. She seemed like a good woman and she was nice enough. I just wasn’t sure if anyone would really understand why I was asking or if they’d ask too many questions. When we finished inhaling food we returned to play but the Patrick and Thomas were wanting to play the racing game, so I let them. 

“Christina, do you mind if I ask you something? Nothing personal.” 

“I don’t and if I deem it too personal I’ll just say so.” 

“Deal. Do you have any male friends that you are really close to? By close I mean someone that Patrick there may confuse as a lover or boyfriend?” 

Patrick glanced my way and his brow raised, confused but she paused. 

“You mean like some of my female friends? Where there like super close people think we’re related?” 

“Yes, only male.” 

“Personally, I don’t. Most of my friends that are that close are female. However, my friend Tamara has a male friend like that. They met when they were six I think, lived across the street from one another. They grew up together and they are very close. I mean when she was raped she went to him. Even though they are both married to other people, they remain close. Their kids play together.” 

“Do you know if they ever dated?” 

She looked thoughtful. “They did I think once but it didn’t work, they were too much alike. There like siblings and their kids even refer to the other person as Uncle and Aunt. It’s kind of cute.” 

“So..it’s possible?” 

“Oh yeah, I mean she’s one example. I am sure there are others. Who we chose as a best friend is not based on sex. I don’t have a male friend that close, but I have male friends I trust and know. Doesn’t mean I want to date them. Likewise, Patrick knows several women but he doesn’t want to date them. Sometimes Zac, a friend is just a friend.” 

“Even if they have pictures like yours and Patrick’s?” 

She pointed to a picture on of the band when I was younger. “You are practically sitting on Taylor there. You are his brother but you don’t see him any other way. That wedding photo from Isaac’s, you are very close to his wife. But you weren’t dating her. I can pull up numerous pictures of you and them with fans, there practically hanging all over you. But, you aren’t dating them. It’s just a picture. Unless his hands are on her breasts or he’s French kissing her. I wouldn’t put much stock into it.” 

“I never met him.” 

Again, Patrick looked at me and I could see the wheels turning in his head as he pieced together why I was asking. 

“So you saw picture of a girl with a guy, assuming she said he was her friend?” 

“Yeah, said that they were close, like sibling close. They were actually born on the same day.” 

“Can I see them?” 

“No. I can’t access them anymore.” 

“Oh…well…I don’t know why you’re asking now if she obviously has blocked or something but it’s possible she isn’t lying to you. Pictures are just there. All of us have those pictures where we’re close to someone. If you never saw them together or never seen their interactions then I feel like you can’t really assume.” 

Fuck. I didn’t want that answer. 

“I think I know who she is. You mean your red head?” Patrick asked. 

I nodded. “I kind of was an idiot.” 

“No surprise there. What did you do?” 

“We were arguing and I kind of told her she was sleeping with her friend too. She was adamant but the pictures seemed way to close to me.” 

“Where is she? Shayla said she hasn’t been to work in weeks and that she hasn’t seen her. I haven’t either.” 

“She went back to her home in South Carolina. She left the 25 th of last month. She’s been having really bad dizzy spells, her mom and brother are in the medical field. But, I haven’t talked to her in almost a month. Taylor was making me apologize the 25 th but she was already gone.” 

“Making you?” Christina asked. 

I sighed. “His girlfriend, Ruby, is her best friend. Taylor said I had to apologize to her for being mean earlier because it wasn’t right for them to choose between us.” 

“It’s not fair to her for you to apologize because you’re being made too. I can’t judge whether you deserved to be the one apologizing, because I don’t know the situation. But, if it was your fault and you were mean, then yes you should tell her you’re sorry but you should do it because you understand that you did wrong. Not because someone is making you.” 

“Yeah, I tried to tell him that but he was having none of it. It didn’t matter, she wasn’t there and she was already gone. Her number is disconnected, she blocked me everywhere else.” 

Okay, they didn’t need to know that Hanson.net and Xbox were open channels, clearly at home she had internet access. 

“I think you should get over your fear and chase her.” Patrick said. 

“I’d rather not talk about her.” 

“Because you are scared that she’s gonna be like Kathryn, come on Zac. You told me you enjoyed the conversations, you enjoyed being with her when you did meet her, and that you felt different. The only reason you pushed her away was because you were scared she’d be like Kathryn.” 

“It’s a valid fear.” 

“No it’s not. I was standing there Zac, I heard what she said to you. She was wrong. That was her fault. I know it hurt like a mother fucker, I know the bitch taunted you after that. But, you find fault in every woman you take home. Come on, you have no proof she was ever romantic with her friend. But that’s your excuse to not think she cares about you, that she’ll be like her. As for her date after you ignored her for a week, what did you expect her to do Zac? Crawl into a hole and wait for you?” 

“She could have waited longer than a week.” 

“You ignored her? No, she has every right to date someone else if you’re not showing any interest. She shouldn’t wait for you period, if you want to be with her then you have to take those steps. She cannot do that for you.” 

“It doesn’t matter now guys. I was the dumbass and she’s gone.” 

It at least got them to change conversations and we moved on to several more campaigns. Miranda signed off without ever sending me anything or acknowledging me, but I shouldn’t expect that anyway. We played until Patrick and Christina called it a day, they were going to get dinner and Thomas and I were just heating up leftovers. Once they were gone and we were sitting on the sofa stuffing ourselves with pizza and beer he looked over at me. 

“I know I didn’t say much about things earlier, it wasn’t because I didn’t care or anything. I just didn’t want to voice my opinion with everyone in the room.” 

“It’s fine Thomas.” 

“I do agree with Christina. I know several women who have male friends that are close and they haven’t ever touched them in a romantic way. If you are using that as your sole reason, then it really is wrong. I only saw her a few times at the diner, she was usually with the girl. But she only came with that guy once. She seemed to be enjoying the conversations but I don’t think her heart was in it.” 

“It’s a muted point Thomas, I hurt her and I can’t just apologize and expect her to be fine. I was an idiot, I did wrong. I don’t know that she even wants to see me. She hasn’t sent me anything and the letter she left when she left didn’t indicate she would be sending me anything.” 

“Why did she leave a letter?” 

I finished the slice I had left and the beer, I wasn’t even telling my family about her claim of being pregnant. Why tell him? But, Thomas and I had been friends forever and he trusted me enough that I was the first person he told about his sexual preference. 

“The last time I saw her was early August, I was trying to avoid her Thomas because I was afraid she’d be like Kathryn. She told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine. But, I don’t think she was telling me the truth, I think it was to get me to stay. I called her a whore and told her she needed to contact her friend or that guy she was with at the diner. She slapped me and I got a really hard ball busting hit, her placement was spot on and left a bruise on my thigh for a week.” 

He looked at me. “Well, it explains why you need to be the one to apologize. Do you believe her?” 

“I can’t believe her Thomas.” 

“Did she provide any kind of proof?” 

“No. No test, nothing.” 

“And when she left?” 

“She wrote a letter, she claims I am the only person she had sex with the entire year. She admitted to considering abortion but chose to keep the baby and go home. Basically kind of said she couldn’t afford to stay.” 

“Do you believe that’s why?” 

“No. I think she just wanted to go home and needed an excuse. I haven’t seen proof and she hasn’t bothered to send me any. She told me she was pregnant, I was already pissed and all so I called her a whore and that she needed to tell them because it wasn’t mine.” 

“Not sure that was the right way to handle it. I can’t give good advice on women. However, I do want to say that you need to stop comparing every girl to Kathryn. She was mean, evil, and hurt you and I understand. But, not every woman is like her. I know I can’t force you, but you need to really let Kathryn go Zac.” 

“I know…” 

It just wasn’t that easy. He and I played games for another several hours before he called it quits and headed home himself. Which left me alone in the apartment to think and I hated that. 

So, it’s entirely possible that Cameron really was simply her friend and that nothing was going on between them. Despite how cozy they looked in the pictures and I was positive that he was at her brothers the moment he knew she was home. I was also sure that she probably told him everything the moment she could and he hated me. 

Then again, I think if he views her as his sister, his anger toward me would be warranted. I’m not sure I want to even touch how her brother actually feels about me. 

But, nothing changed really. She still had Justin after me and there was no real proof. She refused to tell Ruby, whom is suppose to be her best friend. Why wouldn’t she tell her at least? Even if she wasn’t lying about that then the chances of it being mine were still 50/50, my guess was it was more his baby than mine. 

I was still playing when she came on again about nine, I really wanted to send something but I had nothing to say. I missed our conversations though, the random pictures and random chats. I missed reading her stories too. They really had a different meaning given she said they were ones she had about me. But, it didn’t matter because I doubt she’d ever let me so much as touch her arm let along anywhere else. 

I signed off about eleven and got myself ready for bed, the upcoming next leg of the tour started soon and I wanted all the sleep in my bed I could possibly handle. Even if I did always lay there for an hour and wonder if she ever wonders what I’m doing. Probably not. Why should she? 

Thomas was right. Kathryn was still ruining my life, even though she was hundreds of miles away. 


	22. Sugary Blues

POV: Miranda / Samuel (Her Dad) 

  

September 17, 2010 

For the first time since coming home, I had the house to myself! Caleb or Cameron had been here every day to make sure that I took the medications, make me check my blood sugars, and make me eat. As much as I didn’t want too once I was awake and had gone to the bathroom I washed my hands and spent ten minutes trying to poke my finger. I just couldn’t fucking do it. Each time I pressed the button on the little lance my other hand would jerk and the needle missed. 

“Fuck it. I’ll just eat a little extra.” 

The number’s in the morning had been usually in the upper 70’s or low 80’s, so I fixed breakfast and added a cup of the juice that Caleb had gotten. Cameron had been doing very good, so much that according to Caleb’s scale I’d gained back the 10 pounds I lost plus another five. I felt better and the medication really helped. After eating I got my new phone. 

Caleb wouldn’t let me be alone without one, so when we went out that weekend he added me to his plan. It also made Mom and Dad more comfortable but they didn’t know I was pregnant. I set up my accounts again, e-mail and Instagram. Although, I really wasn’t adding anything to Instagram. I was however doing mirror pictures in the bedroom, to show how I changed over the course of this pregnancy. I was going through photos when a text came through. 

**_Panda! I know you’re awake by now, are you okay?_ **

_I’m awake, had breakfast + morning snack. I’m debating about a bath and video games._

**_Check your sugar?_ **

_Yes._

He really wouldn’t know if I had or not, so it didn’t matter. 

**_Good. You enjoy your game time! I’ve got to get back to the floor. *hugs*_ **

I sent him a smiley and then decided I did want a bath so I gathered clean clothes and ran the tub with somewhat warm water. Caleb said to avoid hot bathes. I had seen Zac’s username several times up until they left for tour again, but as much as I wanted to say hey I was terrified he’d just tell me to fuck off. So, I hadn’t. I started to take a photo of one of the pictures and text it, but again, I didn’t think he’d care. I was in the tub about thirty minutes before I got out. 

I was starting to get a head ache so I figured maybe I needed to get out, I got dried off and was mostly dressed when the dizziness came. I just sat down on the bed for a moment, maybe I got up too quick or something. When it seemed to pass I slipped my shirt on but noticed the slight shaking. 

“Maybe I need to go get something.” I said to no one. 

Going to the kitchen though presented new things like shaking and my forehead was sweaty. I got my phone and just hit dial, it would either be Caleb or Cameron. 

“Hey Panda. What’s up?” 

“I don’t…” 

“Miranda?” 

“I’m dizzy.” 

The whole room was spinning wildly at this point and I knew something was wrong I just couldn’t figure it out, I could hear Cameron calling my name. 

**-Samuel-**

I generally took Friday’s off because I opened my clinic on Saturday’s for those who were busy. I was one of very few general doctor’s that did that and it had helped my client base. Though, my practice was open today just others were there. I was just chillin on the couch when my phone rang, Cameron’s number came up, he rarely called me. 

“Hello?” 

“Sam? Please tell me you’re at home.” 

“I am, what’s up?” 

“Go check on Miranda. She’s at Caleb’s house alone. She called me and said something about being dizzy and then I heard something break. She’s not answering the phone and I’m worried.” 

“On my way.” 

I hung-up and slipped on my shoes quickly. I knew that Caleb got her to come home and I was glad he did because like her mother I was worried about her. She hadn’t sounded right and with her fainting I was worried. Unlike her mother, I had a really big idea on why she came home. I floored my car to Caleb’s house, which wasn’t far away. I knocked once, waiting just a moment before using his hidden key. I knocked incase she’d just knocked something over. 

Miranda was laying in the floor at the end of the cabinet, not far from the cabinet was a glass bowl that had little candies in it, they were scattered across the floor and so was the glass. I went to her and checked, she was breathing but her heart rate was up and she felt clammy. 

“Miranda?” 

I tried shaking her gently, gentle pats to her face but she wasn’t responding. I glanced around and saw the chart on the fridge with numbers, three times a day for the last few weeks. The meter was laying on the counter so I quickly checked and her sugar level was below 40 so I called 911. My medical bag didn’t have glucose but the paramedics had it. When they arrived I told them what I could, including that she was pregnant. 

She nor Caleb had told me she was, but she had the same symptoms her mother had. They administered the right medication but it didn’t seem to work as fast, so they decided to take her in. I called her mother on the way to the hospital as well as Caleb. Meeting them both in the emergency entrance. 

“What happen?” Caleb asked. 

“Cameron called me, she called but he couldn’t get her to answer. He asked me to go over and she had passed out. Her sugar level is very low, it’s not even above sixty and they gave her medication at the house. She was kind of coming around.” 

I called Cameron after her brother and mother were filled in. I knew he was worried. 

**-Miranda-**

I was slowly becoming aware of what was around me. I could hear someone saying my name, but it was a girl. I finally opened my eyes and it became aware that I was in a hospital. 

“Welcome back.” 

“Baby…” 

“Baby’s fine, but you scared everyone quite a bit.” 

I could feel the IV in my arm and the blood pressure cuff across the other one, the pulse and oxygen meter on my finger but I didn’t see anyone I knew. 

“Caleb…” 

“You’re parents and brother are waiting just outside, we couldn’t get your sugar level to come up enough. Do you want me to get them?” 

“Caleb.” 

She stepped out and returned a few moments later with Caleb, dressed in his full uniform for the hospital. I still felt like crap really. 

“Hey, you gave Cameron a panic attack. You owe him an apology.” 

“Sorry, wasn’t my intention.” 

“Did you not check your level this morning?” 

“I couldn’t get myself to poke my finger. I gave up after like fifteen minutes.” 

“Well, we’re going to have to work on that. We can’t have you doing this again.” 

“Who brought me?” 

“Cameron called Dad. Did you tell him about being pregnant?” 

“No.” 

“He asked me how far along you were when Mom went to get coffee. I don’t know how he knew.” 

I sighed. “Is he mad?” 

“No. Mom’s still gone do you want to see him?” 

“Yeah.” 

He went to get him and they came back in, but a nurse brought in a vending machine sandwich. 

“I know it probably taste bad but I need you to eat something now.” 

It didn’t taste that bad! Dad sat down beside me though. 

“Feel better?” 

“Not really, are they going to keep me?” 

“They are for a few hours for sure, but they’ll want your sugar levels to stay up for a bit. Eating that will help.” 

“How did you know?” 

He smiled. “Dizziness, fainting, throwing up…I am a doctor Miranda. I’ve been around a lot of pregnant women in my lifetime. They are all very common signs. The low blood sugar is a little different. Usually it’s higher and not lower. I assume you haven’t told your mother?” 

“Kenneth will hate me. He’ll just convince Mom. I can’t tell them.” 

He smiled. “Honey, your mother loves you and she’s never going to hate you. I could care a less what Kenneth believes. I am sure he’ll have some snide religious reason but let’s face it. He is not your father, I am.” 

“Mom’s gonna be disappointed.” 

His fingers along my temple was reassuring. “She might be at first, but she’ll warm up to the idea.” 

It wasn’t reassuring but the doctor came in and checked my sugar levels again urged me to finish that sandwich. 

“Where is Mom?” 

“She had to return to her floor, but she’ll either see you here or at Caleb’s.” 

I was there a couple of hours until they did three checks that all came back in a normal range. Once they released me Dad took me back to Caleb’s where he gave me the option to use my arm to draw that drop of blood, made it easier for me. Didn’t hurt as bad either. He then just decided to wait. 

“How many people know you are pregnant?” 

“You, Caleb, Cameron, myself, and the father.” 

“And the father is where?” 

“He knows but he didn’t believe me. I haven’t spoken to him since. I have sonogram pictures, do you want to see them?” 

“Of course.” 

I got them for him to see and I could tell that I didn’t have to worry about Dad being disappointed. Just the little prickle of tears proved that. 

“Do you have a due date?” 

“March tenth or around that date.” 

He smiled and while he was here he pretty much made me eat or snack. He wanted my sugar to stay up. I was going to have to follow the doctor because I didn’t always want a sitter and not for the next several months. 

Mom showed up at 4:30 with Kenneth and that didn’t help me at all feel better about telling them. I got the hug and once over to make sure I was fine before she asked. 

“What is going on with you? You’ve never had low blood sugars and never to this point.” 

Dad remained quiet and I knew I was the one that needed to tell her. But Kenneth already looked judgmental! But, it wasn’t Caleb or Dad’s place to tell her she was going to be a grandmother. Clearly, she hadn’t connected the dots like Dad had. Probably because she thought I was better than this and wouldn’t be this stupid. 

“I didn’t quite come home because I was just home sick.” 

“I kind of figured that, but Caleb said you’d been sick for weeks and didn’t know why.” 

“Well, I knew why. I’ve been sick because I’m pregnant. I came home because I really just couldn’t afford to pay the bills plus the doctor. Caleb said I needed more support and to see a doctor, I couldn’t do that in Oklahoma.” 

“You’re pregnant?” She asked. 

“Fifteen weeks and I am due in March.” 

She was quiet and so was Kenneth, but I could see the disappointment written across her face. His face looked as if he expected it. 

“Where is the father? Where is he at?” 

I shrugged. “He didn’t believe me, so I don’t guess he’ll be around. I really don’t know.” 

She was quiet again for several moments. “It’s fine. I know a reputable adoption agency.” 

“Anna.” Dad said. 

“No Sam, she’s not married and the father is just not here. The best choice for this baby is adoption. He or she will have a stable home life, two parents.” 

“I told you the bar was a bad work location. It was bound to cause problems and this is what you get. An illegitimate child with no father. You’re mother is right, adoption is the best option.” Kenneth said. 

The three adults seem to argue over this, Dad defending me and Mom and Kenneth saying it was best. Caleb came in mid-argument and joined Dad. 

“Hey! This is my baby. Not yours. I’m keeping this baby.” I said. 

“It’s not the right choice Miranda. You can’t even care for yourself right now, how are you going to care for a new born? You’re brother cannot provide everything for you forever.” Kenneth said. 

“He has a point Miranda, a baby is a big responsibility.” 

“I’m not stupid, I know that. But this baby is mine and I decided to keep him or her. It’s not your choice. I didn’t go through with the planned abortion because Caleb made me see that I wanted this baby! I don’t care what you want me to do. If I wasn’t going to keep the baby I would have gone through with the abortion already.” 

I really hadn’t planned on telling them about the abortion, but it just came out and while Dad seemed mildly disappointed, Mom and Kenneth looked like I’d just confessed to killing someone! 

“That can’t be true Miranda, you know how we feel about abortions. Why would you ever consider that? It’s murder.” 

“I didn’t see any other options, it took Caleb asking and then showing me there were options like coming home. I knew you’d be disappointed that I was pregnant and I just…” 

“You thought murder was better? That you could be a whore and there were no consequences?” Kenneth asked. 

I blinked but it was my father who moved in front of me quickly. I was still kind of confused. 

“That is my daughter you are talking about and she is no whore. I understand you have your beliefs but my children were not raised on them. I think it’s time you go Kenneth. Because I really want to hit you right now but I’m going to respect it’s my son’s house.” 

I just sat there pretty helpless as Mom and Kenneth left. It’s the same thing Zac said. 

“Miranda?” Dad asked. 

“Maybe he’s right.” 

“He is not right. You are an adult and who you chose to have sex with is no one’s business but yours. You are no whore and you never will be.” 

“And mom? Is she right too? I can’t really do anything because no job is going to let me just eat around the clock. I can’t even convince the father it is his baby. Maybe…” 

“Don’t even finish that. You’ll be fine and Caleb and I will make sure you have what you need. Even once he or she is here, you can go back to work and we’ll help you. Honey you are not alone.” 

“She’s disappointed in me.” 

“I know, but she’ll come around. How about we go get some dinner?” 

“I was just gonna order some pizza.” Caleb said. 

“Hey, Pizza is fine with me.” Dad said. 

They got to ordering and I leaned back, refused to cry with them both here but I did pull up Cameron’s messages while Dad and Caleb talked choices and Dad was making sure that there was some emergency tablets where I could get them. 

_Cam?_

**_Hey – Caleb sent me a message to say they sent you home. Are you alright?_ **

_Yeah, my sugar was super low. Dad and Caleb are discussing options and Dad showed me how to check my sugar levels on my arm. But…I had to tell them._

**_Good. I figured you didn’t this morning but you need too Panda. It’s important for you and my nephew or niece. Oh…I guess that didn’t go well?_ **

_Dad is super chill. He pretty much guessed based on symptoms. Mom is disappointed and Kenneth called me a whore. :\ Mom talked adoptions and I fucked up. I slipped that I’d considered an abortion._

**_You’re dad is a smart man Panda. :- ( You are not a whore. I should know, I know every dude you have had sex with and you really aren’t off one hand…as for adoptions..If that’s what YOU chose then fine, but you don’t have to worry if you want to keep this baby. Well, you knew they wouldn’t be pleased, why did you mention it?_ **

_They were arguing and it just came out. Sure? I basically went home with Zac without even a second thought._

**_That wasn’t entirely your fault either. I am not liking him, but I think at some point you need to send him a letter or something. If nothing else, to let him know things. But, you are no whore. You’re decision to do an abortion was based on your situation and circumstances which changed. You made the right choice and you will be an amazing mother._ **

Mother. I’d not even considered that term yet. I was going to be a mother to a little baby. 

_Thanks Cam. :- )_

**_No problem._ **

When the pizza arrived we sat at the table, talked about their jobs and Dad explained what I could do to make sure my sugar stays up. We discussed about having me around someone but really, they couldn’t always be here. So, I would have to suck it up and stick myself three times a day. It was going to suck really. But, it was what I had to do. 

Dad stayed until after eight and then headed home. 

“Don’t listen to Kenneth Miranda.” 

“Hard not to Caleb.” 

“Come on, you understand that they weren’t going to be thrilled. But, he over stepped it. Calling you names is not going to solve anything. Telling you what to do is not going to help.” 

“There never going to let the abortion thing go.” 

He sat down. “Was it a good decision? No. There were other options but you were alone and struggling, you couldn’t see a doctor and they were free to consult. But, Miranda come on…you knew they were going to charge you for the procedure. I don’t think you really wanted it.” 

“I don’t think I did either, but I just didn’t see any other option. I couldn’t tell Zac I needed the money for the doctor. I didn’t want to be seen as someone who would use him. He doesn’t even believe me. He wouldn’t have.” 

“I know you told him, but did you ever show him the test?” 

“No. I didn’t think he would be there so I didn’t take any. After I left I didn’t see him again. I just don’t think he’ll believe me without a test Caleb.” 

“It’s possible it’s what he needs. Have you talked with Ruby?” 

“Shit! I was suppose to call her this afternoon. I’ll call her tomorrow she’s off. I should probably check and then sleep.” 

“Want me to do it?” 

“No. If you won’t be here for two I need to be able to.” 

Dad had said the arm was fine when I knew it was fine but Caleb was insisting on palm or fingertip so he helped me this time to get the finger. I knew once I got use to it, I would be fine it was just getting it over with. He went to bed shortly after and I stayed up a bit longer before going myself. 


	23. Brotherly Talks

POV: Zac 

  

September 20, 2010; San Francisco, CA 

I missed my bed! These bunks were not that bad but they weren’t good either. I knew I needed to get some sleep though. I finally got to sleep and it felt like before long Taylor and Isaac were screaming my name to get up and get ready. Interviews were usually done early and I managed to drag myself out of the bunk and get ready. 

I didn’t regret nor did I mind interviews normally, but the last few weeks it was the same ol’ stuff. The talk on the album, the walks, the tour and music didn’t bother me at all. I loved those parts of the interviews. It was the more personal parts that I wasn’t crazy about. It was inevitable that either a caller would ask or the host would ask. Isaac was always very happy to discuss the fact he was happily married and they were doing great, talking about how being a father was something he loved. It was no secret. Now, Taylor also had to match his talk. He had slipped and given Ruby’s first name out but so far the backlash wasn’t bad. 

People did ask more about her now, what was she like and how she was, did they plan to stay together? It really was different to hear Taylor talking about more now. Yet, I had nothing to say. Just that I was still the bachelor of the group. I didn’t much answer the why’s, most everyone knew why. 

The last five years that type of talk never bothered me, who cared that Taylor and Natalie were good? Or Ike and Melanie? I’d been fine. But now? The fact that when we got home there would be no one waiting for me, that no one would be excited to see me, that no one would be calling me daily to check in, see how my day was. Likewise, I had no one to call to see how her day was, had things gone well? 

Granted, I could send a message to Miranda, but the odds of her replying in a manner that I wanted was slim. Even if she replied, she wouldn’t want small talk or even sexual talk. No, she’d want me to answer why I was such an asshole. Why I had said so many mean things to her, why didn’t I believe her? I overheard some of Ruby’s conversations with Taylor, she was talking to Ruby but she had no idea what was going on really. 

“Earth to Zac.” Ike said. 

“Huh?” 

“He asked you a question.” 

I directed my attention back to the host, a thin hippy dude with long stringy hair and clothes so bright I wanted my sunglasses. 

“Sorry, I’ve heard their answers so many times.” 

“No problem, we just wanted to see if there was any change with you?” 

“No. Still single. Still….” 

I was going to say not looking for anything, but wasn’t that what I was wanting? That person to be there when I got home, to share our days with? 

“Still…?” He questioned. 

“Still just being the bachelor of the group.” 

He nodded and the next thirty minutes went back to the tour. When we left this one we had two more, both going the same way as the first. They’d discuss the tour, walks and album and then someone would invariably ask about our personal lives. I am shocked Taylor and Isaac don’t go insane answering the same questions in the same ways so much. Then again, they loved their wives and girlfriends. They loved going home to them and being with them. They loved bragging about them. I was kind of glad that the interviews were over and we were headed to get lunch. 

It was going for one and after this we had walks, sound checks, and shit. But lunch is always good and I was glad we chose a good burger place. 

“You feeling okay Zachary?” 

I looked at Isaac, he rarely used my full first name unless he was serious. He looked concerned and worried. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Tired but that’s kind of normal on tours really.” 

“Yeah, I wasn’t referring to the fact you look tired, kind of think we all do. You’ve been more distant during interviews, especially when they ask about relationships or personal lives.” 

“What do you expect me to do Ike? Listen as each of you give the same basic answer? I mean unless Eliza is sick or something is happening, then you basically tell them the same thing. Taylor does too. I have about memorized exactly what you’re going to say. Sorry if I zone out.” 

“Are you sure that’s it?” He asked. 

“You haven’t asked me about Miranda lately either.” Taylor said. 

“I recall the last time I asked you about Miranda you told me to ask Miranda. Because I had no right to be worried about her or concerned about her. I figured there was no need to ask you after that Taylor. Besides, I don’t have her number to ask. Isaac, I am sure that’s it.” 

He nodded and they let it go. Honestly, I should be trying to forget about Miranda, but a little nagging voice wouldn’t let me completely forget her. I’d attempted to find someone to bring back one night but every time I’d looked all I saw was her. I could now pick out every person in the room with red hair within a few minutes. It was getting bothersome really, annoying even. 

I remember a time when I did that with Kathryn. When I thought I saw her in every corner of the room and every show, even when I knew she wasn’t there. When I looked forward to seeing her and visiting her family. But, maybe Thomas was right. Maybe I really did need to let her go and forget about her. Was she really holding me back that much? The problem was, I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. 

“Do we visit Atlanta during this segment?” 

“Yes, at end of October. The week of your birthday actually. Why?” Taylor asked. 

“Wondering, can’t remember all the places.” 

Well, that pretty much guaranteed me that I’d see her, Kathryn was predictable. She would be at all Georgia shows even though she claimed to hate me. She had brought her son before and I was sure she would this time too. Taylor spotted someone he knew and ran off, leaving Ike and I at the table. Minutes passed before Ike leaned forward. 

“Do you want to know how Miranda is?” 

“Taylor’s not going to tell me.” 

“He doesn’t have too. Ruby and Melanie have been hanging out quite a bit. Ruby is still worried about Miranda and she talks to Melanie a little bit.” 

“I don’t know Ike, maybe it’s better I not know. Maybe it’ll help me move forward and not dwell on what could have been.” 

“Why did you ask about Georgia?” 

“We both know why I asked Ike. We both know Kathryn will be there.” 

“Why does she show up? She wants nothing to do with you or the band, but she still shows up.” 

I sat back. “She shows up so she can show me what I don’t have.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, everyone heard her say she was leaving me to be with her best friend and they were expecting a baby. You guys heard her say she never wanted to talk to or see us again. She was adamant about all of that and I thought that meant she was going home and she’d never contact me again. I was wrong. In September I got the birth announcement with her sons photos and information. He was born the 31 st of August at 4:10 am. He was a little over nine pounds and they named him Emanuel. She included in that announcement a little note to me, saying that he could have been mine, that we could have had that, that we could have been a family if I had been home. In 2008 she came to the show in Atlanta with a few friends and she brought him with her.” 

He leaned back. “Zac do you believe he is yours?” 

“At first, yes. I thought maybe she was wrong about when or something like that. But then I realized that he couldn’t be mine. She would have gotten pregnant over the Christmas Holiday the year before and she wasn’t in Tulsa at the time. The few days I flew out to be with her we didn’t have sex. She was in Atlanta most of December. Honestly, Isaac I should have known when she told me she was expecting. I just ignored the details because it’s what we wanted, it’s what I wanted.” 

“But she’s taunting you with him? Has she sent other pictures?” 

“She usually sends like one a year, except 2008 and this year so far. But, it’s not him. It’s what he represents. He’s a representation of what I lost. She knew I wanted kids Isaac. She knew what I wanted was a family to come home too. I wanted what you and Melanie have. She uses Emanuel to remind me that because I was never home, because I was out touring, I lost her. Because I lost her, I lost him. I lost that family.” 

I understood the implications of why she did things, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of how to end it. Perhaps, Isaac would be able to help in that sense. 

“I think she just want to keep hurting you and you are letting her. She moved on Zac. She married him, they have a son together and they live together. In the mean time you keep pushing women away, not believing them, just wanting to be single. But, Zac you don’t want that. Last five years you answer the question are you dating anyone with no and I’m not interested. Now, you just say no. Which makes me think you want more, you just don’t know how.” 

“There is no point in saying more really, but I think I might be wanting more. I just don’t know how to put Kathryn out of my head and move past what she did and has done. Everyone tells me to just move on, forget about her and find someone else. But, it’s not that easy. She was a big part of my life and she caused the worst pain of my life. I liked Gwen but I couldn’t move past things. It is hard to trust someone else to not be like Kathryn, so not give me that hope of a family and then rip it away.” 

“Does Miranda fall into that category?” 

“Yes.” 

He sat there for several moments and I swear sometimes I can see gears moving in his head. He then sat up and leaned on the table. 

“I think you just need to tell her that you are done and moving on with your life. That while you and her had good memories and times, that she needs to focus on her family and you need to focus on you. Tell her you’re done. In the future if she mails you something, don’t open it. Return it to her. She may not even show up but if she does you need to know and be able to move past her. She is your past. We cannot make you move forward Zac, that’s on you. We can support your decisions. We can be there if you need us, but we can’t force you.” 

He paused for another several moments. 

“As for Miranda, I wasn’t there and I don’t know much about her or what happened. No one even seems to know what your argument was about but you and her. Maybe what you need to do is talk to her but not alone. If you want to set up something when we’re close I’ll go with you. But, that is ultimately up to you as well. We can’t make you.” 

“Why do you always have answers?” 

“Because I am old man Hanson and I rock.” 

We both laughed and after Taylor returned we headed to the venue for the walk which went well, even if I did pick out the six red headed girls and determined that none of them were as special as her. The sound check went smooth with minor issues and problems. When the sound check ended we got to fix dinner from catering and then chill for like an hour before we had to warm up and perform. We were finishing our dinner when Taylor looked at his phone and cursed. 

“What?” Ike and I asked. 

It wasn’t unlike Taylor but there had to be a reason! 

“Ruby is suppose to call me in a few moments, but my phone is nearly dead. Would you guys mind if I just did speaker phone so I can plug it up?” 

“As long as you avoid the sex talk or the super sexy stuff.” Ike said. 

“Ditto. Let her know ahead of time please!” I said. 

“Deal.” 

We were just lounging at the moment and when she called he put her on speaker and told her she was, along with why. She knew not to say anything she didn’t want us to hear and she teased him mercilessly for not charging it earlier. The first twenty minutes of the conversation was normal. She told him about how work sucked, he complained about the bunks. She mentioned going out with some female co-workers Saturday for a while and about the new friends she was making. Yet, even though her voice sounded chipper even Ike and I could tell something was bothering her. 

“Hey Ruby, what’s wrong? You sound concerned about something. Did you ever get in touch with Miranda? I know you said she didn’t call you Friday as promised. You were worried, is that it?” Tay asked. 

The line was quiet a moment. “She called me Saturday morning.” 

“Was everything okay? Did she just forget?” 

“She did forget and by the time she remembered, she knew I’d be asleep. Her brother made sure she wasn’t really alone much and she was Friday. Well, her blood sugar basically tanked on her, her father couldn’t get her to wake up so he called paramedics, her sugar was in the 40’s. They took her to the hospital. It took them time but eventually they released her. She has to now check her blood sugar three times a day and she hates that. She’s never been good with needles.” 

I had been deep in a game on my phone, but I heard she’d been in the hospital and my momentary look at Taylor cost me my life in the game. But, that didn’t much matter. She’d just said Miranda, my Miranda, was in the hospital. 

“I don’t recall you ever saying she had blood sugar problems. Did she have it before?” 

“That’s the strangest thing ever, no. She has never had a problem with her blood sugar levels, Caleb has randomly checked hers before when he was first starting and they were fine. Health wise she’s never shown any of the problems she has now. Low blood sugar, the dizzy spells, she passed out at the bar twice. I suspect it was low blood sugar then too. She’s still getting sick. I thought it would improve once she got home. I mean, if it was environmental it should have. She’s use to Conway.” 

“Blood sugar can be weird Ruby.” Taylor said. 

“I know, I’m just worried about her. Cameron said she was fine but I know if she tells him not to say anything he won’t. But, I did request time off so I can go back and get the rest of my things. I suppose I can kidnap her and get her to talk to me.” 

“When did you request the time?” 

“I requested three. One in November, One December, and then the week you guys play Myrtle Beach. I wasn’t sure about when I could but they said they would see if they can do a November or December but if not then it’ll be October. It depends on the work load and stuff.” 

“Keep me posted on when and maybe if you are ready I can meet your parents one of those weeks. You’ve met mine and most of the family already.” 

“That would be amazing! November wouldn’t be good because you guys have shows but October and December would be good. I’ll see about making plans and all.” 

I really wanted to ask Ruby if she was okay but I didn’t. I just listened to their conversation as it moved on to them making more room and changing things around at his house. 

Miranda had been in the hospital, she’d fainted completely and that wasn’t good. I used my phone to look up whether low blood sugar could be a symptom of pregnancy. Turns out, it could be. What if she hadn’t lied to me? I’d convinced myself that her line about being pregnant was solely to get me to stay. If she really was pregnant than being in the hospital wasn’t a good thing. 

Then again, people develop diabetes out of blue all the time and it’s possible she did just that. Even if it was pregnancy related, there was Justin too. It didn’t stop the nagging feelings but it did calm them. Once Taylor hung-up we got warmed up for the show and then it was show time. 

The show went itself went well even if there was ten red heads in the crowd. After break down and showers we headed to the hotel. We were playing here again tomorrow, so hotel for the night. I was glad that I could get a super hot shower and then sleep in a comfortable bed. But, my thoughts bounced all over the place for a while. From what Miranda was doing and if she truly was okay to what I needed to do to break Kathryn’s spell over me. I knew I needed to do something. 

Just what? 


	24. You want me to what?

POV: Miranda 

  

October 3, 2010 

Caleb was already awake and had breakfast ready when I got up at nine. He also had the meter ready for me when I got up. I was beginning to despise that machine. My fingers frankly hurt thinking about needing too even jab them today. He gave me time to get up, shower, and get dressed before he looked at me and then the meter. 

“Do I have too?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you mind?” 

“Not at all.” 

If I was up before he left he would do the needle part, if not then he’d get it at night. I still had to three times a day, but sometimes I could get a reprieve if he or Cameron were here. I sat down and he proceeded to alcohol and then stab my finger with the little needle. 

“I know it sucks Miranda.” 

“My fingers hurt, really. It made typing yesterday kind of hard.” 

I’d been adamant about not being solely provided for by Cameron and Caleb. But, the doctor didn’t want to me to drive and that impacted what I could do. Dad got me a job transcribing medical reports because I grew up around the medical field and I knew the terminology. It provided me with something I could do flexibly and never had to leave the house. It was ideal for right now. 

“You’re in the 70’s. How do you feel?” 

I tilted my head sideways. “I’m tired, my shoes don’t fit, I’m gonna have to find bigger pants, and my bras no longer fit. Mom’s still not talking to me and Kenneth thinks I’m the spawn of Satan. I’m just peachy.” 

“You’re also cranky this morning. I can’t do much for the tiredness, shoes, bras, pants, or mom. But, you shouldn’t worry about what Kenneth thinks.” 

Mom had come over after the hospital scare, but she came over when Caleb and Dad weren’t here and she came with an adoption agency representative. The lady made all kinds of sense but they both thought I was a naive little girl who would sign whatever they asked. When I refused to sign anything mom got mad and well, she basically thought I was irresponsible and making a choice based on my emotions and not what was best. 

What was best was that I raise my own baby. I had made the choice to have sex with him without making him use a condom. This was the consequence to that action. Caleb had been pretty pissed when he come home and found the papers on the table. I know he’d talked to Mom, but he didn’t tell me what they determined. 

“I just want her to know her grandbaby Caleb. If she isn’t talking me then how can she? Kenneth is her husband and if he doesn’t want to be around this baby because of me then there is no chance of them having any kind of relationship like we had.” 

Our grandparents were all dead, but they had been loving and support up until the day they died. I wanted my baby to have that and right now it didn’t look like it would happen. 

He smiled. “Mom’s just upset right now Miranda, she doesn’t understand your decisions and honestly she’s letting faith be in her way. Kenneth is…well, if he chooses not to be there then it’s his own fault. But, this little one will always have Papa. Because Dad is already looking at clothes, blankets, bibs, the man is on cloud nine.” 

“I know.” 

Dad really was on cloud nine, he was already talking about wanting to buy things but wanting to know the gender first. I didn’t blame him, everything in the store looked cute as hell. 

“Alright, let’s eat.” 

I wouldn’t argue with that! I was getting use to this eating thing again and even though I could feel the extra weight the doctor was fine. My appointment had been the 24 th and I’d gained a few pounds she was more happy. I was trying to eat the right foods though, not a lot of junk food. I couldn’t even stand to smell ramen noodles right now, Cameron had fixed some last week and the smell alone made me sick. I was however craving warmer foods like peppers, not the burn your mouth hot ones but just warmer than normal. Hot salsa had to be kept now along with tortilla chips. 

Breakfast was delicious and once the kitchen was cleaned up again we sat down to watch TV, he had programs he liked and I hated. I was happy with Ruby sent me a text asking if she could call! I took her call outside to the hammock since it was still essentially warm enough to sit here comfortably. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I was dying of boredom. Caleb is watching some of his shows, Mariah should be over tonight for dinner. He spent most of yesterday with her.” 

“No wonder you jumped on the phone call option.” 

“Yep, even came outside. It’s a bit chill but nothing major.” 

“So, I called for a reason actually.” 

“What’s up?” 

“I’m coming home to get the rest of my things at the end of the month. I’ll be in town officially the seventeenth to the twenty-third. I am giving you a long ass notice because at least one of those days I am kidnapping you and I don’t want Cameron or Caleb or anyone around.” 

“Shouldn’t be that hard, Caleb works mostly all day every day and Cameron’s been working more too.” 

“Didn’t you say you were? Where?” 

“I’m doing medical transcriptions, the doctor when I saw her was concerned about me passing out. So, no driving for me. So, I had to find something I could do. It works out well, I can be here and if I feel bad I just stop. I don’t have a boss.” 

“You can’t drive?” 

“She is afraid that I’ll be driving and my sugar will crash again.” 

I wasn’t going to tell her that I was pregnant, not over the phone and I didn’t have much else to explain beyond that. 

“Damn Miranda, you visit Tulsa and fall apart. Do they have a cause or reason?” 

“No. Not yet.” 

I felt bad lying to her but I also was sure that Zac hadn’t told them and while I really wanted to ask her about him, I never did. 

“So….you know Hanson will be in Myrtle Beach the 22 nd, right?” 

“No, I haven’t really checked their tour schedule. I know they were out and all.” 

“They’ll be there that Friday.” 

It was also Zac’s birthday. 

“That’s good for them.” 

“Taylor reserved me two tickets, for you and I.” 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea that I go really.” 

“Are you still mad at Zac?” 

I sighed. “No, but I don’t know that I want to see him.” 

“You don’t have too. But Taylor does want to see you and Ike too. I can have them meet us somewhere, Zac doesn’t have to be there.” 

“I don’t know Ruby. The last time you invited me over didn’t end well because you and Taylor were match matcher.” 

“We didn’t know it would end that way.” 

“I know, but it did. It ended horribly and quite possibly there is no chance that we’ll ever really talk again.” 

Logic told me that was probably not going to happen, I mean once he got served with DNA and child support papers he was bound to call me. I just wasn’t sure that seeing him now would be a good thing. 

“I think he wants to talk to you.” 

“Nothing is stopping him Ruby. He has two ways to contact me and he hasn’t used either. I just…I don’t think I want to go.” 

“Please? I don’t want to go there alone and be there bored. If you absolutely don’t want to see him then I will make damn sure he isn’t anywhere near you.” 

“You can’t totally make that promise.” 

“You’re going to make me beg aren’t you? Do I really have to beg?” 

“You are 1100 miles away, I can just mute the phone.” 

“So mean to me! I do want you to go though. I mean, I know he hurt you Miranda. But, you don’t hate the band now do you?” 

“No. I actually had The Walk playing the other day. But, it doesn’t mean I’m ready to see him.” 

“Again, if you don’t want to see him at all then I will ask Taylor and Isaac to meet us somewhere else. We don’t have to be near the stage at all.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think I can do near the front at all.” 

Not because I didn’t want to be that close but I wasn’t sure I wanted people around me. She was pulling all the tricks, but she had to go because Taylor was calling. Promised to call me back and since I was feeling a bit dizzy I went inside and got a snack. 

“You look…confused.” 

“Ruby is coming to town to get her things the last full week of October, but she invited me to the show.” 

“The show?” 

“Hanson. Taylor set aside two tickets for us. But, I don’t think I want to go.” 

“Because of Zac?” 

“Am I that transparent?” 

He smiled. “I’ve know your obsession with them for a while now. You passing up a show is pretty hard to believe and the only logical reason you would is him.” 

I sat down and kept snacking. 

“She said Taylor and Isaac wanted to see me. I could understand Taylor but I never really hung-out with Isaac. The last time it was suppose to be just three he was there. She says I don’t have to see him but I’m not sure it’s that simple.” 

“Don’t you find out the sex of the baby that week?” 

“I have an appointment the 21 st. She said we can see if he or she will cooperate.” 

“So, you may know the gender at that point. You said you never gave him anything to show that you are. It may be the only chance you get Miranda. I can’t make you obviously but maybe you shouldn’t just cross it off. You have to see him again, do you really want that to be in a court house?” 

“Not really.” 

“You can go, enjoy the concert and if you feel like talking to him then you can. If not, you can wait somewhere. But, you may not get to see him again until after the delivery and at that point it’ll be with a judge.” 

“I hate you sometimes.” 

“It’s what older brothers are for. To be hated and loved. But you know I’m right, speaking of its nearing check time.” 

“You suck.” 

When she called back he had my hand occupied with the needle so when he was done I called her back. 

“Sorry, my evil older brother was stabbing me.” 

“It’s okay, but can you hold for a second?” 

“Sure.” 

The line paused and when it came back it sounded different. 

“Isaac?” 

“Yeah?” he asked. 

“Miranda are you still there?” 

“Yeah, uh…Hey Ike?” 

“Hey. Taylor said it might mean more coming from me. So…if you want to be there but you absolutely don’t want to see Zac, then I’ll make sure that happens. I don’t know what happened, I’m not even going to ask. But, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or feel like you can’t attend shows because of whatever he said or done.” 

“Thank you Ike. I was actually going to tell Ruby I’d go…I don’t know if I want to see him and if not then I’ll wait somewhere else. Thank you though.” 

“No problem. I’ve got to get back to sound check before they both replace me.” 

He hung-up and I waited. 

“I knew his words would mean more considering how Taylor and I did.” 

“It’s fine. I’ll go but I really can’t be near the front and as for Zac I don’t know. I’ll see how it goes.” 

“Thank you. Hopefully you feel better by then.” 

“Hopefully. How is everyone else there? Your job?” 

I distracted her with work and others, worked wonders but Caleb probably saw through it. He watched his shows and I talked to her for another hour, eating lunch with her on the phone with me. I thought my ear was going to fall off for real! I finally hung-up and Caleb turned. 

“About time.” 

“I told you, she talks me to death. What do you want for dinner?” 

“For you not to cook it. I was thinking Chinese. Mariah got called in.” 

“Do you think we can go out then? I haven’t left the house in like a week or two. Damn, I was looking forward to seeing her.” 

“Sure.” 

It was still early and since my laptop was on I browsed through the folders. I had many groups and friends that I’d never met that shared pictures. I saw dozens of concert photos. There was a particular song that I really wondered if Zac wrote. The lyrics seemed to resonate with me and perhaps him as well. 

_Somebody let me down; Somebody show me love; I wouldn’t care much either way_

_I’d rather the sticks and stones; than dragging the ball and chain; of what if the world would take me_

It made me wonder if he wanted so much more but couldn’t express it. But there was no telling who actually wrote the song or the meaning behind it. I kept browsing the pictures, maybe Caleb was right. I could take the sonogram pictures and maybe he’d believe me then. If nothing else I could at least say I was trying, right? 

But I was afraid that it would just end up being another argument, another moment where I just want to forget. I’d said I regretted meeting him, going home with him, and just being there. But, honestly, I didn’t. I had those memories if nothing else. Wouldn’t be the first time someone ripped my heart out, at least he didn’t take my virginity in the process too. 

I signed in to Hanson.net and checked the few posts and then signed out. I went ahead and changed finding I barely had anything that wasn’t getting tighter. 

“Hey Caleb…can we like…come by a store?” 

“Why?” 

I stepped into the hallway. “I can’t button them.” 

He turned some and laughed. “Sure.” 

“It’s not funny!!” 

I went back and ended up wearing a dress because it was the only thing that truly fit. I guess that’s what I got for buying pants before that fit right. Now that I added a bit of weight, I couldn’t wear them. We had a nice dinner at the local Chinese place and then we went to the store. 

My goal was just to get a few pair of pants that were a few sizes bigger. 

“You need to just get the maternity pants.” 

“Why? I don’t need them Caleb.” 

“You don’t need them now, in four months you will. Why buy two sizes now when you’ll have to come back in a few months and buy more? You buy the maternity pants now and they’ll stretch with you.” 

“You know for someone whose had a steady girlfriend you sure can be insensitive.” 

“I’m just pointing out that you aren’t going to gain one or two sizes. You will gain more weight and the closer you get to delivery, the bigger you’ll get. There’s no point in buying those when you can get a few pair of good maternity pants.” 

I pouted but eventually relented and he got seven pair in various shades of blue jean. I did add a few pair of sleep pants because they’d be comfortable and loose just to wear around the house. 

“Have you told Mariah?” 

“No. I felt that was your place. I really wasn’t sure if you wanted her to know right now.” 

“I think she needs to know. I mean, I am getting bigger and before long I can’t hide it. She’s already questioned the diet choices and blood thing.” 

“Yeah, I think she may have a clue she’s just waiting until you tell her. She hasn’t asked me. Her knowing could be good too because she may be willing to hang out with you.” 

“She said she would and she did one day, but she is busy with working. I can’t believe they called her in today.” 

“Yeah, sucks. We can plan another date night, maybe she can come over and hang out and stay for dinner.” 

“Sounds like a plan. I think Cameron was coming over one day this week, not sure what day.” 

“He said he was. Do you need more test strips or needles?” 

“Probably, you got needles last week but the strips you didn’t.” 

While we were here he bounced over and got them and also some other odds and ends. He actually bought me shoes that were bigger so I had something comfortable! I would be glad when I didn’t need him to cover everything. We checked out and then headed back home. I got stabbed again one more time for the night, but the number was lower than he liked, so I had to eat something else and then he checked again. 

“If you’re staying up late then eat something before you lay down.” 

“I will.” I said. 

He went to bed about ten and I stayed up until eleven, just watching TV. Thinking about what I’d say to Zac. Would he believe me if I showed him the sonograms? They are proof and I knew I never got to give him anything. Would he be upset? Mad? Would he care more? Less? Even if I went back to see him specifically, there was no chance that he would really want to talk to me. Maybe he would rather it be with a judge. 

A slowly creeping voice said that if he really wanted too, he could take this baby from me. But, I didn’t see him doing that. At least, I would hope that he wouldn’t want too. I also considered my mother because I couldn’t do this without her. Sure, Caleb and Dad had delivered babies before but let’s be super real, I didn’t want either of them to see that much of me! I would prefer that my Mom be there. Well, I would prefer that Zac be there too! 

I finally laid down, having another snack before hand and at least sleep was easy at the moment. 

Use Me up © Hanson, 2010-Present 


	25. Maybe...I'm wrong

POV: Zac 

  

October 8, 2010 

We were in Baltimore, Maryland and we were here until late tomorrow. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a private room this time, it was Isaac’s turn so Taylor and I were sharing. Thankfully, two different beds as I didn’t have to worry about waking up wishing a certain red head was here. I was also happy that when I did wake up, it was without morning wood. Since I knew Taylor would take forever I went ahead and got in the shower. I could then take a nice, hot shower without him pestering me. He was just sitting up when I came out clad in boxers and nothing else for the moment. 

“Morning Tay.” 

“Morning or afternoon, as it is like eleven. Ike just messaged, he’s meeting up with some friends so it’s just us today.” 

I sat down on the bed, normally we’d just hang out at the hotel and relax. But, that meant endless hours for me to do nothing but thinking and I didn’t want that. I have enough time to just sit and think about everything during the long ass rides from town to town. 

“Hey, have you been to the aquarium here?” 

“No. Haven’t been to many places here at all really.” 

“Wanna go? I don’t really want to sit here all day. We do enough sitting traveling and I just want to get out and move.” 

“Sure, let me shower first and get woken up. Then we can grab lunch, as I’ll be starving by then. We can then head to the aquarium.” 

“No problem.” 

While he was showering I got dressed, jeans and a t-shirt and even ran a comb through my hair. When he came out he was clad in boxers too and he got dressed as well, basically the same thing I wore only more dressy and he paired it with a scarf. I was a little nervous about spending the whole day with just Taylor, I was on edge because I knew at some point Ruby would call and I’d have to endure the phone call but hopefully that would be later tonight. The first thing we did once we were both ready was find food. I wanted something greasy and unhealthy, he wanted something healthy. So we ended up at a place where he could choose his good item and I could go with greasy. We got our orders in and then waited on them to be brought out. 

“Are you ever going to look for a new house? I know you mentioned that one being temporary but you’ve never really looked elsewhere.” I asked. 

“I’ve thought about it really, but the house I’m in has good bones and structure. I may just contact an engineer and see if I can add a second floor. That would give us the space for extra rooms and things without being too expensive. I figure I can get at least three or four more rooms up there minimum. If that isn’t possible or would cost a shit ton of money then I can see about moving to another house with more space. I may do that as a rental or something. What about you? Have you considered moving from the apartment into something bigger?” 

“I did but it’s really perfect for me. There is enough space there for just me, I have no one to stay overnight anyway. Added, there is no lawn to maintain, no repairs I’m directly responsible for. Although, maybe I will look for something with more land but right now it’s fine.” 

“Any reason why you wanted to get out of the hotel? We usually chill.” 

I finished a few more bites. “I just wanted to get out and explore, not just sit there and think.” 

He started to say something but paused. “I think that would be a good idea.” 

We finished up lunch and headed to the aquarium, it was a Friday so I was hoping for not many people. We got our tickets and pamphlets and headed inside. It was kind of nice just to have the downtime where we weren’t going to be mobbed. 

“Want to start over here or over there?” 

“Here is fine.” I said. 

Taylor had his camera as usual and he was taking pictures of the different fish, frogs, snakes, and other ocean animals. The first main feature was a huge three story water and rock and plant viewing areas. As we proceeded through the viewing areas slowly I could see parents with their children. Another reminder. 

“Zac? You okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Ruby would love this place, I may have to plan a trip later.” 

“Does she like animals?” 

“Yep. She and Miranda both would love it actually, they like animals. I guess living close to the beach helps.” 

“Yeah, they do live near a beach and that comes with all kinds of animals.” 

He nabbed me in several shots and I know but what could I do? It was Taylor and apparently he loved taking my pictures. The quietness however was leading my brain to think and I couldn’t do that. 

“Tell me a little more about Ruby, I really haven’t gotten to spend much time with her.” 

He paused and looked at me, I had a point! I hadn’t been around her much and when I was she was clearly pissed off at me. 

“You mean, what if she like when she’s not homicidal on you?” 

“Basically.” 

“Well, we have a lot in common really. She likes photos but she doesn’t much like being in them, she liked to tinker with the ones I take and edit them. She’s turned some into awesome edited ones though, I can’t complain.” 

“I think I saw one she did.” 

“I have one on my desk of us she did.” 

“I saw that one. What else?” 

“She lives a wide variety of music and movie genre’s, she’s a good cook too.” 

“She does networking, right?” 

“Yeah. She wants to redecorate a bit but I don’t know.” 

“Why not? She lives there Tay.” 

He photographed another ten fish before he turned to me. 

“I’m a little scared that she’ll take over and turn everything into pink flowers and girly shit. I mean, most of her stuff is super girly.” 

“Well, she is a girl Tay. I don’t think she’d do that to you, I mean, sure you will get some girly things but you gotta deal. What, does she have things that bother you?” 

He took a few more pictures, checked and deleted two. 

“The bathroom, I don’t care that the feminine things are there. She keeps them in the cabinets but the various lip stick and make up items are scattered across my counter, there is hairsprays, combs, brushes, and a mass of other things. It just bothers me but it’s not like she doesn’t put up with me and my cloths everywhere.” 

“You have to compromise on some things Tay. At least the feminine items are put up and not visible. I think I’d take the makeup and shit over that.” 

“What would you fear about someone moving in? Preferably someone of the opposite sex.” 

While we moved from the first three segments to the next one admiring sting rays and other large animals I considered his question. What would bother me? 

“I’m not entirely sure, I did spent more time around Jessica and Avery, so I got a little more experience than you and Ike. I guess it would be the feminine things like right out in the open. I doubt the make up would bother me because I rarely use the counter unless I’m shaving. Um, I guess I would worry about wanting like pink walls or purple walls.” 

“Well, Ruby doesn’t want to do those girly walls unless we have a daughter.” 

I paused. “You guys are discussing kids already?” 

“We’ve discussed the topic, but we aren’t planning for that yet. She wants to be more stable in her job before we consider that topic. But, when we talked decorations she did say that she wouldn’t do those colors in general, only if it was for a kids bedroom.” 

“It makes sense actually.” 

“Yeah.” 

We continued through the aquarium and while I hoped that seeing the animals and coral reefs would distract my brain from Miranda, it really hadn’t worked. It reminded me of her beach pictures, the way her hair shined in them. It reminded me that not long ago she’d been hospitalized and I hadn’t heard anything else about her. Isaac had said he would tell me but I was trying to not think about her, it just wasn’t working. 

We agreed to do pizza for dinner and after a little exploring of the harbor we headed back to the hotel. Taylor loaded some of the pictures on his laptop and sent her several via e-mail to edit. There was one of a shark, a jelly fish, and a dolphin. I kicked my shoes off and flopped down while he continued to look. 

I really wanted to ask him. 

“Hey Zac, my phone is dead as fuck. Is yours charged?” 

“Yeah, mostly. It’s like 20%.” 

“Can I use it to call Ruby? I told her I’d call and she’ll understand but I don’t want to catch her too late.” 

“Sure.” 

I tossed my phone to him. “Do I need to avoid anything?” 

“Naa, you’re safe.” 

Well, unless he browsed photos them he’d find a dozen of Miranda…but he shouldn’t be in that. I found a program on TV and listened to him talk. He was mostly telling her about the fish and stuff but when he voice cut in I was confused and glanced over, he was replying to an e-mail and using both hands to type furiously. 

“So, I spoke with Miranda earlier and aside from just having sugar issues still she agreed to come with me.” 

“That’s good!” 

“Yeah, she agreed to go but if you and Ike want to see her you’ll probably have to meet us somewhere. She really didn’t want to go but I kept nagging and she finally agreed.” 

He looked back and frowned. “I guess she doesn’t want to see Zac?” 

“She said she wasn’t sure, I think she does and she just doesn’t want to be there alone. I’ll talk to her when I get there and all. Maybe it’ll be better.” 

“I think it would be.” 

I shook my head, Taylor and his match maker skills. But, I couldn’t deny when I heard Ruby say she had agreed to come to the show my heart beat increased. I felt better about seeing her and I think I wanted to. Even if it was just to tell her that I was sorry for what I said and hoped that we could be friends at least. I missed talking to her so much it was insane. It had taken weeks for me to realize that I did miss her, despite everything. Even if she was pregnant with someone else’s kid I missed her. 

That brought my thought process to her letter and when Taylor hung-up I put my phone on charge and sat down so I could face him. She told me to ask Taylor, I hadn’t. Because I really wanted to keep hope out that I was right and had some justification to call her a whore. But, if Taylor confirmed her story then what did that mean for me? 

“Taylor?” 

“Yes?” 

“I have a question and I think it requires your full attention.” 

He glanced back and then nodded, then turned the chair around so he was facing me but with distance between us. 

“What’s up?” 

“You told me back in June that you and Ruby had a double date with Miranda and that Justin guy.” 

“Yeah, we were thinking it would be you and she initially said no and called us back. Apparently the number you gave her was his and he was single.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Afraid so. But, why are you asking about this now?” 

“August when we were talking she said she never went home with him. She said you could confirm that.” 

“You brought him up in August?” 

“Him and Cameron Taylor. But, Patrick’s girlfriend kind of set me straight on Cameron. I mean, Ruby told me they weren’t more than friend but she is Miranda’s best friend and she’d defend her. His girlfriend has no reason to defend her and she didn’t have a clue why I initially asked.” 

“Cameron is a friend Zac, Ruby talks to him too and sometime I hear their conversations. He’s defensive as fuck over her but he’s not dating her or sleeping with her. So, you don’t believe her that she didn’t go home with Justin?” 

“No. I don’t believe she didn’t just leave. She went home with me after a few hours, why not him?” 

“I should be a real dick and not answer that question.” 

“Please Taylor?” 

He sighed and leaned forward. “Justin was boring as fuck, I recall telling you that. But, she didn’t go home with him.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, because Ruby and I took her home.” 

“But he brought her, why did you take her home?” 

That didn’t make much sense to me, if this guy took her why didn’t he bring her home? Why had Taylor and Ruby done that? 

“He was boring but he was also very demanding. By that I mean that he ordered everything she ate and she never got to change it. When she told him she didn’t want a salad he told her she didn’t need to gain anything. Every time she tried to talk about something he cut her off, he didn’t let her sit in front of me, she had to be against the wall. Honestly Zac, he pissed me off. He said something to me when they went to the bathroom about my control over Ruby.” 

“He asked that?” 

“Yes. Honestly, even if she wanted to leave with him I wasn’t going to let her. He alarmed me in his demanding way. Zac, I didn’t let her go home with Justin, she has asked Ruby to drive her anyway but I didn’t let her because I was afraid that he’d get her alone and force her to do something. To my knowledge she never went out with him again and told him she wasn’t interested. She looked miserable as hell.” 

“So….she didn’t go home with him?” 

“Sorry Zac, if you accused her of going home with him then you owe her an apology.” 

“She doesn’t want to see me Taylor, you heard what Ruby said. If you and Ike want to see her, you’ll have to meet them. Meaning, you have to meet them without me.” 

“Maybe not. Ruby is pretty sure she can talk her into staying a bit but you have to respect her too Zac. If whatever occurred in August hurt her bad enough, she may not ever want to see you.” 

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” 

“Because you miss her?” 

“Am I that obvious?” 

“Pretty much, I mean you have her picture on your phone as the background. Pretty sure you are either stalking her and obsessed or you really did want more. I think if that’s the case you need to talk to her. But, I’m starving so I’m ordering pizza.” 

He made the call to order the pizza and I waited, he went back to editing until Pizza arrived and then we both chowed on pizza and soda. It was his choice for movie though and thankfully he didn’t go chick flick, but I was distracted anyway. 

She told me that the only person she had sex with was me, but I hadn’t believed her. Yet, Taylor just confirmed that she never went home with Justin, which means after me there was no one. Christina had pretty much said that her claim of Cameron being a really good friend and nothing more could be true. If that was the case then when she told me she and Cameron had never had sex, that was probably the truth as well. Which would leave just me… 

But, just because she didn’t lie about who she had sex with, didn’t mean she truly was pregnant. There were plenty of cases of that being used to try to keep the guy around or entice him to stay. But, I couldn’t image her faking being sick this long. Added, I was pretty sure that Cameron had confirmed some of what Miranda had told Ruby, considering Taylor said she talked to him as well. 

What if she wasn’t lying? What if she really was pregnant?! I’d just eliminated the only other two people that could have gotten her pregnant and that left just me. If she was pregnant then I was going to be a father. And right now, no one knew that! If she was then the medical issues were more of a concern to me, because that could affect her health and the babies. I needed to see her. Even if she hated me, even if she never wanted to see me, I needed to see her and explain. 

Yet, I couldn’t do that just yet. I needed to really be free of Kathryn before I even considered trying to patch things up with Miranda, as friends or as more. I could handle Kathryn if she showed up to the show in Atlanta, which I am sure she would. I could tell her to end the charade and that we both needed to move on. I couldn’t have her there in the background. 

It was pretty obvious that what I wanted was what Taylor and Isaac had. Someone who would be there when I got home, excited to see me. Someone who would encourage, support, and be there for me when I needed them. Someone to call daily and ask how their day has gone, if they were okay. I wanted someone who wouldn’t lie to me, wouldn’t betray me, wouldn’t hurt me. 

What I wanted was Miranda. 


	26. Ruby Visits

POV: Miranda

  

October 18, 2010 

I had gotten up a bit earlier than normal because I knew Ruby was coming over today. I wanted to get a few hours of transcription done since she was going to be here all day. I had showered last night but my attire was an old shirt of Caleb’s and my sleep shorts. 

I could feel the baby move now, occasional flutters and kicks. It was a really different feeling and the first time I’d been scared but the movement was so nice to feel. The downside is that I was showing, not glaringly but definitely enough. Cameron noticed over the weekend but Caleb had commented many times. So had Dad. 

Mom hadn’t because she was still not talking to me. I had called a few times and left messages but she hadn’t returned them. I had feared that being pregnant would be enough but apparently the combination of being pregnant and the consideration of an abortion was just too much. I had really hoped that she’d attend my appointment Thursday because I wanted someone there. But, it looked liked that was going to be a no. 

I made sure to clear anything that signaled I was pregnant up and away before Ruby arrived, I wasn’t ready to tell her just yet. Even though Cameron said I should before she went home. I had breakfast and several hours of work done before she arrived at eleven. 

Ruby didn’t look any different to me. 

“You look so much better, Miranda. I think you were right coming home was the best thing for you.” 

I was slightly afraid of the hug she gave me, what if she felt that I’d gained weight? What if she asked?! But she didn’t. 

“No Cameron? No Caleb? And what the hell are you wearing?” 

“No Cameron, no Caleb. I have clothes on.” 

“I plan to take you to lunch and you can’t wear that, do I really need to dig through your closet to find clothes?” 

“I didn’t know we were leaving. No, I have something in mind.” 

I let her inside and she looked around. “His house is nice, when did he add the recliner?” 

“A week ago, he got tired of me complaining about his sofa laying like shit.” 

“Sleeping much are we?” 

“I usually do during the middle of the day, but not today. I typically do some transcriptions and then take a lunch break and nap. Let me go change right quick.” 

I left her in the living room and went to my room, I didn’t have a lot of options. None of my shorts fit so anytime I had to leave it was either maternity pants or dresses. I had this peach colored dress that flowed well on me and wouldn’t accent the little bump. It had a sheer layer under that came down to my knees and then a thicker material over that that came up just a bit above the sheer layer. There was fringe around the top I didn’t like, but it did fit well. I ran a comb through my hair and slipped on a pair of sandals. I then headed out to the front. 

“That dress is so pretty!” 

“Cameron actually picked it our last week.” 

I went to the kitchen and got the meter on the counter, I had my morning snack and since we were doing lunch I should be fine. She seemed confused. 

“You really do have to do that?” 

“Yeah.” 

I set it up first and it always took me a few clicks to actually get my finger. 

“That looked super painful.” 

“I think my finger tips are now numb to the fact that I have to do it. It’s hard still but after the hospital it’s like my brain accepts that I have too. It has been leveling out a bit, so I haven’t been needing to eat every hour.” 

“That’s good, it um, looks like you’ve gained a lot of weight.” 

Shit! I was hoping it wasn’t that noticeable. 

“I lost ten in Tulsa, I gained that back plus some.” 

“You look healthier though, nice color, hairs shiny, once you get the sugar settled then you can worry about beach body.” 

Beach body, would I ever have that again? Probably not. 

“So, where are we going?” 

“I want some good old barbeque. Is that fine?” 

“Yes, it’s fine. But, you’ll have to drive still.” 

“Still can’t?” 

“Nope. You can take mine though, poor thing probably thinks I forgot it.” 

She laughed and we headed out. I had emergency tablets in my purse in the event that it dropped suddenly or something happened. 

“Where did you get that bracelet?” 

“It’s a medical ID tag. Caleb insisted I get one not that I go anywhere.” 

“Seriously? Is this some serious medical crisis?” 

We got in the car and she adjusted the seat some. 

“No, but he said it’ll help if I ever need it because the paramedics would know to check my sugar first and then look for anything else unless it was obvious. He’s being over protected for sure.” 

She paid no attention to my movements to loosen the dress across my mid-section. I felt super bad about not telling her but it was obvious Zac hadn’t mentioned it either. Although, I would have to tell people soon because I couldn’t keep hiding the obvious fact that I was pregnant. Mariah had guessed actually but she was fine that I hadn’t immediately told everyone. She was encouraging and nice and now understood why I was back home and with Caleb. 

She drove us to the restaurant and we got seated quickly and drinks ordered. We got the entrees ordered because we both knew what we wanted. 

“So, do you like the transcriptions better than bartending?” 

“Yes and no. I like that it’s more solitary and with the sugar it’s so much easier. But, I miss the movement and doing things. Do you still love your job?” 

“I do! I love it so much still. The co-workers are sometimes annoying but that’s pretty much any job. I have made a few actual friends there now, so it’s not so lonesome at work during breaks or on weekends. Melanie has also introduced me to some of her friends so it’s kind of mellowing.” 

“I feel bad that I just up and left. Caleb came and he made me realize that I really couldn’t just keep going the way I was.” 

“It’s fine Miranda, you need to be here and especially with the sugar issues. Being here around your family is the best course of action for you.” 

“Yeah. So, how are you and Taylor?” 

“We’re really good actually. I was a little worried after moving in that I’d made a mistake but he really does seem like he’s Mr. Right. We still get along, we still agree. Our biggest tift now if just…things.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “Things?” 

“It bugs me that he doesn’t put his clothes in the hamper, his insistence on specific coffee drives me nuts. I just like general cheap coffee and he wants the expensive crap. I’m sure my make up bugs him.” 

I giggled. “You are a bit messy with your make up stuff, even I can agree there. But, living with someone else is about compromises. You have to accept his flaws along with awesomeness.” 

The waiter brought over the salads we asked for and once she was gone we got them ready. 

“I know. How is it living with your brother?” 

“Well, it’s not bad. I mean, I have my own room and bathroom. I only have to share the bathroom if someone is over. But, I do keep it clean. Bedroom wise I haven’t done as good but it’s been fine. He’s usually only home on weekends really, and he’s been going to Mariah’s instead of her coming over.” 

“Is that good or bad?” 

“Well, she comes over all the time. She came over last week and just hung-out with me and we fixed this big dinner. But, when they want more…private time. He goes there.” 

“Ahh, still doesn’t want to do that with you there?” 

“He has, I’m not that deaf but he said it made him feel bad that I was there and alone. I tried to tell him I had that covered, but no.” 

Realistically, I was no less horny than I was before. I just didn’t have many available options and most the time I was just too tired. 

“I think I miss that most about tour. I’m still there alone and it’s not like he can really help.” 

“Phone sex.” 

“Is only available when he has a private room. They alternate those and like last time, he shared with Zac. Time before that it was Isaac. He’s due up this weekend for his own room, which I plan to take advantage of. You are still going right?” 

“That makes sense and I doubt that Zac or Isaac want to hear or see that. Yes, I am.” 

I was almost done with the salad when the entrée came and I finished it before moving on. 

“Starving?” 

“I’ve been eating more the sugar is wonky unless I actually eat. Caleb and Cameron both coached me on the good foods though.” 

“Just worried that you’ll gain a ton of weight. I mean, I can tell your feet are swollen a bit too, lower legs. If you think that dress is blinding me to the fact you’ve gained a lot more than a few pounds, pretty sure it’s not.” 

Shit! I could hope but let’s be real, Ruby has known me a long time and I was never that big. Beach body ready all year and now? Well, I wouldn’t mind a bathing suit but it wasn’t going to happen. 

“I’m fine Ruby, really. I just need to get these numbers stabilized and then I can focus on that.” 

Realistically, the doctor wasn’t confident that my numbers would be normal until after the baby was born and there was still no guarantee then. It was our hope that this was just because of the pregnancy. Until then, I had to do what I needed and really the weight gain was inevitable. I could actually feel the baby move a bit right now, it was still a surreal feeling to know that a little tiny human is growing inside my body. 

“I hope they stabilize soon. I don’t want you to gain a hundred pounds before they do. That could send them the other way!” 

“That’s true. But, I do watch what I eat and I’ve gained weight yes, but it’s not as bad as it could be. Considering how much I eat now but then again, I usually do salads or something.” 

“Least that’s a good thing, you aren’t eating junk food.” 

I wouldn’t mention my tortilla chip obsession. We finished eating lunch and I really wanted to go back home but she decided a walk by the river would be nice. Maybe it would help but I wasn’t sure about doing all kinds of extra things. 

“So, you mentioned Taylor being temporary in that house. Has he made any other choices?” 

“He wants to have an engineer come out and look, see if he can add a second floor. If so, he may just stay. If not, then we’ll be moving to a new house somewhere in the future. He won’t let me paint anything pink unless it’s a room for a little girl.” 

I paused. “You’re talking kids already?” 

“No fears, I don’t want them for another year or two. It came up as we were talking about colors. He wants a big family though and I do too. But, I just started this job and I want to be more settled. Added, married and all.” 

“Yeah. Married and then kids.” 

That wasn’t going to happen in my case, it was doubtful Zac even wanted to see me let along date or marry me. I’d be damn lucky if he even wanted to have anything to do with the baby. Which, is more of a concern than anything else. 

“Are your parents glad your home?” 

“Yeah, Cameron obviously was.” 

“Speaking of…Zac has this delusional idea that you and Cam were more than just friends, that sex was involved.” 

I sighed. “I know, it was something he brought up in August.” 

“Are you ever going to tell me what he said to you? I’ve known you a long time Miranda and never have I heard you cry that way. Never have you just shut everyone out.” 

“I’m shocked you didn’t hear anything, I wasn’t that quiet. I also didn’t shut everyone out Ruby.” 

“I heard you screaming, but I couldn’t make out the words. I heard literally like the last few words you said, which were ‘god damn one but yourself” I assumed you meant him.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I ask now why you told me to go back to my perfect dinner and perfect man? I know you were pissed off but it wasn’t perfect.” 

We walked a good fifty feet as I considered how to answer that. Logically, I didn’t intend to say that but it just came out, sadly it was the truth though. 

“I was just hurting Ruby. I talked to him for months on various places online and really thought there was something there, even at the bar and at his house. Yet, after that I just didn’t exist. But, you meet Taylor that one time and it was like you two couldn’t be separated. Then you moved in with him and even then Zac didn’t care. It’s how I saw it. You had everything I’d hoped for and didn’t get. Just caught me at the wrong moment, he’d pissed me off and hurt me and I just reacted.” 

“But we’re not perfect.” 

“I know that Ruby, but just…at that moment that’s what I believed.” 

“But you still aren’t going to tell me what he said to hurt you, are you?” 

“No. Because your opinion of him should be based on experience you have. Not what I say. And if you’re inviting me to go Friday so Taylor can force some apology out of him. Don’t even bother to come get me. If he wants to apologize to me, he knows how to reach me.” 

“Wasn’t the plan actually um..Jessica rather ripped Taylor a new one for that. Basically said the exact same thing you just did. That if Zac owed you an apology then he should do it on his own.” 

“Whether he does, who knows.” 

We walked a little while in silence. Just enjoying the sun and the weather. As we started back though I had to stop. I could feel it, that weird feeling so I got one of the candies and it felt better. 

“So, have you met anyone since coming home?” 

“Nope. I don’t really go anywhere truly. Cameron came over for the first week and all to make sure I was settled and he took me to the appointment to see the doctor. After that he came over to make sure I was doing what I had to.” 

“Are you sure you and Cameron aren’t more?” 

“Positive. He has no desire to see me naked.” 

“Would you ever actually date him again?” 

I glanced at her. “You wired or something? You know the answers to these questions.” 

“Just making sure.” 

She drove us back home and I snacked lightly before we sat down. She ultimately chose a movie to watch but god I just couldn’t, she chose a chick flick and it seemed like little sad things made me cry uncontrollably. I tried not to really pay much attention. 

That was easy, I could think about how true my statements had been. Sure, Taylor wasn’t always perfect but she was dating him steadily, they talked often, they apparently had a decent sex life, he wasn’t making house plans without her so he didn’t intend to leave anytime soon. Everything I had hoped for in the months before moving to Tulsa had been obtained by her. 

What did I get? A broken heart. A baby that probably wouldn’t have a father. And a parent that wouldn’t even talk to me because of that. 

Sure, the weekend spent with Zac was nice. Yet, I felt ashamed and used afterwards. I had been adamant before that sex wasn’t a first time meeting thing, but I’d failed myself there. I wasn’t even entirely sure why I wanted to go there! I couldn’t have been that drunk but I could have been delusional. 

Delusional to think that he’d want more, that he’d want me. It was a pretty common thing, most guys left me because they simply got bored. Stanley was because I chose Cameron over a strip club, why the fuck would I want to see naked women for? I knew what a naked woman looked like, anytime I looked in the mirror. 

So, was this my life? Raise a baby alone, never find someone that acted like Taylor did? 

“Miranda? Are you okay?” 

I didn’t even realize that I was crying so hard until she called my name. She was blurry as hell and when had Caleb come in?! 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

I got up and went to the bathroom, blow my nose and wipe my face off. 

“Miranda?” Caleb asked. 

“I’m fine Caleb, really.” 

“What do you want for dinner?” 

“I don’t care.” 

“That dress is pretty, not bad with that hair either.” 

“Yeah yeah.” 

I returned and the movie was over too, which was a good thing. I could blame the tears on the movie and not my own emotional turmoil. Caleb ended up ordering Chinese takeout and he chose the next movie. Going with something a little more upbeat and way less chick flicky. After that she headed back to her parents with a promise to hang tomorrow, I had closed off Thursday already. Caleb and I both crashed early, I was super fucking tired after no nap! 


	27. It's A...

POV: Miranda 

  

October 21, 2010 

My doctor’s appointment was at two and Caleb assured me someone would be here in time to get me there. She still didn’t want me to really drive unless I absolutely had too, so I was hoping but I knew everyone was working and I didn’t want Ruby to take me. But, I trusted Caleb would be here or find someone. 

Once I got up I checked my sugar, got breakfast, and then showered. Our high today was supposed to be in the 80’s and all I had bottom wise was pants. I could wear a dress but I’d rather not since I knew she’d do the sonogram. That was the whole purpose, anatomy scan to make sure he or she was growing well. Also, we may determine whether it was a he or a she! Since it was warm I slipped a gown on after the shower and laid out clothes. 

I completed a few hours of transcription before there was a knock at the door. So, I saved everything and closed it out before answering. I never expected my mother to be standing there, but she was. 

“Good Morning Miranda.” 

“Morning Mom. Why are you here? Caleb’s not home.” 

“I know he’s not. Um, I’m actually here to take you to the doctor but I came really early because we need to talk.” 

“I really don’t want to be upset before the appointment.” 

She held up her hand. “Scouts honor, I’m not here to upset you.” 

I had missed talking to her and asking her questions, such as was all this tenderness normal? Was crying normal? I stepped to the side and let her inside, closing the door behind her. 

“You aren’t wearing that are you?” 

“No. I don’t have any shorts that fit anymore. I have my outfit laid out. So..what did you want to talk about?” 

She sat down on the sofa and patted it, I took the hint and sat down making sure the gown covered well. 

“You’ve gained some weight since I last saw you.” 

“Yeah, showing more and I can feel movement now.” 

“It’s about time actually.” 

I just waited though, this was puzzling me. Why was she here? 

“I want to apologize to you. Caleb came over Tuesday while you were at dinner with Ruby and Cameron, we had a fairly long talk and he made me see and understand some things I hadn’t previously seen.” 

“I can’t imagine what he’d make you see that you didn’t already know.” 

“Well, for starters I didn’t know why you initially went with an abortion. I just assumed you had made a mistake and that was your way of dealing with it. I understand that I jumped to conclusions on why you went that route. Caleb explained that you felt like you had no options. Why didn’t you call me?” 

“I wanted too but I knew that Kenneth would just see me as some whore or jezebel. He’s always complained about me working at a bar and how it was bad and horrible. You were here when he called me a whore Mom. I really didn’t feel like calling you was an option. Kenneth wouldn’t have allowed me back in the house anyway. I didn’t think I had options.” 

“You did honey. I’m sorry that I was so harsh about it. I should have taken some time to listen to why before judging you, I was wrong there and I’m sorry. I really didn’t understand why you thought about abortion when you had all of us.” 

“I didn’t feel like I had you. I wasn’t sure about Dad and I never considered Caleb. I just felt like there were no options.” 

“Did you really want to before he came out?” 

“No. I just didn’t see a very promising future. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to work the entire nine months and with no savings at that point I was pretty much screwed. I felt like it was the only option.” 

“I’m sorry that my views made you feel like I wouldn’t be there, but I love you Miranda. You are my daughter and my baby. I wish you had called me because I would have come out there regardless to what Kenneth believed. I understand his strict belief is a problem and I’m sorry you felt that he wouldn’t let you. That house is mine and if I had known how badly you needed me I would have been there.” 

“I just felt like you both would be so disappointed and clearly Kenneth is. I mean he called me a whore. I’m sure he would have said more had Dad not interrupted him. Why does he ride me so damn hard? He should know I am not his son’s, I’m not Caleb. I can’t seem to make him understand that. I don’t believe what he does, it’s just not how we were raised.” 

“Yes he did and it was wrong for me to let him, you are not a whore. I don’t know the details of what happen between you and the father, I don’t even have a name for the father. But, I know you and you are no whore.” 

“I may as well be, one weekend was all we had. But, I was stupid to think he wanted more.” 

She smiled at me. “Have you been able to talk to him?” 

“Not since the day I told him, he was…he didn’t believe me and he thought I was with Cameron and another guy. I honestly haven’t proven to him that I am, I haven’t seen him since August.” 

“Who is he?” 

“Zac Hanson. The same night Ruby went home with Taylor, I went home with him. After the weekend he didn’t call anymore or anything. Taylor and Ruby invited me over in August and he was there. At that point I knew so I told him. He didn’t believe me. We had a loud argument and I walked home. I haven’t even told Ruby I am pregnant I didn’t want her to tell Taylor and them bitch at him.” 

“Aren’t you seeing them tomorrow night?” 

“Yes. But, I don’t know if I can see him. He knows how to reach me and he hasn’t bothered.” 

“Maybe he still doesn’t believe you. Maybe what you should do is take him a sonogram picture or two, give it to him and let him decide. If he doesn’t then…DNA test.” 

“I left a note and told him I would file for that. I really didn’t know what to do. I’ve wanted to contact him so many times.” 

“I understand. I’m sorry I wasn’t here but Caleb made me realize that you are an adult and you are choosing to keep this baby. I can’t have my grandbaby not know me because of some religious belief. I can’t ever say what Kenneth will do but I’ll be talking to him as well. I need to address him calling you a whore and I am glad that your father stood up for you. It’s time I did.” 

I had to admit the hug felt nice and it was pleasant to really be there and know she cared and she didn’t feel like I was a total failure. She did the noon blood check before we ate and then I changed. The pants were going to be hot but I had no choice. The shirt was a bit tight but I had a looser button up over it. 

“You are going to die in the heat, do you have anything cool to wear tomorrow?” 

“Not really, pants.” 

“No. We’ll come by the store and I’ll get you some shorts.” 

“You don’t have too.” 

“Are you kidding me? I know I don’t have too, I want to Mrs. Independent.” 

I smiled and let it be, she was a careful driver and we arrived early. I checked in and for the first part of the exam itself Mom sat in the waiting room. But the sonogram kind of worried me, the first one didn’t show any problems but this one would be more detailed and if there were problems they would know. 

“Doctor Barron, can my mother come back for the sonogram?” 

“Yes. Anyone can really, you’ll be dressed.” 

“She’s in the waiting room, can someone get her?” 

“No problem. You’re numbers are looking better are you finding you can detect when there low?” 

“Not really, I mean some of them I have felt it. Like just the headache and mild dizziness, but like that one in the 50’s last week, no symptoms at all.” 

She stared at the paper for a few moments. “I feel bad making you do this every day, but you seem to be following directions. You’re am numbers are always good, so I’m going to say stop checking them but check at noon for sure, as that’s where your low numbers are. Then check late afternoon.” 

“Okay.” 

“You can get dressed, any questions?” 

“Is it possible when you do the sonogram that you print me a few extras of one or two?” 

“Sure. For the father?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Will do, I’ll give you a few minutes and once the nurse has drawn blood we will get your mother.” 

I was kind of doing better with the whole needle issues, I mean three times a day every day for months, this one prick wasn’t bad. After I was dressed and the nurse had drawn the blood they took me to a sonogram room and a few moments later Mom came in. 

“Everything okay honey?” 

“Yeah, but if there is a problem I’d rather someone be here.” 

She smiled and took he seat on my left side. “Nothing is going to be wrong.” 

“I hope you are right.” 

“Any idea what you want?” She asked. 

“Not really, as long as this baby is health and fine. I’ll be happy. What about you?” 

“I have a son and a daughter, so either is fine with me.” 

Dr. Barron liked to do her own sonograms so she was the one that came in after about ten minutes. 

“We’re doing an anatomy to determine if he or she is growing like they should be, make sure bones and spines are present and if this one little one is cooperating we’ll see if it’s a boy or a girl.” 

“Okay.” I said. 

Her initial goal was solely making sure things were fine and she kept the screen facing her, I felt Mom’s hand on mine. For a few moments she kept the screen toward her before she turned it, that same black and grey image I’d seen before but this time the baby was more visible. 

As she paused the monitor for a picture or to type something onto the screen, she explained what we saw. The spine looked good, the arms and hands were perfect. The skull was perfect, the legs had the right bones and those cute little feet. 

“Anatomy wise I am not seeing any problems, all the requirements are present and you are actually measuring about a week ahead.” 

“Is that good or bad?” 

“Good, it’s better to be ahead than behind.” 

She brought up the heartbeat again and the whoop whoops were so loud and rapid, which was good. I know she was printing several for me also, I’d heard the machine a few times. The side profile was so adorable. 

“Do you want to know what you are having?” 

“If he or she is cooperative, yes.” 

She nodded and moved, watching the screen move was surreal, there was my baby. A tiny human that would be much bigger in a few more weeks and months. She giggled. 

“Stubborn baby, the legs are crossed, let me jiggle and see if we can get those uncrossed.” 

The jiggle kind of hurt but several moments later she paused the screen. 

“Looks like you are having a little girl. These three little lines are the girl area. I see no penis.” 

She add a arrow and put ‘it’s a girl’ beside it. She then printed that. The next view however was a 3D version, which clearly showed me her face. She definitely reminded me of Zac, those lips and that nose clearly looked like him. She was however curled up a bit, so her hands were covering her forehead, so small. Seeing her on this screen and knowing she was fine reminded me that Caleb was right, I’d have been even worse if I had kept that appointment. She finally concluded the sonogram. 

“You’re ahead a week, but that’s fine. Everything looks good, I didn’t see anything to be concerned about. Just keep watching those numbers.” 

“Thank you.” 

She smiled and handed me a stack of photos before she headed out and I got cleaned off. 

“My daughter is having a daughter. ” 

“Dad wanted a grandson, but he said he’d be just as happy with a granddaughter.” 

Once I was cleaned off and my clothes adjusted we headed out, I made the next appointment and then we went to the car. Once there I found the one saying she was a girl and snapped a photo. I then sent it as a text to Dad, Caleb and Cameron. 

_Looks like you’re having a granddaughter(niece)!!! Doctor confirmed and everything is A-Ok!_

Dad called as soon as he got the message to get more details. I also sent some of the others to them too. 

“So, how about lunch because I know you need to eat something and then we can shop.” 

“Sounds like a good plan.” 

Lunch ended up being subway and that was fine with me and then we headed to the store. She was determined to get me something and I couldn’t complain, I was feeling hot and tomorrow would be hot too. 

“Do you want to get maternity shorts?” 

“May as well, Caleb got pants so I have plenty of those. I just have no shorts.” 

Color wise I went with the same basic colors but I only let her get three pair because winter was coming and I wouldn’t need them long. I couldn’t stop her when we went to the baby section though. 

“Have you decided on breast or bottles?” 

“I uh…haven’t thought about that.” 

“I’ll always recommend breastfeeding.” 

“I’ll have to look up some stuff and all. But Mom, I have months to go. I don’t have to get everything in one day.” 

She turned and tossed a package of pink onesies in the buggy. 

“Those few months will fly by Miranda. Before you know it she’ll be here.” 

“I know.” 

“Do you have any idea what you actually need?” 

“No. Dad remembered some things but for the most part no, I don’t.” 

“You know she’ll be spoiled by her grandparents.” 

Had Zac even told his parents? Did anyone in his family know that this baby even existed? I doubted he had mentioned it to anyone since Taylor hadn’t told Ruby. She would have mine but would Zac’s parents ever see her? Ever know? 

“Miranda?” 

“She has two sets of grandparents but I don’t know if she’ll ever see his.” 

“She will honey. Just don’t worry about that right this moment.” 

I tried to restrain her I really did, but I ended up with three pair of shorts, four maternity tops, and a new gown. She ended up with a sack full of clothes, although I think Mom cleared their summer clearance items, so half of what she got was too big! We then headed home. 

“Do you think Kenneth will have anything to do with her? He is your husband.” 

“I think he will once he gets over his religious barrier. His son’s are pretty anti-children.” 

“They are?” 

“Yeah. They don’t want them. They want a career in the army and that’s it. I think to some degree they are just trying to avoid him honestly. You and Caleb have more to do with him than they do.” 

“I can’t remember the last time we saw them, two or three years ago?” 

“Three, they came home for Christmas that weekend. Before that it was the wedding.” 

“I thought so. I should tell Ruby shouldn’t I?” 

She smiled as she parked in the driveway. “Yes. You should. She’s your friend and she’s worried about you. She would probably understand more also.” 

“I just don’t want to cause problems with him and I know she won’t be able to keep it from Taylor. I’m pretty sure no one on his side has been told.” 

“You can tell her and then request that she not tell him yet, I am sure she’ll understand that it’s not her place to tell his brothers and family. It’s his. Just tell her Saturday and be like don’t tell Taylor.” 

“I should have told her weeks ago.” 

“Yeah, but you had reasons Miranda. Did you tell Cameron?” 

“Day after I got back, he rather doesn’t do well with tears and yeah…” 

She giggled. “Boy has never been good with them but don’t take him tomorrow. I don’t want to bail him out of jail.” 

“He tried to get a ticket actually, but it’s sold out. Ruby told him to stay and I told him to chill.” 

“He doesn’t need to go.” 

“Agreed.” 

We headed inside where I put the items up, the clothes for her I had no where to put, but I left them in the bags and sat them on the bed. Mom stayed for a little bit longer before she headed home and I fixed dinner for Caleb and I. About 5:30 Cameron called. 

“You have to be kidding? A girl? I was hoping you’d have a son.” 

“Sorry Cam, doctor’s sure she is a she.” 

“Fine. I’ll return the blue suits I got the other day.” 

“You know, girls can wear blue.” 

“Yeah, but these are like baseball.” 

“Cam, girls can play ball too.” 

“I didn’t think you’d want her to look like a little boy.” 

“I’m not going to be picky, If you want to keep them you can if not it’s your choice.” 

“Fine. Uncle Cam can be the sporty Uncle, Caleb can be the smart one.” 

“Ditto.” 

“Sure you don’t need a ride to Myrtle Beach? I can make myself be off.” 

“Cameron. I’ll be fine. Ruby has assured me.” 

“Yeah, not sure I trust her assurance. You keep your phone with you and if he bothers you, call me. I’ll take care of him for you. No Caleb needed.” 

“You know, you really don’t make it easy to convince people you aren’t the boyfriend.” 

“Panda Bear I am worse than the boyfriend, I’m the brother. But do enjoy the show.” 

“I’ll try. Assuming little miss doesn’t decide to be good.” 

“Any idea what you want to use as a name?” 

“Not a one.” 

“Panda works…” 

“I am not naming my daughter Panda.” 

“I tried. Alright, I gotta head back to the floor. Have a good afternoon and I’ll see you over the weekend for sure.” 

“Ok. Have a good afternoon.” 

We hung-up and once Caleb got home we had dinner. I updated him on the changes she said to do and showed him what Mom got. 

“What did you say to her anyway?” 

“Brother’s secret there Sis. I basically pointed that whether she or Kenneth liked it or not, you were keeping her and if she hoped to have any sort of relationship with her grandchild she needed to really think about her decisions. I can’t change Kenneth but I can Mom.” 

“It worked. So, any recommendations for tomorrow?” 

“Have fun, be safe, and remember that you have to eat. Whether you want to or whether Ruby wants you wants to. I would take some emergency tablets and your meter. If you feel bad check, it’s not hard and it’s better to be safe.” 

“Got cha. It’s been a long day, so I’m going to crash for the night. Try to get my feet to decrease. She said she’d pick me up at like ten. Why we need to wait in line all day is beyond me, considering I’m not going near the front.” 

“Enjoy the day with her and other fans.” 

“I will. Good Night Caleb.” 

“Night.” 

I went to the bedroom and laid out what I needed for tomorrow and then went to bed. Hoping to sleep. 


	28. The Show

POV: Miranda 

  

October 22, 2010 

I slept fitfully, waking up at 2:30 from a rather vivid nightmare that lead me to Caleb’s room crying hysterically. He was reassuring and wouldn’t let me leave, so I finished the night in his room until he got up for work. At that point I went ahead and got up too. 

I’d never had dreams that vivid and terrifying. It had started fine, I was walking my daughter in the park and it was a sunny day. She appeared to be about one maybe. Then the ground seemed to open up and no matter what I done I couldn’t save her. The smell of the ground against my face as I screamed for her, the terrifying cries she made as she fell down into darkness had been too much. 

“You going to be okay today? You barely slept after you calmed down.” 

“I’ll be fine.” 

He pulled me in for a tight hug. “It’s okay Miranda. Pregnancy often gives mothers nightmares and there usually like yours. It’s fine and it’s not going to happen. She is safe and you are safe. But, you may want to check your sugar this morning. Do you feel okay?” 

“I feel really good actually. It’s kind of weird.” 

“Well, humor me?” 

I let him check it just so he had peace of mind, and it was actually a bit higher than normal. Once he was happy he headed to work and I went ahead and fixed breakfast and then got what I needed ready. I debated all morning about taking the pictures. About nine I finally cut the duplicates from my set and put them into an envelope along with one of the earlier ones. I printed his name on the front with a short little note saying this was his daughter. I sealed the envelope and even taped it because if I couldn’t bring myself to face him, then I would make sure Isaac or Taylor gave this to him. I put it in the bag with my meter, candy, and the emergency tablets. I put my camera in there and made sure I had my cards. 

I then showered and began to get ready, I had everything on but a shirt. Every shirt I put on was tighter than I wanted or it wasn’t long enough to cover the band. I finally just fished through and buried in the back of the closet was the pale blue button up shirt of his. Again, I’d forgotten about it. 

“This would not scream I hate you…” I mumbled. 

I left the spaghetti strap shirt on and put it on anyway. I was silently praying it was too short and I’d need one of Caleb’s, but it was perfect. It covered what it needed too, was loose enough and fit well. I was tired of trying so I went with it. Maybe he wouldn’t even notice. 

Ruby arrived at 10:00 and was dressed in a tight Hanson shirt from the Walk tour, black shorts and her flip flops. I had chosen my black sneakers. 

“You went comfy evidently.” 

“I did. Why are we going so early?” 

“The walk is at three, and we can mingle with others.” 

“Can you mingle? I mean I don’t want to be surrounded by people asking what Taylor is like.” 

“He’s said my name, but knock on wood, no photos of me. So, as long as we avoid those topics we should be fine.” 

I really rather wanted to wait, but we headed on down to the House of Blues anyway. By this point we were in the 40’s already, but I didn’t care if we were 150, I was sitting in the back anyway. We had stopped at subway for lunch and ate there in the line. The 43 people ahead of us was actually 20 right now, the others were probably off eating, shopping or bathrooms. We sat down and I know she sent Taylor a message because she texted me to say they were just outside town. You could tell when they arrived because people seemed to run down to the back, but neither of us moved. 

I was hot sitting here. 

“You two didn’t run down to greet them.” She said. 

“We’ve met them before a few times at other shows and I live in Tulsa, so I’ve seen them around.” 

“Oh my god have you seen Taylor’s new girlfriend?” 

I wanted to laugh, had Ruby seen his new girlfriend? Yep. She had. 

“I have a few times but I respect their privacy, I don’t approach him when he’s with her. They seem to get along really well though.” 

She sat down Indian style in front of us, perfect. 

“Really? I heard she was a bitch.” 

“Why do they think that?” Ruby asked. 

“She’s never seen, she’s never around in public really. Some fans believe she lives in another state.” 

“I heard that was Zac’s actually.” She said. 

I started to jab her with my elbow, I was trying hard to avoid that we were even here to see Hanson. Because logic told me I was just going to stare at Zac and wonder what the fuck happened. 

“Zac doesn’t date. He has a few one night stands a year. That’s like well known to everyone. Oh my! Did you hear what happened in Atlanta?” 

“No.” We both said. 

“His ex-fiancé showed up with her friend and their son. The bitch had meet and greet passes! But one of the other girls said she stayed longer because he asked her too. Seriously, he better not be trying to get her back.” 

I glanced at Ruby, perfect now he was trying to get back with his ex-fiancé who is married and just ignoring my existence all together? 

“He would never go back to her. She hurt him really bad. My guess is he probably wanted to tell her to kiss off.” Ruby said. 

“Who knows, she didn’t look phased when she came out and they stayed for the show itself. Do either of you have a favorite?” 

“Taylor is my favorite. He’s always been my favorite.” Ruby said. 

“Isaac. He’s cool, calm, mature.” 

Ruby’s eyes cut to me but she didn’t comment, really right now Zac was not my favorite even if I was going to stare for two hours. She sat there for an hour talking about Taylor’s girlfriend and the theories. His ‘girlfriend’ was a bitch, she was plain, boring, and no one understood the name. When she asked for our names because Taylor had said both of ours we used our middle names. Blair was hers and Sage was mine. Which prompted another speech on how unique my middle name was. It was a little weird to be called Sage though, it was barely used. 

I was actually really glad when she got up and left. 

“You okay?” 

I looked at her. “I’m alright. I just have a headache.” 

“Sugar okay?” 

“I didn’t sleep well last night, I woke up entirely too early from a nightmare and I just couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s probably why my head is hurting.” 

“You want to nap?” 

“Not sure I can.” 

“Lean on me.” 

It wasn’t entirely comfortable but it was a decent nap, she didn’t wake me up until it was near time for the walk. 

“Can I just chill here?” 

“No! You have to come walk.” 

I reluctantly got up but that caused a bit of a dizzy spell. I didn’t say anything because she was excitedly talking to the person in front of us so I just steadied myself against the wall. I did feel my phone vibrating and checked, seen 10 missed messages from Cameron! And the last one was all caps. 

I hit reply. _Sorry!!!!!!! I was napping on Ruby’s shoulder. I woke up at 2:30 from a vivid nightmare. Didn’t really sleep better after that. We’re about to start the walk._

**_Nightmare?! Are you okay?_ **

_Yeah, it was just very vivid…_

I took one text to explain it as we surrounded the front of the building, I was rather glad to be near the wall and while I would listen, I much rather just lean against the wall. 

**_Damn Panda, that sounds horrible. But, you know that won’t happen. Could it just be because you know they’ll be there and you have no choice but to see him?_ **

_Probably? Maybe? IDK._

I heard the noises around me, was aware that they were coming out by the increase, I glanced up and of course the very first person I seen was Zac. Coming out, smiling and looking all happy. Yet, it felt like a knife driven through my heart again. How can he be so fucking happy?! 

**_I think you’re just worried but nightmares are normal for pregnant women. Hopefully that’s the only one you have. ;\_ **

_Hopefully, oh..goody…he’s the first one out. :- (, why couldn’t Ike or Tay come out first?!_

**_Does he even know you are there today?_ **

_No idea. I presume that Ruby told Tay I was coming with her, but I honestly don’t know if he told Zac or Ike or anyone else. She told me Ike and Tay wanted to see me. I can understand Tay, but I didn’t really hang with Ike._

**_Being nice maybe? Just breathe and focus on the fact your walk will help others in need. Just avoid him. Do him exactly like he did you. Don’t acknowledge him, don’t talk to him, avoid walking near him. Stay around Taylor or Isaac or others._ **

_I plan too, his speech is pretty good. Man has a talent for talking. (tay that is)._

**_Haha – he talked his way into Ruby for sure. But, I’ll shush. I was just checking and you worried me when you didn’t reply to the first few. Do you plan to nap after?_ **

_Maybe. Idk. I know I have to find dinner before the show, not gonna have a ton of time._

**_There is a BBQ place nearby, pretty good and they have salads! Go enjoy the walk and don’t fall. Don’t push yourself either. *hugs*_ **

_*hugs* I won’t and bbq sound amazing._

I put my phone up and glanced up, Zac was farther away and Isaac was closer. Thankfully, when they started walking Zac went the opposite direction, so that was good. Isaac was kind of ahead of me but I lost Ruby completely in the shuffle. I just walked slowly behind most of them. I could see Isaac ahead of me but I didn’t attempt to catch up. They crossed the road and was walking up Windy Hill Road around a woodsy area. I was lagging but I was also feeling kind of weird. I popped one of the candies to see if that helped and when we stopped at the bank at the corner of the Windy Hill and North Kings Highway I sat down on the bench. 

I was feeling kind of dizzy still and just needed to stop. From my vantage point I could see Taylor but not anyone else, so that was awesome. I just waited until they were headed back and followed, the seafood buffet sounded so good but nothing I could eat was inside. It was one thing I missed! 

When we reached the venue I just went back where we were sitting, since no one was around I pulled the meter out and check, fucking needle. The number was low so I got one of the emergency tablets and leaned back and closed my eyes. 

“Sage?” 

I opened my eyes to see Ruby kneeling in front of me. 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, but I need to go somewhere cooler Ruby and I need to get something. Cam recommended BBQ.” 

“Sure. There’s several going.” 

She leaned in. “Do you need me to text him and see if he can get us inside?” 

“No. Need to eat and that’s all.” 

She helped me up and the two of us plus several others went to the BBQ place. I got soda for the sugar and ordered what I thought would provide long-term sugar help. 

“You feel okay? You look a little pale.” 

“I’ve been having low blood sugar issues, I’ll be fine.” 

“You may want to hit up Molly’s next. There ice cream is amazing.” 

“I may try them.” 

They gossiped but I fretted, I wasn’t sure if he even saw me, I was sure he did. Did he remember me? Would he notice it was his shirt? The shirt somewhat smelled like him still, it wasn’t near as strong as it had been washed. I was glad when the food came and I didn’t care if I seemed piggy, I was starting to feel bad and I had a long while to go. Although, since doors opened at 7, I decided to wait on the ice cream. 

The others four with us talked about previous shows, Taylor’s girlfriend again, how cute Ike’s little girl was and how hot Zac was. I kind of wasn’t listening to them, I was a bit lost in eating and feeling better. 

“I heard Zac was the biggest.” 

I glanced over at her confused at what she meant and especially since someone disagreed and said it was Taylor. I glanced at Ruby and she looked a bit pissed, so I text her. 

_I’ve clearly been absorbed in my BBQ. WTF are they talking about?_

She looked at her phone and replied. 

**_They are discussing dick sizes. Kind of pissing me off._ **

_Haha – Don’t let them bother you. We both KNOW their size and what they look like naked. There just “theorizing” but you shouldn’t confirm, deny, or say anything…Taylor may not like it._

**_And what…you thinking about telling on Zac?_ **

_Crossed my mind!_

She just looked at me but I smiled. Listened to them theorize and they were all way off on Zac. I mean ten or eleven inches? There was one that said she was certain he was less than five, jeez. There was also talk of some fan written stories. 

“Oh my god, I was following this one story by a writer and she just up and deleted everything.” 

That caught my attention. 

“No way, wasn’t FairyDust was it?” 

“YES! The profile picture was a fairy. I loved her stories. Okay…the sex scenes were hot.” 

“Yeah, she was a good writer, I think she just lost interest.” Ruby said. 

More like the main object of her fantasies turned out to be a prick. I hadn’t deleted them really, I had copied of them on my laptop, but I had removed the blog because really, Zac didn’t need to use my pictures or my words for his nightly spank sessions. When we left the restaurant we headed back and it was just downtime, but we didn’t get to go back to the ice cream shop before the doors opened. We lost track of time. My goal first thing once inside was the damn bathroom. 

Ruby was waiting outside and handed me a glass. 

“What’s this?” 

“Beer.” 

“I..can’t have this Ruby.” 

“Ours are on the house…” 

“I can’t drink it. You can have it.” 

“Want me to get you a water or something?” 

“Yeah, the alcohol and sugar just..she told me not to drink.” 

“It’s fine. I wasn’t sure.” 

We back tracked to the bar and I got two bottles of water and then we found our spot in the balcony. It was at the front of the balcony but it had a seat. The opener was Jarrod Gorbel and I wasn’t familiar with him, he sounded alright. There actual show was pretty good as well. I tried to focus more on Taylor or even Isaac but no, my brain was fully focused on the drummer. 

I had to admit his playing was still great and I still enjoyed the songs but I really felt like I lacked the enthusiasm that everyone had. I did noticed that he was looking around and maybe he was trying to find me, maybe he was trying to find the next flavor of the day. Who knew how he thought or what he thought at any given time. 

After the last song they came to the front and everyone sang Happy Birthday to him, I saw him looking around and it was why he never saw the cake. I had to admit, that was hilarious. 

But by the end of the show I felt like just going home but I knew Ruby wanted to see Taylor. She hadn’t really seen him in over a month and I couldn’t fault her. But the idea of going back and maybe seeing him was just too much for me. We remained seating until the balcony had cleared completely. 

“He told me to wait until most everyone was out, are you going back with me?” 

I should go back, because I had the pictures for him but I really just didn’t want to see him. I felt like it would be a bad idea and I didn’t want to argue. I would make sure he got the pictures somehow. 

“I think I just want to wait for you.” 

“Are you sure? I can have them come out.” 

“No. If someone sees them out here then everyone will rush back inside. I’m sure I’ll see them but I just think I’ll wait out here.” 

“Honey, you shouldn’t avoid him.” 

“I don’t want to see him Ruby, just drop it.” 

“Okay. Do you want another water?” 

“Yeah, I need to go down with you and get one.” 

She came with me and we both got another bottle of water, the bottom was still fairly full but she had given me the pass before we came inside, so if they told me to leave I just had to show it to them. She waited until the main floor area had pretty much emptied before sneaking off to the side and I watched her go back through the door. I moved to the stairs directly in front of the door and sat down. I was hoping she wouldn’t be back there very long. 

It was going for midnight when I heard the door open on the side and I was really hoping it would be Ruby, but when I looked toward the door it was not her. So much for her promise. 

It was the last person in this building I really wanted to see. 


	29. Can't Deny

POV: Zac 

Atlanta had been difficult but when I saw that Kathryn had somehow scored meet and greet passes for both her, him and their son I knew it had to be done. I pulled her off after the meet and greet and basically told her to stop playing games. That I was glad they were happy, I was glad they lasted but that I was moving on. She hadn’t been thrilled but she would have to get over it. 

I now had to focus on trying to figure out if Miranda and I could at least be civil friends or something. I greatly missed her and I knew she’d be at the Myrtle Beach show. I was bouncing with anticipation as we arrived but I didn’t see her, then again we were in the back. Our morning was mostly prepping the stage, lunch, and preparing for the walk. I knew the walk would be my chance to see if she was actually here. So, of course I went out first. 

It really didn’t take me long to find her reddish brown hair, she was off to the side leaned against the wall staring at her phone, seemingly texting someone. I kind of wished it was me actually. I had to admit she looked better now, her hair was bright, shiny and even had a curl to it. Her face had more color too because she had looked up. I couldn’t see much else from where I was but during the walk I tried to spot her, it wasn’t until the mid-point that I saw her and I stared the whole time she was sitting there. 

The dark blue jean shorts looked great on her but what caught my attention was her shirt. A blue button up short sleeve, it was my shirt. She’d worn it home when she left because I shrunk hers so badly. I wouldn’t tell her just yet that her shirt was still at my apartment. I however barely noticed when she got up that it looked like she gained weight. She wasn’t in the audience when we got back for the last speech. 

Maybe I’d get lucky! Once we were back inside I expected a birthday dinner. 

“Am I getting screwed here?” 

“No. We’ve decided to wait for the dinner until tomorrow. Ruby can then attend.” Isaac said. 

“Ahh!” 

We went through the sound check and even dinner. I wasn’t sure if the show or after the show was what I was more anticipating but once on stage I couldn’t find her. I looked everywhere I could and I just didn’t see her. Even when they were singing to me, I looked for her. But, if she was here she was somewhere in the dark! I rather expected the cake but I was distracted with my quest so it kind of took me by surprise. 

We came off stage at just a few minutes after eleven and my first goal was the shower, Taylor was going to wait for Ruby and Isaac was busy talking to someone. I made my shower as quick as I could, if Ruby came back she would too! But when I went back to the front Ruby was standing there with Taylor and Isaac talking, but Miranda wasn’t anywhere in sight. 

“Where is Miranda?” 

Ruby frowned some. “She didn’t want to come back. Said she was going to wait until I came back. Sorry Zac, she just doesn’t want to see you.” 

I tried not to show the insane amount of disappointment, she really did hate me. She wasn’t lying about that but I couldn’t leave without seeing her. When I started to go to the front Isaac blocked me. 

“Zac, we can’t let you go out. We promised her if she didn’t want to see you, she wouldn’t. It’s the only way she would come. I’m sorry Zac.” 

“It’s okay Isaac, it’s my fault really.” 

I did move away and to the back some, make sure they were loading everything but about ten until midnight I noticed that Isaac had gone to shower and Taylor and Ruby were so engrossed in their conversation that neither even remembered I was here. I moved slowly and quietly past them and went out to the front. 

Miranda was sitting on the top step directly in front of me. When she looked my way I could see it all over her face, she really wanted anyone else but me. But I was determined! By the time I made it to her at the other end of the steps she was standing up and fixing to walk out. 

“Wait, Miranda. Please?” 

She paused her back to me and she just stood there. My goal in August was to push her away, to make her forget about me. I’d accomplished that apparently. She didn’t even want to speak to me let along anything else. 

“Please?” 

I could see her arms moving, that was good! She was getting something from her bag and then she turned around and held out a white envelope. 

“I was going to give it to Taylor or Isaac or even Ruby to give to you. But since they can’t keep promises I guess you’ll do.” 

“They did Miranda. I waited until they were all distracted. What is this?” 

She looked at me. “Proof. We’re having a daughter.” 

She had to be fucking kidding me, the first thing she really brings up is that? She couldn’t bring up anything else but that? I put the envelope in my back pocket and she frowned. 

“I’m just gonna go, it’s clear you just want another one night.” 

“That’s not fair Miranda, I haven’t ask for anything but for you to stay.” 

“I’m here, I’ve been here all fucking day. I’ve sat outside all fucking day and done nothing but think about this moment. How I’d provide you with the proof that you are going to be a father. You don’t even take two fucking minutes to open the envelope. It’s clear you want me to stay so you can convince me that I need to go back to your room. Happy Birthday Zac, you’re having a daughter.” 

“That’s not fair. You have no idea what I want. You’re just jumping to this right off the bat.” 

This was not going how I wanted, not at all. It was clear that my intention of hurting her enough to keep her away had worked very well, she was a lot more hurt than I expected. Or maybe I did expect this? She started to say something but then stopped, her attention went to her bag and she seemed be trying to find something but then the bag just fell to the floor. 

“Miranda?” 

She took a single step toward me but it wasn’t fluid and it seemed like she swayed a bit. When she looked at me I could tell something was wrong. I stepped forward and her hands caught my upper arm and I was glad I was going for some kind of hug type deal because she just completely passed out. I moved her down to laying and tried to get her to wake back up. I gently patted the sides of her face, thinking it was just some weird ‘excuse’ and fake. 

“Miranda, come on wake up. This isn’t funny.” 

Yet, she wasn’t responding and when I moved her hand it just fell to her abdomen, no hesitation. She really was out cold! When I moved her hand I saw the bracelet, hypoglycemic written clearly on it. 

“ISAAC!!! TAYLOR!!!” I screamed. 

My phone was in the back laying with my bag on charge. But I knew they had theirs. As I was waiting and contemplating screaming again, I noticed that laying down the weight gain was more evident and that it was predominantly in her abdomen. Is it possible she wasn’t lying? 

I screamed for them again and it was Taylor that came through the side door. 

“Zac? What the hell man?” 

“Call 911! Now! Miranda fainted and I can’t get her to wake up.” 

When he was out enough to see that she was laying on the ground and not responding he called. I could hear him telling them she fainted. 

“She’s hypoglycemic Tay. They need to hurry!” 

I heard him telling them and I kept trying. She simply wasn’t responding to anything we did, by the time the paramedics arrived Ruby and Taylor were both out. The paramedic asked me what happened and I told them, she’d just stopped and then fainted. 

He was loading a hypodermic needle and it was a lot. I had no idea if a shot that big would hurt her if she actually was pregnant, but I couldn’t risk not telling them if she was just because I didn’t believe her. 

“She’s pregnant.” 

He paused. “She is?” 

“Yes.” 

I saw Ruby behind him and she frowned. Clearly she didn’t know either. He did dial back the dose before giving it to her. But it did nothing, she didn’t respond and when he tested her blood a few moments later he frowned and then they were loading her onto a stretcher. 

“I’ll go.” I said. 

Ruby started to object but Taylor stopped her. While they loaded her I ran and got my phone and even got her little bag then followed the paramedics. Taylor had yelled out for me to contact them as soon as I could. They were checking her pulse, oxygen levels, another sugar check. He actually gave her another shot of something and I was getting worried. 

I simply tagged along and stayed out of the way while they moved her inside the hospital, got her settled and got things going. An IV was put in and they kept checking her sugar. 

“Do you know her numbers?” 

“No..But her meter is in her bag. I saw it when she dropped it.” 

“We need it.” 

I presented the meter and he scrolled through a few numbers before handing it back to me. I put the meter back in her bag and waited. 

“Her numbers are up in the 90’s, which is good. It may take her a little while to come too. They were really low and I’m not sure why. Were you aware of how long it had been since she ate?” 

“I wasn’t with her all day but my guess is between four and six. I don’t know if she snacked on anything after that.” 

“Okay. We’re going to keep the heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen levels on monitoring. You told the paramedics she was pregnant, do you have any idea how far along she is?” 

“If what she told me was right 18 to 20 weeks. She told me the baby was a girl, so I assume she’s far enough for that.” 

He turned to the nurse and mentioned a doppler which she left the room to get, returning with some kind of handheld device. I was mildly concerned when he moved her shirt and the waistband down slightly but he placed one end against her abdomen and moments later the room was filled with a noise. 

It was like a whooshing sound but it was rapid and strong. 

“What is that?” 

He turned to me. “The baby’s heartbeat, sounds strong so she is doing well.” 

If he said anything after ‘baby’s heartbeat’ I really didn’t hear it. All I could hear was the rapid heartbeat of a baby I didn’t believe existed. A baby that I had spent the last several months denying even existed. I could not deny that the doctor was telling me this, he was saying that noise was a heartbeat. Her words rang in my head . 

_Proof. We’re having a daughter._

I was definitely stunned. I had ruled out Cameron and Justin as being with her in June, which only left me. That means in August when she told me, when she insisted that she wasn’t lying to me, she really wasn’t. I could hear the proof in the room. When it got quiet I noticed the doctor was talking but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at her. 

I moved my eyes and found she was awake, she looked groggy still and a little confused. She was telling him that they had planned on ice cream but didn’t have time and that she began to feel it but couldn’t find any emergency tablets, she thought she had more. 

“I’d like to keep you over night because you’re blood sugar was very low and it nearly put you in a coma. I’m going to have a nurse bring you something from the vending machine so you can eat something. But, I’d like to keep you.” 

“That’s fine.” She said. 

“Okay. I’ll send the nurse in and once you’ve eaten and we’ve checked again I’ll move you to a room.” 

“Thank you.” 

He smiled and left the room. I kept quiet for the moment, I really didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell her this was a lie or that she was just using it to get me to stay. I couldn’t deny this anymore, she was pregnant and I was going to be a father. I was kind of hoping she wouldn’t really notice me. The nurse brought her a sandwich from the machine and a mountain dew, instructing her to eat everything. The nurse stepped out again and she was having trouble opening the package. 

“Can you open this for me?” 

“You know I’m here?” 

She turned and looked back at me. “I can smell the cologne you used.” 

I got up and opened the sandwich for her, even opened the soda can before I returned to the seat and it was quiet. I just had no idea what to say, what would make it better. 

“Ruby is in the waiting room I am sure, do you want me to go get her?” 

“She is in the waiting room, she’s waiting for Isaac and then they’ll be back. I sent her a text.” 

“You have your phone?” 

“Yes. The doctor gave it to me.” 

I sat quietly in the corner even when they came in, despite having both Taylor and Isaac giving me the patented I had a shit ton of explaining to do. 

“Are you okay?” Ruby asked. 

She held up her soda can. “I am now. I’m sure they’ll be back in soon to check the sugar level. It just got low fast, I should have gotten soda or something but I didn’t.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No need to apologize Ruby. I had emergency tablets but I guess I didn’t add them like I thought.” 

“I didn’t realize that you were super serious about this shit. So, basically if you are being kept you need to call your parents and Caleb. Cameron said he did not give a shit if they kept you or released you, you better call him.” 

“I will once they move me. They are keeping me tonight.” 

“They are?” Taylor asked. 

“Yeah. They are mostly doing it to observe.” 

She borrowed Ruby’s phone to call the four she needed, her phone battery was low. Assured them she was fine and she’d call someone when they released her. Ruby pretty much said she’d be in town to take her home. When they came to move her to her private room the nurse basically said they needed some time to get her into a room and settled, they were also going to do another round of blood work. 

I needed my overnight bag from the bus so I went with Isaac, Taylor, and Ruby. She had driven them here so I followed them to the car. The drive back to the bus was very quiet. I know that all three of them heard me, but maybe they didn’t believe it because Miranda didn’t confirm? I wasn’t sure, but I was glad. I got on the bus and got my overnight bag and a few other things. 

“Zac, you can wait we have to find a hotel.” Ike said. 

“I’m going back to the hospital. If she tells me to leave then I will find something nearby. I just needed my bag.” 

He was the only person on the bus really, most of the crew was outside waiting and Taylor was explaining to them what was happening. 

“So are we just going to forget that you said she was pregnant? Not even Ruby knew that. We haven’t forgotten Zachary.” 

“No, but right now isn’t the right time to bring that up.” 

He put his hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. 

“Is she pregnant with your baby?” 

My baby. I couldn’t deny that any longer. I couldn’t even blame Cameron or Justin anymore. 

“Yes, but I need to get back Isaac.” 

“And you’ve known a while haven’t you?” 

I got the last thing and zipped the bag up. “She told me in August but I didn’t believe her. Isaac, I can explain later but I need to get back to the hospital.” 

He came out with me to wait for the cab. I didn’t see Taylor or Ruby and I was kind of glad. I told Isaac before leaving I’d call them tomorrow for the dinner plans still. I then returned to the hospital, knowing I needed to kill some time I went ahead and found the vending machines and got myself some form of dinner. I then made the trek across the hospital to her room on the fourth floor. I braced for her telling me to leave, I fully expected it. But, when I went in I found her to be asleep already. The IV was still in her hand and they had a bag hanging there. I quietly closed the door and laid my bag down, getting my charger I found that I could charger her phone too so I plugged it up. 

I went ahead and quietly ate my sandwich and chips. I then found the blanket and pillow that was usually in the rooms. I got sleep pants from the bag and stepped into the bathroom. I changed quietly and then went to empty the pockets, finding the envelope. She had said it was proof. I sat down in the chair and carefully opened it. 

Inside I found sonogram pictures, the one on top was taken in August. Side view and I could clearly see that this was a little human. The next one was the same view only the date was the 21 st. It was clear the different between the first two. I ran my thumb over the profile, I could make out the nose and chin. The next one was funny looking but there was an arrow and out beside it was ‘it’s a girl’, daughter. It’s why she said we were having a daughter. The very last picture was the one that seemed to bring those tears out, 3D sonogram showed more details of her face. That little nose that reminded me of me and those cheeks. 

I was such an idiot, I should have been there for that appointment, to share with her finding out the sex. But, because I was so stupid I didn’t have that experience. I leaned back and was just staring at the 3D one, seeing little dimples that were barely visible. I heard the movement on the bed and glanced up. She had just turned but it was late and I was sure she was going to be up early so I put the pictures up and laid the chair back. 

It took forever to go to sleep, I kept staring at her. 


	30. You have explaining....

POV: Zac 

  

October 23, 2010

What woke me up was something crashing to the floor, startled I sat up quickly and nearly fell out of the chair. I blinked several times and realized that Miranda was sitting up in the bed with the tray in front of her.

“Sorry, I tried to catch the lid before it fell.” 

Laying a few feet away was a dark red lid that probably went to the plate in front of her. I blinked a few more times, realizing it was morning.

“I was trying not to wake you up but the lid slipped and I couldn’t stop it.” 

“It’s okay, I probably should be getting up anyway.” 

I took several moments to get woken up before I went to the bathroom and then folded the sheets neatly and put them on the window seal, I was sure they’d wash them. She was contently picking at the plate before her and I noticed she’d moved the eggs to the far side.

“I thought you liked eggs.” 

“Yeah, that was before they made me sick. You can certainly have them and the bacon if you want them.” 

“Shouldn’t you be eating so you can go home?”

“The eggs will make me sick and the bacon is eh. I’d rather have the rest. Thank you for charging my phone, you’re charger is there.” 

“No problem. I figured your family would appreciate it.” 

I plugged mine in and found Isaac had sent a message earlier, damn it was after seven! 

**_I am leaving tomorrow, Taylor is leaving with Ruby tonight. We’d like to do birthday lunch if possible. Let us know what you are doing. I’m actually in Conway now and have rooms for Tay and I. He and Ruby are waiting on Miranda to be discharged._ **

_I’m up now. I’ll msg as soon as I know._

“Looks like Taylor is going back with Ruby.” 

“She sent me a message to tell me, the doctor wants to do a check after I eat. If the number is good he’ll let me go home.” 

“Was your last hospital visit because you passed out?” 

“I figured you’d heard about that and yeah, it got too low and Dad called. I kind of wish it never happened because it’s how my parents found out. My step-father still isn’t talking to me.” 

“Why not?” 

She finished off the bowl of grits. “Because he’s super religious and didn’t believe in sex before marriage. He agreed with you though, told me I was whore. I’m pretty sure my father wanted to bitch at him.” 

My eyes fell to the floor. “But I was wrong about that and he is too.” 

She didn’t respond but she did push the plate to me when she was done. Clearly I wasn’t being given a choice so I finished the eggs and bacon. She was on her phone texting and at times her brows furrowed, it was kind of cute. The nurse came in about thirty minutes until nine they drew the blood. At 10:30 the doctor came in.

“How do you feel?” 

“Tired.” 

“Expected. So your blood work through the night has been fine and this morning was good. I’m going to release you but you should really not push it. I heard your father, brother and mother are all medically inclined?” 

“Yes, I live with my brother so he’ll nag me I am sure. But he and our father are doctors and our mother is a nurse.” 

“Okay. Do you have a ride home? I don’t want you driving.” 

“My friend said she’d take me. She’s still in town.” 

“Okay.” 

He removed the IV from her hand and then left the room. She got up and walked to the bathroom, I expected she would change there but she came back with her bag and began to lay out what she had on last night.

“Um…you’re getting dressed in here?” 

She paused and looked at me confused. “You’ve seen me without clothes before Zac.”

Yeah, but it’s been a long time and the last thing I wanted was to get any reaction, so while she got dressed I went to the bathroom to do the same thing. She was sitting on the bed when I came back out, texting. I presume telling Taylor and Ruby she would be free. I sat down to put my shoes on.

“Why are you here?”

“You just fell out on me and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

“Okay, so you knew that when you left last night, but you came back.”

“I didn’t want you to be here alone.” 

“You haven’t really shown any concern for the last four months. I know you aren’t forgetful either, you know what you’ve said and done and now what?” 

“I was hoping to talk to you, but I can’t do that in ten minutes.”

“You didn’t even tell anyone did you? Not Taylor, Isaac, your parents?” 

“No. But, Ruby was just as shocked. When the paramedics went to give you this massive dose I told them.” 

“You didn’t believe me before I passed out, why bother? You didn’t even open the envelope.” 

“I didn’t until I heard her heartbeat in the emergency room. Until I saw the pictures. I did open the envelope. I can explain Miranda…” 

“How? Ruby said you and Isaac were leaving. How can you explain when you won’t be here?” 

“Isaac is going home.” 

“I don’t care what he does.” 

“I don’t have to be home until Halloween, if you are willing to listen I can stay.” 

She seemed to be thinking and I wish I could read her mind. She did some more texting before she laid the phone down. 

“Do you have your things?” 

“There on the bus, I just brought an overnight bag. Why?”

“My brother isn’t happy about it but he’s agreed to spend the rest of the weekend at his girlfriends house. You want to explain and you want to tell me why you’ve been such an asshole, then you get to stay at the house with me. He doesn’t want me staying at a hotel and wants me home so I am comfortable.” 

I thought I heard her wrong, couldn’t be right. But she seemed serious.

“You mean stay with you, at your house?” 

“Yes.” 

“If that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do.” 

“Taylor and Ruby just arrived, I’ll let you tell them you’ll be staying.”

I should have known that was coming! Not a problem though, they were coming in a few moments later and asking how she was and about 11:30 the doctor brought the release papers. While she signed them I told Taylor I needed to go by the bus either before or after lunch, he informed we were going to lunch now. Ruby and Miranda walked out ahead of us and we followed. Ruby was driving so I got in the back with Taylor. The drive was quick and we had lunch which went very well. We then went to the bus, Miranda and Ruby remained at the car and I was sure she was going to ask her. 

The three of us paused at the bus and they turned to me.

“You have serious explaining Zac.” Taylor said.

“There is nothing to explain Taylor. You heard what I said. She’s pregnant.” 

“Yes, and the assumption is she’s having _your_ baby. Which means you knew about her being pregnant before anyone else and I am betting she told you in August.” 

There was no point in lying now. “She told me in August and I didn’t believe her. I thought she had been with Cameron and the guy she went with. Thought she was just blaming me. I couldn’t put aside what Kathryn did. But, I’m going back with her to talk and explain. I owe her that.” 

“You owe her a lot more. You knew and yet when I called you and you heard her screaming, you didn’t seem to care.” 

“I did Taylor, I was dying too. But, I couldn’t.”

“You believe her now? Why?” Isaac asked.

“The emergency room doctor used a Doppler to check on the heartbeat. I heard her heartbeat.”

“Her?” Isaac asked.

“She’s…We’re having a girl. She found out the 21 st.” 

“What are you going to do?” 

“Her brother has agreed to let me stay at their house. I’m going to stay for a little while, I’ll be home for our Halloween MOE, but it might be Saturday before I get in. I want to make sure she understands why and that we talk.” 

“Are you going to try to get back with her?” Taylor asked.

“Taylor, that totally depends on her.”

“Well, Isaac are you heading back with the bus?” 

“Yes. You shouldn’t be far behind, want us to wait on you? We can follow each other.” 

“If they’re willing, if not head on.”

With that settled I got my actual bags and walked to the car but Ruby looked irritated.

“I should kick your ass myself, if it wasn’t her telling me she was okay with you staying, I’d tell you to fuck off.” 

“I am sure you would.” 

She just walked away and Miranda kind of smirked. “You knew she’d be mad.” 

I nodded. “I did. I think she’s more pissed that I upset you in August so much.”

She shrugged. “She told me I should have kicked your ass twice. I felt once was enough.” 

“Yeah..I’ll be avoiding any situation that allows that. The bruise lasted for a week.” 

She giggled and then got in the car, giggled!!!! There was nothing funny about that! I put my bags in the trunk and again got in the back with Taylor. I had no idea where I was going, I’d never seen her home town but Ruby knew and she finally parked in front of a one story house at the end of a cul-de-sac. The house was bright white with dark trim in brown. I recognized Miranda’s car but the black truck wasn’t hers. 

“You coming in?” She asked.

“No, unfortunately I have a few things left to load and I want to get a few hours nap before we go.” 

“Okay.” 

They said their byes and I reassured Taylor I would be home. I then got my bags and followed her, she unlocked the door and walked in.

“Caleb, I’m home.” 

I stepped in about time he came out of a door to the right, carrying a duffle bag.

“What did the doctor say?”

“Keep watching, keep checking, call the OB Monday to see if she wants me to lower to two. He said three times again.” 

“I brought home a new box of strips, needles, and the alcohol prep pads. Do not skip the next few days, check and if you feel weird call me or Dad.” 

“I will.”

Her brother was slightly taller than me, short brown hair and brown eyes. He resembled her but I expected him to have red hair too! Yet, his intense stare at me was clear he wasn’t very keen on leaving. Miranda hugged him and said something about changing and then went down to a door on the left. For a few moments he was quiet, I could almost feel the appraising.

“You hurt my sister again and her kick to your nuts will be nothing compared to what I do. Is that clear?” 

“Yes. I don’t plan to hurt her.” 

“You damn well better not. She’s willing to give you the chance that I don’t think you deserve. I’m respecting her decision in this. You may have to remind her to check her sugar levels, she’s not totally fond of the needles and tends to forget. You make sure she eats as well.”

“I will.”

“She knows where the blankets are, couch or chair is all yours.”

“You done threatening him Caleb?” She asked.

“Yeah. I’ll be at Mariah’s if you need me. Call if you do.” 

“Will do.” 

He then left the house and I heard the truck crank up and leave. The house was nice inside, the recliner kind of stuck out.

“He got it for me, feet swelling sucks and that couch is horrible.” 

“Noted.”

She had changed into sleep pants and an over sized t-shirt. Even in that she looked gorgeous. I sat my bags in the corner behind the door, it was out of the way.

“It looks good in here, he did a good job.” 

“Thank you. If he’d just let me paint my room pink to start with.” 

“He wouldn’t?” 

She looked at me. “It was a guest room, not really intended for me to live here.” 

“Oh.”

She got the meter from her bag and set it up, I had to admit that watching her stand there and try and fail multiple times to check her sugar was heartbreaking. She would have the little pen against her finger but each time she pressed the button her hand moved. 

“Do you mind? I’m never going to get this done if you don’t.” 

I walked over and she handed me the little handheld device and held her hand out. I took her hand gently to steady it. 

“Do you not like needles?” 

“There not my favorite things no. But, it’s gotten better.”

Yet her hand was slightly trembling and she flinched when the needle went in and back. She handled the rest though and indicated it was fine. She then put the items back up. 

“I um..” 

She held her hand up. “I’m tired Zac, I didn’t sleep well last night and I still feel off. I’m holding you to the talk but right now I need to just take it easy. You really don’t want to have to call an ambulance again.” 

“No, I fear your brother would put me in the hospital as well.” 

“So, you can think about what you want to say.” 

Perhaps she was right about that, I did need to consider what she needed to hear and what I had to share so she would understand where I was coming from. But I did block her path to the chair when she tried to go past me.

“I am sorry for the things I said in August. They were uncalled for and I should have never said them. I had no proof that you were with anyone else. I should have reacted differently.” 

“Not sure I want to apologize for the slap or the kick.” 

“No. You don’t owe me an apology for either. Both were deserved.”

I moved my arm and she went to the living room and sat in the recliner. I sat on the sofa and she found something to watch. It was oddly normal, but I found myself watching her. Noticing the little things like how her hair looked so much better, how her face seemed to glow even though I was sure she didn’t have make up on. Normal male, I noticed the breast were a little larger than before and even in oversized clothes I could still see the little bump. She really did look better than she had in August.

“Miranda.” 

She looked over at me. “Yes?” 

“We’re you really going to do an abortion?”

“When I made the appointment I didn’t believe there was any other option. My mom and her husband are religious and they would frown on the pregnancy to start with. I didn’t feel like I could call home and ask for help, I didn’t think they would be fine. I might would have been fine but Ruby moving out really hit hard. After you denied everything I just had nowhere to go. I considered it, I made the appointment for the consultation. Caleb showed up and he talked to me. Gave me this option. I could come home and he’d take care of me.”

“Are you happy with your choice?” 

“Yes. Caleb was able to ask the questions that I didn’t think about. Such as, what would happen afterwards, how would I feel. If you’re wondering if I considered your feelings in that decision, I did. But, I didn’t think you’d care because you were so quick to deny it.” 

“Even if you had gone through with it, which I’m glad you didn’t, I would have no right to be mad. I should have been helping you and not pushing you away.” 

“It would have been nice.”

She went back to the program and I sat here, thinking. She got up about three and got a snack and sat back down in the chair.

“Do you like that chair?” 

She nodded. “The position is really good and helps my feet. When I’m working the chairs hurt.” 

“Working?” I asked.

“Medical transcription. I can do that from the house and do as little or as much as I can.”

“It works really. What do you want for dinner?” 

“I think spaghetti stuff is in there.” 

“I’ll cook, I may have to ask where everything is.” 

“I can cook.” 

“I know but I don’t want you too.” 

She nodded and when the time came I fixed dinner, asking her where things were first. I did pretty good with not getting myself dirty or the kitchen! She had me poke her finger again before dinner and I noticed she wrote the numbers down on a sheet of paper on the fridge. Dozens of numbers and it made me feel bad. 

We ate at the table and I wouldn’t let her clean up either, sent her to watch TV while I washed up whatever was dirty and put the leftovers up. 

“Is this what you do all day?” 

“For the most part, yes. Can’t really do much else and I can’t drive anywhere. Cameron comes over on his off days and we have marathon video games.” 

“I’ve seen you on before.” 

“As I have you.” 

She turned back to the TV and I frowned. I really wanted to talk but she was determined to wait. So, I watched TV with her and had mild conversation on the shows. About 8:45 she got up and when she came back she had blankets and a pillow.

“I tried to get him to let me stay in his room so you could have my bed. But he refused. So, I’m going to lay down.” 

“It’s fine.”

She smiled and then got her meter, again she tried for ten minutes before she finally got it. It was hard watching her deal with that and this was probably something she did every day when she was here alone. She frowned at the number and then got something from the fridge. She was then gone and I was alone in the living room. I got to really look around and there were pictures of her here, with them.

About ten I laid down on the sofa but found the recliner was more comfortable. I turned the TV off at 10:30 and reclined back considered what I was going to say and I fell asleep that way. 

What woke me up was her screaming, I got tangled up in the blanket and basically fell out of the chair but then made it to her bedroom door quickly, terrified something had happened. She was sitting up in the middle of the bed, clutching a pillow and crying quite hysterically. Women and tears were not my specialty but I moved around and sat down beside her.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” 

She nodded but didn’t answer me, so I took the risk and laid my hand on her back.

“It’s okay Miranda, you’re safe. No one else is here.” 

I just stuck to rubbing her back until she calmed down. Until I didn’t feel her slightly shaking.

“You want to talk about it?” 

She shook her head and moved over, laid back down. I was confused but I pulled the cover back up and went back to the living room, fixed the blankets and laid back down. I was nearly asleep when I heard the soft footsteps on the floor. I just assumed she was going to the bathroom but a few moments later she was standing beside the chair, I didn’t really question why just moved the blankets. She quietly moved into the empty space and I tossed the blanket over her. I moved my arm behind her and she kind of curled up there.

“I presume you had a nightmare?” 

“Yeah.” 

“My mom had them when she was pregnant with Jessica and Avery. She indicated she did with us three boys too. You are safe though.” 

“I know. Just…Caleb isn’t home and laying there alone is…unnerving.” 

“You want to tell me about the dream?” 

“Started in a park, just like the last one. I’m pushing this stroller and the little baby is like 6 months or something. In the first one the ground opened up and we were falling and I couldn’t stop it. This one was a fire, the ground opened and we were falling into flames.” 

“That’s not going to happen Miranda. There just your fears coming out in the dreams. You’ll never have to worry about that.” 

I tightened my grip and was kind of surprised she leaned into the contact. 

“I know he said you couldn’t, but I can’t sleep here the rest of the night but I don’t want to be alone.”

I gently moved some of the hair from around her face. “If you want me to sleep in there I will. Do you feel okay? Need to get anything?” 

“No. I feel okay.” 

I let the reclined position down and once she was up I got the pillow and followed. I was slightly worried about my own self and how sleeping beside her would be. But, if she needed to know she wasn’t alone then I would do that. We both laid down and I expected she’d be away but she moved up against me. I didn’t deny her that and honestly I was liking the contact. She was asleep before I was.

 


	31. Explaining

POV: Miranda 

  

October 24, 2010 

I woke up slowly because I was comfortable and warm. It took me several moments to realize the body up against my back was Zac’s and it was his arm around my waist as well. I remembered going to him because the dream was so vivid and bad. I would have remained lying here but my bladder was complaining so I quietly got up and went to the bathroom. I then went to the kitchen and got some water. I managed to get my blood sample for the machine. The number was in the 80’s so that was good. I wrote them down and then began to grab things for breakfast. 

By the time I had breakfast fixed he was coming into the kitchen. I had honestly been shocked when I woke up Saturday and he was at the hospital with me, asleep there. Ruby had confirmed that he returned to the hospital after getting his bag. I did wonder if that was a sign, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to fall. So, we’d see what he said today. 

“Breakfast is almost ready.” 

“Smells good.” 

It was rather quiet as I finished breakfast and then we ate at the table. Afterwards he asked for the shower and I directed, I’d take one later tonight. He came out clean and dressed and sat down. 

“That’s an awesome shower.” 

“I like it sometimes. How about we sit outside? It’s warm and pleasant at the moment.” 

“Okay.” 

He slipped shoes on and I just went barefooted, who needed shoes? I knew the yard was clean and since it was so warm it was fine. We stepped out the side door and he got to see the view of the lake and little stream, which is where I went. The stream was more pleasant as it had some noise and the swing was there. 

“He do this for you?” 

“No. He did this for Mariah, his girlfriend. She likes the sounds of the water here. I presume if they get married they’ll move here. She’s in an apartment right now.” 

We sat down and I prepared myself for whatever he was going to say. 

“Do you like her?” 

“I do. She’s very nice. She worked with me here, she’s a bartender.” 

“I suppose that’s good. I’m going to assume this is you saying let’s talk?” 

“That obvious?” 

“Well, little bit, but that’s fine. Is there anywhere you’d like me to start?” 

There were several places he could start from but ultimately I wanted to know if he was at the studio in May. If he stood me up or what really happened. 

“Did you really oversleep in May?” 

The look on his face was enough to confirm that he hadn’t overslept. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel but I waited for him to actually say something, provide some explanation or confirmation. 

“I didn’t oversleep in May. I was at the studio when you walked up and sat down, I sat there in the front of the studio.” 

“If you were awake, knew I was there, why didn’t you just walk across the street?” 

“I wanted to but I was afraid of what was happening. I felt like I was falling and I was afraid of that. I was afraid if I walked across the street then I couldn’t walk away. So, I watched instead.” 

“So, what changed at the bar? You didn’t seem to have any issue walking over then.” 

“Taylor didn’t tell me it was you, he just said there was a girl with red hair. I didn’t dream that it would be you because I didn’t know you’d moved to Tulsa. At the time I couldn’t get you out of my head and I thought maybe if I just took a red head home I could walk away. You weren’t just any red head. Had I known it was you, I probably would have left without ever telling you. I was fixing to when you turned around.” 

“To be so afraid of getting close to me, you took me home to your place instead of mine? That makes no sense to me. If you didn’t want to be around me, why bother to take me home?” 

“When I suggested leaving my thought was to take you home. But I tripped and I can’t totally be blamed there, you were the naughty one in the truck!” 

I was sure that my face went a few shades darker, it was a fantasy that I’d never written anywhere and never dreamed it would happen. But, he seemed like he was trying everything to avoid me before, why even bother to take me home? 

“You were already headed to your apartment when that happened. You never had to go that way if you intended to just take me home.” 

“Are you kidding me? I was obsessed with you. I tried talking myself into taking you home but after I tripped, after that kiss I couldn’t.” 

I adjusted on the seat, he was rocking us both fairly steadily, I rather liked the constant sway but I adjusted because my back was hurting some. 

“You keep telling me you couldn’t walk away, you had to take me home, you just couldn’t. You had zero problems taking me home Sunday night, giving me the wrong number, and then just dropping off the face of the Earth.” 

In this position, I could see guilt written all over his face. He clearly knew that wasn’t the right way to handle whatever was going on. 

“I knew before I ever dropped you off that I wouldn’t be calling. I was terrified Miranda. I could feel myself falling for you and I could feel that the entire weekend, even before I met you I felt that. The conversations we had on the website, Xbox and e-mails were enough for me to know. I just excused it because you were here in South Carolina and come on, the odds of us meeting here were slim. I saw you at Hanson Day and I knew then I couldn’t meet you face to face. Yet, when you were there I couldn’t walk away. By Sunday I knew I had to.” 

It really wasn’t the answer I wanted, kind of brought back the feelings of shame that I’d never once during the entire weekend thought he was just using me. 

“So you were just using me all weekend? You knew you weren’t sticking around and you didn’t think just telling me was right? Instead you let me stay there.” 

“I wanted to take you home Saturday but when Ruby said she was staying I figured you’d think I was a dick for taking you home.” 

“You do realize none of this is helping you, right?” 

“You wanted the truth though, there’s no point in lying to you.” 

“What was so bad that you couldn’t just give it a try? What were you so afraid of? Love?” 

“Not love. I was afraid of having my heart broken again, to have those same feelings. I was afraid that you’d be like Kathryn.” 

“I’m nothing like her.” 

“I didn’t know that Miranda. To me every girl will do that, I was trapped in the belief that relationships just aren’t good. That they will always end badly. I didn’t want to be with someone and reach that same point, only to have her walk away from me. Honestly, I wasn’t comfortable with Cameron either, the guy that Kathryn got pregnant by and left me for, was her best friend. I never even suspected she was cheating on me. You cannot deny that there are similarities between you and her in that regard. It scared me and I was afraid that if I didn’t just sever things right then, that it would progress too far and I’d be the one left hurting again.” 

“I told you about us, I told you exactly what Cameron is to me and what our relationship is.” 

“She told me about him too Miranda. I only saw photos of you and Cameron, only knew you ditched your boyfriend for him. I was afraid and I acted based on what I knew. I figured one weekend would be fine, I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew you’d be upset about the number, but I didn’t want to have you hurting.” 

“You failed.” 

“I know I failed, I could tell in how Ruby talked. I’m sorry.” 

I let it sink in for a moment, I could understand his point of view. Many people had falsely assumed that Cameron and I were far more than friends and the pictures he saw were ones where we were close. I could even believe that his intention in June wasn’t to hurt me, but to protect himself. 

“What about August? I can excuse your behavior for June, I understand that. But, you were ruthless in August. It really felt like you just didn’t give a shit at all, not even a very small chance.” 

His head seemed to drop and he was quiet for a while, I simply waited. He had been much more brutal in August. 

“I didn’t expect to see you and that was part of the reason I was defensive, I was mad at Taylor and I was trying so hard not to just pull you to me. I wanted to see you but I also wanted to push you away. I thought, if I was rude enough and hateful enough you’d just leave. I actually wanted you to hate me, it would take away some of the guilt of leaving you hanging. Honestly Miranda, when you told me you were pregnant I just thought it was your way to get me to stay.” 

“I told you because you deserved to know, I’d never try any tricks or ploys to get people to stay with me. It never works, I’ve seen far too many friends try that shit. There has to be another reason, because you didn’t even pretend to remotely want to entertain that idea. You got worse after I told you.” 

It was a touchy subject apparently, I could tell this wasn’t what he wanted to discuss. But, I couldn’t entertain being anything else without knowing why. 

“Kathryn and I had a fight about a month or so before the wedding date. I wanted to call it off but she told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine. She told me to get me to stay with her, to convince me to stay. I should have known better but I wanted kids with her and I didn’t question it. All she did it for was because she wanted to wait until our wedding day. She just wanted to humiliate me in front of everyone, told me at the alter the baby wasn’t mine and never would be and that she and her friend were in love and getting married. When you said you were pregnant, I was taken back to that day and it felt the same all over again. I didn’t believe Cameron was your friend, I didn’t know that you never went home with Justin. I didn’t ask Taylor until a few weeks ago. I just thought that…” 

I could finish that sentence. “You thought I’d be like Kathryn? Blame you? Why do you keep comparing me to her?” 

“I compare everyone to her Miranda. Every girl that talked to me, every attempt at a date, it all gets compared. I felt the same way when we first started dating, all the messages and letters. I loved her and she ripped my heart to pieces. I knew I needed to move on but she sent me pictures, reminders that her son wasn’t mine and that we could have had that. I was hung up on what she did and how badly it hurt, that I didn’t open myself up for anyone else.” 

“You pulled her aside in Atlanta, just a few days ago.” 

“Yes, I did. Um, I told her that she needed to stop sending me photos of her son. That I was done with her and that what she did was wrong and I couldn’t forgive her for the pain she caused but I was going to move on. Everyone has been right around me, my family and friends. I can’t keep pushing women away because I am afraid they’ll be her because there is a slim chance that they will be. I can’t keep pushing you away.” 

“Me? Why am I so special?” 

“I’m not stupid Miranda. I’ve royally fucked up everything between us. Despite giving you the wrong number, despite trying to make you hate me, I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop imagining you waiting there by the stage on me, waiting at home. I can’t stop wondering what would be different, if I had given you the right number instead.” 

There was a pause and I was pretty certain he had more to say, he just seemed to be gathering his emotions and thoughts. I could understand that too. 

“I see my brothers and I want what they have. To have this person that loves me for who I am, that wants to be there and cares. I’ve wanted to write to you so many times, but I was afraid you’d just ignore me. Granted, I would have deserved it. I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

“But you did and you even admitted that you didn’t believe me about our baby until you heard the heartbeat. You could have heard that months ago.” 

“I know Miranda. I watched you sleep at the hospital and I thought about that. You shouldn’t have needed to consider abortion at all, I should have been there for you. Caleb shouldn’t be the one caring for you. I should have been there at those appointments, I should have been there. I’m sorry that I wasn’t but I do want to be there Miranda.” 

“You are asking for a lot.” 

He was asking me for forgive him for everything? To just pretend it was fine and that he wasn’t a prick for months. 

“I know I am. I’ve done so many things wrong because I was afraid that you’d hurt me, I was blinding myself to how much it was hurting you. To the truth that you weren’t lying about the baby. I could have asked for proof, I could have asked you for that but I was just afraid of being hurt. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with everything on your own, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I hurt you.” 

It got very quiet because honestly I didn’t know what to say. He was admitting that he did wrong, that he could have done things differently. He was telling me why, that he was afraid and honestly, I could understand that feeling. Alexander had hurt me but I hadn’t been stuck, I had people that made me move on. 

“I know I should have been the one telling you it was fine, but I was so focused on pushing you away. But, maybe you being here was better. If you had stayed, you’d have been alone there for the tour and if something happened there may not have been people around to help you. You’re family here knows what to do, when, how, and I just don’t. I don’t have any idea how dealing with low blood sugar is.” 

“But you are her father Zachary. It’s not Caleb or Cameron’s job to tell me it’s fine. My step-dad thinks I’m a whore and hasn’t talked to me since they found out. Your family doesn’t even have a clue. Even if I left still, you could have been calling, texting, e-mailing, there are ways to be there without being there. I mean, it seems like you were waiting for me to file legal papers.” 

“I didn’t want to believe it, even when my reasons for Cameron and Justin fell apart, I just didn’t want to admit that I was such an idiot.” 

I could feel a little bubble of anger. 

“So, you were afraid of what exactly? Being hurt? Having your heart broken?” 

“I could feel myself falling for you, how I only thought of you and it’s what I did with her. I was afraid that things would be fine and then you’d suddenly tell me Cameron was the man you wanted to be with. I don’t think I truly believed you were pregnant until Saturday morning when I heard that heartbeat. That is not your fault, that is mine. I had the ability to contact you and ask for proof. I never even gave you the chance to prove it yourself. I just heard it, assumed you’d be like her and to save myself the heartache I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have been so bad or so mean and I am sorry. I don’t know if there is anything that can make up for the pain I caused you. For the last four months of you being sick and dealing with this alone. I can’t make your stepdad take back his feelings about it either. I just…I don’t know what I can do. I don’t even know if you can ever forgive me.” 

I sat back and just watched the stream for a few moments. His explanation made sense, I understood that Kathryn had really hurt him and I didn’t know that she’d told him about the baby beforehand. I also was aware that he never got proof and that wasn’t entirely his fault. He was apologizing and this wasn’t because Taylor or Isaac told him too, this was his own doing. 

I was about to answer him when I heard my name being screamed out, both of us turned toward the house where I saw Cameron standing at the back door and he was headed my way. He didn’t know Zac was here so I got up and cut him off. 

“What the fuck is he doing here Panda?” 

“Calm down Cam, he’s here to talk. Nothing more.” 

“Talk? Bullshit. He’s fucking ignored you for four months! The only talking he wants to do is between sheets.” 

Zac started to say something and I just looked at him and he closed his mouth and sat back down. 

“Cameron, we needed to talk and he needed to explain his actions and he has. What occurs now is up to me and not you. I understand you’re defensive and you just want to protect me but Cameron this baby is his and I can’t keep her from him and eventually we would have had to talk.” 

“I don’t trust him.” 

“You don’t have to, I’m the only one that has to do that.” 

I could tell he was still upset and irritated, he really didn’t like the way he treated me or the way I hurt. But, he also knew my true feelings for him and I knew Cameron wouldn’t sabotage that for me. 

“Did he at least give you answers for his actions? Good ones, not some bullshit line.” 

“Yes.” 

“I suppose you aren’t telling me what they are?” 

“It’s fine if you want to Miranda.” Zac said. 

“Maybe later, but not right now. There are things we still need to discuss and you interrupted that. Why are you even here?” 

“I talked to Ruby and she said she left him here. Does Caleb know he’s here?” 

“Yes. Caleb and I had a long discussion on that. It’s fine Cam, he was there when I fainted and he knew what to do. He even came to the hospital to make sure I wasn’t there alone. It has to count for something.” 

He snorted. “I would have come to the hospital.” 

“I know.” 

He looked between us both before he sighed. “Fine. I won’t stomp his ass all over the backyard. But I swear Miranda, if he hurts you again, I will not stop next time.” 

“I understand. You good now?” 

“Eh, I’ll be fine eventually.” 

I rolled my eyes at him but sent him inside and went back to the swing. 

“He’s not leaving?” Zac asked. 

“He’s off today, he usually comes over and hangs out. Maybe that’ll be good for you.” 

“He wants to stomp my ass all over the yard, how is that going to be good for me?” 

I laid my hand on his thigh. “Because you’ll see us together and you’ll understand that what we have is just friendship and caring as if we were related. All you saw were photos of us Zac, ones that we had to be close to get the picture on the phone. You never saw us.” 

His eyes traveled to my hand and I saw that glimmer pass through his eyes, I was being evil apparently. 

“And if it doesn’t help?” 

“If it doesn’t help then you can tell me. But, I’m not giving him up just because you feel insecure and feel that I’m going to be some bitch I’ve never met. We are not dating, we will never be dating. He loves me, but he loves me like you love your sister Jessica. Only you can determine if you believe that.” 

“Do you always pull this hand on the thigh move?” 

I got up and giggled. “All the damn time, but only with you. I’m headed inside.” 

I was kind of shocked he could follow me! We went inside where Cameron was standing in the kitchen in the purple apron and I know Zac wanted to ask. Cameron looked at him and sighed. 

“Don’t ask man, just don’t ever bet against her in a racing game.” 

“Been there, done that.” Zac said. 

“So what are you fixing me for lunch?” 

“What you asked for, you wanted a burger with fries. I’m even going to be nice and fix them for Zac too.” 

“Do I have to worry about poison or spit?” Zac asked. 

“Eh, crossed my mind but I really don’t want her pissed off.” 

He was getting the items prepped and there was this look on Zac’s face, some longing and he finally sighed. Clearly there was something he wanted to know. 

“Why did you call her Panda?” He asked. 

Cameron looked at me, then him and smiled. “When we were six our parents dressed us up for Halloween. Her mom thought it would be cute as hell to dress her up like a Panda bear. Miranda the panda. I just started calling her that and it never went away or stopped. I do try to avoid in some situations.” 

“Yeah, right.” I said. 

“I didn’t call you Panda when Alexander was around. Not that I should have been that considerate for the asshole.” 

I shrugged. “He was an asshole.” 

I stood at the end of the counter watching him cook and Zac was sitting at the table, just watching. I was hoping he’d see that he didn’t have to worry about us. 

“You know if you keep staring at her ass it’ll be very awkward between us dude. I really don’t need to witness any issues. God knows I dealt with enough in high school.” 

“Issues?” Zac asked. 

Cameron turned and looked at him. “You know what I’m talking about. The fact she is pregnant shows you do. Fucking horn dogs we went to school with.” 

“Oh…no worries. I have some self-control.” 

I laughed, finding that his self-control hadn’t extended very long in Tulsa. He tripped over things and took me home, that was total lack of control. 

“Clearly she doesn’t agree or wait...did she pull that little dance move on you? The one where her back is to you?” 

“How did you…?” Zac asked. 

“Damn Panda, I told you to stop doing that! She was horrible in high school about that shit. Granted, you got lucky in you got a lot farther. Most of the high school idiots didn’t even make it to the touching her phase. Then again, most were just glad for the attention.” 

“You are making me sound bad Cam. Not cool.” 

“You have me in a purple apron cooking burgers. This is not cool either.” 

“You lost the bet, not me. Do you really think I wanted to crochet you some blanket?” 

“You crocheted my niece a blanket.” 

“You’re niece? You have siblings?” Zac asked. 

“No. I’m an only child but I was referring to your baby actually. My niece. Uncle Cam at your service. Caleb will be so pissed if she says my name first.” 

I snorted. “Good luck to that.” 

“You can crochet?” 

I turned to him. “I spent many days stuck here with nothing to do. What do you expect me to do? Mariah brought over hers one day and I just latched. Granted Cam, I did a grey and yellow blanket.” 

“So? Good for boy or girl. Speaking of….why have I not seen the actual sonograms?” 

“Because you haven’t seen me since last Tuesday?” 

I went and got them from the bedroom, letting Zac see the others as well, since she had printed off a lot. Once Cam was done cooking he looked at them. We had a decent lunch and somewhere during lunch they got to talk. Cameron spilling all my secrets including the most embarrassing ones wasn’t cool. But about four I kicked him out, because I had wanted today to talk to Zac. Once he was gone I got a banana from the kitchen and looked at Zac sitting on the sofa in front of me. 

“Well, did it help you?” 

I got a sheepish look. “As much as I want to say you were wrong, you weren’t. It did help. Kathryn was always hanging all over her male friends, while he does nag you and hugs he isn’t under your feet the whole time, you aren’t all over him. It really did feel more friendly and brotherly than romantic. It adds context to how you two are outside pictures. Although, I shall leave Panda to him.” 

“He’s fond of that nickname, no one else calls me that but him. He’ll appreciate that you’ll let him keep it.” 

“I’m just going to call you cupcake instead.” 

“Seriously? Cupcake still?” 

He smiled, kind of made me melt a bit at that smile. 

“You still smell like them.” 

I shook my head. I moved to the recliner and sat down. I really wanted to just forgive and forget, but my heart hurt still. Yet, I didn’t want my daughter to not know her father and really, if I wanted to be truthful, I did love him. 

“You are over Kathryn? You won’t be paranoid and shit?” 

“Not going to be paranoid and yes. I’ve been slowly letting things go and realizing that holding on just meant I was torturing myself.” 

“What do you want exactly?” 

“You.” 

It was a simple statement. But, I wasn’t entirely sure that I could believe him. He was saying how much he wanted me but all he’d shown me so far is how good he was at pushing me away. 

“Can you be more specific than that? That can mean anything.” 

“I want to be with you. I’m terrified, I’ll be honest but I want to see if you and I can work, if we can be together and enjoy one another. I want to see if we can raise her together and not as co-parents. I know that for you that’s hard to believe me.” 

“You really haven’t given me much to be hopeful for.” 

“I’m just asking for a chance Miranda. I know you’ll need time.” 

“How long are you going to stay?” 

“I can stay until Saturday. I have to go back to Tulsa for a member’s event and then tour dates in November and Epcot.” 

“Epcot?” I asked. 

“Disney, we’re playing the Food and Wine Festival the seventh through the ninth then we’re back up the east coast, Atlanta, Charlotte, then Maryland.” 

“Can I let you know Friday? I need to think about it Zac, as much as I want to jump head first I can’t this time.” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay. Well, you get to fix dinner again. I have no idea what he had planned but know that Caleb comes home tomorrow night. He’ll be here.” 

“It’s fine.” 

He got up and raided the kitchen before he made dinner, while he cooked I watched and thought about what I wanted. After we had dinner he refused to let me clean up either. He then made sure I had multiple numbers for him, including his cell phone and landline. When bedtime came I really kind of wanted him to just come with me, but I knew if Caleb came home he’d be a little mad so I left him in the living room. Prayed the nightmares stayed away. 

 


	32. You Planned This

POV: Zac 

  

October 27, 2010 

I knew it was early in the morning, I wasn’t quite sure how early but it wasn’t daylight and I could feel her sitting in my lap. I was mildly confused but thought maybe she had another nightmare, she hadn’t had one since the last one but who knew when those would occur? 

“Miranda? Are you okay? Did you have another bad dream?” 

“I’m okay, no bad dream.” 

“Was there something you needed? You don’t usually come in here after you go to bed.” 

I kept my hands on the arm of the chair, but the wheels in my head were turning and the way she was sitting in my lap was..sexual to me. But, her brother had laid the law down on that Monday night and I didn’t want to irritate or piss him off. 

“I dropped several hints for you to come to me, but you didn’t catch on.” 

“I did catch them, but your brother said no sex at all. I don’t want to make him mad.” 

She leaned over and those lips on my skin were like smoldering embers, but as much as I wanted it I wouldn’t. 

“Miranda.” 

“You know you didn’t deny things last time.” 

“You’re older brother, with a medical kit that can kill me in numerous ways, wasn’t in the same house.” 

She moved my hands to her legs, which were bare and she’d worn pants to bed. I just kept thinking about that medical bag with whatever could kill me effortlessly. He already wasn’t very keen on me because of the way I’d been before, I didn’t want to make it worse. But damn her skin felt soft and warm under my hands. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t want to upset him.” 

“He’s not going to kill you Zachary.” 

“I’m not sure he wouldn’t.” 

“There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?” 

“I wish there was.” 

She sat there another several minutes before she got up carefully. “Fine, I guess I’ll just handle it myself.” 

She then walked to the bedroom and closed the door, fuck my life. I now had that wonderful image in my head! It really did take what felt like forever to fall asleep again, but the next time I woke up was to them in the kitchen, fixing breakfast. I went ahead and got up and had breakfast with them. 

Caleb wasn’t a bad guy, it was clear that he loved her and that showed even in the mornings when he made sure she checked her blood sugar, made sure she had a balanced breakfast. Reminded her a dozen times to check her numbers again and to not overdo things. It was sweet and it also seemed to annoy her some, but then again, brothers do that to little sisters. Once he was gone she said she was going to be productive and that meant she was going to work a while. 

There was a part of me that wanted to tell her she didn’t have to, that I’d cover whatever she needed. But, given how she was in Tulsa after Ruby left I didn’t want to seem pushy or forceful. So, while she whipped out transcriptions I played a bit. She fixed lunch about eleven and we both ate at the table, I presumed she would be going back to the transcription so I went back to the couch. 

I hadn’t even had time to really pick up the controller before she was sitting in my lap. 

“Well, hello…” 

She took the controller and laid it aside. “You don’t need that.” 

“Miranda, he..” 

Her finger over my lips stopped me. “He is not me. He is not my father and his reason is solely because of what you did. Let’s be real, what’s the worst that can happen?” 

“You get hurt somehow?” 

“Well, unless you plan to throw me against a wall I don’t see myself getting hurt.” 

“But..” 

It wasn’t her finger that time it was those lips that shut me up. It was almost like it was in June, I knew I should stop this but I didn’t want to. My hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved from the sofa for her legs, yet the higher up I went the more I realized that she didn’t have anything on under the shirt. I moved down to her neck. 

“You planned this.” 

She giggled. “I just slipped the pants off, although I may have had better luck removing everything.” 

I moved my hands around her waist to her ass, feeling all skin and I pulled her closer. 

“Just the pants? I think you removed more than that.” 

Her lips made contact briefly with mine. “It’s all I had on; no point in buying more panties when they’ll be useless afterwards.” 

That little tid bit of information didn’t help calm me at all, instead it was quite hot to think about, not that she gave me much time with her lips back on mine. So many times I thought about this, just having her in my lap and so close. That vanilla cupcake scent was intoxicating really and the slight honey flavor of her lips added. The longer her lips were on mine, the harder it was to remain in these jeans, I was losing free space quick. 

I undid the buttons on her shirt quickly, finding she hadn’t even worn a bra, which was perfect. I let my head dip down trailing kisses down her chest. The breathless tone was already there and it seemed like gentle little nips just made it worse. 

“Fuck…that felt so good.” 

My tongue swirled around the nipple, feeling it harden instantly. I kept on, using a free hand to gently roll the other side before switching. Her breathless tone was getting even more breathless and the grip on my arm hurt a tad. 

“I presume you like this?” 

She answered with a kiss that kind of made me breathless! I felt her fingertips against my side, pulling the shirt up and I moved just a bit to allow it. I slipped the shirt off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. 

“I don’t remember this little fantasy of yours.” 

“I didn’t share them all nor did I write them all down. But it looks like your pants are a bit uncomfortable.” 

“A bit? They’re very uncomfortable right now.” 

“Then I propose we move.” 

I pulled her closer, feeling her against me. “But I like this position.” 

Her hand ran over the very hard erection. “You’ll love it more without clothes.” 

That was all it took to motivate me to get up and move, I followed her to the bedroom. She wasted little time with going after the pants as soon as we were in the room, I barely had time to close the door just in case he came home. By the time I got them off and got in the middle of the bed she was crawling into my lap, nothing on at all. 

I was mildly confused on why she was so adamant about this when she hadn’t even told me if she was willing to give me a second chance, but really, what could happen that hadn’t already? Having her that close was nice, the feeling of her legs against mine, the way she felt and those lips on mine were perfect. 

Her hand moved down and stroked just long enough to get me fully hard before she was sliding down and fuck I didn’t think she was that ready but she was! 

“I know what you’ve been thinking about.” 

She kissed me. “Since you told me no last night.” 

She was just sitting there though, not moving. “Are you okay?” 

She smiled. “Yeah, I just didn’t remember size and went down a little fast.” 

I moved my hands to her ass and lifted her up just a bit, went after her neck so she’d relax, which worked remarkably well, it wasn’t too much longer before she was moving on her own and with my assistance. I had to admit that she felt just as good now as she did then, maybe even better because she seemed to be responding to the contact so much more. 

She was also more demanding because when she got tired of me sitting up I was pushed back against the bed, which fuck was so much hotter watching her move. The sounds she made were different too, louder actually! I tried twice to switch positions or move but she didn’t allow it, not even when I could tell she was getting tired! She just leaned down and that would give me a chance to taste those lips and even maybe the nipples if she moved enough. 

Her orgasm however was much stronger and it felt almost like a vice grip around me, which pushed me way over the edge. I really couldn’t complain, the sex had been fucking great! The fact she was on top the whole time made it better. Yet, I kind of liked when she laid down right there on my chest, letting us both breathe normally again. 

“Cupcake, why don’t you let me move and lay down?” 

That was when she let me move, I turned to my side and she curled up with her back against me. She laid there about twenty minutes before her breathing was even and steady, I slightly moved and found her to be asleep. 

I just laid here, letting the scent of vanilla cupcakes surrounding me. About forty-five minutes passed before she moved slightly and I moved my hand down her abdomen some. I was nearly asleep when I felt the very subtle feeling. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was at first, but I moved my hand slightly and could feel it better. This very subtle, almost undetectable, little kick. 

I was confused for several minutes before it suddenly hit me. What I was feeling was our baby move. It was very subtle, barely noticeable, but there was movement. The heartbeat had been an eye opening experience and she had played audio she had recorded from her last one and the pictures. But this made it feel super real to me. That realization brought on another one. 

I was going to be a father. I was going to be responsible for a little tiny baby that would he helpless and depend on me and her for everything. I felt her move but when she wiped my face off I blinked. 

“Seriously, heard about the sex making women cry but men? That’s new.” 

“I felt her move, barely but I felt her.” 

“It’s what woke me up actually, girl got a good kick.” 

“I’ve never felt that before.” 

Again her fingers moved across my cheek. “You’ll be able to feel more when she’s a little bigger. I’m surprised you felt anything right now.” 

“It was slight…I just…I guess I hadn’t really connected all the dots yet. I heard the heartbeat and knew she was there but…feeling her move was different.” 

“I had the same feeling too. It was real but it wasn’t super real until I felt the little movements and then it became very real.” 

“How are you feeling? Since you refused to let me move.” 

“Doctor said not to lie on my back that much especially from now until she’s here. Besides, you didn’t mind.” 

“No, I didn’t mind at all.” 

“Gotta admit that was a better after lunch activity than just sleeping.” 

“Should I expect that tomorrow too?” 

“Maybe...” 

I really wouldn’t mind if she opted for the activity! She got quiet and I thought at first she was back asleep but then she moved. 

“As much as everyone wants to blame you for our current situation, it’s really not all your fault. I don’t think I made that easy to walk away and normally I wouldn’t have gone home with you. I think it was the drinks and maybe I was reading into the messages more than I should. It was our fault, not just yours.” 

“Well, I kind of felt that way given the truck things and well, I couldn’t force you. I am sorry at how I acted afterwards, it really wasn’t the right way to handle it and August was really really not the right way.” 

“Are you really looking for a girlfriend? Someone that might lead to more?” 

I took a few moments to think about it. “Yes and Yes. Taylor and Isaac and my friends are right. I kept comparing her to everyone and it was unfair. I can’t say you’ll be like her because I don’t know.” 

“Do you want a second chance? I already know regardless to our decisions you want to be part of her life, I won’t ever stop you from that. Whether we’re together or not, she deserves to know her father and you deserve to be there. But, if you are just going to do the same thing…” 

“I do want a second chance. I can’t stop thinking about you. It wasn’t easy to walk away and that should have been my clue that I shouldn’t have been walking away.” 

She nodded and then sat up. “I’m getting that weird feeling, I need to eat something. Staying or coming?” 

“How about you grab a snack and then we can shower?” 

“Works for me.” 

She slipped the shirt on and got something from the kitchen while I got clean clothes, once she had eaten we both got in the shower. Once we were both dried and dressed she went back to transcribing and I went back to playing. 

Yet, I was going to be a father and this was completely real. She seemed like she really was considering giving me that second chance and if she did and if she agreed to move back to Tulsa…then my apartment wasn’t large enough. Even if she chose not to move or to come out, I still needed a room for our baby when she was visiting. 

Wait…if she stayed here…exactly how much would I see her? No judge in their right mind would award me sole custody because of my work schedule, not that I would ever push for sole custody because it would be really unfair to her and she seemed like she’d be a fantastic mother. 

“You just ran off the cliff again, everything okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I just zoned out.” 

The 1100 miles between us was going to make co-parenting hard, so I guess I needed to hope that we could work out something. I was deep in trance when my phone vibrated against my leg and I checked it. 

**_So…Mom and Dad are wondering where you are and why. I’m going to assume they aren’t aware of her pregnancy either?_ **

_They’re not and don’t say anything Ike. I will tell them when I am back home. Just..I’ll send Mom a message and tell her I’m here._

**_Well, Taylor told them you were staying in South Carolina because you needed to speak to someone you hurt, they didn’t question him anymore. So..they will prob ask when they can._ **

_Okay. Hey Ike..would it be hard if you and Melanie weren’t married to raise Eliza?_

**_Well, it wouldn’t be easy, that’s for sure. She did live in town so it wouldn’t be that bad, but if you are referring to you. Yeah, it won’t be easy with you both 1100 miles apart. Why? Do you think she doesn’t want to be with you?_ **

_I think she does, but Ike, I can’t guarantee she’ll want to move back to Tulsa…I can’t “force” her to move or make her. I would imagine she would come if I asked her to or promised she wouldn’t have such a horrible experience like before._

**_Well, you two need to discuss this. How much longer do you have?_ **

_She’s 20 weeks. I actually felt the baby move, very subtle but I felt it._

**_You have 20 weeks then to figure out where, when, how, etc. I’d suggest you focus on that first because you’re right, she may not move out and you need to know now vs a day before she has her. Also, if she’s there do you want to be there when she’s born?_ **

_She’ll be in Tulsa Dude, I’ll be there. But, I just wanted to know. I knew that you both had some problems but I didn’t think it would be ‘easy’. If Mom/Dad ask tell them I’ll be explaining the moment I get home and that will be Saturday afternoon/night. My flight is booked for 6 pm right now._

**_Ok – I’ll let them know._ **

I tried to play some more but I ended up shutting it down and then just thinking and that lead to some really casual house hunting. 

“I know she won’t have her own room here, but what would you do?” 

She glanced at me and finished typing something. “Pink of course, but Caleb will never let me paint that room pink.” 

“Is that your favorite color or something?” 

“Maybe, but really she is a girl and pink is a girl color. I considered like a princess theme but there’s no point here. She’ll be sleeping with me I guess.” 

That really sounded like she intended to stay here, but then again she really hadn’t said she was coming back to me or willing, so her thought processes hadn’t shifted yet. 

She started dinner about 5:30 after spending more time transcribing than I personally liked, but she was doing tacos and I was helping when Caleb got home. He walked in sat his bag down. 

“Evening, how did your day go?” 

“About normal, he played games and I worked. Nothing real eventful.” 

He paused. “That’s all you’ve done for three days. Don’t you think you actually need to talk and discuss what you two are going to do?” 

“Well, we did talk Caleb. We just didn’t talk all day and I can’t just back down on working either.” 

He looked at me and I wanted to shrink, she really didn’t have to work I’d cover what she needed but she was insistent that she wasn’t taking any handouts. 

“I’m just saying that you both have a lot to discuss and he’s here for a week. After that, it might be after she’s born before you see him again.” 

“I would hope not.” She said. 

“I’m just saying Miranda, you two need to actually talk things out and not just play and work.” 

“We will Caleb. But, dinner’s almost ready so you should go change.” 

He went to the bedroom coming back in comfortable clothes and we had dinner at the table. He then talked to her some more but somewhere along the conversation he paused and I was sure I knew why, he’d detected some subtle little sense that she’d dragged me off to bed but he didn’t comment on it. He didn’t stay up long and went to bed about nine-thirty, she went about ten and I laid back about eleven. 

Caleb really had a point…there was so much to talk about and I really wouldn’t be able to see her in November at all, we were touring straight through until Thanksgiving. I couldn’t go four or more months without seeing her again. 


	33. Telling My Parents

POV: Zac 

  

October 31, 2010 

I really hadn’t wanted to leave Conway, but I had to because we had the member’s only event today and they rather expected all three members of the band to be present. I’d gotten in late and after just letting them know I was home and would be here I had found some clean clothes and then crashed so I could be ready. I had gotten up and our member’s only event was done and it had been a huge success, so perhaps we’d need to consider another Halloween themed event in the future. Our parents had arranged for a dinner so I told myself afterwards I’d tell them about Miranda and the baby. I had brought home the sonogram pictures she’d prepared to give me at the show and she’d transferred the recording of the heartbeat to my phone as well, which I think I’d listened to umpteen amounts of times already. I, however, headed home to shower and change first. I was just getting out when I heard the phone ping and I immediately picked it up to check. 

**_I’ve been seeing a dozen fucking videos and pictures of this event, if you had said it was going to be sooo great I’d have joined!_ **

I smiled. _We didn’t expect it to turn out so well! I’m glad it did though and you know you can be at Hanson Day every year…_

**_I know, I know. I just keep seeing these nice pictures and you have a stalker that was front row, she got extremely good pictures of those pants you wore._ **

_Ha! I think I saw her… Glad you appreciate her photo skills._

Miranda and I had talked some Friday, she was willing to give me a second chance. I’d blown the first one to hell myself by comparing her to Kathryn. I was finding that while I just couldn’t tell her that I was in love with her yet, I wanted this chance. I wanted our daughter to grow up like Eliza was. If things didn’t work out, then we would discuss what happens then. Right now I needed to make it through the tour without killing anyone! 

**_I shall always appreciate photo skills when they’re of your ass, I have always appreciated those. However, she did some really *ahem* good crotch shots too. :}_ **

_Ugh – least you don’t want to maim her._

**_Not unless she touches. I just wanted to check in._ **

_How are you? Sugars okay? Feel okay?_

**_Blood sugar was good this morning and Cam is here today, he’s made me eat and tested the noon levels. He’s currently glaring at me for being at the laptop for two hours staring at your ass! :D_ **

_Haha – glad he’s making you behave. Tell him I said Hello. I’ve got to get dressed so I can be at dinner on time. I’d appreciate any good thoughts as I’ll be informing my parents of you and our baby today._

**_Good luck and I am sure you’ll be fine. :- )_ **

I got dressed and then headed to my parent’s house where I found everyone but Isaac and his family. Taylor was here with Ruby who was talking with my sisters and helping Mom finish things. 

“Zachary! Glad you could make it.” Mom said. 

“I wouldn’t miss it Mom, I told you I’d be here.” 

“So you did. Isaac is on his way.” 

Until he showed up I mingled with Taylor, Jessica’s boyfriend Joe, and Dad. We were just talking about normal things like sports and current political aspects. Once Isaac arrived we all mingled a little bit longer before sitting down to dinner. Mom’s cooking was amazing as always and the dessert was off the chain sweet, Miranda would completely approve. But as dinner wound down Ruby was giving me the any day now look and Isaac and Taylor were also beginning to give me the same typical looks. 

“Mom, Dad can I speak to you both alone for a few minutes?” 

“Sure.” They said. 

The three of us got up and we went to Dad’s office in the back where we’d have privacy and no one could eavesdrop. 

“I presume you are wanting to explain Taylor’s comment on why you remained in South Carolina?” Dad asked. 

“Yes.” 

We sat down, them on the sofa and me the chair facing them. I was nervous because they knew about Kathryn but they really didn’t know about the other women I really hadn’t dated and had just had one night stands with. 

“So, what happened? Why did you need to apologize to someone?” Mom asked. 

“I needed to apologize to Miranda, I know you don’t know her. She is a fan of the band and we were talking online via the website and email, I was falling for her but fearful because of Kathryn. In June when Taylor met Ruby, I met her. Ruby is her best friend.” 

“You are talking about the redhead, right?” Mom asked. 

“Yes. Her name is Miranda.” 

“I saw her once or twice with Ruby. I haven’t seen her in a while.” 

“She moved back to their home town in August. Her brother came and got her.” 

“So, you met her..why did you need to apologize?” Dad asked. 

I took a deep breath. “She went home with me that night and stayed the weekend, when I dropped her off I didn’t give her the right number and I basically stopped talking to her. I was fearing that she would be like Kathryn, that everything would be fine but then she’d do like her. I was falling for her and it scared me. That hurt her because she was thinking it was more.” 

“I presume that you two had sex over the weekend, which is probably why she felt that way.” Mom said. 

“Yes. Along with the chats and online chatting. But that wasn’t all.” 

They exchanged looks and waited on me. I took several moments before I looked at them. 

“Taylor and Ruby conned us both into meeting at their house for dinner, we left the house to talk and during the conversation she told me she was pregnant. I didn’t believe her and I said things that really did hurt her feelings. Which is why I was there, to apologize to her. I admit that what I said was uncalled for and should have never been said, but when she told me, all I could think about was how Kathryn told me she was pregnant too. I didn’t believe that Miranda was only with me.” 

The room felt eerily quiet as they processed how their youngest son could be such an asshole to someone else. 

“Okay, so you hurt her emotionally. You’ve explained to her why and apologized, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“That’s good then that you admitted to your mistake and explained.” Mom said. 

I waited a few moments. “She is pregnant, 21 weeks.” 

Yep, that got both of their attention quickly and it was steadily on me. 

“Is the baby yours?” Dad asked. 

“Yes. The due date is consistent with the weekend we were together and she has said that I am the only person she was with the entire year. So the chances that the baby belongs to anyone else is very slim. She brought me sonogram photos at the show in Myrtle Beach. She is roughly 21 weeks and the baby is due in March. The doctor said she was having a little girl.” 

I presented them with the sonogram pictures and even played the heartbeat recording for them. They looked through them and listened to the recording twice before they looked at me. 

“We are going to presume that you and Miranda have talked and come to some agreement concerning the baby?” Mom asked. 

“Right now it’s better for her to remain in Conway, she’s with someone and has the help she needs. Here she’d be alone the next month. She and I have agreed to actually give us a try and we really haven’t talked much about the baby.” 

“You really need to, but you are an adult and we’ll leave that to you. But please know that your father and I would like to know our granddaughter and we’d like to meet her.” 

“Understood.” 

“We are disappointed in your actions, we feel like we raised you in a more responsible way. However, we both know that Kathryn’s betrayal was bad and that a lot of your judgments concerning women have been misguided because of her. We are glad that you are moving past that and we do hope you and Miranda will work. If nothing else, that you can both be adult and talk about your joint responsibility to raise this child.” 

“Kathryn was and is a major problem, but I think everyone was right. It was time to let her go.” 

“Are you going to tell your siblings?” 

“Taylor and Isaac actually already know, I asked them to not say anything until I did. They found out at the show. I am going to tell Jessica and Avery today.” 

“Okay. Are you telling fans?” 

“Not right now, I want to ask Miranda about that and I know that, for a while, she probably wouldn’t want everyone to message or bug her.” 

They nodded and after reviewing that audio file again we returned to the front where everyone had retired to the living room where Eliza was playing with toys with Avery. Ruby, Jessica and Taylor were talking, Isaac was kind of observing them all. 

“Well, we didn’t hear screaming or yelling, so we presume whatever you did wasn’t that bad.” Jess said. 

“Who said I did anything bad?” 

Avery snorted. “We all know that when you ask Mom and Dad to speak alone, it’s something bad.” 

I sat down in the chair and figured it was best to just tell them. 

“I was an idiotic moron who took a girl home and she got pregnant. I was stuck on Kathryn but not anymore, she’s going to give me a second chance.” 

Both of them paused and looked at me. 

“Wait…you…you’re having a baby?” 

“Yes, a little girl. Eliza won’t be the only one and she’s due around March.” 

“Who is the mother? What is she like? Please tell me she’s not some bitch…” Jess said. 

“She is not a bitch, but she is a fan.” 

I gave them a rundown of the best qualities that Miranda had and even showed them the picture, Ruby seemed proud. Jessica and Avery asked a dozen questions about her. 

“When do we meet her? Why isn’t she here now?” 

“She doesn’t live here in town.” 

“Wait..you were with her here in town but she doesn’t live here?” Avery asked. 

“She used to live here, she moved back to her hometown in August.” 

“Well, when do we get to meet her?” Jessica asked. 

“I can’t answer that Jess, I’m not sure when she’ll come out but I’m sure she’ll be here in March.” 

Yet, Ruby looked up and her expression was perplexed. “Did she tell you that?” 

“Well, no but I presume she will be. She hasn’t said yet. I mean, I could ask her to come out before hand but I don’t know if she will.” 

“Well, I suggest you ask as nicely as you can and convince her that she must meet us. Besides, she has to have a baby shower and all that fun stuff.” 

“Jess…” I said. 

Ruby laughed. “Her best friend has that covered Jess. Watching you sweat and answer questions was fun though Zac.” 

“You know her?” Jess asked. 

“Miranda is my best friend, she moved out with me and I was a little rude and kind of left her high and dry. I’ve already been in contact with her mother about a shower and we’re trying to determine the best time. I’ll make sure you all three get an invite so you can attend. And Zac, Thanksgiving might be doable for her to come out. I’d ask nicely because they value Christmas over that day.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

They stopped interrogating me and went back to Eliza and I watched them. It occurred to me then that Isaac was right, if Miranda chose to stay in Conway then sharing custody would be very hard and it would also affect my family because they wouldn’t see her that much. 

I wouldn’t see her that much.. 

I felt the three taps on my shoulder before Taylor walked out and after a few minutes I got up and left too, finding him outside in the tree house we’d had forever. 

“Three taps, I’m shocked you remembered. It’s been ages since we’ve used that.” 

“Hard to forget, you wanted to talk?” 

“The bad thing about knowing you forever, is I can almost see the gears in your head working and right now they’re working overtime. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing is wrong Tay.” 

“Really?” 

I leaned back against the wall, he had a point, they probably knew me way better than I knew myself. 

“Just kind of realized that with Miranda in Conway that our family really wouldn’t see her much.” 

“Did you two not talk about this Zac? You were there a week.” 

“We talked a little bit but I think we both avoided the big issues. But, we do have time and I did have a rather limited time frame to discuss everything and most of the weekend she just didn’t feel good. Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch her struggle just to get a single drop of blood? She hates that machine Tay and yet three times a day sometimes more she has to use it.” 

“You can’t change the past Zac.” 

“I wish I could Taylor. I wish that I’d been there when the doctor told her what the sex was, wish I could attend any of them. I wish I could do more and I just can’t.” 

He crossed his legs and smirked. “I think you’ve done quite enough.” 

“I’m serious Taylor. She won’t accept anything from me. She actually doesn’t want money, unlike most women.” 

“Ruby said she was always pretty independent. She’s handled this on her own Zac, since she found out. She did try to tell you and you pushed her away. She doesn’t need you financially, Zac.” 

“Even if she did she won’t accept it.” 

“She doesn’t want your money, that should be your first clue that she isn’t Kathryn. Even when she told you in August, she didn’t want your money. What she wants is for someone to be there, talk to her, let her know she’s not alone. Let her know that your daughter will not be fatherless.” 

“I really don’t know what to do.” 

“What do you feel like you need to do?” 

“Well, either way, I need a bigger place. I’ll need a room for the baby no matter what. Because Miranda has assured me even if we don’t work, she is not going to keep her from me. So, I need to make sure she has a room of her own.” 

“Okay, that’s a start and something you should consider with or without Miranda because you need that space. But, what do you need to do for Miranda?” 

That was the question I couldn’t answer with any certainty. 

“I’m not sure Taylor. Obviously not hurt her anymore. I just…I feel like I dug the grave so damn deep.” 

“I must say you dug that hole very deep. From what Ruby told me, and I will deny it by the way, she just needs to know you actually love her or care about her. That you won’t change your mind, you won’t always believe she’s doing things with others when she’s not. She wants you to be with her without Kathryn being in the way.” 

“Well, I told Kathryn I was done. I really should have told her years ago that she made her decision and she needed to stop trying to remind me of what I lost. Let’s be real, I didn’t lose anything until June when I failed to give her the right number.” 

He smiled. “Then you just need to show her that you care, that you are invested in her and you want her to be happy. You have to open yourself up again Zac. Would you ever want your daughter to feel like Miranda has because of some guy?” 

“Hell no. I’d kill him if he hurt her that way.” 

“Yeah, now you know why her brother, father, and Cameron were so against her being nice to you. You don’t have to buy expensive, elaborate things to make her feel loved and appreciated. She doesn’t want you to spend thousands on material things. Do what you have to and what feels right, but remember that she’s been dealing with this alone for 21 weeks and she’s been miserable. Give her some time to really accept that you are sincere and that you aren’t going to hurt her again.” 

“I totally agree with Taylor, and your girlfriend is wondering where you vanished too, I told her I’d check.” Ike said. 

He had scared us both to death because he’d just kind of popped up out of nowhere! 

“Fuck Ike, you scared the hell out of me!” Taylor yelped. 

“Serves you right. Anyway, you’re girl is waiting. And Zac, Eliza was asking for you.” 

“On my way.” 

We got down and headed inside. Ruby had just been confused and Eliza basically ran me over when I got back inside, so I spent some time with her. The remainder of the tour was in a day or so, it was nice to see her and be here. When I got home for the night I made sure I was re-packed for tour first and then I sent my real estate agent an e-mail, I had been casually looking, but nothing super concrete. I included in the e-mail what I was looking for, the area I wanted, and that right now I’d up the budget if absolutely needed. I was hoping he would have some good listings for me. 

My next item was something Miranda had said during one of our late night chats, a quick message to see if she’d be able to and then I booked her a flight down to Orlando so she could spend several days at Disney World and Epcot. She’s mentioned it before and well, I was going for work and she knew that but at least I could share with her this trip. Maybe, we could also talk because I think I’d like for her to come back to Tulsa, visit my side of the family and get to know them. I also needed to inquire about names, because we really couldn’t refer our baby as she for the rest of her life… 

 


	34. Epcot

POV: Miranda

 

November 9, 2010

I must have been stupid when I agreed to fly down to Epcot, when he asked me I jumped and yelled and scared Cameron to death. I had been extremely excited as I packed cute tops and cute things and made sure I had everything I need. Even the flight down was amazing and while I knew he had to work some, it was Epcot!

I’d arrived Sunday morning and he had picked me up, things were fine, Sunday I really couldn’t get into the park to do much but the shows, but as I was waiting for them to go back to the hotel I heard people talking about all these awesome rides and then it hit me that I couldn’t ride any of them. That excitement died quickly and I’d spent Monday in the hotel room, only coming to the park to watch the shows. My plan today was to do the same thing. Yet he woke me up super early.

“What are you doing?”

“You stayed in this room all day yesterday, not today. I get the entire morning and we both have rapid passes, get up, get dressed.”

I just laid my head back down on the pillow, granted the bed was at least comfortable. But he yanked the cover off of me and I groaned.

“Come on. I still have to perform tonight and we leave early.”

I sat up. “Why? I can’t ride anything here. Everything I looked at said I can’t get it on because it’s not safe.”

It was then I noticed that he was dressed in kacki shorts his arrested development shirt, even had shoes on and his hair was brushed! He sat down and kissed me, I’d be fine to just strip him and keep him here.

“That is why I called guest services and asked if there was anything you could do. They had the list waiting for me last night. I have a huge list of things you can ride, do, and see that won’t be dangerous or cause problems. None of them have a warning. But we’re never going to get through them all if you keep sitting here.”

“You knew why I didn’t go yesterday?”

“I had a feeling the I don’t feel good reason was somewhat valid, you did look a bit sick but when I came back you didn’t want to and that’s when Taylor mentioned the rides and you being pregnant were a no go. I spent the day yesterday with them but I brought you here to spend it with you. Epic fail on my part again, I’m just…”

I kissed him this time. “You aren’t use to having a girlfriend, I know. I showered last night so I’m good, Just need to find something to put on.”

“I’ve actually covered that, there is the dark blue jean shorts and the pink shirt with the huge butterfly on the front that says love. You’re socks and shoes are ready, I also have your blood glucose meter ready and breakfast should be here by the time you get dressed.”

“You are on point this morning.”

I got myself motivated and sure enough by the time I was dressed, had my hair brushed, shoes on, and he’s stabbed my finger they were knocking with breakfast which he’d gone very well with. But, I did snag a piece of his bacon.

He even had his backpack ready with everything I would need and he would, he really was trying. We headed out into the park and his first objective was animals which I was fine with, there were some areas like the petting zoo I couldn’t go into because of the potential for bacteria.

“It’ll be nice to bring her back next year when she can actually see things.”

“I think she likes animals, she hasn’t stopped moving.”

“That’s good.”

“Good yes, but she keeps kicking my bladder which is not good.”

We spent most of the early morning in the animal kingdom and that was quite amazing, I kind of wish I’d come out yesterday just to browse. He literally made me sit down for lunch though, which may be good because my number was a little lower than I liked. So, break time was needed. We got our order and sat down.

“Are you usually ignored this much?”

“Not really, I’m kind of shocked myself that no one is really asking but then again this is the area more for families so, maybe that’s why?”

“Maybe.”

“Speaking of families…”

I didn’t like the way he brought that up, it kind of sounded bad and he hadn’t mentioned whether everyone on his side knew.

“I told my immediate family on Halloween and everyone wants to meet you. Jessica and Avery basically interrogated me over you.”

I really should have expected that at some point they would want to meet me and especially his parents because I was having their granddaughter. I wasn’t sure about others though, what if we didn’t work? But then again, should I meet them so if we didn’t work out I knew something about them too?

“You’ve basically met everyone in my family but my stepdad.”

“Is he still not talking to you?”

“No. I went over to see Mom after you left and he answered the door…he told me I wasn’t welcome there and Mom nearly blew a gasket because that’s the house my father paid for really, it’s where I grew up. She has tried to talk to him but he’s just stuck.”

“Does he not care that you and I are together?”

“It doesn’t matter to him, we’re not married. He came really close to calling this baby a bastard and I know the only reason he stopped was my dad was there and would have beaten his ass. I keep hoping he’ll come around but I don’t know.”

“Well, my family wants to see you and while they’re Christians they’re not going to do like him. I was going to see if you wanted to come out for Thanksgiving, we have this huge dinner and they’ll all be there. I’ll cover the flight and you can stay with me. You’ve been there before. I wasn’t sure if you had plans.”

“I don’t have any, Kenneth’s sons are coming down but I don’t really want to be around them and he’s not going to let me anyway. Caleb is going to Mariah’s parents and Dad is actually going to be out of town at his cousin’s house.”

“Were they leaving you at home alone?”

“No, the plan was I’d either go to Cameron’s parents or with Caleb.”

“You can just come hang out with me instead. I am sure Mom’s cooking will win you over.”

“Maybe.”

When we finished lunch we headed to the other side and there were more people that approached him here, and while I wanted to be a major bitch and tell them to move along, I completely understood. As long as they didn’t occupy his entire time and that was something he didn’t allow. I was also acutely aware of the photos that were taken of us. He got in line for a ride and I raised a brow.

“I can’t ride this.”

“You can’t?”

“No. The sign right there says I can’t.”

“I didn’t think it would be that bad, but safe. We’ll do the other one instead.”

We changed rides and I know a few fans around us looked questioning but I hadn’t said why I couldn’t ride it, for all they knew I had a heart problem. We did go by the soaring ride which was pretty awesome, it was like flying over the world. It was super awesome. We hit up several shows as well, which were super cool and then we headed to the venue so they could warm up. I got to sit in the front row as they warmed up.

_Hey Ruby – So…is the Hanson clan doing some Thanksgiving dinner?_

**_Yep – I presume Zac hasn’t spoken to you yet?!_ **

_No –he asked but I’m not sure. What if they hate me? He said they were Christians but they wouldn’t reject me, but I never thought Kenneth would either, clearly I was wrong._

**_:- ( he’s still not being nice? I was there when he told them and honestly, Jessica and Avery asked him fifty thousand questions about you. Wanting to know who you were, what you looked like, where you were. I think they wanted to know why you moved but he didn’t answer. His parents…they looked disappointed but I think it was more because of what he’d done. But..he and Taylor talked too because he looked quite miserable._ **

_Miserable? Why?!_

**_Miranda…_ **

_Ruby….come on! Why did he look miserable?_

**_Well, Taylor wouldn’t tell me details but he said Zac just felt unsure. That he knows he hurt you but he’s not sure what to do. Come on Miranda – you know the last real relationship he had was with that bitch._ **

_So..you’re saying I need to come there?_

**_You said you didn’t want to go to Mariah’s because it was odd food and you didn’t want to impose on Cam’s family this year. What have you got to lose? They want to know you, you need to know them. It’s the best way. I’ll be there too, so if you get to feeling too uncomfortable we can leave. From my understanding it’s just his parents and sibs this year, everyone else had plans._ **

_So you’re saying it won’t be 40+ people?!_

**_Exactly. Besides, you and I can spend some time together!_ **

_Fine. I gotta go find my permanent seat though, they’re about to let people in._

**_Wait…WHERE are you?_ **

_Haha – I’m at Epcot with them! I flew down Sunday. I’ll be riding back with them and Cam’s picking me up in Charlotte._

**_Wait…Wait..Wait…YOU are at Epcot?! Taylor didn’t tell me!_ **

_Sorry – But yes. Although, props to Zac. We spent all day roaming today and he went to rides I could actually get on, because you know they don’t allow pregnant women on anything here really. But, I got to be on some rides and see a lot of the shows. But, I think we’re leaving tonight to head to Atlanta._

**_I. am. jealous! You get to ride on the tour bus?! Attend Atlanta?! Ugh! So jelly._ **

_You have LIVED with Taylor for months! You’ll survive. Want me to video chat you when Tay goes on?_

**_OMG – PLEASE!_ **

_Ok – let me go so I can save_ **_battery then! I’ll sent you a request soon._ **

I got a smiley face in return and then it was quiet. I giggled to myself and even went through some of the ones I had taken and posted them to Instagram, I had added his account so he’d see them but couldn’t comment about them without pretending he wasn’t the guy in the picture. I found a seat near the front and got comfortable, I was sure it confused those first entering but I had privilege here! I could technically be back stage if I wanted to be.

The first short show I didn’t call her but the second one I did and I did the video chat for the entire show, Taylor even waved to her when he realized what I was doing. I wondered about what their family was like, they were all so well mannered, nice, and pleasant. Were their parent the same way? What were their sisters like? Were they as down to earth? Because we did dinner after the second show I remained back stage, honestly I was getting tired and dinner wasn’t settling that well. So, I just remained under the fan.

When the shows were done they did the whole closing process and I just waited where I was.

“Miranda? Do you feel okay?”

“I’m just really hot.”

“Do you want me to have them drive you back to the hotel? We’ll be coming by to get our bags and things.”

“No. I would rather be here around people just in case.”

“Do you feel that bad?”

“I just feel hot.”

His hand felt chilly to me and he frowned. “You do feel warm.”

He vanished for a few moments but came back with water and then held his hand out.

“You have to finish. I’ll just wait.”

“No. You don’t feel good and you feel warm, Taylor and Isaac can handle what’s left. You need to lie down and you can’t do that here. So come lay down on the bus.”

I contemplated arguing but went to the bus because he didn’t seem like he was going to back down. He sat with me until the hotel, where Taylor sat with me while he went inside. He was getting our bags and Taylor’s. When he came back he dug through my bag to find something suitable for me to lounge in and I was rather glad he suggested the bathroom, the idea of changing in the middle of the bus wasn’t appealing. He also had a thermometer which he made sure to check my temperature and blood sugar.

“When did you become a nurse?” Tay asked.

“I don’t wanna die in Charlotte.”

“I’ve said I was fine, just got too warm.”

Now that I was on the bus and it was cooler, I was feeling much better. But, it was nice to be pampered for a bit. Once everything was loaded the question of where I was sleeping for the next two nights came up and before the hour was over the junk bunk had been cleaned out and cleaned up for me. I sat with them though for a bit and the crew members. They kind of faded and went to bed early and eventually it was just us.

“You could have laid down.”

“I’m okay. I kind of enjoyed just lounging around and listening.”

“Thinking they’ll tell on me?”

I laid my hand on his upper thigh. “They don’t have to tell on you, pretty sure you’d do that on your own.”

He glanced down at my hand and his tongue ran over his bottom lip. “You know that can’t happen here.”

“The door locks.”

“But you aren’t near quiet enough for this enclosed space.”

I frowned but then moved into his lap. “Don’t have to get undressed.”

“Oh? What do you have in mind?”

I leaned in and kissed him. “Sure you don’t mind those.”

“Never will I mind those.”

I felt his hands come around my side and settled kind of on my hip. It really was nice just to have this closeness because I liked it. Added, he’s done everything he could today to cheer me up when I was dead set on being miserable. He’d even made sure I was okay after the show. We were just sitting there after a while, his hands had come around me completely.

“I thought about it and I think I will join you for Thanksgiving. I’ve gone to several with Cameron and Mariah’s family fixes non-traditional items and sometimes it’s out there. Added, I think your family deserves to know who I am.”

He smiled and I felt the slight pull.

“But I’m not waiting until you get home.”

“Wait, what?” He asked.

“I’m going to come out that Sunday, Ruby will pick me up and I will stay with her until you get home that Wednesday. I don’t necessarily want to sleep in the bed but I will because I can’t really do the sofa.”

“I can send my house key home with you.”

“That’s okay, I just haven’t really seen her and while you guys were talking I was messaging her. That way I get a few days without you or Taylor. I know I’ll be there during the day alone but you can just kidnap me Wednesday.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure your flight is booked then when we get to wifi.”

“I can get it.”

“Humor me please? I know you don’t need me to do it but I want to.”

I really didn’t want him too but he had asked nicely. “Fine.”

“Is there a reason why you don’t want me to cover anything? You know it’s partially my fault too.”

“I’m just not use to that. Not since I started working. It’s different and makes me feel weird to just accept that much. Besides, my doctor is already not charging me anything.”

“She’s not?”

“No. She knows Caleb and she refused to charge me. The only time there is a charge is for the sonograms and any lab work and it’s usually not much.”

“That’s a big plus for you.”

“Yeah. I just…I hate the idea of her doing it for free but she insisted and flatly refused payments.”

He leaned in and kissed me. “Sometimes it’s nice to be taken care of.”

“You never said how you felt about having a girl.”

“Well, I kind of wanted a boy first but I don’t think it really matters as long as she is born healthy and as long as that process goes well and you are also fine. I really hope this sugar thing is just temporary.”

“You and me both! I don’t know that I can handle doing this the rest of my life.”

“I can’t watch you do that the rest of your life.”

I blinked because the only way he would is if he didn’t plan to leave or to never be apart. That kind of scared me really, but at the same time it really felt good to know he wasn’t looking at short term solutions, but long-term ones.

“I guess I should lay down, not sure how I’m going to sleep swaying like this.”

I giggled. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

We both got up and he made sure I was in the bunk safely and that I was adjusted well before he laid down too. I laid there thinking about the rest of my life, was that possible? That meant moving back to Tulsa and I really wasn’t sure if I could do that. But, I had a little bit of time to think and maybe being back in the town would help.

 

 


	35. Turkey Day Blues

POV: Miranda 

  

November 25, 2010 

Spending some time with Ruby was very nice and even being in their house was different now that she had kind of made it their home and not just his. But I was very glad when Zac picked me up and even more so that yesterday was just spent being lazy at his apartment. I was kind of dreading today though. It really didn’t help that at 4:30 I was hugging the toilet like it was going to save me. 

“Cupcake?” Zac asked. 

The very mention of food made me gag and throw up. I could feel him beside me though, holding my hair back and after several moments he was running a cool rag over my forehead and face. 

“Baby, are you okay?” 

“I just woke up and had to throw up. I’m hoping that the beginning sickness isn’t starting again.” 

“Were you really sick at the beginning?” 

I nodded. “I couldn’t keep much of anything down.” 

He sat there with me until I could get up and move, I laid back down for a little while before getting up for the day. My blood sugar was low, which was no shock to me and the very thought of food made my stomach turn. Great, the one day where everyone will be eating is the day I get sick? 

Yet, I knew I had to eat something so I found what I thought I could tolerate and ate that. He looked worried though but I took one of the nausea pills too, hoping it would help. We were due there at two so we showered when I felt like I could stand. 

Tulsa weather for this month was super fucking cold so I went with the maternity pants for sure, I had them on and caught him just staring. 

“Something wrong with these?” 

“No. There fine I just..don’t remember you being that big. Like, the bump is bigger.” 

“Yeah, I noticed the same thing.” 

I finished getting dressed with the long-sleeve shirt I had which kind of didn’t fit. The top was tight and the bottom showed too much. 

“No offense, that’s not the shirt I’d wear.” 

“Yeah, I think I grabbed the wrong one.” 

Thankfully I had several to choose from and I dug through the bag finding an olive green long-sleeve that was kind of long and fit well. It was rather thin though but we’d be inside all day. He had opted to go with nice blue jeans, white undershirt and a striped button up. Even brushed his hair, I was impressed. 

“Ready?” 

“As I will ever be…I’ve got my meter, tablets, and the nausea meds.” 

“Jacket?” 

“I’ll be fine.” 

“Baby, it’s below forty and windy. You need a jacket.” 

“I don’t really own a super cold weather jacket.” 

He rolled his eyes and went to his closet, returning with a thick jacket with a hood. Once I put it on I realized it was too big and too long. It was down past my butt, but I’d be warm. Once we got outside I was super glad he had gotten it. The drive to 77 th street wasn’t that long, it was really weird to be heading to his parent’s. I could feel it though half-way there so I just focused on trying not to get sick, but I think he realized what was happening. He parked and I just sat there because I was afraid if I moved, I’d throw up but he opened the door. 

“Follow me, I’ll explain to them.” 

I didn’t even reply, I was afraid I’d throw up on him. He got the bag and I followed him right to the bathroom, even Isaac looked confused because he answered the door and we breezed right by him without any words. I passed a blonde haired girl in the hallway, no idea who she was, but she looked confused. 

“Zac?” 

Her voice was soft, sweet even, but I didn’t say anything and I was glad. Fuck that fruit hadn’t lasted long. Yet, there he was his hand on my back gently rubbing, holding my hair back. I remembered the first few weeks I had wished he’d be there and it was Cameron doing this instead of him. As the second wave came I heard the soft knock followed by his name, the voice sounded sweet but older. 

“I’m okay Mom.” He said. 

“I know you are honey, but is she?” 

“Yes. I’ll come find you when we’re done.” 

He made that sound like we were having sex or something. Perfect, not only did I jack up my one first impression, it’s on a big day and I will probably ruin their day. Yet, the fact his hands were rubbing my back was nice. 

“She’s gonna hate me for ruining this day.” 

“No, she won’t. She’ll understand Miranda, she’s got five of us and she was really sick with me and Jess. She’ll understand.” 

I had no idea where the rag came from but I was glad for the coolness. He even wiped off the sleeve of the jacket where I hadn’t quite missed. There was another knock. 

“Miranda? Are you okay?” Ruby asked. 

He opened the door for her and let her inside, given that she did know me anyway and wasn’t someone new to me. 

“Isaac said you blew past him straight here. Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I just woke up throwing up. I’m not sure why and I hope this doesn’t start again.” 

“It could be your nerves.” 

“Maybe.” I said. 

“You have nothing to be nervous about, they’re going to love you. If they love me they’re sure to love you!” 

She took the jacket to the front and when I felt like I could move without throwing up, he lead me out and right to the kitchen. But the smell in the kitchen was causing my stomach to do flip flops and it was just horrible. I presumed the blonde, older woman that approached us with the striking blue eyes was his mom. She smiled and gently guided me out of the kitchen. 

“I should have told him not to bring you there, even if I am there. Are you feeling okay?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been fine for weeks and this morning, it just…hit me.” 

“Morning sickness can strike at any time, it was super bad with Zac and Jess. I don’t think I ever got relief. I’m Diana by the way, their Mom.” 

“Miranda, it’s nice to meet you, just wish it was different circumstances. I mean, good first impression I breeze by everyone so I can be sick.” 

“We understand though. You can’t help it. Walker, honey.” 

Walker was tall, that was my first impression of him and then my god he looked exactly like Taylor! Dark brown hair, dark eyes and a very warm smile. 

“Ahh, the elusive red head that everyone keeps talking about. You must be Miranda?” 

“I am.” 

“Walker, the dad. Are you feeling well? I saw Zac fly by a few moments ago.” 

“Yes. I’m hoping I am much better now.” 

“Zac brought her to the kitchen which is the worst place for her to be at the moment. I brought her up here so you guys can entertain her while we finish up.” 

“Jess and Avie just set up a game of monopoly, Hanson style. I am sure they have room for one more.” 

“I’ve not played the Hanson style.” 

“I’m going to get back to the kitchen, I’ll send Zac because I am sure he’s stealing cookies. Would you like me to send something back with him? Something to drink maybe?” 

“Do you have ginger ale?” 

“I do. I’ll send you a cup back.” 

Her smile was reassuring and Ruby smiled and waved me over. It was Ruby that introduced me to Jessica and Avery. Jessica had long blonde hair, brown eyes, a few extra pounds but not bad and she favored Ike to me. Avery had darker hair, slightly curly, brown eyes and oddly she reminded me of no one. Jessica had been the one I’d flown by in the hallway. 

“Are you feeling okay?” 

“Yeah, just woke up sick. Hoping it doesn’t last because the kitchen smelled very good.” 

I didn’t join their game though, they had already started it and I was trying to settle my stomach, which I was glad when Zac joined us and handed me a cup with ginger ale in it. I watched them play mostly and so did he. 

The ginger ale was helping my stomach not do flip flops, but it wasn’t helping the other feelings which were most likely due to low blood sugar. 

“Did you bring my bag inside?” 

“I did, it’s right here. Are you not feeling okay?” 

“No. I feel very lightheaded.” 

“Do you need the meter or the tablets?” 

“Tablets.” 

He got the bag from beside him and after a few moments of fishing he handed me one of the tablets, I was hoping it would keep me feeling okay until the ginger ale had time to work. The tablet tasted like cherries and I could feel the improvement after just a few moments. 

“Do you want to join now?” Avery asked. 

“Sure. I expected you guys would be in the kitchen though.” 

“Taylor and Isaac are helping this year. I’m sure Zac should be helping as well.” 

He snorted. “Are you kidding? Mom kicked me out of the kitchen and do you really want burnt food today?” 

I carefully moved into the floor and beside Ruby as Jessica dealt me into the game and nagged him over his inability to cook, I felt him slide over behind me which was fine. We played the game and most of the conversation was on the game or the cards. Being as Ruby and I were fans we had Hanson knowledge, it didn’t surpass Jess and Avie’s, but still! 

“What were you doing before?” Avery asked. 

“Work wise?” I asked. 

“Yes. I should have clarified.” 

“I was a bartender in Conway and when I moved here I was working at the Vodka bar. I actually went in Monday and saw the people I worked with, let them know why I actually left.” 

“No worries Zac, she didn’t drink anything, I wouldn’t let her.” Ruby said. 

“Well, I knew that.” Zac said. 

“Bartender? That’s different really, did you like it?” Avery asked. 

“I did. When I got back to Conway though I decided I needed something else at least until she was here. Since I know a lot about medical terminology I went to transcription. I can do as little as I want or as much as I want, it works given some days I don’t feel that well.” 

“Today must be one of those?” Jess asked. 

“Yeah, I haven’t been sick in a while but of course the one day I want to eat is the one day I get sick. I’m hoping the ginger ale will help.” 

“Go figure. So, you are having a girl? The doctor was confident?” 

“Yes. The doctor was pretty confident in the gender. I am too and I’m sure Zac showed you the sonogram pictures.” 

“He did, just making sure.” She smiled. 

“Did you want a boy?” Avery asked. 

“I had no preference either way.” 

Because I really hadn’t wanted a family right now, I’d wanted to be in a far different place than I was. So, I really hadn’t cared either way. Girl or boy, what mattered most was that come delivery it went well and she was healthy. 

“I think I want a boy first.” Jessica said. 

“You need to wait until you’re like thirty.” Zac said. 

“You aren’t thirty!” She retorted. 

“Trust me.” 

It was my turn to roll and I knew that but I was feeling it again, that slight lightheadedness, the tablet hadn’t lasted long. But I didn’t think they’d be much longer on the cooking, so I could probably be fine. 

“Do you like to cook?” Avery asked. 

“I do. I’m actually pretty decent at cooking when I want to be. But, I have some minor issues with like seafood items, despite living near the ocean.” 

“Don’t we all? I can never get fish right.” 

“I particularly like shrimp, but can’t have it right now. Fish is off limits in large quantities but only small ones.” 

“Melanie was really sick too with Eliza.” 

“Where is she? I haven’t seen Melanie or Eliza since breezing by Isaac.” 

“Melanie is in the kitchen and I laid Eliza down for her nap right before you got here, she should be waking up soon actually.” Jess said. 

The lightheadedness was really getting bad, I laid my head back on his knee, maybe a few moments. 

“Are you okay?” Zac asked. 

“It won’t be much longer, right?” 

“I can check.” 

I moved and he got up and left the room. 

“Starving?” Ruby asked. 

“I feel weird, last few times that happened I passed out.” 

“Mom won’t mind if you need to get something, she complains about the cookies but that’s mostly because she doesn’t want us to ruin lunch or dinner.” 

“Mom said it’ll be about an hour. So, I brought you cookies.” Zac said. 

He had normal sugar cookies, so that was good. They had a good taste and it seemed to help some. An hour wasn’t bad and worse case if it kept on I’d devour more cookies and pray I didn’t throw them back up. 

Jessica and Avery took turns asking me pretty normal questions like my favorite color, other musical likes besides their brothers, books, programs, and other general likes and dislikes. It was nice to have the routine questions that didn’t require I really think about them extensively. Ruby whipped our tails at the game twice before we gave up and right before she called us for dinner. But, Zac and I stayed in the living room because I needed to check my blood sugar. 

“Sure you want to check?” 

“No, but I need to.” 

He got the meter and it would really be just faster if he did it so he was setting it up. He was wiping my finger off when I heard her voice. 

“Zachary? What are you doing?” She asked. 

“We’ll be right there Mom. It won’t take long.” 

“Is something wrong? Why are you checking her sugar levels?” 

“Gestational diabetes, only mine isn’t too high, it’s too low.” I said. 

“Zachary failed to tell me that.” 

“It’s fine, just with not keeping anything down I needed something to bring my sugar up some so that I didn’t pass out.” 

“Have you passed out before?” 

“A few times, yes. It’s adjusting and I really hate…needles.” 

I had to pause because he’s stabbed my finger! I really did hate those. 

“Kind of explains why he’s doing it?” 

“Yeah, I have to at home but here I can get a reprieve. Added, it’s faster because it takes me forever to stab myself. Good or bad?” 

“You’re in the mid-70’s. But, I am sure more complex carbs will be better for you.” 

“Agreed. Now come eat!” 

We got up and followed her to the dining room where Eliza was sitting in her high chair and they were all seated. We joined them and I hadn’t quite seen so many options for a Thanksgiving dinner. But I had options and chose several really good ones that would hopefully stay down. I stuck to the ginger ale though and during dinner I got to see how they were with each other. The talking, joking, and cutting up. Everyone entertained Eliza and made sure she ate. 

I’m not sure what I had hoped for, but what I found was ideal. Everyone was polite, nice, and loved each other. Eliza was well taken care of and they were all focused on helping her. I was unsure where Taylor put those two plates, or where Zac managed to put his either. I barely managed my one! After everyone was beyond full we went back to the living room where we got to talk more. 

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Melanie asked. 

“A name?” I asked. 

“For the baby, you can’t call her a she or an it. She has to have a name.” 

“I…Uh No. Haven’t thought about that yet.” 

The admission that I hadn’t thought about a name yet created a mirage of discussions about what I should use and why. Yet, the only person in the room besides me that should have a say wasn’t saying anything. Zac was playing with Eliza just to my left. I simply smiled and nodded a lot because they were throwing out names left and right and some were off the wall or super traditional. Somewhere along the conversation the name Emily seemed to stick, as if Emily Diana Anna Hanson was what I’d seriously use! I really didn’t want to cause any arguments or problems here though, so I just ignored it basically. 

In addition to the name thing, Diana was pretty pushy on the subject of breastfeeding also. Granted it sounded so nice, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. I hadn’t really researched it much and honestly I didn’t answer any questions related to how my breasts felt right now, only person I wanted to have that discussion with was my own mother! 

I was rather glad that when it came time to leave and return to his apartment, I was feeling very trapped and overwhelmed with the amount of information and questions she was asking. I understood she was concerned about my health but I didn’t believe she needed a full medical rundown. I really just wanted to go back home and resume my daily normal. 

“Baby? You’ve been quiet.” 

“I’m tired.” 

“Mom sent home several plates for tonight if you want anything. She wants to make sure you and Emily are taken care of.” 

There was that name again, I hadn’t even fucking said I agreed with that name and yet he’d just gone with it? I gritted my teeth because I didn’t want to argue over such a thing. I knew she needed a name, I wasn’t stupid. But, I hated Emily with a passion and the use of both my mother’s and his? That wasn’t something I wanted at all. But, I wanted this trip to be pleasant so I didn’t say anything. 

“Miranda? You feel okay?” 

“I feel fine.” 

“You got quiet on me again. She does want you two to be fine. She’s asked me a dozen questions about how you’ve been handling it.” 

“I’m just tired Zac, it’s been a long day.” 

I felt his hand on mine and he smiled. Once we were back at the apartment I found more comfortable clothes and changed and then I sent the messages to my family and friends telling them to have a good day, but I just said it was fine when they asked. I really didn’t want to make it a big deal. He chose a movie for us to watch. I did heat up a plate about seven, because while I wasn’t feeling that hungry I knew I needed to eat so I didn’t end up in the emergency room. 

When I was done I washed up the plate and cleaned up some, I needed to move a bit. I then sat back down. 

“Mom just seriously asked if you and Em were okay.” 

“I think you scared her with the diabetes talk for real.” 

“Maybe…” 

“Movie or do you want to play?” 

“Whatever you want, I think I’m going to lay down.” 

“Lay in here with me, I can find a movie.” 

I couldn’t complain, his thigh was a perfect pillow and I wasn’t sure if he even realized he was playing with my hair but I didn’t really care. I kind of liked it, the subtle feeling of his fingers and the steady motions. Kind of made me sleepy though. 

I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until he woke me up to go to bed, not that I was awake long before I was back asleep. Even if I was back up a few hours later saying hello to the porcelain gods. 

 


	36. Christmas Bliss

POV: Miranda

  

December 25, 2010; Christmas Day 

My morning started at the ripe time of four am and it was a trip to the bathroom to throw up the snack I’d had before bed. That flight home after Thanksgiving had been a nightmare because I seemed to stay sick the entire time and it hadn’t gotten much better since I got home. But, I was determined today would not suck! It was Christmas Day! Since I was already up I went ahead and began to prepare the items we’d need for dinner. 

That little bump I’d had before was now extremely noticeable, my last appointment had showed her to be a little ahead but otherwise perfect, Zac said he wasn’t missing the January one and he was determined to see me today, as he was flying in around one. Cameron had agreed to pick him up, shockingly. Caleb came out of his room about 7, half asleep still. 

“Why are you up?” 

“I’ve been up since four.” 

“Go back to bed.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Miranda, it’s going to be a long day.” 

“Yeah, but I’m not sleepy and if I lay down I’ll just stare at the walls. Besides, I don’t feel sick right now.” 

He rolled his eyes but eventually got himself woken up and began to help like getting the turkey ready because I had no hope of lifting it. Mariah arrived at nine with presents which he helped her unload and then she came to me. 

There were very few people that I allowed to touch me, she was one of those few, and laid her hand on my belly. 

“She’s active this morning.” 

“Has been all morning.” 

“How do you feel?” 

“Like a truck hit me, woke up at 4 sick again.” 

She frowned. “You should probably speak to the doctor.” 

“I did, there’s nothing else she can really do. It is what it is and I just have to deal.” 

“That sucks. But, isn’t Zac flying out today?” 

“Yes. Cameron is picking him up at one and bringing him here. He actually mailed gifts to the house last week.” 

“I’m just glad the man knew how to wrap, otherwise you’d have opened them all.” Caleb said. 

“I do have some self-control!” 

“Sure you do.” He said. 

“Did you mail his?” 

“I didn’t his but I did mail Ruby and his family’s. They mostly got gift cards because I have no idea what they like really.” 

“They sure like the name Emily.” Caleb snorted. 

“Did you name her already?” 

“No. I’d rather not even approach that subject.” 

“I’m just saying it, they have tagged you in multiple baby posts and things and always hash tag this long name.” 

“I saw the long tag, didn’t think it was her.” 

“That’s the name they like.” 

“Didn’t you decide to do bottles?” Mariah asked. 

“Haven’t totally decided but the doctor did a check and she didn’t think I was producing milk at all, so we’re going to check again closer to the due date, she said sometimes it’s just not right now. She couldn’t get anything. So, I’ve been researching bottles too.” 

“Well, ignore them. If Zac doesn’t like it, tough. Alright, you are looking pale so find something to fix and then sit your pregnant butt down.” 

“I can help!” 

She just looked at me. “You’ve done enough! You can arrange the stuff.” 

I did fix something I thought I could possibly eat and then sat down in the recliner. Mariah and Caleb both liked Christmas movies so I found a channel playing them. I was half asleep when the phone beeped and I checked it. Picture messages from Zac as his parents and siblings opened mine. 

**_They loved everything, even if it was gift cards to places they loved. Smart move!_ **

_Glad I did well but you know Ruby basically told me what to get. Lol_

**_I figured, but that’s fine. How are you feeling? Better?_ **

_I wish. 4 am is when I woke up, Mariah just made me eat and sit._

**_Did the doctor not do anything?_ **

_Nothing else she can do, it’s just dealing. You are still coming out right?_

**_Yes. We did our Christmas dinner yesterday so today it was presents. I’m actually sitting at the airport waiting to board. Far as I can tell, everything is on schedule. Cam sent me a message earlier to verify the time._ **

_I’ll be glad you’re here, did you decide how long you were staying?_

**_Until after the first, I want to spend your birthday with you not 1100 miles away._ **

I blinked, I hadn’t even considered my birthday being so damn close nor had I expected he’d want to spend it with me, so that was kind of a shock. 

_Do I get a birthday present too? Cuz most people jip me._

**_:- ) I have your birthday gift with me and I’ll make sure it stays hidden the next several days. No peeking! Speaking of…Taylor asked me where my gift from you was._ **

_Haha – It’s here, sitting under the tree. You’ll get it when you get here, we’re not opening until afterwards._

**_You don’t have to wait on me._ **

_They insisted…_

**_Sorry! But..they’re calling me. I’ll see you in a few hours!_ **

I sent a smiley face with a safe travels wish, but I could feel the growing nausea so I got a glass of ginger ale and crackers, tried that. Mariah took the jabbing duty today and added to my snack. When I was done I reclined the seat back, the smells from the kitchen weren’t too bad, but laying did seem to help some. She seemed to be calming down some too. 

I swore I didn’t fall asleep but the next time I opened my eyes Zac was sitting in a chair beside me and Cameron, Caleb and Dad were all sitting on the sofa watching football. 

“Zac?” 

He looked at me. “Evening. Caleb refused to allow us to wake you up.” 

“Didn’t even know I was asleep. Wait...what time is it?” 

“Three. We were about to wake you up though. Dinner is done and we’re gonna do Mom’s first and then presents here.” 

“Mom’s?” I asked. 

“Yeah, you know we go there too.” 

“I’ll stay here.” 

“No you will not. Mom will suffocate me if I don’t bring you and Zac. It’s all she’s talked about for weeks, meeting him.” 

“Did she forget her husband told me I couldn’t step foot in his house?” 

“It’s not his fucking house, I paid for it. He tells you not to come in and he may be visiting the hospital.” Dad said. 

“He’s your stepdad, is he still not over this?” Zac asked. 

“Last time Mom mentioned me he said he didn’t want me anywhere near him.” 

“Well, Mom said show up. We’re showing up. But first we’re going to make sure you eat.” 

“Hey! Panda if you feel sick you could aim for him.” 

That got a laugh from everyone but I did get up. I noticed Zac was eyeing me weirdly. 

“You aren’t seeing things Zac, I gained like three dresses sizes in a month.” 

“I didn’t want to say anything.” 

“It’s fine, it’s baby.” 

Dinner for us was a bit more scaled back compared to Zac’s family, things were more traditional. After we ate Caleb told me I had to change from my pajamas. I didn’t even want to go, but Zac came with me, his bags were in the bedroom this time. Zac was odd in that the moment we were alone, he pulled me in for a kiss. 

“I’ll stay here with you.” 

“I wish I could, but Mom will be disappointed and she has been wanting to meet you.” 

“Want me to find something for you to change into?” 

“Well, I was going to change before you arrived so it’s laid out already.” 

He did assist with the pants, socks and shoes. I really could barely tie them and if I wore flip flops Caleb would complain. The drive to my mother’s seemed to last forever though and even once he was parked I didn’t want to get out of the car but Zac came around and held his hand out. 

“If he says anything that pisses you off we’ll leave. I’ll call a cab if I have to.” 

It helped that Dad would be here but Cameron had gone home, he and I exchanged yesterday. Caleb went to the door first and we followed, I could hear Kenneth’s upbeat greeting to them, an upbeat tone that died the moment he saw me. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Visiting my mother on Christmas.” 

“She can come to you.” 

He actually started to close the door in my face! But it was Dad’s foot in the way that caused him to stop. 

“Reevaluate what you are fixing to do Kenneth. Surely you aren’t about to close this door in my daughter’s face on Christmas.” 

“As a matter of fact, I was. This is a Christian household, she does not belong.” 

“I’ll just go back to Caleb’s Dad. Zac can go with me.” 

“That’s honestly the best thing.” Kenneth said. 

“The best thing would be for you to stop this nonsense and get out of my way. Miranda is my daughter and she has every right to be inside this house. It is her home and it will always be her home for as long as I am living. I do not tell your boys they can’t visit, you will not start doing that to my children.” 

Only one person could ever cause Dad to back up and that was Mom. Kenneth turned to argue but clearly the look on her face said it was best not to. He did start to speak and she just narrowed her eyes. I felt Zac lean over. 

“You’re mom is kind of scaring me…if she’s that way to her husband what the hell would she do to me? I’ve done far worse.” 

“She won’t bother you, you might get a lecture or ten but nothing else.” 

Kenneth finally moved and Mom appeared in the door. “I’m sorry, I thought we had cleared things up, clearly we haven’t but that’s not for today. Hello Sam.” 

“Hello Anna.” 

“Miranda, come on. You must be Zac?” 

“I am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said. 

“I’m sorry you have to see this, we normally aren’t like this.” 

It was sad that my daughter may not know her grandmother because of her husband but if he didn’t want me here, why should I think he’d want my baby? Mom lead us inside and while she hadn’t cooked a formal dinner she had done dessert and that included my favorite and I eyed it wondering how much I could eat and not put myself into a diabetic coma… 

“Careful Miranda, I can almost see your blood sugar rising.” Caleb said. 

“But…come on! I wouldn’t need to eat anything the rest of the day.” 

He and Miranda laughed and Zac was confused until I cut him a piece. 

“Wow.” 

“Mom’s famous death by chocolate cake.” 

“I can see why it got that name.” 

Everyone here seemed to be getting along but Kenneth seemed to be off to the side and while they could certainly pretend to be happy I could see the strain and I really didn’t want to be the cause of a divorce. Kenneth and I had our differences but I still loved him and he had been there as well. 

“Did your children not come down?” I asked. 

“They were here yesterday.” He said. 

His tone was cold, flat, and devoid of any emotions. I didn’t bother to ask any more questions and I felt Zac’s hand on mine. 

“Baby? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

When Mom handed out presents I questioned why I had extra ones, until I saw she had addressed them to Lovebug, which is what she’d been calling her for a little while. 

“Mom, you know her first Christmas is next year right?” I asked. 

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean she can’t have things now.” 

I let Zac open at least two of them, which turned out to be blankets and clothes. 

“I saw them and couldn’t really resist.” 

“It’s okay, I’m pretty sure a few of the boxes Caleb got and many from Zac’s family are for her. Ruby sent me this adorable Oklahoma picture frame.” 

She smiled, overall it was a pleasant visit but Kenneth never really warmed up and yet, Mom refused to let that ruin her day or ours. Once we were back in the car and loaded down Mariah turned to Caleb. 

“I get a feeling your mother is about to drop an atomic bomb on him.” 

“Why?” 

“The way she kept looking at him, expecting him to be more involved like he usually is.” 

“What if they divorce? Then it’s all my fault.” 

I really hadn’t meant for that to come out but I knew it had when they all looked at me. 

“Don’t you ever think it’s your fault if they divorce Miranda.” 

“It will be my fault! They were fine until they learned I was pregnant. He hates me Caleb. He always has.” 

“Then he can deal with losing Mom. Miranda, she loves him we both know that. But, Mom’s not going to chose any man over us, she dumped that first guy because he told her to send us to our Dad. She point blank told him you and I come first. She’s tried her best to talk to him but I am sure after today he won’t be so willing to close the door in your face.” 

“He does that again I’ll hit him. Pissed me off but your Dad stepped in before I could.” Zac said. 

“Don’t think it would be your fault, it won’t be. Kenneth is a grown man and he’s aware of our stance on religion. If he can’t handle it, then it’s not your fault. If his boys were honest with him, he’d hate them too. I know for a fact they aren’t virgins and I know that the older of the two has had more than one pregnancy scare. Now, let’s go home and open presents because I want to know what you got me!” 

I couldn’t argue with presents and I was dying to know what Zac got. When we got back we got settled first and then opened and sure enough Dad, Caleb, and Mariah had gotten her something. They were mostly clothes but from my understanding, you could never have too many clothes. Zac’s gift was actually a photo of a car seat that was solid pink, he explained he saw it and wanted to get it but wanted me to see it first, once I said it was perfect he ordered it. 

About 8 though Caleb got ready to leave. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I’m giving you two some alone time. I’m going to stay at Mariah’s for a few nights.” 

“You don’t have to.” Zac said. 

“It’s fine. It gives you two some alone time and me.” 

By nine we were here alone with just the tree on and the soft music playing in the background. 

“This is rare for me, Christmas is never quiet.” He said. 

“Sometimes it is for us after presents and stuff.” 

“You did like the necklace right?” 

“Yes. It’s perfect, I can’t wait to add her birthstone to it as well.” 

“I considered what to get for days.” 

“I spent a few weeks on yours actually, trying to find the right rare version of that game.” 

He laid his hand on my thigh and rubbed it gently. 

“Do you think your stepdad will ever come around?” 

I laid my head over against his shoulder. 

“I don’t know. I really think the first time he wanted to say more but my Dad stopped him. Granted, he’d called me a whore and Dad didn’t take that well. I know he’s religious and I know he’s upset, but he also knew that Caleb and I weren’t like that.” 

“Do either of you follow any religion?” 

It was a topic that we’d never approached really but probably should. 

“Our mother was always Christian, Dad was at first but when our grandmother passed he kind of lost his faith. She suffered with cancer for a while and begged. He slowly lost his faith and Mom continued. It was a part of their divorce but growing up we didn’t have a strict religion like Kenneth did.” 

“Would you want her to grow up with any sense of faith?” 

“Do you?” 

“I’m not perfect but I would like some form, it doesn’t have to be that super strict style like Kenneth apparently does.” 

“I’d be fine with that.” 

“You want Kenneth to be involved?” 

I paused a moment on that concept because I wasn’t sure, did I want him involved? 

“I mean, I do. Because he’s my mother’s husband and if they’re together then I want her to feel safe and loved. She can’t be that way if he hates me and therefore hates her, I don’t want to deprive my mother of seeing her grandbaby because of her husband.” 

“And you shouldn’t have to, perhaps he’ll warm up now that he knows it’s not just you and you aren’t doing this alone.” 

“He doesn’t care that you’re here, it doesn’t matter to him. We both sinned in his view and it’s our fault.” 

His hand moved behind me and it was nice to just sit here and do nothing but listen to the music and watch the twinkling lights. It’s how we sat down a long time before my bladder made me move and then I wanted leftovers. He ended up fixing a plate too and then we headed to bed. Granted, if he wanted a lot more he didn’t push it. The fact that she was larger and I was too may have been a factor. Yet, I found I didn’t mind it. It was fine, and a welcomed change from the being alone.


	37. I Promise

POV: Zac

  

December 31/January 1, 2011 

Ordinarily I spent the New Year’s with family, but this year I’d be spending it with Miranda. It was quite remarkable how quickly she changed from October to now, the barely even visible bump was very visible now, so much that maternity clothes is all she could wear. I had missed her November and December appointments but I was determine to make at least one of them before Emily is actually born! 

I could feel her move so much better now, that feeling of her little foot or hand pushing back was an exciting but terrifying moment at the same time. Exciting because it’s your child moving, knowing she’s fine and healthy because she is moving. Terrifying because well, it’s my child! I hadn’t really ever considered the prospect of having children, not after what happened. I didn’t think I’d ever love anyone as much as I did her. 

Yet, Miranda had proved me wrong. I’d fallen for her and I couldn’t really deny it anymore. I loved her and what I wanted more than anything right now was for her to be mine, to say that she’d willing to stay with me forever. 

Did that notion terrify me? More than anything in the world! The last time I had felt this way she had cheated, run off with her best friend, and left me standing at the altar. It terrified me that there was a chance it could happen again but at the same time I was certain that if Miranda ever changed her mind, she would tell me long before that point. 

“You woke up early.” Caleb said. 

I smiled from the table. “I did wake up early, Miranda is still asleep.” 

“She probably needs to rest anyway.” 

I had asked her father already…I had even asked Cameron. Why asking her brother was such a hard thing was beyond me. Maybe because it was clear that their relationship and bond was stronger. He was her protector and he’d saved her in August in so many ways. 

“I agree, she wasn’t feeling well when she laid down and I know she got up twice during the night.” 

He moved into the kitchen and started to fix breakfast for everyone, he made the best damn omelets I’d ever had. Which looked like what he was planning this morning. Miranda still couldn’t stand the smell of eggs though so I did pull the door shut some. 

“Caleb..I would like to ask you something.” 

“Feel free, I may not answer though.” 

“I’m hoping you do though. 

I got the little box and sat it on the counter, he looked at for several minutes but didn’t move or make any movement to pick it up. 

“Is that what I think it is?” He asked. 

“Probably. I know that it’s not customary to ask brothers and I have asked your father already. I don’t believe Kenneth’s opinion matters right now. I’d like to ask her tonight but I’d like for the men in her life to agree and approve.” 

“You asked our father if you could marry her?” 

“Yes, the 27 th.” 

“And he said?” 

“He approved as long as I never hurt her again, as long as I agreed to let her be her as well.” 

“Why are you asking me then?” 

“She and her father have a good bond but she looks up to you more, you have the ability to draw out her emotions and problems. I’m not naive Caleb, if it wasn’t for you coming out in August I may not be expecting a daughter in a few months. I may not even be standing here. She trusted you. You know her.” 

He looked at me. “I can see she’s happy with you and that even though I said no to the same room, she is persistent. I presume you also asked Cameron since you said the men in her life. If you want to ask her then I’m okay with it.” 

I started to do an internal happy dance but he moved much closer to me and I knew he wasn’t near done and I should probably wait. 

“Just remember Zachary, I am a doctor and I know multiple ways to get rid of problems. If you hurt her like you did in August, if you even so much as consider making her cry like that again. You’ll be the problem I get rid of. Is that clear?” 

“Yes. I don’t ever intend to make her cry like that again.” 

“Good. You may want to put that away, she’s awake and she’ll be in here soon.” 

He moved back to the stove and sure enough she was in the room within minutes and I had just enough time to put the box away. He acted like nothing ever occurred, I wasn’t sure who scared me more of the three of them but I think he was winning right now! 

“Do you have to fix eggs?” she asked. 

“Yes dear sister. You’ll live with the smell.” 

“Not if you make me throw up, I feel fine for the first time in days. I want to be able to celebrate tonight.” 

“Celebrate?” I asked. 

“Yes. Celebrate, it’s New Year’s and my birthday.” 

“You do remember you can’t drink, right?” Caleb asked. 

“I know that Caleb. I don’t have to drink to celebrate. In fact, I think Cam said he just wanted to do a bonfire or something simple since I can’t really party anyway.” 

“Bonfire sounds nice.” I said. 

“Caleb has a cousin that has a huge pile. He said we could come there with some friends and family.” 

It was a little upsetting that I’d never heard of these plans beforehand and yet I had planned to ask tonight. I wasn’t sure I could now… 

Caleb finished breakfast and we sat down at the table, she actually managed to keep everything she ate down but her numbers were a bit low still, so she had extra to help raise it. She spent some parts of the morning transcribing, she was determined to continue that regardless. I spent some time exchanging e-mails with the realtor. After lunch she napped and while she was napping I reached out to Cameron. 

_Cam – she *just* told me about the bonfire thing…I was planning to ask tonight at 12:01…am I going to have the privacy to do that?_

**_Uh…I didn’t know you planned to ask TONIGHT! You just said you were asking!_ **

_Yeah, I have the ring and everything..I wanted to do it tonight._

**_There aren’t many places but the location is by the river and you can always cut out and head down there if she’s willing. She and I have pretty much spent every New Year’s together since we were born. She may not want to cut out at that time._ **

Every New Year’s? Surely she wouldn’t want to do that forever? I sighed and just tried to think of when I could change this or whatever. 

**_You know what..I feel bad dude. I’ll get you both alone somehow around that time. Leave it to me. You just be ready to ask. Not sure I like giving up my panda time if you wimp out._ **

It had initially bothered me that he called her Panda a lot, but when it was explained to me why it was kind of cute. 

_I won’t wimp out. Thank you!_

He replied with a winky face and I tried to plan more at home and with my brothers. When she did wake up she went back to the transcriptions. It was really giving me time to finalize the plans for the house I bought, the one she didn’t even know about yet. I wanted to have it cleaned up well, because it needed some improvements. I had not trusted Taylor or my sisters to help with this process, so Isaac was helping. Why him? He was quiet and wouldn’t tell everyone. 

I heard her phone beeping and buzzing too. 

“Are they bothering you?” 

She glanced at me and I could tell she was slightly annoyed by whoever it was. 

“You’re sister is asking me questions.” 

“Like?” 

“Apparently she learned when my birthday was and wants to get something for when I visit or have this party when I visit. She’s asking what I like food wise.” 

“I presume it’s Jess and she’s a party fanatic. She likes planning them.” 

“I’m just wondering if this is some sly way for a baby shower and not a birthday party.” 

I knew that Ruby was planning her shower and it would be here at Caleb’s. Ruby saw no point in doing two and especially since on my side she only knew my sisters and Mom. 

“I’m sure it’s a party.” 

She laughed. “I know someone is planning a baby shower. I presume it’s Ruby. I guess it’s not farfetched but they are asking a dozen questions.” 

“Want me to tell her to stop?” 

“No.” 

Yet she seemed irritated by something and I didn’t know what. Perhaps it was just pregnancy hormones because she’d snapped at Mariah the other night too. I kept planning but did send Jess a message to make sure it was a birthday party because I didn’t want or need the drama if she was doing a shower knowing Ruby was. Jess assured me it was just to celebrate her birthday with them, including Ruby because she wasn’t out here now. We fixed dinner here at the house and then she and I showered and got changed. She went with pants and boots, something warm and a long-sleeve white shirt that was kind of snug. But, she also had a jacket. I went with dark jeans, a navy shirt, and a red and black checkered button up. 

“Anyone I should be wary of?” 

“I have a few Hanson fan friends but I don’t know if they’ll be there.” 

I slipped my shoes on and looked at her. “Do I have to worry about being jumped?” 

“No.” 

She brushed her hair back and then we were ready. Caleb gave her another warning about drinking and I promised I wouldn’t let her. Cameron picked us up about 8 and drove us to his friend’s house. I thought they said ‘small’ bon fire with a few close friends but that turned into a ten foot tall fire with maybe fifty or seventy-five people here! 

“How many of these do you know?” 

“I know most but not well, they’re people I went to school with.” 

Cameron struck out on his own the moment we had two seconds and she headed to the fire to warm up, I just followed and tried to hide who I was. Not that it lasted long. 

“Miranda? Is that you?” She asked. 

She turned and smiled but that was a forced smile if I’d ever seen one. Clearly not someone she wanted to see tonight. 

“It is.” 

“I thought you…wow…Did you gain weight or something?” 

“You thought I what?” 

“Moved…but you didn’t answer my question.” 

“I did move but I came back. My weight is none of your concern.” 

“Did Mrs. Perfect realize she’s not perfect?” 

I was sensing this wasn’t a ‘friend’ of hers. At least not one she really wanted to call a friend. 

“No Emily, I didn’t realize I wasn’t perfect. No more than you did anyway.” 

I stepped a little closer and this girl’s eyes followed my hand up to my face. 

“You’re…can’t be. I’m clearly seeing things.” 

“Hi, Zac. You are?” I asked. 

“Emily Price. I uh...I’ve been a fan for a while now.” 

Miranda snorted but this girl seemed oblivious to her now. 

“That’s great but I can’t have you upsetting my girl. It’s clear you are and it’s not good for her.” 

“You’re girl?” 

“Yes, my girlfriend.” 

She glanced at Miranda then. “How the fuck…?” 

I wasn’t expecting her to lunge but I was glad my reflexes were fast enough to put myself between them, there was no way in hell she was going to hurt her. 

“I think you need to back away.” 

“You...Cannot be dating that bitch!” 

Some other girl pulled her away from me and kind of dragged her away and I turned to Miranda. 

“I presume you know her.” 

“She’s pissed at me.” 

“Clearly, any idea why?” 

“She was cheating on her boyfriend and I found out. I told him, she’s pissed because he believed me over her.” 

“Did he know you more?” 

She smiled. “Cameron was her boyfriend. He believed me over her.” 

“Was her cheating true?” 

“Oh Yeah. It was true because her side boyfriend told me. He was my current at that time and felt I needed to know. She’s just a bitch, nothing more. Thank you though. I didn’t feel like stomping ass tonight.” 

“I wouldn’t dare let her hurt either of you.” 

We moved around but it bugged me, her name was Emily and yet that’s apparently the name everyone settled on for our daughter. Maybe she just liked the name, who knew. I did meet several dozen more of her friends and they were pleasant, some of them knew she was pregnant while others seemed shocked. I was wondering what Cameron’s plan was to get us the hell away from this large crowd. I was beginning to doubt his ability as eleven rolled around. 

Yet he seemed to materialize out of nowhere about 11:40, smiling. 

“Hey I wanted to borrow you two for a bit.” 

“Seriously? Now?” She asked. 

“Good lord, you can stop dancing for a bit Panda.” 

She rolled her eyes but we began to follow him away from the main crowd and the noise died down, got quiet. 

“Cam? Where the hell are we going? It’s almost midnight.” 

“You act like I don’t know this.” 

“I’m beginning to wonder.” 

“Just walk.” 

I could see a small bon fire ahead of us with no one around and eventually he slowed down to match my pace and smiled. 

“I’ll give you this year, next year she’s mine again.” 

He then slowed more and eventually he turned and went back toward the main party. I, however, continued to the bon fire with her alone. She didn’t realize he had turned back for a few moments. 

“Where did he go?” 

“He went back to the party.” 

“But it’s almost midnight.” 

“I believe he was giving me one year, just to have you at midnight.” 

The hurt look in her eyes seemed to fade then, clearly she thought he was being a dick but he wasn’t. It might be the one thing he ever gives her if I can pull this shit off without screwing it up. 

“I guess I can forgive him for one year. You do deserve this one.” 

“Glad you agree because I’m sure it’ll be after midnight before we get back even if we left now.” 

“It would be.” 

She came closer and her arms went around my waist. “You have me all alone, what do you plan to do Mr. Hanson?” 

“Enjoy this moment being here with you and our daughter who will have no memory of this.” 

I slid my arms around her waist and for several minutes we stood just like this, but as the minutes got closer I knew I had to move. She seemed a little scared when I moved but I had to get that box and I had a few minutes to do this. I’d covered the bases, I’d asked her father, brother, and best friend and they all approved. 

What made me know it truly was the right moment and the right actions was just the look on her face. Adoration, love, and trust. Her eyes followed as I moved down to one knee and her expression went to confusion a bit. 

“I know that things have been confusing and just different. But, I want you to know that I am sorry for August. I am sorry for causing you pain. I shouldn’t have done that because really, I just wanted to be with you. Miranda Sage Moore, I love you and I don’t ever want to lose you. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” 

I opened the box during the question and she just stood there, stunned. I wasn’t sure what was running through her head or what was occurring but I saw the few tears escape before she smiled at me. 

“Yes.” 

I placed the ring on her finger where it belonged all along and gave her a tight hug. 

“Do you really love me?” 

I cupped her face. “I have since I saw you in May. I was so stupid then. But I promise, I won’t ever do that again.” 

I kissed her and she seemed to melt into me, we got to be alone for another thirty minutes before Cameron came up. 

“Happy New Year.” 

“Wait…you knew?” She asked. 

He smiled at her. “He was worried about having you alone, so I made it happen because you deserve the best proposal possible. Please tell me he asked.” 

“He did. But, kind of wish you’d been here for pictures.” 

He smiled widely. “Girl I got you. I put my camera over there, kind of glad you two stayed dressed.” 

I was shocked he had a video camera but I was glad he had captured that moment because it was perfect. He did take a picture for us and then I got one of them. 

“Happy Birthday Miranda and Cameron. I presume I just cannot get rid of you?” 

“Never gonna happen Zac.” He said. 

Miranda chose to upload the picture with a caption of “I said yes!”. Cameron had taken several photos for us. We were just standing there talking when her phone rang and she put it on speaker. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? He asked you to marry him?” Ruby asked. 

“He did, and you’re going to love the ring.” 

“You should have called me, no I get a beep thinking it’s the customary Cam and Panda picture and it’s not! It’s you and Zac and a fire and you’re talking about saying yes! Zac, I know you’re there…WHY didn’t you tell me???!!!” 

I giggled. “Because you would have told. No fear, Cameron apparently recorded the whole thing so you can see it when she visits.” 

“Visits? You’re coming here?” 

“Yes, uh…we’re driving out Monday I believe. I can’t fly, the flight home last time made me sick as hell and the doctor said I shouldn’t be flying now.” 

“You look bigger in the picture, I miss seeing you.” 

“Honey, I’m a lot bigger. But, I’m going to enjoy this party here and you can bitch later.” 

“Oh I will! Enjoy your party.” 

She hung up and we went back to the main party until she just couldn’t handle anymore and then we left. Cameron chose to stay here for the night so he crashed on the sofa while we went to bed as well. The drive home was going to be long and we both knew it, but the alternative was a flight and she couldn’t do that right now. I would drive her back out the 17 th because she had an appointment the 24 th, I wanted to be there. She could find a doctor in Tulsa while she was there. She was asleep an hour before me, because I was just admiring that ring on her finger. 

Her favorite color was pink so when I began looking I knew what I wanted. The engagement ring was a solid silver band with inset pink diamonds. The wedding band to match had a larger stone and would go around it and have two rows of white diamonds. It was the perfect ring for her. I just hoped the house was perfect too! 

 

Her engagement/wedding bands 


	38. Conway Birth

POV: Miranda

  

January 8, 2011 

The drive to Tulsa had been much better than the flight, I wasn’t near as sick and actually got to drive a few hours. It was surreal to be here now and not as his maybe girlfriend but as his fiancé. Engaged. I’d never thought I’d be engaged to Zachary Hanson. It was so surreal. Everyone in his family had seen the ring and were on board. They had done a small birthday party for me last night with cake and ice cream and presents, ones that I could use actually. Although I hadn’t been able to eat the ice cream because my sugar numbers were already higher than needed after the cake and food. 

I hated this up and down shit. But, thankfully they weren’t high enough to worry the doctor. She wanted me to drop to two times a day though, so my fingers were a little happier. It had been a rather long week and I was hoping that today we could sleep in, and I got that wish because it was after ten when I woke up. 

I was at 31 weeks and it sure felt like it! I could barely move and could tell by the five hundred trips to the bathroom that she was preferring my bladder as her pillow. She was doing good though and definitely active as she’s the reason I woke up. I waddled my way to the bathroom and then to the kitchen, he had breakfast fixed already so I heated it up and then found a seat. 

“Sleep okay?” 

“Yeah, except the four times I had to pee.” 

“I felt you get up a few times.” 

“Yeah, least I can keep food down and good lord she needs to move that foot.” 

Her foot seemed to be pressing into my rib cage, almost like she wanted to break them! He slid over and brief rubbing got her to move her foot out of my rib cage. For a few hours it was simply relaxing and he was e-mailing someone. I knew he did a lot of business via e-mail, so it never bothered me. 

“Feel like getting out of the house today? I know we’ve been really going and busy this week but it won’t take long.” 

I glanced at him. “Is it anything related to family or friends?” 

Honestly, I was trying very hard to be nice to his family and friends, they meant a lot to him and I knew that one day I’d feel the same way. But, right now they were all brand new to me and they were all very excited about the baby and I think they sometimes forgot I wasn’t used to them. His friends and even family members were overbearing and very hands on. I had resisted more than once in slapping someone for just touching me. I didn’t want their hands all over my tummy, especially when they felt it was okay to move my clothes for a skin to skin feel. She didn’t seem to like it either, often not moving at all until they moved away. 

Added, I was trying to be super nice about the name Emily, but I just couldn’t tell them I would never name her that. His entire family was dead set on that name and most of his friends too. How could I ever tell them I can’t name her that? I really wanted to go home where it was quiet and people didn’t bother me! 

“No family. No friends. Just us.” 

“It won’t take all day?” 

“Nope.” 

“Do I have to change?” 

“Not really but you may want to put pants on and a jacket.” 

“I can do that with help.” 

He had to pretty much help with my socks and shoes, I couldn’t really reach my feet anymore. He also helped me with the pants and found my jacket. Once he’d locked up the apartment we headed down and he assisted with getting me into the truck. 

I figured it was business related, but as he drove he was taking me deeper into residential areas. It was strange because why would it be here? He finally pulled the truck into a driveway and I silently groaned, another fucking friend or family member. 

The house was mostly brick, with stone details around the bottom. Very nice yard, well manicured and taken care of. It was also a large lot, I didn’t really see any neighbors. But, he said no friends or family so why were we here? 

He hopped out and came around, helped me out of the truck and I got to look around a bit better. I could vaguely see a house down the street, but they weren’t super close to this one. I could now tell the driveway was freshly paved, the smell still lingered. The concrete pathways to the house were also fresh, they were way to clean too be have here forever. The brick was super clean and the little front concrete porch was very clean. There was a huge bay window across the front and the porch wrapped around it a bit. It really seemed like a lot of it was redone or recently cleaned. 

“Do you like the outside of the house?” 

“It’s big. Has it been cleaned recently?” 

“Yeah, couple days ago I think. Do you want to see the inside?” 

Why would I need to see the inside?! 

“Uh..sure.” 

He had a key to the front door! He used it to unlock the door and pushed it opened. He then made sure that I was safe with the little small step up and then followed me inside. There was a big open concept living, dining and kitchen. There was nothing in the rooms right now but open space. The carpet was a dark grey and the walls were a light tan color, freshly painted I could still smell it. The kitchen had medium dark cabinets and a dark back splash, bright white countertops. There was a ton of storage there and it was very big. On the left of the kitchen was a giant glass door leading outside to a big deck and backyard. 

“It’s nice..big.” 

“Three bedrooms, two bathrooms with laundry. Come see the rooms.” 

I wasn’t sure why he wanted me to see the other rooms, but the hallway was a lighter color than the main room and the laundry room was directly at the end of the hallway. Small, but efficient use of space. Right beside the laundry room was a smaller bedroom that was empty and painted white. The main bathroom was nicely done with large slate tile floors and the same matching tile around the tub. White vanity and toilet. It was beige too. I started to open the last door on the right side and he stopped me, directed me to the other room, the master bedroom. 

It had almost purple walls, white carpet and trim. This room had furniture though, dressers and a bed frame that had built in headboard and side tables. 

“What do you think?” 

“The wall color is a little odd, but I find it works with this color of furniture. It’s almost tranquil. I would imagine something on the walls and curtains would help break it up too.” 

The closet was huge and the attached bathroom was well done. Dark oak vanity with two sinks, kind of teal wall paper, large shower and a huge tub. Marble for the floors and around the shower and tub. Expensively done. 

“One more bedroom and I hope you like it.” 

That sentence confused me, why would I need to like it? I didn’t live here and I presumed this was his way of subtly asking me if I liked the house at all. He walked and I kind of waddled to the door he hadn’t let me open and now I got to. It was directly across from the master and when I opened it the first thing I saw was…pink. 

The walls were all a light shade of pink, white dresser to my left with Cinderella decorations on top. But what drew my attention was the crib sitting on the middle of the right wall. Canopy bed with a sheer pink fabric draped over it and gathered around the ends of the white crib, the back had a higher part with a bow in the center. The bed was made up, pink satin skirt, pink sheets, and a pink blanket with Cinderella in the center. The entire room had a princess and Cinderella type theme. The white rocking chair had pink cousins, the clothes basket in the corner was also pink and there was a wooden rocker sitting in the corner. 

“Can I assume that your quietness is a good sign?” 

“I don’t…Why are you showing me this place Zac? Why show me someone else’s house?” 

“It’s not just anyone’s house, it occurred to me that after she is born she needed a home. One that was ours and not someone else’s. Isaac has overseen the renovations but this room was me. I finished it before I came out in December. I did listen Miranda, you said pink and Cinderella.” 

“You…bought this place?” 

“Yes. The lease on my apartment is up in April. I figured there was no need to take her there and then move. Added, there’s no room there. She’s our little princess and she deserves to have her own room and her own home. It’ll be easier to just come here when she comes home from the hospital.” 

I paused and blinked. “Uh…that’s going to be a long drive Zac.” 

“The hospital isn’t far from here Miranda, fifteen to twenty minutes.” 

“The hospital in South Carolina is sixteen hours away.” 

“Why would you be there?” 

His evident confusion stunned me. What had ever given him the idea that I was going to move here and change my doctors this late in the pregnancy. The room suddenly felt very claustrophobic and tight so I moved out of that room back to the main area. 

“Miranda?” 

“I’m not going to be in Oklahoma when I have her, my doctors are all in Conway.” 

“There are doctors here too and you can transfer all your records to one of them. I am sure Mom can recommend one or Melanie.” 

That totally fucking explained why his Mom had a two hour conversation with me about doctors in town, a conversation I think I slept through with my eyes open. 

“I…” I paused a moment. “I’m not doing that Zachary. I’ve had major problems with this pregnancy and I am not going to just turn everything over to a new doctor who has no idea what’s been going on and what is normal. The records cannot tell them my normal stuff, it’s just clinical notes, it’s not conversations I’ve had. She knows me and she knows what to look for. No one here will.” 

“It’s not like she can’t talk to them Miranda, phones exist and she can fill them in.” 

Was he seriously going to fucking argue with me over this? I was already naming her something I hated, why not just move everything around beforehand and risk some major complication? For a moment I almost gave in and then I remembered August. If he hadn’t been such an asshole then, I would have been seeing a doctor here in town. 

“I’m sorry Zachary, this is not a decision that is up for debate. I had to go back home because I couldn’t stay, if it’s a bitch move to toss that in there then I’m sorry. But, I am having her in Conway. I’m already pre-registered at the hospital and my doctors are there.” 

“You mean you’re family is there. Doctors and hospital can be changed.” 

“Yeah, they are there. I’ll be a lot more comfortable with my own mother in that room than anyone else. I’m sorry, I love you but I can’t change this right now. I am sure that your entire family can get there before she is born or shortly after. I don’t care if they move to a temporary house to wait. I’m not changing my mind on this.” 

“What about her things? You don’t need to buy another crib and everything there.” 

“I won’t need another crib. She’ll be in the bed with me for a while, she won’t be able to travel for a week or so. I can find her pediatrician here and her doctor here, I’m not saying I won’t move out here. I’m just saying she’ll be delivered there.” 

There was some unreadable expression on his face, almost like this was the worst news he’d ever gotten and I was sure it wasn’t. 

“I don’t know that I can be there Miranda. I can’t drop everything and go there to just wait. We have Fool’s banquet coming up, we have a member’s album to record this year. I can’t do that from Conway.” 

“She’s not due until March Zac, do whatever you can and be there. It’s not like I’d hide it from you and I am sure Taylor and especially Isaac will understand.” 

“I hope they do.” 

He really didn’t sound convinced but I was positive they would, so I walked to him and pulled his hands around me. 

“They’ll understand and they’ll probably agree with me about the doctors. I am sure Melanie will. I just…I can’t change that right now and I need to feel as comfortable as possible with the person who’s delivering her Zac, I’ve never been through this and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable around the doctors there to help me.” 

He seemed disappointed but he did hug me. “I do understand I guess I just assumed you’d be coming here before then. You do like the house though, right?” 

“The house is perfect Zac. I think it’ll be a great place for her to grow up.” 

“Do you like the bedroom color? I was trying to go more tranquil versus masculine.” 

“It’s fine, like I said with lots of photos it’ll be great. We have enough family to justify photos.” 

“I do have several at the apartment I just wanted you to see the house now and before it got completely done, they do have some things in the garage to finish and the fence and well, we need furniture. I kind of took a whim with the bedroom.” 

“Yeah, the bedroom furniture is actually okay, it’s nice. I’m glad you waited for the rest and fence?” 

“The back yard only, I wanted it private so I’m having them put a fence around, kind of like Taylor’s only wooden and taller.” 

“Oh, had me worried.” 

“No fear, just the back yard and it’s mostly so you and her can be outside without others getting photos so easily. Isaac had some issues with that when Eliza was born.” 

Photos…they were a well known band and they had a lot of fans that I had met, some were quite crazy. 

“Ahh, I haven’t thought about that. I mean, how bad was it with her?” 

“The biggest problem they had was public events and being out in public. Also, hackers. Melanie has an Instagram and all but she keeps it private and only family is on there.” 

“She sent me a request. I just never thought about the fans I mean…do they even know about me and her?” 

“You’ve been a bit behind haven’t you?” 

“Yeah, I really have. I just spent the time transcribing and that’s all. I did keep up with the shows but not much after.” 

“I posted on the website in December, the second week I believe. Just said that I was expecting a baby with someone and that I requested privacy in the matter. They don’t need the details and it doesn’t seem like a lot of people have connected it but then you went and posted that New Year’s one publically. That sparked a lot.” 

“Oh…I haven’t really checked. But, my Instagram is private.” 

“It is and someone on your account has leaked pictures.” 

I sighed. I hadn’t even considered that at all. I guess I would have to evaluate who was on the profile and remove those that aren’t really good friends. It was something I hadn’t considered and that was solely my fault. But, with her photos being there I needed to do that because her safety would be way more important. 

“So, I presume that everyone knows you’re engaged now?” 

“They do now, yes. I actually posted a confirmation on that Thursday. Confirmed the rumor.” 

“Should I be worried about that? I mean, I haven’t checked and most notifications are off right now.” 

“You’ll probably have a few thousand requests.” 

“Perfect. I’ll check that when I can’t do anything else.” 

“It’ll be fine. I don’t mind if people see her, I just don’t want them creeping around the house. Not that the address is public or anything and I would advise you not post outside pictures of the front.” 

“I won’t. Who knew about this place?” 

“Me and Isaac and now you. I didn’t tell Taylor because he would tell Ruby and she would tell you.” 

“Good plan. Taylor does talk and Ruby can’t keep a secret to save her life most the time.” 

“I gathered, but I think you underestimate her ability to keep things.” 

“If you think I don’t know she’s planning a baby shower, you are insane. I know she is, I just don’t know the details. But, your family has asked about what we needed and so has hers.” 

“I won’t tell her you know.” 

“Good plan there. So…why such a big area here?” 

“I’ve seen how tiny Isaac’s living room feels after Eliza’s swings, bouncers, bassinets, and toys took over. I wanted to make sure we had room to have the things she needed without being cramped. Added, family can come over. The house does have the potential to expand as well.” 

“Nice. It’s big enough though. Her room and a spare.” 

I felt his arms around my waist and he kissed my cheek. “Maybe a little brother sometime later on? Two, three years?” 

“You are pushing it.” 

“Well, pushing it would be maybe asking for more than two…” 

“Totally pushing it now.” 

“We could go look at furniture.” 

I turned and stared at him for several moments. Did he seriously want me to go look at furniture?! 

“As much as I would like to, I think I’d rather just rest. I am sure the next week will be just as busy.” 

“We can go one day next week, maybe online look and get ideas. We can head to the house now.” 

I headed to the car while he locked up and waited, because I did kind of need him to get inside. He helped and we headed back to the apartment, where we got to kind of chill out. We did look at potential furniture options on various websites, not finding many that we felt would match the space well. So, he set a day the following week to try the actual show rooms and to get some more things for the spare room, simple bed and dresser. 

He cooked that night while I rested, he really was good when it was just us. He made sure I followed the doctor’s orders, made sure I rested and that proved he actually did care. The very nice ring he purchased was another very big proof item. After we had dinner he checked the numbers then we got settled for the night, eventually going to bed around normal time. 

The crib/bedding set Zac used in the nursary. 


	39. Tulsa Hospital

POV: Zac

  

January 13, 2011 

Miranda was at my parent’s house today, she really wasn’t feeling well and I refused to leave her at the apartment alone. Ruby was getting off early to get her about one so they could hang out awhile, but until then she was there. I had to come to the studio because I had to break it to them that I wouldn’t be hanging out in Tulsa at the end of February, I really hoped they understood and weren’t going to be pissed off. So, I came in early to catch up on e-mails, catch up on my end of things and hopefully prove I could still do things even in Conway. 

“You are here early…” Isaac said. 

“I am.” 

“Where is Miranda? I didn’t see her on the sofa.” 

“She’s at Mom and Dad’s, her numbers the last two days have been completely fucked up, they’re high one day and low the next. She called her doctor yesterday and she’s now checking four times a day. But, she didn’t feel good and I refused to let her stay here. So, Mom said she’d stay with her.” 

“Is that a wise idea?” he asked. 

“Of course it is Ike, she’s going to be Mom’s daughter soon.” 

He pulled up a chair and sat down, clearly there was something on his mind too. 

“I know you want this all to be roses Zac, but it’s not going that way.” 

“What are you talking about? They all get along very well.” 

“Melanie was talking to me last night and she said she feels like Miranda doesn’t want to be here. She’s really quiet around them, she just agrees or nods her head. She thinks something is wrong. Mom asked her Tuesday what doctor she was using and she ignored her.” 

“Is Taylor here yet?” 

“He’s on his way, but you just changed the subject.” 

“Because I need to talk to both of you, no need in addressing that until he’s here.” 

We both waited and Taylor clearly knew something was up when he showed up, so he handed out the coffees to the other members here and then came to the office and sat down. 

“I gather I am required here.” 

“Yeah. Zac refuses to address that Miranda is indifferent around our family. Melanie said she thinks she doesn’t want to be here and that something is wrong. Zac refused to acknowledge it and she ignored Mom Tuesday about the doctor.” 

“She really does need to choose a doctor Zac. It won’t be long before she’s seeing them every two weeks or every week in her case maybe.” 

I turned to them both and fiddled with the shirt. 

“She’s not choosing a doctor here.” 

“Um, that’s super dangerous for her not to have one. Especially with her crazy ass numbers.” Taylor said. 

“She’s not choosing because she’s not moving out here until after Emily is born. I took her to the house Saturday and when I told her why I bought it and all she said she wasn’t coming here.” 

“Ruby felt certain she was.” Taylor said. 

I shook my head no. “She will not change her mind. She said that she is preregistered there, all her doctors are there and they already know her sugar problems and she feels comfortable with them. She isn’t having her here, she’ll be having her in Conway.” 

“What are you going to do? We can’t record the member’s kit without you.” Isaac said. 

“And I’m not going to miss her being born Isaac. You were very adamant that you wouldn’t miss Eliza’s and you didn’t.” 

“This isn’t going to work Zac, she’s gonna have to stop being so selfish and come out here. She shouldn’t make you chose between work and your child.” Taylor said. 

“Selfish? Taylor what the hell man? She’s not being selfish.” Ike said. 

“Really? I’ve seen the same things Melanie saw. She was indifferent Monday at dinner, she didn’t talk about the doctors or her health issues with anyone despite being asked. She is there without being there. She spent most of the time with Ruby and Eliza. She doesn’t acknowledge much of anything unless she has to. She clearly is trying, but she’s not trying enough.” Taylor said. 

I frowned, I didn’t want to admit that it really did feel like she wasn’t connecting with anyone in my family. She had been different around Thanksgiving, little more talkative but now? She wasn’t really thrilled with anyone but me. She didn’t talk to my friends much unless asked, she rather stuck to herself. 

“I hate to agree with him Ike, but he has a point. She didn’t want to do anything over the weekend unless it didn’t involve family or friends. She really didn’t want to go there Monday and Tuesday and she tried her damnest to get me to let her stay there alone today.” 

“See! She can’t be that way Ike. She’s going to need help after Emily is born and she can’t rely on Ruby all the time.” 

“She’ll be at Caleb’s for a few weeks Taylor, she nor Emily will be able to fly and we’ll probably end up driving back. She can’t fly now.” 

“Doesn’t she go home Monday?” 

“Yeah, I’m going to rent a car and drive out and then fly back myself after the appointment. Determined I am going to at least one. And the baby shower is Saturday, far as I know Mom and the girls are flying out Friday.” 

“They are, Melanie and Eliza are going and I think some of our cousins? Not many though. Mom was super disappointed that Ruby wouldn’t do two.” 

“There was no need Taylor, everything’s gotta be moved anyway.” 

“See this is what I mean, she has a mom and a few friends that could fly out here simpler than everyone going there. Added, everything would be here.” 

“Have you asked her how she felt Zac?” 

“About?” 

“Everything? How does she feel about the impending delivery? Is she scared? Nervous? Does she feel okay with it? Is she comfortable around us? She doesn’t really know us guys, she’s been around the three of us more but she hasn’t our family. She has one brother and her parents, here she has parents, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and everyone is just curious about her. She maybe quiet because of that or may be she just doesn’t feel good. She is pregnant and you both know Melanie had bad days.” 

“Boy do we.” Taylor said. 

“My point is, Taylor, you’re saying she’s selfish for wanting to be in Conway, that’s not it. She wants to be there because it’s comfortable there. She knows the doctors well, they know her. She has her own mother there to help her, Melanie didn’t want our mother she wanted hers. She’s in a familiar setting and around people that she fully trusts to do whatever they need to make sure she’s okay.” 

“And we can do that Isaac.” 

I knew it was coming and just dropped my head. 

“Really Taylor? She was sick for weeks before she went home. Ruby didn’t even know the size of her apartment here or that she wasn’t eating anything but Ramen noodles. She was so busy with her own job and you that Miranda was just a side thought. You didn’t even pick up on it, neither did I. She needs to feel safe Taylor, she doesn’t feel that way here yet.” 

“He has a point Taylor. I had the chance to prove it and blew it myself. I tried to convince her but she is not going to change her mind on this. She will deliver her in Conway, with or without me.” 

“With you. We’ll figure something out.” 

“I figure I can be here in town for Fool’s, then go out after that. We can work on the member’s album then and there is a studio there so I can rent some time and go in or the kit can be a little late.” 

“We also have Hanson Day to plan.” 

“I can do that over the phone, skype, video calls, texts. I’ll take my laptop and work on the graphics and things I can. It’s not like I can’t work I just can’t be here.” 

I felt my phone vibrate but for the moment ignored it, it wasn’t Miranda’s specific feel anyway. 

“He has a point Taylor, this is his first child and honestly, I feel like him being there is more important.” 

Taylor glanced at his phone which began beeping on his leg and he looked confused. 

“It’s Ruby, she said for me to tell you to contact her right now.” Tay said. 

I got my phone and her number had called twice, so I called her back. 

“What’s up Ruby?” 

“Where are you?” 

“The studio with Ike and Tay. What’s wrong?” 

“Can you go get Miranda? I can’t get off until 11:30.” 

“She’s at my parents house Ruby, she’s fine.” 

“No. She’s not Zac, she is ready to drive herself home right now. Apparently your mother invited a bunch of your family over and she’s just…she said she locked herself in your old bedroom and she’s not coming out.” 

“She what?” 

“From her messages your mom has like thirty people there, it could be an exaggeration because she’s upset.” 

“I’ll go.” 

I hung up and there were no messages from Miranda on my phone. 

“What is it?” Taylor asked. 

“Ruby said mom invited people over and apparently Miranda has locked herself in our old room. I really need to stay but I need to see if she’s okay. I’ll just bring her back here.” 

They weren’t super happy that I had to leave but I did ask to take Isaac’s car because she could get in and out easier. I was half-way there when Ruby called back. 

“I’m on my way!” 

“She stopped talking Zac…” 

“What?” 

“I called her after you to tell her you were coming and she was upset but then she just got quiet. She’s not answering the phone and your mom isn’t either.” 

That scared me so I kind of broke some speed laws to get there faster, sure enough there were dozens of cars in the front yard and I parked as close as I could to the front door and went to the door. Mom looked very confused when I came through but I went to our old bedroom and tried the door, which didn’t open. 

“Zachary? Honey?” 

“Where is Miranda?” 

“She was in the living room.” 

“Miranda? Are you in there?” I called. 

I could hear her phone ringing, Ruby’s tone. I tried the doorknob again but when the phone kept ringing I feared the worst, I think I shocked mom when I broke the door to get into the room. I’d replace it later. Her phone was laying beside her hand but Miranda was laying sideways in the floor and she wasn’t responding to anything so I called the ambulance. She had brought her meter which Mom found, the people I had seen were relatives and it almost looked like Mom was about to give her a baby shower here too. 

Her sugar was so low so I got the emergency shot and gave it to her, it was pre-dosed to be low and when the paramedics arrived I told them the exact dose and name. She was barely coming to after the second one but she didn’t really know what was happening. 

“We’re going to take her in and have a doctor check her and baby out.” He said. 

I went with the paramedics, because I could always get Taylor to bring Ike for his car. By the time we made it to the hospital and they had gone through both checking her and having an OB come check the baby, I knew that her being at home was better. She really did look quite fearful and just quiet. We were just sitting in the room waiting for the discharge papers. 

“I told her not to tell you.” She said. 

“The bigger question is why didn’t you just ask me to come get you? She shouldn’t have been called first Miranda.” 

“You went in to work Zac, you should not have to leave two hours later and come rescue me.” 

“Work or not, I care that you’re okay. What happened? Why were you upset?” 

“Why are you even asking? You didn’t care that I didn’t want to go there this morning.” 

“And you would have passed out at the apartment and I wouldn’t have known.” 

“I wouldn’t have! You’re aunt stopped me from checking my sugar when I felt bad. She said it was normal for me to feel lightheaded at this stage. Had she not moved my fucking bag I would have checked my levels and known that I needed to call you or to get myself something. Instead, she just wanted to lecture me on how doctors are all superstitious assholes.” 

“Mom didn’t stop her?” 

“How could she Zac? She was busy in the kitchen fixing what I presume was food for everyone that showed up. I told you I didn’t feel good this morning and that I just wanted to stay there.” 

I got up and sat down beside her on the bed. “I’ll tell Mom what happened, she’ll make sure you can check them from now on. I didn’t know she had anything planned.” 

“I presume she planned some pop up shower, I saw bags when I went to your old room. I couldn’t…I was feeling off and I just needed to leave and I was stuck there.” 

I moved some of the hair from her face, she wasn’t quite telling me everything. But, the doctor brought in the papers to sign and after care which was basically to watch the numbers and see a doctor. 

“Do we even have a way to leave the hospital?” 

“Yes. Taylor took Isaac to get his car and he’s going to come get us, you can get in the car better and easier.” 

“Don’t you have to work?” 

“Ruby should be off and she said she’d come sit with you at the apartment. That way you aren’t alone and you’re with someone you don’t mind. She’s gonna stop and get lunch too, I believe she said Subway.” 

“She asked what I wanted.” 

“You want to explain while we wait why you don’t really want to be around my family?” 

Dick move yes, but she was at a hospital so if something happened she’d be near doctors. She didn’t look confused or unsure, I guess she figured at some point I’d pick up on it. Even if Taylor and Isaac were the ones that pointed it out. 

“I want to be around them Zac, I do.” 

“No you don’t, you kind of ignore everyone. Taylor and Isaac noticed and I have too.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to be around them, I do. I want to know more about your mother and father, sisters, and cousins. But, I don’t want to learn it in one day. I get quiet because I don’t have a damn clue what to say or what to relate to or what I can relate to.” 

“Why not just tell me?” 

“Because you seem to be occupied with family members. I know you don’t see them often. I want to know them I just need time and it’s like everyone is there at once.” 

“I guess I didn’t think about that. Everyone is wanting to meet you because no one even knew about us or the baby before like November.” 

“I understand that but I just can’t do it. No one there today had a clue and all I wanted was to just have peace and quiet and then all these people show up. It makes me want to go back to Conway and just stay. I’m sure I pissed off a cousin when I shoved her hand away from me. But I’m not a petting zoo.” 

I leaned over and kissed her. “I’ll tell Mom that we need to back way off. That she and Dad and our sister’s are fine but everyone needs to back off. Don’t feel bad telling them not to touch you. Melanie didn’t have a problem saying it.” 

“I don’t want them to hate me Zac.” 

“They won’t.” 

I got a message from Isaac saying he was ten minutes away so we got her ready and then waited on the doctor. 

“Zac…” 

“Yes?” 

“I know your family loves babies and new members. Melanie warned me to expect a lot of visitors the first few weeks, she wasn’t aware we wouldn’t be here. But, you can tell them now that I won’t allow forty or fifty people to be there at once. I’m not even sure I want visitors beyond immediate family for the first six weeks or more.” 

Well, that was certainly going to ruffle feathers with my family because new babies in the house are a big thing and they do tend to come in large groups. But, I couldn’t overrule her there because she’s the one having her and she has a say. 

“I’ll tell them. I know a lot will be ruffled but, you are her mother and you have a say. If you rather have a few at a time then we’ll figure it out.” 

“I don’t want to isolate anyone but I just don’t want to be overwhelmed either.” 

“Understandable.” 

The nurse wheeled her to the exit where I helped her get into the car and settled. He drove us to the apartment where Ruby was waiting already, I turned her over to Ruby with all the doctor’s instructions and then went to the studio with Ike. 

“I take it Mom is disappointed?” I asked. 

“She is because she did plan a shower, but I told her that perhaps they could tell her what they got and she can distribute it then when she comes back they can take it over. She said most got gift cards because they wanted to get diapers and wipes but weren’t sure the brand to use. While the others got gifts but it was clothes and stuff. They understood though and Aunt Sandra is super sorry.” 

“She should be, she stopped her from checking her blood levels. If she had checked, she’d have been fine.” 

“Yeah, Mom explained after you guys left that she was having problems and Aunt Sandra cried. She blames herself and she wants to apologize to her when she feels up for company. Mom said later today, I told her to call you because I wasn’t sure how she was after a visit.” 

“She doesn’t want to see anyone really, but it’s she’s lost in the massive crowd. She’s not avoiding or hating anyone, just feels very uncomfortable.” 

“Melanie wondered if that was it, but she wasn’t sure.” 

“So…before you got there she told me that she doesn’t want visitors beyond immediate family for a while.” 

“A while?” 

“Yeah, like six weeks or more. She doesn’t want a house full of people and I may can get her to compromise and only do a few at a time, but really I can’t force her to accept people.” 

“I can’t blame her there, Melanie and I both had problems because Eliza was so nervous and jittery. She said when we have a second she would limit the people. So, listen to her on that aspect. Limit the visits.” 

“Yeah.” 

With Miranda safe with Ruby we did get a lot done at the studio. By the time we called it quits it was super late and Miranda was already in bed but Ruby had stayed until I got there. I ate and crashed myself because it had been a long day. I was slowly realizing that when it came to Emily, Miranda wasn’t going to be like everyone else I knew! 


	40. Baby Shower Meltdowns

POV: Miranda

  

January 22, 2011 

Ruby hadn’t been able to make it a ‘surprise’ baby shower because she was flying out and so was his family. It was a red flag so she told me it was set up for today, which was fine. I was a little nervous to know who all she invited but I knew that this would probably make it so we didn’t need much else. 

The downside? I felt like dying because I hadn’t really been feeling well and the nausea was back along with the wild swings in sugar levels. Zac was spending the day with Caleb and my Dad while the ladies were here so we both got up early. Of course, Caleb was being sweet and fixing breakfast but he was fixing eggs when I walked out and I was glad Mariah wasn’t in my way. If people hadn’t flown out, I’d cancel. 

Zac was there to wipe off my face and help me move, I didn’t want to eat but of course my sugar had to be low. But I avoided the eggs. 

“Ruby should be here about nine, she’s going to decorate.” Mariah said. 

“She mentioned it to me. I just hope she didn’t invite half the town.” 

She laughed and Caleb just giggled. “I’m sure she didn’t. Maybe..” 

“Comforting Caleb, real comforting.” 

He just smiled. We finished breakfast and he and Zac packed up a picnic lunch for them, apparently they were hiking. 

“You know Caleb, if you and Dad plan to toss him off the mountain side, remember that you have to come home and face me.” 

He looked over from the counter. “We will remember that we don’t want to deal with the red-headed dragon. We have no plans to push him off a mountain though.” 

“Thankfully..” Zac said. 

Ruby did arrive at nine with a car load of stuff and she seemed shocked that I was here. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I live here Ruby, I kind of like stay here. What kind of retarded question is that?” 

“Well…you aren’t suppose to see things before we’re done.” 

Mariah sighed. “Yeah, we tried to convince her to do lunch, take a walk, visit her dad, visit Cameron, a zoo, a park. She told us she wasn’t doing anything but sitting here. We tried.” 

“Miranda.” 

“Tough luck Ruby, you’re stuck with me. Although, I will probably lay back down so no worries.” 

She didn’t look impressed but instead just began to unpack the bright green tissue paper. 

“Uh, Ruby…” 

“This is why I didn’t want you here! You leave the décor to me missy.” 

Even Mariah raised her eyebrow at that green tissue paper but once Zac and Caleb left I laid back down, trying to nap while they talked, giggled, and caused things to crash, which was weird. I vaguely heard my mom once or twice but I didn’t really hear much after I got into a comfortable position. It was mom that woke me up about noon though. 

“You need to get dressed honey.” 

“I think my number is low.” 

She retrieved the meter and checked. “It’s a bit low, you get woken up and I’ll find you something to snack on.” 

I could hear other voices in the room, I picked up on Melanie’s voice in the other room and Jessica’s. I was pretty sure that Diana and Avery were also here. I heard Ruby say something about ruining my appetite and I didn’t hear Mom’s reply but she came back a few moments later with a small plate with fruit. I ate that while she got the clothes I had laid out. 

“You need me to stay and help?” 

“Please? I have issues getting the pants on.” 

She closed the door and once the fruit was down I set about changing. I had chosen to wear the lighter tan pants and a medium pink long-sleeve shirt. It was really loose around the sides and had a little lace accent across the top. As much as I wanted to wear shoes I just had my Mom put some comfy pink socks on. 

She went out of the room taking the plate and then I followed. I was pleased to see that Ruby went with a pink theme, the green was really accenting the pink a bit and wasn’t used much. There were carousels set up across the back of the counter and I saw Zac’s mom and sisters along with a few cousins, I think it was Julie, Angela and Mary but I was sure I had the wrong name to the face. I was also glad to see Hillary, Jane, Kelly, Samantha and Kimberly they were close friends but not like Ruby had been. Sitting among them was Cameron. 

“Cam? Since when did you get a sex change?” 

He got up and hugged me. “I’m here to make sure you’re okay, per Zac.” 

He’d whispered in my ear and I was glad he was here, he knew me better than most in this room and thank god for miracles. I was also glad that Zac trusted him enough to be around me without him considering his prior feelings. Although, Diana didn’t look happy at all that he was touching me. 

“What do you think?” 

“The neon green scared me but you’re forgiven. I like it.” 

“Good we have games and food and cake and ice cream.” 

“Cake?” I asked. 

“The thing in the center of the table there.” Cam said. 

I turned and found a carousel themed cake but there was a little ribbon that was stuck across the top that said Emily on it. I walked over and pulled it off, there was no way in hell that was staying and I was sure it was from Diana or was her idea. I laid it down under a napkin and I caught the subtle glance from Ruby. 

No one else questioned it and we sat down to eat, something I was glad for, I avoided the super sugary foods though like cookies because I wanted cake! 

“Why are you avoiding the sugar?” Hillary asked. 

“Gestational diabetes, real fun stuff.” 

“Doesn’t sound like fun.” Kelly said. 

“It’s like being told you can eat whatever you want, but then being told you can’t eat it if your numbers are too high. The last few weeks it’s fluctuated between high and low.” 

“I would die.” She said. 

“I’ve felt like it a few times.” 

“Do we ever get to meet the daddy?” Kimberly asked. 

I caught the subtle little wink because I was positive she knew who Diana, Jessica and Avery were. 

“It’s a baby shower, daddies aren’t allowed.” Diana said. 

“He went with my dad and brother for the day, I don’t know when they’ll be back.” 

“Cam is here, why are you here?” Kelly asked. 

“She’s my Panda you think I’ll be missing this?” 

“Ugh that nickname!” She said. 

“Are you going to call the baby mini panda?” Jane asked. 

“Depends, if she has red hair probably. If she takes more after her dad then I may have to find another nickname.” 

“She takes after him a bit already, loves to kick my ribs and she has a decent rhythm.” 

That got laughs around as everyone finished the plates of food they had. Mom was kind of catering to me in my chair since I couldn’t really move fast like them. 

“What games you got?” Mary asked. 

“Lots! I found a few off the internet and both her mom and his provided some ideas.” 

“I’m excited for the guess the size.” Diana said. 

“Guess the what?” I asked. 

“We have string to see how round you are.” Ruby said. 

I was pretty sure Cameron caught on that that required someone touch me and I wasn’t keen on that. 

“I think I’ll win.” He said. 

“There is also the bottle game, diaper game, guess the food, and I considered this feed your baby but Caleb shot that down.” 

“Why?” I asked. 

“You blindfold both sides and they try to feed the other person baby food, he said if I got it on his floor I’d be scrubbing it clean. I opted to be safe.” 

“Yeah, sounds like an outside event.” 

She nodded and she started with the bottle game. Which I chose to watch and laugh at, because I don’t know what liquid she chose but the faces that they made was just hilarious. The diaper game consisted of trying to identify candy that had been melted into a diaper. It was mildly gross but Cameron won that by a landslide. There was also changing the diaper game which no one was shocked that my Mom and Zac’s nailed it with blindfolds on. 

“Someday I shall master that.” I said. 

“You will be amazed at how quickly Emily will teach you.” 

Mom looked confused as did Cameron but neither said anything. I had told them the names I had in mind already and Emily wasn’t one. She also had a game to time the changing of a baby clothes, which was interesting. It finally came to the guess the flavor and I was rather going to be a passive observer because really, some baby food smelled. 

“I shall nail these.” Melanie said. 

“You probably will, Eliza hasn’t been long had these.” Ruby said. 

I was fine but Jessica suddenly put a plate right in front of me, a strong smell hit my nose. I had no idea what food it was beyond green but I gagged and barely made it up in time to get away from them. I felt hands though, all around me. I could hear Mom’s voice and Diana’s and Cameron and it sounded like two others. It was the perfume that someone wore that brought the rest of lunch up. 

“Guys, give her air. Jesus.” Mom said. 

I heard Cameron pulling others out, including Diana which he called Ma’am. 

“Baby? Are you okay now?” 

“Hot.” 

“Cameron, get me an ice pack.” 

“Ice won’t help.” Diana said. 

But it wasn’t long before the cool pack was laying across my neck and Cameron was wiping my face off with a cold rag. It had gotten quiet and I think Cameron may have closed the door. 

“They don’t need to see you like this and really, there already a little iffy with the foods so you didn’t help.” 

“Thank you.” 

She kept the pack on my neck. “If she tells me what is best for you one more time I may have to have a fit.” 

“It’s okay Mom.” 

She checked pulse while I was here and once I was fine we rejoined the party. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about the smell being a trigger.” 

“Most anything can be, it’s okay. Who won?” 

“Melanie. Nailed them all even the new one which was like some epically gross one.” 

“Eliza would love it.” She said. 

“While you were in the bathroom we went ahead and cut strings for us, you two want to do yours right quick?” Diana asked. 

“Sure.” Cameron said. 

They both cut theirs and laid it around their necks but I wasn’t about to let every fucking person here touch me so I pointed to Cameron. 

“He can do the wrap thing to test, he has the longest arms.” 

Again, Diana didn’t seem pleased but I didn’t care. Some didn’t participate and the one that got it dead on the money? Cameron. The farthest off was Mary and everyone else was somewhere in between. 

“Alright, presents!” Ruby called. 

Before she settled with that I checked my sugar number and got more fruit, something I knew would settle well. I then got a better chair so I could actually sit up. A lot of the items were in bags or wrapped but there were a few big boxes. She started with the smaller bags which came from his cousins that flew out, probably something that would fit on the plane. 

Mary had gotten the nail clipper, medicine type kit, and hair brush and comb set. All were pink or purple and the brush had ballerina shoes. 

“People always forget those, I figured if she’s anything like Zac her nails will grow fast and so will her hair.” 

“It’s cute, I like the little design.” 

In her card was a gift card to Wal-mart as well. Angela had gone with socks in shades of white, pink and purple and a gift card. And Julie had gotten the bottle cleaner kit which Diana snorted at, I couldn’t imagine why. She also got a few long-sleeve onesie with cute designs on them along with another gift card. 

Cameron was sitting beside me writing down everything for me. Kimberly must have had inside information because she picked out extra crib sheets, a blanket that had Cinderella on it, and several outfits. Most being for newborn and winter appropriate. 

“She has to be dressed well. I included a gift card for diapers and wipes, I just didn’t know what brand you were going with.” 

“That’s fine. I love this wrapped around Daddy’s finger one.” 

“I am sure she will have him wrapped within a day.” Avery said. 

“Probably less.” I said. 

Ruby handed me a box from Samantha. Cameron slid a little table over so I could sit it down to open it. Inside was a bath tub along with several other bath related items. Hooded towels, wash rags, Johnson and Johnson’s shampoos and lotions, and another gift card for diapers and wipes. It was a pink tub with a whale in the bottom. 

“I knew she would need a bath eventually.” 

“That is adorable!” Jessica said. 

I was glad it was in a box, means I could just leave it because everything had to go to Tulsa eventually. Kelly and Jane had gone with outfits, onesie and gift cards too. Hillary had gotten a lot of summer clothes in larger sizes. 

“I knew a lot would go small, it’s all I got for mine and I was screwed when he outgrew them.” 

“Thank you.” 

Diana indicated that she and the girls had gotten stuff together so everyone could go. I didn’t mind but it scared me that they’d gotten something together. Ruby had gotten her a bouncer that was mostly pink with a variety of hearts, flowers, and swirly patterns. Along with clothes. I looked at Cameron and he just smiled and slid one of the really big boxes over with a bag on top. 

“Start with the bag.” 

“I’m afraid to.” 

He just smiled and I took the tissue paper out. I found a lot of things. The Dr. brown bottles I had chosen, he’d gotten multiple sizes, I saw Diana’s confused face at the bottles. He got socks, plain white ones, white onesie and then I got to the suits. 

“Cam.” 

“I had to.” 

The first onesie was white with ‘Has anyone seen my glass slipper?’ in black. The second was solid pink with a mirror with a silhouette of Cinderella with True Princess across the bottom. Lil hearts in zebra print matches the zebra and pink skirt. The pink one with the Princess is here came with matching booties and he’d gotten pink pants to match. I think he bought enough clothes to last her a year. On the very bottom was pajamas was for me, pink with little blue hearts all over them and matching socks. 

“You really didn’t have to get this much.” 

“You didn’t unwrap the box.” 

I was hesitant but pulled the paper away and found a swing, it was pink with a grey section where she would sit with like a damask color but the mobile across the top was pink gems. I tried not to cry but I couldn’t hide them all. It was going to make going to Oklahoma really hard. 

“She had to be comfortable.” 

“Damn Cam you could have told me to go first if you were gonna make her cry.” Mom said. 

“Exactly.” Ruby said. 

Mom’s box was huge too but it was spectacular! She’s gotten a pack and play that came with a canopy! It was a mosquito netting for the summer time but it was still a canopy and solid pink. 

“I feel bad for Zac. So much pink…” Jessica said. 

I smiled. “He already did a nursery, the whole room is pink.” 

“He did...what?” Cam asked. 

“I’ll show you pictures but he did Cinderella theme.” 

Mom also promised me a shopping trip for anything that I may need or want after the shower, I was sure I’d need some extra things once I could inventory it. Ruby had gotten a bunch of outfits, more bottles, blankets and little hats. One box she and Melanie slid over. 

“Taylor and Isaac said we couldn’t leave them out, so this is technically from them.” 

They had gone in and gotten her another car seat, black with pink accents. It was very nice and would basically last until she was grown, whereas the one Zac had purchased at Christmas was smaller. A card said that they knew about that one, but that 2 was never a bad idea. Melanie had chosen a doorway sing, play mat, and a bunch of toys. Apparently even little babies like them. She also got a stationary play center. The only ones left were Diana and his sisters, which they sat two boxes down. 

“We had it mailed to Ruby’s parents.” 

I started with the smaller of the two and inside found several smaller items that were wrapped, the tags indicated they were from other cousins, aunts, and other family that couldn’t be here today. 

“Some of them are still at the house and we’ll give them to you when you get back.” Diana said. 

“I’m sorry I kind of ruined that.” 

There were outfits, generic bottles, pacifiers, some toys, and more socks and mittens. It was very nice and a lot of little things. There was another nail clipper set which was good. The larger box said it was from Diana, Jessica and Avery. I had Cameron cut the tape because I was getting a bit tired. Once some tissue was moved though I saw the top of a diaper bag, brown with pink handles which was nice. Until the tissue paper was gone and I saw the name Emily stitched into the side. I was positive that Cameron caught on to the disappointed face. But that wasn’t all! Underneath the diaper bag was more clothing items and several of them had the name on it! Her name and the year, her full name which was not something I would ever do! But a majority were just cute dresses, long sleeve stuff, pants. On the right side bottom was a pink blanket with the name just splashed across the middle. 

“The lady said once she was born she would add the birthday and information across the bottom.” Diana said. 

Yeah, she’d be doing a lot more than that. The other side had a large clear bag with another bedding set and I didn’t even need to look to know that Emily was written across the comforter, I could see the M and I through the cover. There was also a very expensive breast pump which I didn’t take out of the box. I wasn’t sure if I was more pissed because she wasn’t listening when I said I had gone with bottles or if I was pissed because she never really confirmed that name and yet here were items I could never use. I was so preoccupied with those thoughts I hadn’t noticed how quiet the room had gotten. Hadn’t noticed how everyone was staring at me. Until I felt Cameron’s hand on my knee. 

“Miranda?” He asked. 

“Huh?” 

“Is there something wrong? You got really still.” 

I had no idea how to answer that question. There wasn’t anything specifically wrong, I just didn’t want to be an asshole to anyone. 

“Do you not like the items?” Avery asked. 

“I do. I just…” 

“I’m sure Emily will love the items and the doctor in town is so excited to meet you. I made a initial appointment the 26 th for that afternoon since the ride back is so long. He’ll obviously need you to request medical records and stuff.” 

“Doctor? Medical records?” Mom asked. 

“Yes, to transfer her things to Tulsa. She has to have a doctor there. I also made one with a lactation nurse she’ll see you Friday morning, I’ll send the information to Zac.” 

I rather swallowed my anger and smiled at Ruby. I needed to move on from this conversation before I ruined the entire day. 

“Is that all?” 

“Yeah, just cake.” 

“I could use some cake.” 

Cameron was smiling beside me and I was sure he thought I’d forgotten or ignored it but I was seething I just didn’t want to ruin this. Ruby had worked hard to make this perfect. We moved and gathered, Hillary had been snapping pictures left and right and I nudged her. 

“Can I get another one of the cake?” 

“Sure.” 

“You should add the banner with her name back.” Jessica said. 

“I have some with that already.” Hillary said. 

The cake was very good and even the pink cake was nice, once the cake was cut and the gifts were set aside there was another hour of talking. I was still trying to decompress when my friends left and when the other three individuals that came with them headed back to the hotel. 

We were sitting at the table, Cameron was texting someone probably Zac or Caleb and Mom was helping Ruby put up things. Mom sat a plate of fruit beside me and I smiled. 

“Thanks.” 

Diana sat down and I was still fighting it. 

“I think you’ll like Dr. Randell. He’s a sweet guy. He’s been with the family a while. The lactation consultant is super nice she worked with Melanie for a bit and most of the family. She’ll answer questions and make sure you’re ready.” 

“I have bottles.” 

“Yeah, but bottles really aren’t that great. They work but breast fed babies are much better off. Eliza was hardly sick because of it.” 

I just nodded and I felt Cameron’s eyes on me. “Panda?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“I can’t wait to see her wrapped in those blankets, little Emily. Aunt Sandy is planning a huge welcome home party for her when she’s born. She’ll obvious need the date which we can’t know until little Emily is born.” 

I felt Cameron’s hand on my knee and I glanced at him, he was ensuring I was okay I knew that touch. 

“Cameron dear, I know you’re a friend but you really shouldn’t be touching her that way. She is engaged to my son and I am sure he wouldn’t approve.” 

He completely ignored her. “Calm down Panda, I don’t want to call Zac.” 

“I’m fine.” 

I could tell it was forced and I was trying to control the trembling in my hands now, big parties? The name? The doctors? Who the hell did she think she was? 

“I was thinking she could get her medical records while here, would save time since she’s so close. I choose the same doctor that delivered most of mine and Eliza.” 

“Diana, I think maybe we should give her a few moments.” Melanie said. 

“Don’t be silly dear. She’s due anytime and needs to be settled. I chose a good doctor that will take good care of her and little Emily Diana Anna.” 

That was it, I couldn’t take it anymore. My hands slightly hurt when I slammed them down on the table. 

“That is not her name!” I nearly yelled it. 

“Don’t be silly Miranda, of course it is.” Diana said. 

I heard Cameron say calm down but that was before I stood up, knocking the chair over in the process. 

“I’m not fucking being silly. Does it fucking look like I am laughing? I am not naming her Emily. I hate that fucking name, I would never call my daughter that. You just said it and went with it like I am suppose to be fine with everything you decide to do! I’m not your daughter and neither is she. This is MY baby and I will name her whatever the fuck I want. It will not be Emily. It will not be Diana. It will not be Anna. That doesn’t even make any fucking sense!” 

I think Jessica and Avery sunk back into the sofa as far as they could. Diana looked shocked and Melanie? I think she wanted to clap but I wasn’t sure. 

“Miranda dear, those items..” 

“Are irrelevant to me! You chose to go with this ridiculous name without ever confirming it with me. Not my problem you had them personalized.” 

“Calm down dear, it’s fine. We’ll have them changed I guess… The doctor won’t mind.” 

“Doctor? No. I will not be in Tulsa when she is born, this has already been discussed and decided between Zachary and I. He knew two weeks ago that she was being delivered right here in Conway. It’s why he’s going home after the appointment, so he can return after Fool’s. As for the lactation doctor, she can fuck off. I’m doing bottles.” 

It really was no one’s business why I chose them. 

“But the benefits of breastfeeding…” 

“Just fucking stop! I’m done! You are not carrying this baby I am. You will not be spending 24/7 caring for her, I will. If you had bothered to even ask me I could have explained in private that I can’t breastfeed. I’m not producing any milk at all and I should be. I know all the benefits and shit but I can’t.” 

I felt Cameron’s hands on my shoulders, could feel the air around my ear as he spoke quietly. 

“Panda, you need to come with me and calm down. It’s not good for you or the baby.” 

“Who the hell is he? He keeps touching you like he’s your boyfriend or something. Clearly you are cheating on Zac already. Are you sure this baby is even his?” Jessica asked. 

My mother stepped in front of me. “Go with Cam honey. Just go.” 

My vision seemed to be seeing just red, but I felt him leading me to the back and I made it to the bedroom door but was I really going to walk away from that? But he didn’t let me stop. 

“I don’t think so, keep walking.” 

“But she…” 

“I know, keep walking.” 

I was shaking badly as he lead me to the bedroom and sat me down. He just stood there in front of me, rubbing my arms and I could hear mom talking but I couldn’t make out the words. Cameron was just rubbing my arms, no words were ever needed. I heard Dad’s voice and then Caleb’s, clearly they were back but I didn’t really hear Zac’s, but he must have known something was wrong because it wasn’t long before he was replacing Cameron. 

“Miranda?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“I yelled at your Mom and I’m pretty sure I cussed too.” 

“You did?” 

I nodded. “She was making doctor’s appointments and talking about medical records and lactation doctors. She also personalized stuff with Emily on it.” 

I saw Cameron slink out of the room and close the door, good it wouldn’t be another potential argument he’d witness. 

“I told her not to make any appointments, maybe I didn’t make it clear enough. Do you not like the name Emily?” 

I looked up at him. “I hate the name Emily. I never agreed to that name or the use of our mother’s names. I didn’t think she would go this far! I just ignored it until people left but she kept on and then she went after Cameron and your sister went as far as to ask me if I was sure this child was yours.” 

He pulled me in closer and I barely felt his lips graze my head. 

“Mom can be overbearing at times and I guess I should have warned you about that, she was with Melanie but she didn’t really mind because her mother has always been kind of off. You are no Melanie.” 

“I just…I know I yelled I just couldn’t take it anymore. Do you like Emily?” 

“I do like the name, but she’s not just mine Miranda. She is ours and if you hate the name, we won’t use it. As for the mother’s names, no, they’re too close sounding to work together.” 

“You’re not mad at me for yelling at your Mom?” 

“No, actually I should be mad at me. I never asked if Emily was a name you had agreed to really, I just assumed and I should have asked. Added, I should have told Mom that you and I had come to an agreement about the delivery location. I did try to tell her not to do personalized items until after the delivery because anything could happen. I told her you opted for bottles, was there a reason why?” 

“She checked to see if I was producing milk and I wasn’t, she said it could change but she didn’t want me to rely on that and be screwed when she got here. I didn’t want people to know that, I felt bad enough that I couldn’t breastfed that I figured others would be like my family and just accept it.” 

“I think you’re mom may have blessed her out as well, she was rather quiet when I came in but it wasn’t hard to see something happened. Are you better now?” 

“I guess. I don’t want to strangle anyone.” 

“Come on, we’ll have a talk with them.” 

I really rather not but I couldn’t hide the entire time. I followed him and it really looked like she expected me to apologize but I wasn’t going to. I wasn’t Melanie and I wasn’t her daughter. 

“Jessica you owe her an apology. It was uncalled for to question her about the paternity of the baby. I know she is mine, I know that no one else could be her father.” 

“You sure about that? He was pretty damn cozy with her Zac.” 

“Yeah, I am sure and I know how they are Jess, he’s like a brother to her and I asked him to be here today so if she got super upset he could calm her down. Which is what he did, he is her best friend like Ruby is and I trust them. Your comments were uncalled for.” 

She glanced at Cameron and then me. “I’m sorry I questioned her father. I shouldn’t have and I should have trusted that you two had that conversation already.” 

“Accepted. Cameron and I are nothing more than friends and we prefer it that way.” 

I was rather expecting him to take his mom’s side, I was sure everyone was. It was, after all, his mother. 

“Jessica isn’t the only one Mom.” 

“I don’t owe her an apology Zachary. She yelled at me and what’s this about her not moving?” 

“Where she is born is totally our decision. I brought it up, we talked about it, and she said she felt more comfortable being here with the doctors she’s been seeing since the beginning. They know her medical history, they know the problems and know what to look for. The ones in town don’t and while they can be provided medical records, it’s not solely based on that. It’s her comfort as well.” 

“So, she just denied you the right to watch her being born?” 

“No. She and I have worked this out. Taylor, Isaac, and I have worked it out as well. I’ll be here in Conway after Fool’s until she is born and until she is able to be brought to Tulsa.” 

“Tulsa?” Cameron asked. 

“I’ll be moving back when I can.” 

He frowned and I was sure no one in my family would be happy about that decision, but they’d have to deal like his family was concerning the delivery. 

“You owe her an apology Mom. You overstepped your boundaries without ever asking if things were settled.” 

“Surely you are naming her Emily.” 

“No. We’re not. She doesn’t like the name and I am not going to make her use this name because you like it. No one stated or implied that it was the final name we chose. Speaking of, Diana Anna as a middle name is just weird.” 

“What about the things we got?” Jessica asked. 

“You can return them, replace them, do whatever. But, Emily is not her name.” 

Avery was being very quiet and she finally looked up. “I agree with Zac. She never really agreed to the name and she never seemed to really like it. I can put those items on a website to sell and replace them, no problem. We can even wait until she’s here to have them personalized in case you change your mind again.” 

Melanie smiled and eventually his mom did apologize, it was still a bit strange and there was a part of me that was so glad they wouldn’t be around all the time. As mean as that sounded, I just couldn’t handle that. The guys got some cake as well and Zac got to see all the items they’d gifted. It narrowed down what we would need really, it really wasn’t much. 

He particularly liked the pack n play because it would be good for being outside. We took the weekend to make a list and he said he could get some things and leave them at the house. We’d chosen furniture and he promised by the time she was here the house would be ready. 

From Miranda's Mom. 

From Cameron. 

From Taylor/Isaac 

  

Outfits from Cameron 

Diaper bag - Only it's given with "Emily" instead of Kate. 


	41. Names?

POV: Zac 

  

January 24, 2011 

Taylor and Isaac had been quite impressed that I’d stood up to our mother, honestly, so had I. I really never expected that I would need to, because she usually knew boundaries when it came to pregnant women but I guess she felt Miranda and I weren’t doing anything right. Her being sick more and more wasn’t helping that but Miranda wasn’t anyone else. She was taking care of herself and the baby was doing very well, which was far more important to us than what my mother thought. 

Speaking of being sick, she had been far sicker yesterday than she had in the previous months, she couldn’t keep anything down and that was causing her numbers to be wonky as hell. The more I saw here, the more I felt she was right. Delivering her here was far better than anywhere else. Caleb had been up when I got up, but he was gone long before I was motivated enough to fix us breakfast. I didn’t bother to even cook eggs, they’d made her ill yesterday. So, lots of fruits and pancakes, I was hoping she’d keep it down. 

Caleb and I both were glad that she had an appointment today, because yesterday was bad. I was hoping to meet the women that had been taking care of her and that would deliver my daughter. That was assuming that Miranda could withstand the ride. I ate in the kitchen because she wasn’t up but when I was sure she was I took her breakfast in bed. I’d get her clothes while she ate. 

Watching and witnessing the changes she went through was different, she was much bigger now and there were times where I saw the baby move, could see her push a foot out and I could feel her a lot better now. It was surreal that I was going to be a father! She started to eat the fruit while I moved to the closet. 

“Did you talk to your mom before they left?” 

She had let the fact go she wouldn’t be in Tulsa, but she then latched onto being in the room when she was born and Miranda had flatly said no. She didn’t want anyone but me and her mom. It wasn’t unrealistic to me because why would she need or want my mother? Likewise, I wouldn’t really want Cameron or Ruby there either. It had caused tension but really, she had to deal with Miranda not being so willing to give in to everything. 

“Yeah, she’s…going to have to deal basically. I know she wants to be there and thinks she has to be in the room but that isn’t her choice Miranda it’s yours. I mean, you’re the one all naked in the room.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want her there at all, just not in the room.” 

“I understand. I’m not sure I’d want anyone if I were you. You want a long sleeve?” 

“Please, it’s chilly today.” 

“Any specific color?” 

“Doesn’t matter, I only have like five.” 

“I know you’ll be happy to have more of your closet back.” 

“I will be. But, I’ll probably still be in maternity stuff for a few weeks at least, the doctor was pretty adamant I won’t want anything else.” 

“You should be comfortable. I was thinking that since you do have so much stuff. What if I rented a car and just drove back? I can take whatever we won’t need for her and whatever you want and that way it’s less to take back at once.” 

She didn’t immediately answer so I turned and she seemed kind of sad. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I saw their faces when I said I was going back. There not saying it, but they’re gonna be disappointed. Like, Mom was looking forward to seeing her all the time and she won’t be able to if I move back.” 

If? If wasn’t a word I wanted to hear, I wanted her and the baby to live with me. I wanted them to be in Tulsa with me so I could help her with anything and provide for them. Added, I wanted to see her grow up. 

“They won’t be cut off Cupcake.” 

“I know that but, it’s a lot of miles between Conway and Tulsa.” 

I moved to the bed and sat down. “Nothing will stop you from coming here Miranda. Conway is your home and I don’t expect you to forget about it when you move. I know your first trip wasn’t that pleasant and I do wish that I’d handled things differently. But, I won’t ever say no to you visiting, or bringing her, or them coming to us.” 

“Not even to Kenneth?” 

“Ya know, I don’t like how he’s treated you and I am hoping he comes around to this idea of being a grandpa. But, no I won’t object to him because he’s your step-dad and he’s married to your Mom.” 

She moved the ring around her finger, I still liked that it fit perfectly and that she hadn’t taken off since I put it on. It really was the perfect engagement ring for her. 

“Would it be bad to get married before she arrives? You asked but you didn’t really say when you wanted to or if you wanted to wait.” 

I really didn’t expect that question. But, it didn’t matter because I pretty much knew the answer. 

“I don’t think it would be bad to do it before hand, but you know that our families are going to want something bigger or more formal.” 

“Yeah, I don’t mind doing that later on when there is more time and we can plan it well. I also don’t want to be nine months pregnant in the wedding. Although, Hillary said the maternity pictures came out very well.” 

We had met Hillary last week before the shower to take maternity pictures, she hadn’t wanted them originally but Hillary managed to talk her into taking them. I think they were perfect and I knew a few that I wanted to print out for our room. 

“Did you have a date in mind?” 

“Not really, I just know it would have to be sometime in the next few weeks. I don’t mind waiting either, I just wondered if it was something we both agreed on.” 

“We can talk about it and if you want to we can choose a day at the end of February. It would help you with the changing of license and stuff too, name and address at the same time.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know if I remember how to drive.” 

We both laughed some and she finished eating and then we both got her ready for the doctor’s appointment. Which included changing shirts because her running to the bathroom didn’t always work as planned. It kind of helped because then she had nothing to come up after for the drive to the doctor’s office. 

Being in the office itself was just surreal and kind of intimidating because so many people were staring at me, granted most were probably aware of who I was. I was really glad that her name wasn’t called, it was just a nod to her and we went back. 

“Good morning Miranda, how are you feeling?” 

“Not that great, I’ve been sick a lot the last week or so.” 

She stepped onto a scale and then off, went into a bathroom and came back, the nurse checked her heart rate, breathing, and even her sugar. 

“Did you try the nausea medication?” 

“I did and it didn’t work.” 

She made some notes and looked at me. “I don’t believe I’ve seen you before.” 

“First time here, I’m, just kind of listening.” 

“Father?” 

“Yes.” I said. 

Father. It was surreal to hear that because I really never thought I’d be in this position to be a father. They lead us to a room and she asked for help to strip basically. 

“What are you doing?” 

“She said she wanted to do a quick exam to make sure things are fine. Requires me to be naked from waist down.” 

“Oh..” 

My seat was at the head of the bed thankfully and when she came in she was bright, cheery and just happy. 

“Alright now you’ve been doing very well, what changed?” 

“No idea. I was traveling and I know the plane ride killed that quick I was sick the whole time coming home but we drove the last time. But I’ve been sick days and weeks after.” 

“Well, your sugar is lower than it should be, but not bad. Is there anything you have kept down?” 

“I haven’t ventured out much but fruit is iffy, vegetables are iffy. Eggs are a no.” 

“Yeah, eggs are usually a no at times. Are your number staying up? You aren’t needing to do any kind of tablets all the time?” 

“I have had to take a few, but not like every day.” 

She reviewed the numbers on the chart she’d brought in and then did a quick exam, including another milk test which failed. I’m not sure she realized I was in the room until I sneezed! Then she was staring at me. 

“Zac Hanson, how did I miss you? Why are you here?” 

“Dr. Barron he’s the baby’s father. He hasn’t been able to make it to appointments but he wanted to attend at least one.” 

“Well, he’ll probably see more depending. I want you to start coming in weekly.” 

“Weekly? I thought it was every two?” 

“Ordinarily, yes. But, I don’t like that you can’t keep food down and your sugar numbers are all over the place. I want to make sure you are healthy.” 

“I can attend those late in February.” I said. 

“Good, you’re due date is March tenth, so I want you in every week until either she comes on her own or we nudge her.” 

“Nudge her?” I asked. 

“In the event we need to induce labor, basically in case your daughter decided she rather likes the comfy space she’s in..” 

“She better not.” 

She sat up and the doctor’s expression turned serious. 

“I know you really were wanting to breastfeed, you have asked several times. But, the lack of anything makes me believe that you won’t be able to breastfeed. We’ve tried twice and your results were zero. Have they swollen?” 

“A little, not majorly.” 

“You can consult a lactation specialist, they may know some tricks. But, my recommendation is to use formula. It’s not perfect but this way you know she’ll get the nutrients she needs. I don’t want to risk you potentially starving her. Do you understand?” 

“Yes. We got bottles for the baby shower and I guess I was prepared for that news.” 

Yet, she said she was but I was certain that maybe she had wanted to breastfeed, but that was a blow to her that I couldn’t heal. My mother’s antics had probably made it worse. But, I’d definitely tell her to back off now, because the doctor was pretty serious. 

“Okay, otherwise you look good. The mucus plus is still intact but you could lose that anytime now. We’ll do a check each time to make sure you aren’t dilating. Keep checking your numbers, bring them each week and if they start being very low consistently call me.” 

“Okay.” 

“You’re all done. No blood work this week.” 

“Thankfully.” 

She smiled and stepped out, allowing me to help her re-dress and she made the appointment for next week and called Cameron, he would bring her until I was back. She just seemed down though. 

“You wanted to breastfeed, didn’t you?” 

She nodded. “After your mom mentioned it I did the research on my own and the benefits were better, but I looked up when I should begin and the numbers were all over the place. A few weeks, a few months. I asked and she checked, nothing. I just can’t.” 

I got her hand. “It’s okay Miranda. It could be anything and the next few weeks may change, she’s not certain. Perhaps the lactation consultant would help.” 

“Naa, I can’t handle more appointments honestly. I just want to get to March tenth. Then I can feel normal.” 

“You’ll make it.” 

“Are you sure Taylor and Isaac are okay with you being here that long?” 

“Yes. We’ve been writing the member’s songs already and we’ll record them during my time out. Once here if I have to, I can schedule studio time nearby. We’re not really doing many songs this year.” 

“I feel bad that’ll you’ll be here when you should be there.” 

“Don’t feel bad Miranda, here is where I need to be. I know you hate bringing it up but let’s face it, if I hadn’t been such an asshole to you before, it wouldn’t be necessary. I am the reason that I have to be here. I was the one that was stupid.” 

“No guarantee I would have stayed Zac.” 

“No, but I think if you’d had that support from me that you really needed in August, you would still be there. Taylor and Isaac know how important it is to be here and they, especially Ike, understand that here is where I need to be. They’re preparing stuff for us now and as soon as I am back we’re going to do long hours to make sure things get done. Even here I can do things design wise.” 

“And the rest of your family? They’re not as accepting.” 

“But they’re not banned from being here or seeing her. Come on Miranda, you can’t worry about that. Are they disappointed? Yes. But, if you were in Tulsa wouldn’t your parents and family come out? Would they want to be there? Would they have the freedom to come stay four or five weeks?” 

“They would want to but they probably couldn’t stay that long, Caleb especially.” 

“Inevitably, someone was going to be disappointed and they cannot blame you. Your family wouldn’t blame me if you were in Tulsa. Besides, I get the feeling even if you were in Tulsa, you’d still tell her no to being in that room.” 

“I would have.” 

“Don’t worry about that, worry about you and her. Do you feel like doing anything else today?” 

“I keep thinking ice cream but I am sure it’ll make me sick.” 

“We can try it.” 

“Ice cream sounds nice.” 

I drove us to the local shop she loved, even if it was out of the way. She ordered a small one and we sat down near the windows to see the river. 

“So…I shot down Emily pretty hard. Do you have any ideas?” She asked. 

“Not really sure I’ve thought about it, I kind of thought Emily was it. Although, I guess that’s my bad too because I should have asked.” 

“Did you want to use any names in your family?” 

“If I had to choose a name, probably Ruth. It’s my grandmother’s name, she passed away.” 

“My Dad’s mom was named Ruth. She was my favorite grandmother, but don’t tell my Mom’s mom.” 

“Are your grandparents alive?” 

“No. My mom’s parents died before I was a teen and Dad’s father passed when I was twenty, Granny was a year later.” 

“Mine are gone too. Well, since we both have a grandmother named Ruth, we could use that.” 

“Yeah, I don’t like it for a first name though.” 

“Did you want her to have my last name?” 

It was a stupid question, but given how wrong I was about Emily maybe safer to ask! 

“Of course she’ll have your last name. If we do get married beforehand then she’ll have it either way.” 

“True. I never truly had a name for a girl, I guess I always thought I’d have boys first. Did you have any names you liked?” 

“Brianna and Bianca, I always wanted twins.” 

I giggled. “You are having just one, right?” 

“Yes, just one.” 

“I think Ruth would go very well with Bianca.” 

“Do you like Bianca though? It’s not a super common name. I think I got it from a sitcom actually.” 

“Bianca Ruth Hanson, it has a flow. She’ll probably be little cupcake to me either way.” 

“And if she doesn’t smell like vanilla cupcakes?” 

“She’s part of you, she’ll always be little cupcake, even if she smells like something else.” 

“Did we just settle on a name?” 

“I think we did. Although, perhaps we should keep it contained for a few weeks and let us both think on it.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

She finished her ice cream and we headed home, thankfully the ice cream stayed down! She napped in the living room while I video conferences the guys and worked some on writing. 

“How is she?” Taylor asked. 

“Sick, tired, ready for March.” 

“You know…fourteenth is when she’s coming right?” 

“Sorry Taylor, I think if Miranda has anything to do with it, tenth.” 

“No, no. She knows Uncle Tay needs a companion, so she’ll come the fourteenth.” 

“You can think that.” 

“So, Mom said she was coming out the first Saturday of the month and staying all month. Her and Dad found a small rental place for the month. Jessica and Avery are coming too, so you’ll have plenty of help.” 

“What about you two? Melanie and Ruby?” 

“We understand she doesn’t want a ton of people. We’ll come out the first weekend after she’s born or that weekend she is. If she goes on a weekend or close we can come out. But, Ruby can’t just get off. She has warned them she may need a weekend.” 

“You guys sure?” 

“Yes. What? You need big brothers there?” Ike asked. 

“Well, maybe? You have experience here Ike. I don’t.” 

“You’ve been around Eliza Zac, just picture Eliza only when she cries you can’t bring her to me because you are dad.” 

“Gee, thanks.” 

“Any idea on a name? Since she shot Emily down hard.” 

“We have one in mind, but we want to sleep on it a bit and make sure. Added, it may change when she’s born.” 

“Yeah, Eliza wasn’t Eliza before we saw her. So, I understand.” 

“I think we have determined we want to use Ruth, she has a grandmother with the same name. But, it’s not set in stone.” 

“It’ll be a good name. Okay, so, we’re going to get some more stuff done here. You should get her dinner ready soon.” 

“Okay, I’ll be home Thursday. I might be driving, I asked about bringing some things out with me that she won’t need. But, she hasn’t said yay or nay.” 

“Okay, if you do let us know when you arrive and we’ll come help unload.” 

“Okay. Have a good afternoon.” 

We said our byes and closed it out, I then went to see what I could fix. I found chicken and I decided that I’d bake it and maybe the less grease will help her. I was putting it on the pan when she got up and came around. 

“I think it’s a good idea if you did take things back. I have a lot of things at Mom’s that I could let you take back for me. Things I didn’t bring the first time because I wanted to be settled. What’s here isn’t packed, but it can be.” 

“I don’t have to Miranda. I know it’s a big change.” 

“I know, but I think you are right there. Added, I won’t need some of the things she got here either. It does need to go there and be put together. We didn’t get a basinet though, she doesn’t have anything to sleep in here.” 

“I’m sure I can find her something. She won’t have to always be held then. Do you feel okay?” 

“I’m okay, just tired still.” 

“I’m going to see if baked chicken will help you, anything you want to try with it?” 

“Didn’t Caleb get red potatoes?” 

“Yes.” 

“Can you cut them and bake them too?” 

“Sure.” 

She moved back to the chair and I finished dinner for everyone, including Mariah who was coming over. But Caleb checked on her the moment he got settled, making sure she wasn’t getting a cold. We then had dinner at the table and she did keep it down which was good. We settled in after dinner and went to bed early. 


	42. Flowers and Candy

POV: Zac 

  

February 14, 2011 

Whirlwind two and a half weeks. But the member’s songs were recorded and they’d just need final overlays which I did as much as possible while I was at home. But, this trip to Conway was pretty much the next two to three months, so if I had to do any recording I’d have to go to a studio. We were hoping to avoid but we wouldn’t know for a few weeks. Cameron had picked me up from the airport and he hadn’t seemed thrilled, I found out why. 

Miranda wasn’t as well as she had been telling me, in fact she was sick as hell and there was nothing anyone could really do. She was mending a bit, but she was still feeling pretty much like shit so all the plans I had for today I had to cancel. She didn’t want to go anywhere, not that I could blame her. So, I was trying to think of what I could do to make today special to her without the need of leaving the house. 

It only took asking Cameron for help. She had a doctor’s appointment at nine so, while I took her to the appointment I had him do some shopping for me. I may regret it because I had given him my personal credit card and he seemed overly happy about that. But, I’d also given him a list of specific things I wanted to get. Her present I had already, but now I needed more. When we got back to the house at 10:30 she sat in the chair and before he arrived she was asleep. He’d gotten everything I’d asked for and then some. Which, he said the other items she had needed but hadn’t gotten. I didn’t care really. 

He didn’t hang around and while she was asleep I prepared. The first was cutting the long stem roses and putting them in the new vase, a dozen red and a dozen white. I arranged them in the vase and then quietly sat it beside the chair on the table, clear where she wouldn’t knock them off. I sat the box of chocolate covered strawberries in front along with the card which I had already. 

I then set about preparing lunch, going kind of light since she wasn’t feeling well. I then waited until she woke up around one. 

“We’re you staring at me?” She asked. 

“I was, yes. It’s not often I get to watch you sleep.” 

She stretched and turned and paused and then started crying. 

“Cupcake that’s not the reaction I was going for.” 

She wiped her eyes off. “It’s not bad tears, Zachary. I’ve never gotten flowers for Valentines and I didn’t expect anything today.” 

“I couldn’t not get anything.” 

“It’s not fair that I couldn’t get you anything though.” 

I moved so I could kiss her forehead. “All I want you to do is get better. So come Thursday we can do what we planned and not have problems.” 

She smiled at me and I wiped away the tears. “I’ll make sure you get flowers every year.” 

I laid the box from beside the chair in her lap and she just signed. “You didn’t have to get anything.” 

“Are you kidding me? Maybe not next year but you deserve something this year for being so miserable.” 

She opened the box and giggled at the pinkness of what I had gotten. Slippers for the hospital, solid pink and super soft. Pink socks that were fuzzy and warm. I’d gotten a longer pink and white striped gown, something a little looser and I had gotten a pant suit with a sleeved shirt incase she didn’t want the gown. 

“I thought you hated pink.” 

“I’m not crazy about it but pink goes well with your hair color. Besides, you deserve pink for when you’re at the hospital or lounging at home.” 

“No pink bra and underwear?” 

“I didn’t know if you’d want any actually, nor do I know the best kind.” 

“You cooked too.” 

“I did. Are you hungry?” 

“Starving.” 

I moved the boxes and roses and we had lunch at the table. Once we were done she went to the bedroom for something, maybe different house shoes. But when she came back she laid a box down in front of me. Neatly wrapped with white paper with red hearts and a bright red ribbon. 

“I thought…” I started 

She just smiled. “I couldn’t go to the store so I had to order online. Poor delivery man had to wait 10 minutes on me to answer the door.” 

“You really didn’t have to.” 

“Are you kidding? I knew you’d get something. I didn’t think you’d get flowers and candy and then stuff. But, I expected something.” 

I unwrapped the box and there was red tissue paper but under that was a brown photo frame and inside the frame was a photo of her. I had seen every maternity photo Hillary took, this one was not there. She was kneeling on a porch with a bunch of white flowers behind her, but she was completely naked. The way the sun filtered through the flowers and struck her and that hair made it beyond gorgeous.” 

“Uh…clearly this is a bedroom photo…but I don’t remember this area or this photo.” 

Granted the key areas were covered, it was still nude! 

“Well, I didn’t know what to get really. She came over to show me some of the edits for the other set and I mentioned it. She said you asked about less clothes and kept hinting at wanting one where you could see the baby bump. I didn’t take any during our set and she took them at her father’s farm before I got too bad.” 

“I love it. It’s perfect. But, you keep saying she took them, this is one photo.” 

“Perhaps, you should move that frame then.” 

I laid it carefully on the table and underneath were more photos from the same shoot. Leaning against the rail, there were some that really were nude. 

“Why didn’t you frame this one?” 

“Because even though that one will be in our bedroom, it doesn’t mean that others won’t see into the room or at some point be in there. That one, is to be kept completely private. Hillary doesn’t even have a digital copy.” 

“There all perfect. You must have included these so others can see them?” 

There were several where the breasts were completely covered by a off-white piece of tulle or lace and where the same piece was covering the bottom area too. 

“Your mom asked me if I got any and so did mine, so those are for them or anyone else that wanted to see baby belly.” 

I laid them aside and sitting on the very bottom was a black wooden frame with ‘I heart Daddy” across the bottom. There were blank spots on each side and in the center was a sonogram photo of her face. 

“The footprints go on each side, it’s her gift to you. Once she is here then you can add her photo to the middle or one of you and her.” 

“I figured this was from her given the words.” 

“I do love them all, you didn’t have to do the whole thing though. I know you haven’t felt well.” 

“Hillary did the driving and made sure I felt fine. We weren’t there long. I also chose a few of just neck down and covered for her to use in her portfolio and one of the covered ones.” 

“You know that our fans will find them, right?” 

“I know, I’ve actually found some pictures from Tulsa and the baby shower on websites. Apparently, your cousin posted several to a public sight. But there wasn’t many and the others were publically taken.” 

“I’ve seen a few also. Do you feel any better?” 

“Eh, I’m getting back in my chair. I don’t want to risk a relapse.” 

I repacked the items and put the items up, while she laid back and got comfortable. 

“We’re you able to find something to wear Thursday?” 

“I looked online and hated everything. So, Cameron was here that day and he said for me not to worry. He’d find something. I don’t know where he got it, or how much he paid but it fit very well and very appropriate.” 

“He said he had a shirt for me, I’m afraid.” 

“Hey, you told him to plan it because you wouldn’t be here and I’ve been sick.” 

“I know, just hoping it’s not neon green or something.” 

She giggled. “I think he went non-neon.” 

“I hope so.” 

“We do have to go tomorrow for the license, it’s the one thing he couldn’t do.” 

“We will.” 

She yawned so I let the conversation die out, so she’d sleep. While she slept I cleaned up and finished any plans that needed to be done. 

I had my fears about Cameron, but over the last few months and weeks he’s proven that their relationship really were more like brother and sister than anything. They joked and carried on just like I did with my siblings. Being around them and seeing how much he did love her, but how his love was more platonic than romantic had greatly helped me. He was being such a big help when I couldn’t be here. 

She napped, I cleaned and that afternoon Caleb fixed taco’s. It was a good day! 

**February 17, 2011**

I was glad that Caleb went to work like normal and I got to fix her breakfast and help her get showered and ready. She was drying off in the bathroom when I heard Cameron’s voice.

“Panda? Zac?” 

I poked my head out of the door. “We’re here, she’s getting dried off.”

“Good, I have her outfit ready. I presume I can’t do traditional so I’ll hand it to you.”

“Yeah, she’ll probably need help.” 

He brought a bag over and handed it to me, before he went to the kitchen. I knew she’d chosen something pink, she’d warned me before that since this wasn’t a traditional wedding ceremony, she wasn’t going to wear white. The only other person besides Cameron that even knew was Hillary and she would be taking pictures. I undid the zipper and inside was a soft pink dress. 

“I told him pink.” 

The dress was super nice and once she had it on it was even better, the top had a darker pink band that tied just above the belly, little lace sleeves and down the back side was a tulle accent and it had roses sewn into the bottom in various shades of pink, the front was just long enough to not drag the ground but the tulle roses would.

“I agree, I think it’s perfect.”

She smiled and finished getting her hair fixed before choosing to recline in the chair to rest. I am sure Cameron and I both got a few pictures. I knew that I was wearing black pants and he handed me the shirt which was pink but it was checkered, pink and white. It wasn’t overly bad and I was sure when the pictures were showed someone would nag but I’d given her free reign over this one. 

“Where are we doing this?” Cameron asked.

“I think here.” 

“Hillary’s father’s place, on the porch. Same place I had the other set taken. I have directions.” 

Cameron had worn black pants as well but a solid white shirt. I was nervous. This wasn’t a formal wedding, there would be no guests and there would be no huge family. But, it couldn’t stop her from leaving, it couldn’t stop her from walking away. Everything seemed to be going well and she was feeling good and not being overly sick, but I was so nervous.

Cameron got up about 11 and fixed lunch, we’d be going over after that, I was full of nervous energy! She got up and paused in front of me.

“I need to move around a bit, while he fixes lunch walk with me.” 

I knew it wasn’t odd for her to walk around the yard a bit, she couldn’t sit all the time. So I got up and followed her out the back door, she had gathered the back up so it didn’t drag the ground but while it was chilly it wasn’t super cold. 

She moved down near the lake, slowly and I kind of admired her little waddle, I wouldn’t voice that though. She paused and got my hands.

“You’ve been twitchy and moving a lot, are you okay?” 

“I am.” 

“Zachary, you know I’m not walking away. I’m not leaving with Cameron, I’m not going to run away. We don’t have to do this if you’d rather wait.” 

“I..” I sighed. “I don’t want to cancel anything or wait, I just can’t shake the nerves. Can’t shake what she did.” 

She moved my hands around her waist, putting us as close as possible considering the belly was in the way.

“I’m not her. I love you and I want to be with you. I can’t say that we’ll make it five years or ten, I can’t promise that I’ll love Tulsa as much as you do. But, what I can promise is that if I didn’t love you, if I didn’t want to be with you, then I wouldn’t have said yes. I wouldn’t have asked about doing this before she’s born.” 

I kissed her forehead. “As much as I did wrong, why are you so willing to forgive me? To be so amazing?”

She kissed me. “Because you took the time to explain why and to give me a reason for the actions. I can’t really know how she made you feel but I got the feeling she hurt you very much. I don’t plan to do that at all, if anything I want to heal you of what she did.” 

I kissed her back. “You already have.”

We headed back for lunch and then after that Cameron drove us to the little farm. Hillary was waiting with the justice of the peace and she got some photos beforehand and then during the actual ceremony part. Cameron was serving as our witness and so was Hillary, but I don’t think they existed to me. All I was focused on was the beautiful red head, the girl that stole my heart 1100 miles away. The one that, despite everything I had done to her, despite the heartache and pain I caused, was standing here saying she would love me forever, that she would be there no matter what. I couldn’t ask for a better wife and I was sure that she’d be a wonderful mom.

I was kind of amazed that the actual process of saying I do and being legally married, didn’t take long. Four to five minutes tops! The justice of the peace signed the papers and said we could pick up the papers in a few days. I did wonder how our parents would feel, because we hadn’t told anyone. Not even Ruby knew. But, we’d agreed that this would be the simplest way to achieve this and wouldn’t exclude anyone.

Hillary took an assortment of pictures and Cameron even got some of her with us. She came back to the house to download her images to Miranda’s laptop.

“Are you allowing me to post any?” 

She looked at me. “Uh, you can but wait until we’ve told our families.” 

She blinked. “You didn’t tell your parents?”

Miranda shook her head. “Only the four of us and the person performing it knew. We agreed to do something bigger once she’s here and we’ve had time to plan. I didn’t want his family to feel left out nor did I want mine. So, you and Cameron were it.” 

“I feel special. Well, just e-mail me the ones you’re okay with me using once everyone has been told.” 

She was reviewing them with Miranda when I noticed Miranda’s facial expression wasn’t happy or good.

“Baby are you okay?” 

“I think I overdone it a bit, side and back are hurting quite a bit.”

“Want to lay down?” I asked.

She shook her head. “It’ll ease up in a minute. I’ll move to my chair.” 

“You’ll have to move me first.” Cameron said.

She giggled. “You’ll move or I’ll break your hand. You chose.” 

“Dang Zac, you made her violent and shit.” 

“Sorry.”

When Hillary left she did move and Cameron moved too, avoiding the broken hand she threatened him with. It didn’t take long before she was out cold, but the added ring to her finger was nice.

“You going to wear that band all the time?” Cameron asked.

“Yes. I’ve never drummed with a ring on though, but she said if it was uncomfortable she would find something. Hers however..” 

“I love hers, the fact that her engagement ring fits within the wedding band is amazing. You did good.” 

“Thank you for helping us. It’s really meant a lot and it’s let me work without worrying about her so much.” 

He smiled. “Anything to make her happy. But, Zac, I don’t ever want her to call me crying because you did something stupid again.”

I looked at him. “She does, you have my permission to do whatever the hell you want to me. I’d have to be stupid to do that again.” 

“Glad you see it my way.”

He stayed for dinner that night and Caleb didn’t really notice at first, he came home and got himself comfortable and it was while we were sitting down at the table eating that he paused.

“Miranda, when did you add to your engagement ring?” 

“Today.” 

“Why?” 

“We got married today, he’ll go tomorrow and get the official papers and stuff. Don’t freak out though, we will do another larger wedding for the whole family. I just didn’t want to cause anymore issues.” 

He blinked. “You got married without anyone there?” 

“I asked Cameron to be there because well, someone had to plan it really. We did super simple and I have pictures for everyone to see. Going to tell our parents this weekend and he’ll tell his. I didn’t want anyone to feel like we picked and chose and we wanted today. It won the random drawing.” 

“I’m not mad or upset, Mom might be but really. I’m glad you did.”

“I’m going to wait to change my name though, because I need to move first.” 

“Good plan.” 

My band was a simple silver band, nothing special but he had to see it anyway and after dinner he asked to see the pictures which she showed him. But even then she said her back was hurting some and I volunteered for the back massage. As much as I kind of wanted her naked, we’d agreed that waiting was best. I could totally deal with waiting. 

 

Miranda's wedding dress & The shirt Cam chose for Zac. 


	43. Welcome Little One

POV: Miranda & Zac

  

March 1, 2011 

Our families were upset about the quick wedding but once they were assured they were getting the formal wedding later they were pretty much okay. I had gone to the doctor yesterday and she said I was getting ready, the plug was gone and she declared I was at one. Which wasn’t a major concern considering she was due in nine days. But the last few days I’d been experiencing the major sickness again, I really couldn’t keep anything down but crackers and ginger ale. It was worrying Caleb and Mom but Zac was here and he was being a great husband so far. 

Zac’s parents were flying out this weekend and they would be staying until she was born and for at least a week after that. I wasn’t too thrilled with so many people being here just for this but I wouldn’t stop them because it was his parents. 

Yet, sleep had alluded me last night because my back and sides were hurting so much that neither the bed or the recliner was comfortable. I’d alternated between them all night and I think I cat napped when I could find a comfortable spot. Zac had fixed breakfast and I’d tried to eat the fruit and pancakes but I couldn’t keep it down. So, I opted to lay down but the longer the morning went the worse it got. I was trying to ignore it, she wasn’t due for another nine days and the doctor said one was no concern. Her guess for the pain was Braxton’s, which hurt like a fuck. 

But these were worse and while I could normally handle some pain these were just bad. 

“Hey Miranda do you…What’s wrong?” 

Zac had gone from happy to very concerned in two seconds it seemed like, I might have cared but he was blurry from the tears and I wasn’t even sure how long I’d been laying curled up. I felt his hand on my arm. 

“Miranda? Baby what’s wrong?” 

“The Braxton’s are just really bad, she did say they could be but damn.” 

I felt the bed shift a bit and then his hands were rubbing the exact places that were hurting. Which seemed to really help. I was able to calm down and even nap for a bit. When I got up I moved off the bed because it was causing my sides and hips to hurt and he tried food again. Something lighter, but it didn’t really stay down either. But I had half a pack of crackers and another glass of ginger ale. When he checked my numbers though he was concerned, so he did one of the tablets. 

“You’re numbers are running low and they seem to be getting worse.” 

“I feel okay, minus the pain.” 

He relented for the moment but all I could really do was rest and try to keep anything down. I did fall asleep here, once the pain seemed to lessen. 

**-Zac-**

Her number was low and while after the glucose tablet it was up I knew it wouldn’t last. When she fell asleep I called Caleb’s number, when he didn’t answer I tried her mom, when she failed to answer I called her dad. He answered. 

“Hey Zac, what’s up?” 

“I’m worried about her.” 

“You’ve been worried about her for weeks Zac.” 

He had a point! I couldn’t fault him for that. 

“She’s been really sick and she hasn’t kept anything but crackers and ginger ale down. She’s complaining that the Braxton’s are super bad and they kept her up all night. Her number’s keep getting lower despite everything else.” 

“When was the last time you checked it?” 

“An hour ago, before she fell asleep. It was in the 60’s, but that was after the tablet. Before that it was high 50’s. Looking at her numbers they are dropping slowly but steadily.” 

He was quiet for a few minutes, maybe thinking. 

“I know you said she’s asleep, are you sure she’s just asleep?” 

“Yes, her breathing is even and she’s moving about some.” 

“Let her sleep, but check the numbers again when she wakes up. If they’re lower than say 55, then take her on to the hospital. If nothing else just tell her you are worried and if she refuses to go, text me and I will come and make her go.” 

“Okay.” I said. 

I hung up and she slept until 4:55 before she woke up and I could tell it was because of pain. Just the facial expression and placement of her hands on her sides. I was beginning to question if these really were Braxton’s. 

“Miranda, I think we need to go to the hospital.” 

“It’s just Braxton’s Zac.” 

I checked her sugar again and it was 54. It was lower than the earlier time and under what her father said. 

“You’re sugar is too low and it keeps dropping, little at a time but it’s dropping Miranda. You need to go in even if it’s just for them to stabilize your sugar numbers. Do you really want to pass out now?” 

“And if they just decide to keep me for the next nine days? You going to crash at the hospital?” 

“Yes, I’ll stay there for nine days if they keep you. I would rather you be safe than it become an emergency and with them getting lower you are bound to reach that point sometime.” 

She pouted at me but I held steady, she didn’t want to go because she was worried about them keeping her but I’d much rather she be there than here at the house. 

“Would it make you feel better if I go?” 

“Yes. I’ll feel better if you go and at least let them check you out.” I said. 

“Fine. I’ll go.” 

I started to get the bag but odds are they’d stabilize her and then send her home so I just got her in the car and headed to the hospital. I went to the Emergency Room but they moved her to labor and delivery after she mentioned the pain and when I explained the numbers. The nurses here had two priorities, bring her numbers up and monitor the pain. Both of which were in progress within thirty minutes. 

The numbers they handled with a shot and then trying to get her to eat something, which didn’t stay down. The pain they strapped this large monitor around her, it was good that we got to hear her heartbeat as well. They’d even had her change into a gown. None of them were saying anything was wrong or that a problem was occurring, so I didn’t contact anyone. I did, however, send her a dad a message to say she came without much fuss. 

We had settled on Bianca Ruth, we just hadn’t really told anyone yet. But, it was nice to hear her heart beating and know she was doing well. She had been settled and was just waiting when Dr. Barron walked in at 6:48. 

“I didn’t think you would be here.” Miranda said. 

“The nurses called me, I had your name flagged because of the sugar problems and I wanted to be sure if you came in on your own I would be called.” 

“Oh..” 

She did another sugar test and I was sure that Miranda was sick of her fingers being poked, but Dr. Barron’s usual happy face was not so happy right now. Given her expression I got up and moved closer to Miranda, sitting on the side of the bed. 

“You’re sugar number is back in the 50’s and it’s lower than what it was when you came in. They gave you enough in that last shot that it should be higher than this, it shouldn’t be this low.” 

“I don’t know why it’s not coming up, maybe it’s because I can’t eat anything?” 

“Maybe. But, you are in Active labor. These are much too strong to be Braxton’s. I can’t really give you anything to eat because if you do need surgery you could become sick.” 

“But you just said…” Miranda paused for several moments. “What exactly are you trying to say Whitney?” 

“I can push glucose in an IV and see if it helps, it may because of the direct method. However, you will have to stay in the hospital to make sure they stay up. I can do that first and see if that helps.” 

“And if it doesn’t?” I asked. 

“Then I recommend a cesarean.” 

“I want a natural delivery, we discussed this and you said that was possible.” 

“It can be if the number comes up and stays in a safe range under the IV. Miranda I know you want this to be natural but if they can’t stabilize your glucose levels then you can get too low and you could pass out and go into a coma. I am going to try the IV, if it works we can push pitocin and get you along faster. But, if we can’t then my professional recommendation is to go ahead and do a cesarean.” 

“So, the IV can work? If it does then I can go natural?” 

“Yes.” 

Miranda agreed to that method and Dr. Barron got the IV started and began the bag of saline with glucose. She was going to give her an hour because this was a direct method and if it didn’t bring the numbers up she feared nothing would. She left the room at 7:20 and Miranda just looked sad. 

“Miranda?” I asked. 

“I can’t breast feed her like I wanted to. Now, I can’t even deliver her the right way? I don’t want to do some cesarean.” 

I kissed her forehead. “The IV could work, if not then remember what is most important and that is delivering her safely. We can’t have you passing out while she’s being born honey. That could be very bad for you both. The goal is to deliver her safely, no matter how.” 

“I know that Zachary, I just wanted natural.” 

“I know. We’ll hope the IV works.” 

“You know, either way, we need to tell people. She’ll be back in an hour and I think if it’s not better she’s doing surgery tonight.” 

“It wouldn’t matter for my side, there’s no way they can get here unless you do natural, they have a small chance. But, I have your phone so why don’t you call your family and I’ll step out and call mine. I need to go get something at the cafeteria so I don’t pass out.” 

“Yeah, you should. I can’t have you passing out too.” 

I was disappointed that my family may not be here, but there wasn’t anything I could do. I left her to call her parents and I went down to the cafeteria and got something, figuring I didn’t want to be rude and eat up there so I called my Mom while I ate. I had called her this morning already. 

“Hey Zachary, I didn’t expect another call today.” 

“We’re at the hospital.” 

“Is everything okay? You didn’t indicate labor this morning. Just that she was uncomfortable.” 

“Her sugar levels weren’t coming up, they kept going down no matter what. She’s been sick the last few days and I asked her father earlier and he said to come here as a precaution.” 

“Ok, so why are you calling me then?” 

“Her numbers didn’t come up, so her doctor is trying an IV solution with glucose to see if she can the numbers stabilized. However, she is in active labor the monitors are indicating it. So, either way she is here to stay.” 

“Okay, if the IV doesn’t work though, what are they going to do? Just keep her and monitor it?” 

“If the doctor comes back and her sugar isn’t any better, she’s having a cesarean. I would presume given the concern that would take place tonight or early in the morning.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I came down to grab dinner. I need to not pass out myself.” 

“Good plan, we will start looking for flights and come on out. Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“I am, I’m just scared something will happen with her or the baby.” 

“She’ll be fine Zac, she’s where she needs to be and it sounds like they’re taking care of it. I’ll text when we get to the airport, keep me informed.” 

“I will.” 

I hung up with Mom and called Isaac and Taylor to let them know before I headed back to the room. There was a doctor there talking to her about an epidural and apparently I came back just in time. 

“Why this now?” 

“It will help with the labor pains and if she proceeds with natural now is the best time.” 

I really didn’t like the idea but when she asked me I let her use me to lean on while they gave it to her. A direct line to the back, ouch. He was barely gone a few minutes before Cameron came into the room. 

“Damn Cam, did you fly?” 

“I told you I wasn’t far.” 

“Mom, Dad, Kenneth and Caleb are on their way. Caleb is going to bring the bags from the house and the cameras. He had just gotten home.” 

“Mom and Dad are trying for an earlier flight, I presume Taylor and Isaac will be waiting until the weekend.” 

“I’m sorry they couldn’t be here, hopefully it’ll be natural and they’ll have time.” 

“They might.” 

What was supposed to be simply an hour was more like an hour and a half, it was 8:35 when she came in. She was quiet as she checked the sugar again and she frowned. 

“It’s not working is it?” I asked. 

“The IV has been on high for over an hour and she’s still in the high 50’s, it’s not responding and that could mean there’s something else going on.” 

“So..you’re recommending the surgery? When?” 

“I am, I can’t force you to do it. But, if your numbers get too low you could pass out, go into a coma. At that point we’ll have to do something and it’ll be an emergency situation. I would rather avoid that. Surgery would be 9:45, I have the room for that time and it was incase.” 

“You mean…like..9:45 tonight?” She asked. 

She nodded. “It would be tonight.” 

“Miranda, I think you should listen to the doctor.” Her mom said. 

“And we agree.” Caleb said. 

She really didn’t want a caesarian, but she asked for a few moments and asked the three family members. They were all adamant that emergency situations were dangerous, things could happen, and if there was a problem she maybe in the NICU or worse. It was enough to get her to sign the paper. 9:45 was now an hour away. 

“Mom, are you going to be there?” 

“Yes. We can both be there with you.” 

She was pretty much ready, but her mom and I had to change. Her mom went first and phenomenally fast but it was taking me time. The scrubs were a bit tight, the hair net was weird feeling, and it was just taking time. By the time I got the damn scrubs on and was ready they were waiting on me, so I didn’t get to contact anyone but I did tell Cameron to call Ruby and have her tell them. 

Her mom and I had to wait about ten minutes in the hallway while they got her prepped and stable. 

“You’re shaking.” 

“Yeah, nerves and scared.” 

“I know you want your mom here, I can’t be her but Zachary they’re going to be fine. This is routine for Dr. Barron and certainly not her first. Miranda and the baby will be fine, little less than an hour and you get to hold her and see her.” 

“I think that’s what I’m terrified about.” 

She smiled but they called us back, sat me down right next to her head and told me not to move. Her mother however had the camera and was apparently filming this! 

“Mom!” Miranda said. 

“You are covered my dear, besides his mom may want to see this.” 

“She may not want to show her.” I said. 

“Either way, I’ll video tape and then get pictures too. If you don’t want anyone else to see, then that’s up to you.” 

Miranda was scared and afraid too, but as terrified as I was I kept telling her things would be fine. I leaned back once confused by a sound and found they were sucking away blood and that was the last time I leaned back, instead I kept reassuring her. I was pretty sure when she nearly came off the table they’d done something and a few moments later the room was filled with the sounds of a baby crying. Someone said 10:13, I presume that was the time of her birth. 

I could hear her but it wasn’t until the nurse came around and handed me the blanket wrapped infant that was clearly pissed off and still had remnants of blood that it hit me. Miranda couldn’t move so I moved her as close as I could. She was every bit her mother, down to the slight red hair that was already fairly long. I was sure her mother got plenty of images. I wiped Miranda’s face off and kissed her. 

“She’s perfect.” 

When the nurses got ready to take her to the nursery so they could finish getting Miranda stitched up her mom sent me with the camera to the nursery, saying she would remain with her. She let me carry her to the nursery where they started making sure she was healthy. She had a good set of lungs for sure, but after being poked and prodded they let me feed her a little bit, which seemed to help. 

“You take your mom’s looks but my appetite?” 

“She’s perfect. Her numbers are good despite Mom’s, her breathing is good and her color is good. We’re waiting for the blood work but I think it’ll be good.” 

My daughter was perfect. She had weighed nine pounds and two ounces, was 19 inches long and she was perfect. 

They had her laying under the warmers now, just a diaper and she was kind of drowsy looking. But she had calmed down and was just laying there. 

“Happy Birthday Cupcake.” 

“Mr. Hanson, you’re wife is in the recovery room, she’ll be there at least another hour.” 

“Okay.” 

Bianca was clean, she’d been fed, so I got a few photos of her where she was quiet and not screaming and then went to check on Miranda. Her mom was sitting beside the bed, Miranda was laying piled under blankets. 

“Where is she?” She asked. 

“They have her warming up under a heat lamp, pretty sure you both are loving the blankets. She’s perfect, how are you?” 

“Sore, tired, waiting for the medicine to kick in. I want to see her.” 

“You will honey, once you’re back in the room you can have all the time you want.” Her mom said. 

She was getting drowsy though and it wasn’t long before her eyes closed. 

“They gave her some pain medication and it’s kicking in. She can’t be alone with the baby for 24-hours, morphine and she may drop her. But, I doubt you’re going anywhere.” 

“I’m not. So, aside from the three of us does anyone else know?” 

“I texted everyone about ten minutes ago, let them know the baby was here and that Miranda was in recovery. Cameron said he wouldn’t tell Ruby, so you can tell your parents first. They haven’t seen pictures because I don’t have any on my phone.” 

“I have a few, I can text them.” 

“Let them fret. But, I’m going to give you two some time and let them know in person baby is fine.” 

“Bianca, we settled on Bianca Ruth. Unless Miranda changes her mind when she sees her.” 

She smiled. “I’ll let them know.” 

She left the room and I checked my phone, finding that Mom and Dad were almost to the airport, the message had come from Dad’s and it was ten minutes ago so I called him, getting an answer on the second ring. 

“We’re headed to the airport, how is Miranda?” 

“She’s doing well and so is your granddaughter. She was born at 10:13 and she’s perfect. They have her warming up now and Miranda is groggy in recovery. They had to do the cesarean.” 

“You’re kidding?” 

“No. Her numbers didn’t go up, when they came back she was scheduled already and I had to scrub and change, I can text you a photo or you can wait.” 

“Are you kidding me? Send the photo to your mother.” 

While he was on the phone I texted the best one to Mom and waited, could hear her crying over the phone. 

“Does she have red hair?” 

“Yes, she does. It’s almost identical to Miranda’s.” 

“She’s gorgeous and we can’t wait to meet her. We’re almost at the airport. We will get landed and settled but we’ll come up tomorrow. I know Miranda is probably tired and you both need some bonding time.” 

“They’ll move her back to the room soon, but she’s on heavy medication right now and looks like they doubled her IV’s.” 

“Okay. If anything happens let us know, otherwise, we’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Okay.” 

We hung up and they moved Miranda about 20 after midnight, the room was cleared until she was moved and settled and then they got to come back. 

“No offense Panda, I don’t want to see you.” 

“Stuff it.” She said. 

“I’ll go get her, but I’m betting that you don’t get first dibs.” 

“I’m pretty sure I don’t.” 

I went down to the nursery and they let me in. They had her in a little bassinet now, wrapped in a white blanket and with a pink hat on. 

“Is Mama ready to see her?” 

“Yes. She’s been moved and refuses sleep until she gets to see her.” 

She smiled. “She’s ready, she’ll need to be fed again about one. We’re starting her on Gerber Good Start and there are plenty of diapers and wipes and bottles and nipples in the little drawer.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Stay away from the doors, she has an ankle monitor and if you get close it trips the security.” 

I’d never heard of that so she walked me down to the room, showing me what doors to avoid. Miranda couldn’t sit up but I found no one in the room. 

“Did you kick them out?” 

“No. They went to McDonalds, and they will be bringing you something back. They also wanted to give me time to see her. So, right here.” 

I was a little nervous moving her but I laid her down beside Miranda where she indicated and of course she had to unwrap her completely to make sure she was good. 

“She looks big.” 

“Nine pounds and two ounces.” 

“No wonder my back hurt.” 

She was still laying beside Miranda when she started to get fussy, so I fixed the bottle for her and after some maneuvering Miranda got to feed her. I got a few photos but I did have to do the burp deal since Miranda couldn’t sit up really. Once she was burped I laid her back down. 

“You can hold her.” 

“I know, but I got to see her a lot more in the nursery.” 

I got the camera and she was viewing the photos when they returned, but they were quiet because Bianca was asleep right beside her. 

“Already got her spoiled, Jesus Panda.” 

“Don’t make me disown you.” 

He smiled but her Mom came over first and then her dad, each seeing her. 

“Where is Kenneth?” 

“He’s right outside.” 

“He’s not coming in to see her?” she asked. 

“Not tonight, he knows you both are super tired.” 

Miranda snorted, clearly not believing that. But they each held her and got to see her well before they headed home about three. How either of us was awake was beyond me. But I fed Bianca at three and then laid her down in the bassinet when she was back asleep. Miranda had fallen asleep. Mom and Dad sent a message about ten minutes later saying they were settled and for me to contact them when we were awake. 


	44. What if...?

POV: Miranda

  

March 2, 2011 

I really wasn’t used to having a baby for sure, she woke me up at five and Zac had to get up too because I couldn’t reach the bottles or anything. Added, she needed a clean diaper and I couldn’t do that yet. I didn’t like that I had to have someone here for the next 24 hours just to make sure I don’t drop her! But, it was fine. The five am feeding had been an adventure and the morning nurse was nice until about nine, they took her from the room to be checked and the doctor checked me. I was mildly shocked that they removed the catheter and had me move. 

“I’m not sure, but I think I’d rather have the contractions.” 

“It’ll ease up, I promise. Small movements, take it slow. Bathroom and back for the moment.” 

I was rather glad to be back in bed and able to sit up, no headaches. 

“How do you feel overall?” 

“Tired, drained.” 

“All normal. They approved you for a liquid diet for now, but we’re going to also do some glucose through your IV. The number’s been stable but we want it to come up.” 

I nodded, envied Zac who was still sound asleep on the sofa thing. But, he’d been up as long as I had and I knew he was worn out. So, if he slept now, I could later. They kept to the word and my tray of liquid beef broth, tea, and a sugary apple juice were brought in right after she left. It wasn’t the burger I wanted, but it did taste good. They brought her back at 11 and she was already chewing on the blanket so I had the nurse fix the bottle right quick. 

She reminded me of Zac, despite his insistence that she was an exact copy of me. She had his eyes for starters and not my bright blues, hers were deep brown and they reminded me of his. She also had his nose and while her hair was definitely all me, it wasn’t as dark as mine. 

“Knock knock.” 

I looked up as Mom came in followed by Kenneth who was quiet. 

“Morning, Zac hasn’t woken up yet.” 

“Not a problem, I don’t need the couch. Is she eating well?” 

“She is, about every two hours.” 

She smiled and sat down at the foot of the bed. Bianca kept eating until she was done then got burped and I laid her down. 

“Can I get a diaper, wipes, and something from the diaper bag? They said I could change her.” 

Kenneth was standing nearby kind of watching, almost like he was afraid to be near her. But Mom sprung into action and got the items for me and even volunteered to but I needed to. 

The diaper went smooth, I didn’t even get peed on and considering it was a poop diaper as well, I was glad I managed that well. The changing of clothes though, not so well. I was terrified to ‘make’ her move, her screaming bloody murder is what woke Zac up. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

“I nailed the diaper but the clothes aren’t going so well.” 

“Morning.” Mom said. 

“Morning, I didn’t expect anyone.” 

“It’s fine.” 

He got himself sitting up and kind of awake and I finally got the one piece suit on her and zipped up. Mom assisted in the wrapping up and then I held her until she was calmer before Mom got her. When Kenneth kind of denied holding her I looked at him, he wasn’t seriously still pissed? He really hadn’t talked to me since they found out. But after an hour Mom got him to sit down and she handed her to him. I heard Zac’s phone ring and he got it but I was focused on him. He held her close and for several minutes he didn’t really look at her, but she made some kind of cooing like sound and it caught his attention. When he looked down he rather stared and then he cried and I was confused. 

“Kenneth?” I asked. 

He composed himself for a few moments, even Zac had stopped talking and was confused. 

“I never got to really hold my boys at this age. Being in the military I wasn’t home when they were born. But, really, I’m sorry for what I said to you. You aren’t a whore and you never have been, if anything you are the most responsible girl I’ve ever seen. I think I was just trying to protect you when what you needed more was support. She’s gorgeous Miranda and while I know you may never let me see her again, I want to.” 

“I would never stop you Kenneth. I do wish you’d been there more in the form of support instead of judgment.” 

“I think I need to do a lot of self-analyzing. I’m sorry about what I said and I’m glad that you two worked things out and have decided to raise her together.” 

I smiled at him and they didn’t stay long, Zac took the one feeding and at 1:45 there was a soft knock before his parents walked in. He hadn’t told them her name yet, I couldn’t believe he hadn’t mentioned it when it was such a contention and such a issue before. 

“You look so alert!” 

“Trying not to take a lot of pain medication, but I did just take some so I may not be alert much longer.” 

“Understandable. How are you feeling overall?” 

“Pretty good, they’re still giving me glucose and I’m waiting for lunch before a nap.” 

She didn’t ignore me which was good, but after small talk she just looked at Zac and he got up. 

“Your granddaughter in person.” 

I rolled my eyes. “They cannot call her granddaughter Zac, be nice and tell them her name.” 

“You’ve chosen a name?” 

“Bianca Ruth Hanson. Ruth is Miranda’s grandmother also, so it was fitting that we use it. We both agree she is a Bianca.” 

“I think it’s perfect.” 

She got to hold her for a bit followed by Walker and they talked. Thankfully they didn’t complain about anything and after the broth I was given, they had to step out so the nurses could check me and change the padding on the bed. Zac held her in the corner. After I was resettled they came back in but the medication kicked in and I dozed off. 

When I woke up Cameron was sitting in the room, holding her. But I didn’t see Zac anywhere. 

“He went to get food, apparently you’ve been starving him.” 

“Yeah, I have kind of.” 

“I can’t find a cute little nickname for her.” 

“You could give her mine.” 

“No, you will always be Panda.” 

“Let’s not call her cub even though that’s what baby pandas are called.” 

“No, but Zac called her cupcake earlier.” 

“Does she smell like cupcakes?” 

“Not to me.” 

“He’s a little weird anyway.” 

“You know I never really wanted kids, the whole diapers and bottles and shit were never my thing. But, maybe it’s not so bad.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “You told me you wanted kids.” 

“Do you ever forget anything? I told you that when we dated.” 

“Women’s prerogative, remember everything so we can use it later.” 

“I think I did then, but then I tapered off. Look at you all settled with a husband and now a baby.” 

“A house…” 

“A house?” 

I nodded. “He bought us a house in Tulsa, three bedroom single floor. With room to expand. He showed me back in January and I just…I don’t know that I can go Cam.” 

“What do you mean Panda?” 

“You saw how his Mom was Cam. What do I do if she thinks I’m Melanie? Ruby told me how she was with her and Eliza. I don’t mind advice, I don’t mind suggestions, but I can’t always piss her off by ignoring her. It’s like her name. I won’t be around anyone Cam.” 

“Ruby is there and she’s dying for the weekend to get here.” 

“Ruby also has a job and new friends and no baby. You realize I can’t party now? I can’t just drop what I’m doing and go to the bar with her. I can’t bring Bianca to a bar and Zac’s not going to just be fine keeping her every weekend so I can party. Nor am I going to ask anyone in his family, I can imagine the lecture I’d get.” 

“You married him Miranda, have you mentioned any of this to him?” 

“He bought a house Cam, I’m sure his expectation is for me to be there. He did take stuff back also.” 

“But you don’t want to?” 

I considered it. “I do, but I’m afraid that without you or my family that she’ll just…take over.” 

“What is your daughter’s name?” 

“Bianca Ruth, you know that.” 

“It’s not Emily?” 

“No. And if you ever call her Emily I will strangle you.” 

“I think you’ll do just fine around her. You just have to remember that Bianca belongs to you and Zac and the only people that have a say in how she’s raised is the two of you. Either of you can ask for guidance but the final choice is yours. Don’t be afraid to tell her that Panda. You are not Melanie. You are Miranda Sage." 

“I’m still going to miss everyone.” 

He just smiled and when she started getting cranky he handed her over. 

“It’s just a bottle Cam.” 

“Oh no, Uncle Cam doesn’t do crying.” 

He did have to help and she was eating when Zac came back in. 

“Mom and Dad are on their way back.” 

“Has Caleb or Dad been by?” 

“Caleb is coming after his shift and your dad came by but will be back. Did your nap help?” 

“Totally.” 

I noticed she had a different outfit on, I had put a pretty pink one on earlier and this one was white. 

“Did you change her?” 

“Mom did, she said the pink clashed with her hair.” 

“Was the outfit dirty?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

I looked at Cam and I was sure he understood the I told you so face. She wasn’t even a full day old yet and she was trying to dictate what she wore. But, I didn’t want to keep changing her, so I’d let it slide but that won’t slide for long. After her two solid ounces she gave me a good burp before I got to just kind of admire. 

“I’m going to head on to work, god I hate that place sometimes.” 

He actually gave Zac a side hug before he came over to us, he kissed her forehead and then looked at me. 

“You remember who her mother is, she only has one Panda.” 

He then left the room, I was sure Zac didn’t hear a word he said. It was about ten minutes later when they returned and Caleb came in right behind them. 

“Sorry to bombard you. They let me go a few minutes early.” 

Zac’s Mom and Dad had gone to his side but Caleb came for his niece. 

“Shouldn’t you lay her down a bit? She’s been held all day.” Diana said. 

Caleb flatly ignored her as he took her from me and sat down on the bed, clearly he didn’t care how long she’d been held. 

“She just ate, so be warned.” 

“She won’t do that to Uncle Caleb.” 

I heard Diana clear her throat and I glanced over. “Did you need something?” 

“I didn’t know if you heard me.” 

“I heard you.” 

Zac glanced up and I think he may have sensed something was up but he didn’t say anything, that could become a big problem. Despite his standing up to her before, it doesn’t mean he will all the time. 

“I just think that…” 

“I heard you the first time, I don’t need you to repeat yourself. She is fine where she is, right Zac?” 

“Yeah, she was laid down a while after you left.” 

Was she mad? Sure. Did I care right now? No. Instead I focused on my brother and his first niece. He changed her diaper when he needed to and then did lay her down in the bassinet. 

“I can’t believe she took your hair, not your eyes but your hair.” 

“It’s the most distinctive feature. Everyone notices the hair.” 

“It may not stay red.” Diana said. 

“It may not, but I hope it does.” Zac said. 

The nurse came in about 6:40 with my dinner tray which was actual food, I was kind of shocked. Then again, their invasive have you passed gas question was irritating, I was rather glad when I could say yes and shut them up. The plate probably could have tasted better but I passed the lime jello to Caleb and I swear Diana wanted to say something but Zac asked her something. 

“She’ll be awake soon, are you staying?” 

“No. I need to get home and clean up actually. I presume you’re coming there?” 

“She’ll be going to Tulsa.” Diana stated. 

Caleb raised an eyebrow. “Is that wise Miranda?” 

“She’s coming to your house Caleb, Mom she can’t come to Tulsa right away. It’s going to be at least a few weeks if not more. I mean…she just had major surgery.” 

“In that case, I need to clean up and make sure the house is good. Is there anything I need to put together or set up for her?” 

“No.” 

“Okay. I think Whitney said you’d be here a few days.” 

“Until Friday at least, pending they can stabilize my numbers.” 

“Okay, let me know Thursday if the formula is remaining the same, she’s done well I presume.” 

“She has, I’ll let you know.” 

He smiled and I got a forehead kiss and a hug and then he left. She did wake up right about 7:10 wanting her bottle which Walker took. He had just burped her when the nurse came in and she smiled. 

“I’m going to have to ask everyone to leave for a few.” 

Zac clearly wasn’t leaving but he had to stop his Dad. “She can’t go out of the room Dad.” 

“I should know that.” 

He handed her to Zac and Diana scolded but they left. The nurse was here to move me around and check everything. 

“Feel like walking?” 

“Define walking…how far?” 

“End of the hall and back?” 

“I can have Mom and Dad sit with her and I can go with you.” 

“That’s possible the nurse is going to change the bed and all too. Have you gotten to put on anything?” 

“No. I kind of want a shower.” 

“You can’t do that for a couple more hours, but we can help with the underwear thing.” 

Her solution? Mesh underwear that was kind of uncomfortable but required. She retied the many places that were loose so I wasn’t mooning anyone, she then let Zac lead as she was done with me and I was to crawl back into bed afterwards. 

We were half-way down the hallway, long ass hallway at least to me. But I made it down and back, and of course Bianca was laying in the bassinet when we got back and there were blankets rolled up around her. I was honestly glad when visiting hours were over and they left, but ten minutes after they left my dad showed up. 

“I expected you sooner.” 

“I was about to come in earlier and his mom said too many people could upset Bianca.” 

“Bianca is your granddaughter and I don’t care what anyone says, you can see her anytime you want. You didn’t have to leave.” 

“I know but they weren’t here last night either Miranda. Besides, they’re not staying the next several weeks so I don’t mind.” 

“She’s about to wake up for another bottle.” Zac said. 

“Perfect timing.” 

Dad with a baby was always nice and she seemed to like him, even better. 

“Has she been rather quiet?” 

“For the most part, she pitched a fit when I changed her outfit earlier. I clearly need to improve on that.” 

“You’ll get the hang of it.” 

“I hope so and soon.” 

He asked how I was, how the incision was, how my numbers were doing ,which were much better. Asked about where we’d be for a few weeks and that was Caleb’s, because everything was there. He left about ten, she had slept peacefully in his arms after her bottle. 

Zac set up his bed and got it fixed for the night. 

“Ruby hasn’t texted me today.” 

“She did me earlier, said she was going to call you tomorrow for sure. She’s had a lot of meetings today and she didn’t know when she could. She’s seen her photo and she’s trying to get Friday off so they can fly out then instead of Saturday.” 

“She’ll bribe them, I’m sure.” 

“You go ahead and get some sleep. You’ve slept less than me and it’s not fair. You should be resting more.” 

“Are you sure? You need sleep too.” 

He smiled. “I’m sure. I’ll feed her at eleven and do you think the nursery can take her for the night?” 

“They will, but we won’t have them when we go home.” 

“I know, but you look very tired and I know I am. This way we can both catch up before going home and not sleeping at all!” 

“Makes total sense to me.” 

He smiled and I tried to get comfortable, I so wanted a fucking shower though. I knew it would be in the morning and maybe I’d get lucky and no one would be here at the crack of dawn. I was settled when she whined and he got her, getting the bottle fixed before picking her up. With the lights down low he just looked so serene, the slight hair in his face, the perfect lighting and I couldn’t resist the picture. It didn’t take long to fall asleep after that. 

 


	45. Going Home

POV: Zac

  

March 4, 2011 

It was a little after seven, Miranda was asleep in the bed and I was feeding our daughter her morning breakfast. The formula was perfect, she barely spit up and usually it was if she over ate, which wasn’t often. Her hair was still red her eyes still a warm brown and she had a set of lungs when she was pissed. 

The doctors were satisfied with Bianca’s health, she was passing everything and she was doing very well. Miranda’s surgery incision was looking good, no excessive swelling or redness and she was up moving around. But, her numbers were still fairly low but not critically. They were confident about sending them home today and I was glad. Everyone agreed to stay away today except Cameron and only because he was driving us to Caleb’s. But, he wouldn’t be up until she was sure she was going home. 

When she finished her two ounces I got her burped well and laid her down. I then began to gather our things and pack them back up, people had brought gifts to her as well so we had some extra things to take home. Hillary had come up yesterday afternoon and gotten several amazing newborn photos so we had the ‘hospital’ type because they didn’t do them anymore at the hospital. I had everything of mine and Bianca’s packed but her take home outfit. 

Her take home suit had been picked out by Miranda. It was a white onesie with little flowers in the center with Adorable written in pink and under it the words ‘love to smile’. It was paired with a pink and white jacket with a hood and a pair of pink pants. I’d found her some pink socks that looked like they had black shoes. I loved the outfit. 

She moved about eight and before long she was blinking. 

“What time is it?” 

“A little after eight, you slept really well.” 

“I think too well. Did she wake up at all?” 

“Yes Cupcake, she woke up every two hours like clockworth.” 

“You could have woken me up.” 

“Naa, assuming they let you go home then I know Cameron will be there a while. I’ll nap. Besides, she’s been really good.” 

“Why did you change shirts?” 

“My three am diaper change wasn’t that great, I didn’t get it quite tight enough and we fell asleep in the chair. I woke up to a wet shirt. I just put her in a onesie because the room is so warm but added a blanket.” 

“I told you she would get you eventually, it’s why you shouldn’t have laughed at me.” 

“I know, I know!” 

“You’re packed up, you ready to get out of here?” 

“I am! I want a real bed.” 

“I can totally relate to that, this one isn’t that good.” 

The nurse came and got Bianca just after her next bottle, it was a final check on her and Dr. Barron came in just after that. 

“How’re you feeling?” 

“Tired, sore.” 

“Expected. Is the soreness worse or about the same?” 

“Little better actually, I think the walking has helped.” 

“It will. But, don’t overdo it. The nurse took a blood sample before breakfast, it was a little low but not bad. I’m going to do another one now and if it’s good, we’ll approve you to be released. You did eat breakfast right?” 

“Yeah, haven’t been long finished actually.” 

“Perfect, I wanted about an hour. Basic care instructions apply, keep the wound clean and dry. The staples will come out about a week from now, however, if one should pop out then go ahead and have Caleb remove it and use a strip. He’ll know. If you start running a fever above 100 call me, if it’s over 101 go to the ER or visit me if you can. Over 102, emergency room. No heavy lifting, no running, no jogging, no crunches, no sex. You are not to lift anything heavier than your baby. I’d prefer you not include the car seat, but if required you can. Nothing above that though.” 

“Okay.” 

“Rest, sleep when she does. Take care of you.” 

“What about traveling?” She asked. 

“Don’t worry about it Miranda, we’ll stay as long as you need.” 

She looked at me and blinked, I knew why she was asking. Our original plan was two weeks and then we’d go home, but given we were planning that as a natural delivery it wasn’t realistic now. 

“Well, travel is okay but not far. I’d rather you see me in two weeks. If you’re doing well then and your sugar is fine then we can evaluate.” She said. 

Miranda nodded and the doctor got the blood sample, they had removed the main part of the IV yesterday, leaving the little port so they could draw blood if needed. She then left the room to run the sample. 

“I thought we were going back in two weeks.” 

I sat down on the bed. “I know that was the original plan but let’s be real, we weren’t expecting the surgery aspect. You really shouldn’t be riding that far after surgery. The bumping can hurt, the seatbelt can be a problem and god forbid a wreck occur the seatbelt could really hurt you. I can’t guarantee that a wreck won’t occur. I know we said two weeks, but I spoke to Taylor and Isaac and they agree with me. I would rather wait until you are better. Added, Bianca may not do well on that long of a ride right now either.” 

She really looked stunned. “But, doesn’t that affect your timeline for the EP?” 

“By two weeks, we weren’t expecting her until the tenth or later. So, I’d planned two weeks after that, end of March that’s a month from now. If at a month you feel like you can do it, we can. But, otherwise two extra weeks won’t hurt. I’ve made a lot of progress with things, and there isn’t much vocally to do. They are bringing files and they want to hit up a place Monday for some studio time. Ruby got off until Wednesday.” 

“Nice. It would be good to have Ruby around. She’s FaceTimed and video chatted with Bianca but claims it’s not the same.” 

“Yeah, Mom will be around too and I’m sure Cameron and your family.” 

She nodded but I sensed some tension between her and Mom. It was pretty damn tense when they were both in the same room and there had been many times where Miranda really had ignored my mom’s advice completely. Didn’t even acknowledge it. Which of course made the tension worse in my opinion. The mentioning of my mom being there hadn’t really made her seem pleased. I was about to ask when my mother came into the room. 

“Morning.” 

“Morning..” Miranda said. 

Yep, she didn’t seem pleased that my mom was here and honestly, I wasn’t either because we’d told everyone not to come up today because we’d be heading home. We didn’t need everyone here. 

“Where is Bianca?” 

“The nursery has her, they are doing a final health check. It determines if she’s released.” 

“What about you Miranda?” 

“They’re waiting on the sugar number but when they’re done everyone’s going to have to leave. I need to kind of change clothes at least.” 

“Don’t be silly, we can step out. It shouldn’t take you that long to get changed. Besides you’ll need a driver.” 

“We have one already.” 

“Someone older honey, use to driving around little ones.” 

“Her car seat is in his car already, so he’ll have to come up and it’s arranged that he’ll be staying at the house for today as well. So Zac can get some sleep as well. Honestly, I don’t need another driver and I’ll be fine.” 

Mom started to say something but Dad’s hands paused her when they landed on her shoulder. 

“It’s fine Diana. I am sure Cameron will be fine and really, if it’s arranged then it’s fine.” 

Mom didn’t seem to agree but I really didn’t see Miranda skipping because we had both promised Cameron. 

“Taylor and Isaac should be here shortly as well, surely they are coming over?” 

“Yes, Ruby’s parents have two rooms so there staying with them. Once they’re settled they’ll come to Caleb’s. I’m not sure exactly when though, I know we don’t want the house to be crammed.” 

“Are your parents going to be there also?” 

“No. Cameron will be there with us.” 

“Will give me time to clean.” She said. 

Yep, I saw that look Miranda gave her and it wasn’t pleasant. 

“Mom, you won’t need to clean. Caleb and Mariah have already done that. I mean, I’d like some time with just us, we haven’t really had that since she was born. I know Cameron and he’ll stay so I can nap, but then I’d like a few hours at least. Besides I think Taylor and Isaac and their spouses deserve some time without everyone else there. All of you have seen her, held her, fed her, changed her and they haven’t even seen her in person.” 

Miranda did seem to be a little shocked but I really had a point. Everyone here had spent time with her, yet they hadn’t even been able to see her and I didn’t want everyone there when they were. 

“I think we were taking Eliza for a few hours so they don’t have her.” Dad said. 

I was kind of glad when the doctor came in and she kicked everyone out, because she wanted to check the incision. Which she cleared her in how it looked, but she did have to remove one staple, because it was coming loose. 

“I’m going to release you. You’re number is in the 80’s, check it twice a day until you see me again. Keep a record of them.” 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. Bianca is being seen right now, from what I could tell she was doing very well.” 

“Thank you.” 

I stepped out with the doctor to stop my parents, because she needed to change clothes and I knew she didn’t want them. I was going to leave Bianca in the nursery until we were both ready. I had sent a lot of stuff home with Caleb yesterday though, thankfully. 

They were determined to stay so I just had them wait. She had brought maternity pants which were perfect, they were loose around her abdomen and not real tight. She had a button up shirt and I’d helped with the bra because she couldn’t reach around. I refused to let her put the shoes on herself, so I did that too. 

“Don’t get me used to this pampering, I will be so disappointed when you stop.” 

“You deserve it. But yeah, don’t get too used to it.” 

The nurse came in at noon with the papers. 

“She spit up just a bit at the last feeding, so we put a generic shirt on her. Um, nothing wrong I think it was because we’d gotten blood sample and it just upset her. She’s perfect, no complications and doing very well.” 

“It’s fine, she’ll be changed in a moment. I hope the suit fits.” 

She smiled and headed out. Mom and Dad came back in but we left Bianca in the nursery for the moment, the papers weren’t even signed yet. Cameron was also on his way and when he arrived, we both took the bags down. 

“Cam, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” 

“Has Miranda said anything about not liking my mom?” 

“No. Why?” 

“She just seems irritated with her.” 

He put the bag in the trunk and looked at me. “She hasn’t said anything about not liking her, but she has mentioned being worried about her wanting to like take over things.” 

“Yeah, I’ve spoken with my Mom about that.” 

“I don’t think it’s working. Zac I was here when you said no one should be here today. They didn’t listen. I think maybe you need to really have a talk. Miranda is not Melanie and she’s not going to put up with it.” 

“I guess I will have to.” 

We headed back up and Miranda had her feeding her. There were papers laying beside her and I smiled. 

“Am I to assume we are clear to leave?” 

“Yes. Everything has been signed. They said to just call when we’re ready, I figured I’d get her fed and then changed. Everything in the car?” 

“Everything but you and the baby.” Cameron said. 

I sat down on the foot of the bed to wait. 

“Where is the car seat?” 

“In the car.” She said. 

“You have to have it up here to leave, I am sure.” 

“Our car seat is a three in one. It doesn’t detach and Cameron made sure a nurse checked to make sure it was in properly. I’ll strap her in once I am there.” 

She started to argue and I looked at Mom. “The doctor already knows, it’s fine.” 

Miranda finally pulled the bottle away, little over two ounces were gone. She got her to burp for her easily and then laid her down. She was about to ask but Cameron laid down a diaper and some wipes. 

“I figured she might need to be changed. So I left one and some wipes.” 

“Thank you.” 

She left the little t-shirt on while she changed the dirty diaper that nearly took my breath away. She was about to reach for the suit we had when my mom kind of came up and started to get her but Miranda stopped her. 

“What are you doing? I need to get her dressed so we can go.” 

“Yes, I have a suit laid out already. Pretty little white one.” 

“I’m sorry, she’s not wearing it. We have one right here for her to wear home.” 

“That is sleeved Miranda, she needs long sleeves, it’s cold outside in case you didn’t know.” 

“I do know and it has a jacket. She will wear what we chose home.” 

“Dear, you need to listen to me. This is cold weather and she’s little. She needs warm suits right now. I’ll just put this on her so you can get ready.” 

Again, Mom went to pick her up and again Miranda put her hand on Bianca’s chest. 

“She is my daughter. She will wear what I have picked out. If you don’t like it, then I don’t care.” 

Mom looked at me and well, as much I knew that disagreeing was pretty bad Miranda was my wife and I was now living with her. 

“We do have a suit picked out and she’ll be warm. Cameron can go heat the car up as well. Which you can go now it won’t take too long.” 

He nodded and left and Mom just stood there like she wasn’t backing down but Miranda ignored her and began to change her into the outfit we had. Bianca was not crazy about having her clothes changed, so she whined and then fussed until she had her changed. I got several photos of her before we called the nurse and they came to get us. I presume Mom was waiting for them to tell us we had to have the car seat but they got Miranda settled in the wheelchair and then I handed her Bianca. My mother was clearly pissed off but I followed Miranda and the nurse and let Cameron know. The nurse held us inside until Cameron was sitting there and then wheeled us out. 

The nurse helped her and Bianca and once inside she got her in the car seat and I did a few minor adjustments. Sensing that Miranda was really near the edge of some unseen cliff I told Mom and Dad I’d call them later, that we were going home and settling down a bit. Added, Taylor and the others needed to have some alone time with Bianca. She wasn’t thrilled but they left and went back to the rental and Cameron took us to Caleb’s. We got her and Bianca inside first and then Cam and I unloaded the car. 

“You want to lay down? I’ll sit with her for a bit.” 

“I think I can crash on the sofa for a bit.” 

“Nonsense, go lay down.” Miranda said. 

“I’ll be fine.” 

“I need to get something from the car, I’ll be back.” Cameron said and then kind of ran. 

“Did you irritate him?” She asked. 

“No, I think he understood the reason why I wanted to stay.” 

“Which is?” 

“I’m sensing major tension between you and my Mom.” 

“You didn’t seem to care either way. I mean, you haven’t done much to stop her from trying to be mom instead of grandmom. I know she’s older Zac, I know she has five kids. But, Bianca is not hers. I don’t need her to tell me what is best for her every day. She’s done that every day since she was born. Hold her higher, don’t do that, she doesn’t need to be held all day, she needs to be in the bassinet, she changed her out of outfits I put on her. She tried to put her in some outfit that we didn’t choose because she felt it wasn’t warm enough.” 

“She’s trying to be helpful, Bianca is our first Miranda.” 

“Yeah, there’s also a line between being helpful and telling me what to do. Suggesting I hold her higher is being helpful, flat out telling me to move is not being helpful. I don’t want to be a bitch to her Zachary, but she has to accept that she is her grandmother and not her mother. I’m sorry but if she’s going to be this way every single day and question every single decision either of us makes, then I’m staying here in Conway. I’m not going to deal with that.” 

“Miranda, isn’t that a bit extreme?” 

“No. Because I need support Zac, not a dictator. I need to know if I tell your mother not to give her sugar or candy all the time that she’s going to listen to me. Otherwise, we’re not going to get along well. I need someone who does like Cameron, I’m here if you need me but I’m going to listen. I’m not Melanie. She may have let your mom do whatever she wanted or followed everything she said to a T, but that’s not me. She either learns who Bianca’s mother and father are, or I can raise her here with visits there.” 

I wanted to say how unfair that was to me, because if she stayed here then I’d never see Bianca and she was my daughter! But, at the same time I understood her point of view, Mom really had basically taken over Melanie’s life when she had Eliza. 

“I’ll talk to her and see if I can get her to back off.” 

“There is no see if you can Zac, if you don’t want to point blank tell her then I will.” 

“Would you tell your mom?” 

“Yep. Because again, she is my mother and I will listen to advice, but I’m not going to accept her point blank telling me. Unless there is a very good reason.” 

“I’ll talk to her. You want me to get Cameron now?” 

“Yeah, you need to lay down and get some rest. Even if it’s a few hours. Ruby is going to text me when they head this way I’ll wake you up.” 

I nodded and got Cameron, then went to the bedroom. Caleb had gotten diapers, wipes and a container of formula already. So I laid down and was out cold within moments. 

 

Bianca Ruth's Take Home Outfit 


	46. We're her Parents

POV: Miranda

  

March 4 – Continued 

I absolutely hated giving him such an ultimatum, considering Bianca was his daughter and he deserved to see her as much as anyone else did if not more. By staying here I would really limit the amount of time he got to spend with her. Assuming I really could stay, I had a feeling that if I did declare it the look of pain on his face would be enough to convince me to go. 

However, I couldn’t put myself in another situation where I feel like I can’t do things. I’d hated coming home in August, but reality was I had no choice at that time. Financially and emotionally I was at the end and the only choice was here. I couldn’t be unhappy and on edge like I had been for four days. Diana had been relentless at the hospital, always telling me what to do with my daughter, what she had to wear, where she needed to sleep. I wanted to hold my newborn, love her and cuddle and all Diana wanted was for her to be in some sterile bed. Zac hadn’t said anything to her at all, had ignored my stares and silent pleas, that couldn’t continue. I was positive she would be here hovering over me if he hadn’t basically made them go to their current place. I also knew he would actually lay down knowing that Cameron was here just in case I needed help. 

“You know you still look confused and upset Panda.” 

“I really don’t think that him talking to her will do a lot of good. I feel like she will just assume it’s me and ignore him.” 

“Panda, I think you’re just going to have to be firm and stand your ground. If it upsets her then so be it.” 

“I don’t want to cause problems Cameron. They’re going to be busy with recording and getting the Hanson Day plans ready. Therefore, I may need the help and if I piss them off now, they won’t be there.” 

“Honey, you need the help yes. But, you don’t need someone to tell you how to dress her, what to put on her, and how to raise her all the time. Explain it to her, you know you need help sometimes, but if you do you’ll ask.” 

“If I had been able to do natural I wouldn’t be needing the help.” 

He smiled. “Panda, you are fully capable of taking care of both you and her, you’ve done so well at the hospital.” 

“Yeah, I had nurses there too.” 

“You don’t need a nurse, you’re her mother.” 

My phone buzzed on the arm and I picked it up, we were expecting Ruby to message when they headed this way. But the message she sent, wasn’t what I expected. 

**_o.O I have no idea what you said to Diana, but holy fuck! She called both Isaac and Taylor and after they both lost color (hard for Tay there!) they both said they’d wait to come see Bianca._ **

_Uh – what did she tell them?_

Several moments passed without any word, before the phone buzzed. 

**_I had to drag the information from Tay. She told them you needed to rest and learn how much help you may need (wtf?). Taylor even tried to say that I was only in Conway a short time and that we’d flown out to see her, but she told him not to go over._ **

Cameron looked at me and frowned. “What is it? You look pissed.” 

“I rather am.” 

_Is that all she said?_

**_Yes. So…I guess we’ll see you tomorrow?_ **

_No. You will see her TODAY. I do not care what Diana says. Zac and I control who sees her, when, for how long, where, etc. NO ONE ELSE DOES! Each of you are welcome to come meet Bianca. And Ruby, you BETTER come over tonight, even if they don’t because of her._

“What is going on?” he asked. 

“Diana told Taylor and Isaac not to come over, that I needed rest and to learn how much help I may need.” 

“Are you kidding me?” 

“No. She called Taylor and Isaac. I told Ruby she better come tonight, even if they don’t. But, I pointed out that only Zac and I can dictate who does and doesn’t see her. I’m not even _in_ Tulsa and she’s trying to be this controlling?” 

He shook his head. “They’ll probably show up when they believe he’s asleep.” 

“No they won’t. If they show up, they’re not staying. She is not going to dictate who can see her and when.” 

**_So..I showed the messages to Taylor and he wants to hear it from Zac…_ ** ****

I scrolled to Taylor’s name and called him, getting an answer on the third ring. 

“Zac?” 

“It’s not Zac, Jordan. It’s Miranda.” 

I was aware that the use of his first name would capture his full attention and it was clear it did by the little gasp he gave, I’d never really used his first name. 

“Zac is laying down because he was awake most of the night with her. However, your mother is not Bianca’s mother and she has no control over what occurs in our daughter’s life. Zac is expecting you guys to come meet her tonight, he’s been looking forward to you and Isaac meeting your niece. You are not going to disappoint him because of your mother. So, when you leave the house to come here, have Ruby message me. Is that clear?” 

“Yes, Ma’am. It shouldn’t be too much longer actually, but we may have to bring Eliza.” 

“I don’t care, bring her if you have too. But you will be over here.” 

I hung up and Cameron just giggled. “I surely hope Bianca takes after Zac with her temper.” 

“No, she needs mine.” 

He took her three o’clock bottle so I could get up and move around a bit, I wasn’t suppose to just sit all day. I cleaned up some in the kitchen and even started a huge pot of soup for dinner. I knew the others would be here for dinner. 

“Don’t overdo it Miranda.” 

“I’m just standing and cutting stuff, Caleb cut the meat up last night.” 

I checked in on Zac as well, found he was still sound asleep so I let him sleep and moved around. When Cameron had finished feeding and burping he held her for a few moments before laying her down. We had looked at bassinets but didn’t like them, so we ended up purchasing a co-sleeper, it was half the size of a crib and the rails let completely down so it could be right up against the bed. In here though, the rails were up all the way. He covered her up with a blanket and then helped me. When I got the message from Ruby I went to wake Zac up. 

Since it was close to five and Bianca was laying there awake, kind of looking around. Zac went ahead and fixed the next bottle and had it ready before she began to cry. He sat down in the recliner and got comfortable. She still had her bring home outfit on, without the jacket. Inside the house Caleb had it warm enough. She’s just started really eating when the doorbell rang. I started to get up and barely made the movement before Cameron’s hand was on my shoulder. 

“Sit, I got it.” Cameron said. 

I leaned back and he got the door, letting them inside. Eliza was not with them though, I assumed either Diana actually took her or maybe Ruby’s parents had kept her there. 

“We made it Mrs. Bossy.” Ruby said. 

I only smiled and she came to me first, sitting down beside me. “How are you feeling?” 

“The normal sore and tired, it’s kind of expected though. Beyond the physical discomfort, elated, overwhelmed, beyond happy.” 

“I want to see the incision you know that right.” 

“Remind me before you go, it’s fairly low and I’m sure the others probably don’t want to see an incision.” 

“Not even I have…” Cameron said. 

“I’m not showing you.” 

“Where is Eliza?” Zac asked. 

“Ruby’s mom and dad have her for a few hours. She adores them.” Isaac said. 

“Alright where is she?” Taylor asked. 

“Really Tay? Are you that blind?” Zac asked. 

I guess he was given Zac had this large wrapped blanket with a bottle, but they waited patiently on her to finish eating before he handed her to Isaac, claiming he was the older of the two. He and Melanie got a few moments ,then Taylor, and Ruby was the last one to hold her, but she was also questioning me on everything the hospital did. She wanted to know about my health and then hers. Including the taboo subject of sex. 

“Are you nosey enough? I swear you just asked her about sex.” Cameron said. 

Ruby giggled. “I did ask about that Cam, why are you listening in on our conversation?” 

“Why are you asking about sex? Dude, she just had major surgery and a newborn, I doubt sex is on either of their minds.” He said. 

Zac snorted. “Speak for yourself there, don’t count me in that group.” 

Taylor just looked stunned. “Are you fucking serious Zac? You really are thinking sex now?” 

“I am normal and male, of course sex is always on my mind. But, I know that asking now would end badly for me. I’m not that desperate.” 

“Actually, it would really depend on how I feel but the doctor said that is off limits. I mean, all I can really pick up is the car seat and her. But, the car seat doesn’t come out of the car because it’s huge.” 

“Didn’t mom buy you one of the carriers?” Tay asked. 

“Yes, but I told her we didn’t need it. We have the big one you purchased and we have the one I purchased at home, I may return it though we like your choice better and it was a better option.” 

“Mom is getting super weird. She called us earlier and told us not to come over today because you were both tired.” 

Taylor giggled. “But your wife made it very clear that if we didn’t come, our asses would be grass.” 

“I maintain that Bianca is our child and what we say goes. There is no reason that any of you should stay away.” 

“Wait…what? When did Mom say this?” Zac asked. 

“Earlier today, after she left the hospital. She was pissed you didn’t just let her come here and she complained about the outfit little miss has on. Said it was totally inappropriate for the weather, it wasn’t warm enough, and that she was going to get sick.” 

He groaned. “I guess I am going to have to talk to her.” 

“Yes, you know exactly what I’m doing if you don’t.” I said. 

No one asked me what I would do, but again I could see the fear in his eyes. The conversation moved off that topic and onto recording and business, which left Ruby and Melanie to talk with me and Cam. Melanie was holding Bianca beside me, just admiring her. Cam had navigated to the guys’ conversation and Ruby excused herself to the bathroom. I felt Melanie lean in a bit. 

“I admire you, you know that right?” 

“Why would you admire me? You barely know me.” 

She looked down at Bianca. “I think back to when Eliza was her age and I really wish I had stood up for what I wanted more. You aren’t taking any shit from anyone.” 

“Well, let’s be honest it may be different if I was there all the time, but I was here. My mom answered questions and was there when I had them, once she got over the fact I was pregnant.” 

“You’re mom was mad?” 

I nodded. “My mom and stepdad are pretty religious, so a baby out of wedlock and at the time no dad was bad. My step-dad made some inappropriate comments and it was a little while before she came around.” 

“I’m sorry, my mom wasn’t around much during the pregnancy because she was far away. She’s been around more the last two years though. But, I did so much I didn’t want to because of Diana.” 

“Like what?” 

“I didn’t really want to breastfeed, I know it sounds bad. But, I sooo wanted bottles.” 

“I wanted to but couldn’t. Well, future knowledge, remember that you are the mother and what you say goes.” 

She looked down at Bianca again, who was waking up some, it was near her next bottle time and she wasn’t quite awake enough yet. 

“That won’t be very long…” 

“What won’t be?” 

“I haven’t told him yet but I’m pregnant again. I took the home test before we left and it was positive. I just haven’t confirmed yet.” 

“Congratulations, you’re both amazing parents. But, just remember, you are Mom, Ike is Dad. The only opinion you need is his.” 

She smiled and looked down. “Well, I’m pretty sure little miss redhead is hungry. The gnawing on the blanket is a clue.” 

“I’ll get it right quick.” 

I started to get up but heard Cameron clear his throat and I turned some, he held up the prepared bottle. 

“Just sit back.” 

I rolled my eyes and she giggled, but she handed her to me to feed and burp. When Caleb got home he had time with her as well and even got to change the diaper and be all uncle like. We then had dinner at the table, Cameron and Zac cleaned up afterwards. After dinner I let Melanie and Ruby see the incision, I wasn’t sure why they wanted to see it but they both said the doctor did a great job closing and that they didn’t think it would scar much. The others headed out after dinner and Cameron left once the kitchen was cleaned back up. Caleb declared bed after spending some time with Bianca and that left us just sitting in the living room. Bianca was laying between us asleep, she’d just eaten and had a dry diaper and he’d changed her into something looser, a pink zip up sleeper. Zac was just staring at her and I was sure he was thinking about the prospect of leaving her behind. 

“Would you really stay here if my mom doesn’t back off?” 

I could actually detect the fear in his voice and the sadness at the thought of me not going to Tulsa. 

“Honestly? Probably not because I wouldn’t want her to be away from you. That fear in your voice is enough. But, Zac, you have to admit she is being a bit overbearing. She told your brothers to stay home, without asking us. We both were aware they were coming. She had no right to do that. That is overstepping things.” 

“I can admit that is. I just, I don’t think I can leave you here. But, I know telling them I’m moving here would be a big issue.” 

I blinked. “You’d move here?” 

“I might be mildly addicted you and her. I don’t know that I can give up my cupcake and sweet pea.” 

“Sweet pea?” I asked. 

“I couldn’t decide between sweet pea and peanut. I like sweet pea better.” 

“You and your food nicknames. She doesn’t even smell like sweet peas, she smells like baby powder.” 

He just smiled and then he kissed me. 

“She is sweet and she’s little like a pea, it works. I’ll talk to Mom before they leave though. I know that she wants to help but I’ll let her know that if we need the help, we will ask. Taylor told me what she said about you learning you need help, you did fine without me and I am sure you’ll be fine once the incision heals. I know now you need some help, but we’re here and Cameron and your family are here.” 

“But they won’t be in Tulsa.” 

He smiled. “You have Ruby, my brothers, my sisters, and family. Trust me, you’ll have help if you want it. But, I will talk to Mom and make sure that help is when you do actually want it, not when she feels it’s needed.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Why don’t you lay down, you’ve been up all day.” 

“I’ll wait. I kind of need you to check the bandages and make sure it’s fine. But, she’ll be awake shortly.” 

“You want to put her in the crib tonight or the bed?” 

“Our bed. The crib is fine for the daytime but I’d rather her be in the bed for a bit at night.” 

“How about I go ahead and fix the bed then? Get it made up and ready.” 

“Go ahead, you have like an hour before she wakes up.” 

He went and fixed the bed and her next bottle which I gave to her. She was eating very well, steady and always a good amount. She was consistent in bottles and sleep, which was good. Once she was done and burped we moved to the bedroom, letting her lay down in the middle of the bed and I got comfortable so he could check the incision. 

It wasn’t that I couldn’t, just he had a better view of the staples because I still had a belly to contend with for the moment and swelling from the surgery. He also checked my sugar levels and then helped me change into night clothes. 

“I’ll be glad when I can move without pain.” 

He smiled. “It won’t be too long. Couple weeks.” 

“She said four until healed but six or more before I could really feel better. I’m just glad my sugar numbers are remaining pretty stable now.” 

“You and I both.” 

He stripped down to boxers and we laid down, I didn’t think I was so tired but I was out within moments, only waking up when I heard her start to whine. It was a bit harder to move because of the incision, but I found it was easing off the more I could move. I got her two times and then Zac got her too, it was really going to take some time to coordinate and make sure that both of us slept at some point! 

 


	47. Talks with Mom

POV: Zac 

  

March 9, 2011 

We’d been home five days from the hospital and Bianca was now just over a week old. She had seen the doctor Monday and she was doing extremely well. The pediatrician here also recommended someone in Tulsa and they were already communicating because they knew we were moving when they were both able to. Miranda was doing very well too with the incision and was feeling better, added her sugar numbers have stabilized and were around a normal range, but sometimes she got an odd high or low number. 

However, I really did have to talk to Mom and I didn’t want to, I’d thought maybe she would back off now that we were out of the hospital but things seemed to get worse instead of better. She had been over practically all day Saturday and Sunday, everything Miranda put on her was changed the moment she had the chance. Considering Caleb kept the house warmer, she didn’t need super thick suits and when she’d gotten super cranky Sunday we found it was because she was too hot. 

She’d insisted on going to the appointment but the doctor there stopped her at the door, only parents were allowed back. Even though Miranda had told her she wasn’t needed in the back and of course she grilled us when we came out wanting to know the doctor’s exact words. It felt like she was fearing we’d screw up and wouldn’t do something right and the doctor would say something. 

But the moment that I knew she wasn’t going to back off was yesterday, she told Miranda’s father he couldn’t hold her because we’d just laid her down. The look Miranda gave me made me feel like that was her end point, if I didn’t have this talk she would stay here in Conway and I couldn’t have that. Added, Miranda’s father had as much right to hold Bianca as they did. I knew that they’d be over today bright and early, but Bianca wouldn’t be here. 

Miranda’s mom and step-dad picked them up at 7 am, she was going to spend the day there with them. She needed the break from my parents honestly and Kenneth had come a long way from how he was before. Mom didn’t fail me, she showed up not even fifteen minutes after they left. 

“Morning honey.” 

“Morning Mom, Dad.” 

He nodded and they came in, she looked around the room and then at me. 

“Are Miranda and Bianca still asleep? That’s awfully odd and I told you she needs to be in the crib at night.” 

She’d said that every day because the little one we had hadn’t been moved from the spot it was in at all. She was sleeping in our bed at night, there was no need to move the little crib into the room. 

“They’re not here.” 

“Not here? Where are they? Zac it’s way the hell too early to get that baby out and around people. She needs to come back home and keep her protected.” 

“She’ll be fine Mom, she’s with her mother and stepfather. They haven’t really had a lot of time with her and wanted to spend time with her and Bianca. She’s going to stay there for today.” 

“You didn’t want to go?” Dad asked. 

“No. Taylor and Isaac scheduled a conference call, so I told her to enjoy her day with her mom. They’ll bring her back this afternoon before it gets too late.” 

“She did remember to take what she needed, right?” 

“Yes Mom. Miranda knows what she needs for her.” 

“I’m not so certain she does, this is her first and she’s making a lot of simplistic mistakes.” 

I didn’t argue with her instead offered breakfast and we ate here. 

“When will she be back?” 

“I don’t know, sometime this afternoon but we need to talk anyway.” 

“Oh? Is everything okay?” Dad asked. 

“No.” 

We were sitting at the table and I really didn’t know how to start this conversation, I didn’t want to cause a rift between everyone but I also couldn’t take the chance that Miranda stays here because my mother couldn’t back off. 

“What is it son?” Dad asked. 

“It concerns Bianca.” 

“I still think we should be calling her Ruth.” Mom said. 

“But that’s not what we named her or what we want to call her. That’s actually what we need to talk about. We both understand that you want to help, but you really aren’t helping us.” 

“I am helping Zachary. I’ve provided advice, knowledge, and the proper way to dress and feed her. Things that she nor you would know. She seems to be ignoring me though.” 

“That’s because you are being overbearing and controlling. We both understand that you want to help because she is our first, but you aren’t helping much at all. You are doing her like you did Melanie. You tried to name her before hand, you tried to guilt her into breastfeeding and when she did bottles because she couldn’t you hurt her feelings by trying to force her decision and making her tell you. You change her clothes, tell people when they can and cannot see her, you told her grandfather he couldn’t hold her. Mom, that’s not helping.” 

“She agreed to the name Zachary, then changed her mind. I agree the breastfeeding thing was too much, for that I do apologize but someone has to make sure she’s warm and her grandfather was sniffling, she doesn’t need to be sick.” 

“That doesn’t matter Mom, the point is she is our daughter and we make the decisions concerning her right now including who she sees, who holds her, and what she wears. It really has to stop.” 

“What do you mean stop?” She asked. 

“It means that we both need you to understand that Bianca is our daughter and that if we chose something we expect others to follow it.” 

“Is she putting you up to this?” 

“No Mom, but she has talked to me about it and it does bother her and at times it pisses her off. She understands you want to help, but to her it’s not helping because you keep telling us what to do.” 

“Because you need that, you’ve never cared for a little baby.” 

“We are not stupid Mother, and I have. I was there when Eliza was a baby. Bianca isn’t the first little baby I’ve held. Miranda has been remarkable with her, and you can’t deny that. But the constant hovering, constant instructions and trying to take over has to stop.” 

“She did put you up to this. Maybe it’s better if you all come home now.” 

I looked at Dad, pleading for some kind of back up here because she wasn’t listening to me. 

“Diana, perhaps he has a point.” 

“What on earth do you mean?” 

“Miranda is not Melanie, she has a mother that she goes to for advice. While you are her mother in law, she does not know us or trust us that well yet. You really are kind of just acting like Bianca is your daughter and not your granddaughter.” 

“I am not! I am trying to help them raise a little girl that is healthy and happy. Why can’t anyone see that?” 

“She’ll be raised in Conway if you don’t stop.” 

Both of them blinked at me, clearly that got her attention as well as Dad’s. 

“In Conway?” Dad asked. 

“Yes. Miranda understands that you want to help, but she isn’t like Melanie. She feels like you are trying to take over and she’s afraid if she moves to Tulsa you will get worse and she’ll be as unhappy as she was before. As her husband, her happiness is my concern as well. I cannot have her being unhappy and miserable because my mother can’t back off and allow us to be Bianca’s parents. We’re not perfect but we can’t learn if you are constantly telling us what to do.” 

“As your wife she shouldn’t take your daughter away from you because someone is trying to help you!” 

“She wouldn’t be taking her away because I would be here too.” 

That lead to a really long silence from everyone, because I couldn’t ignore Miranda’s concerns. And I had seen how she was so I couldn’t deny that she needed to back off and let us be. 

“What about the band?” Dad asked. 

“I don’t know and I am hoping we can solve this so it doesn’t come to that. We’re not saying you can’t see her or interact with her. What we’re asking is that you just step back, stop hovering over us, stop telling us what to do, stop changing her clothes when there is no need to. Respect that as her parents we control things until she’s old enough. If you can’t be her grandmother then Miranda will stay here and I will have to work something out with Taylor and Isaac.” 

“I am not…” Dad laid his hand on her shoulder. 

“Zac, can I speak to your mother alone please?” 

“Sure.” 

I got up and went to the bathroom first and then to the bedroom, where I straightened up the bed, went ahead and gathered the dirty clothes and even started a load of our clothes. They had moved to the living room so I couldn’t hear anything they said. I was hoping Dad was talking sense into her! I understood she wanted to help but this was ridiculous. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I checked. 

**_Are you still alive there? Have you been able to get through to her?_ **

_I am trying…she is very resistant. Dad is actually talking with her now, hoping he’s better at telling her the concerns than I am. She basically ignored me :\_

**_I’m sure he can, he seemed concerned too so, maybe it’s the little push he needed._ **

_How are you and Bianca?_

**_I’m good, Mom let me nap for three hours and they took care of her. I believe Kenneth forgot we all existed when he was holding her. She’s like his saving grace._ **

_I told you he would come around. Sorry it took so long._

**_Yes, I’m glad she has him, he seems to want to spoil her rotten. He has new clothes for her and even toys…_ **

_It’s what grandparents do. Spoil them and send them home! Okay, looks like Mom and Dad are done. So, I’m going to see what’s up. Have a good time and hugs n kisses to you both._

I got kissing icon and a hug one in return and then went to the living room and sat down. Mom looked a little deflated but I waited on them to speak first. 

“I’m sorry Zachary. I didn’t quite realize that my actions, while they feel like helping to me, may not feel the same to you and Miranda. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was trying to take over. I guess I got a little carried away because Melanie was so reliant on me since her mother wasn’t around much. However, I think I may owe her an apology as well.” 

“It’s not that we don’t appreciate your advice, it just felt like it was more demanding we do it versus advice, and on some things it’s just easier for her right now. Like her sleeping with us, it’s easier for Miranda to get up and down without moving the bed. Once she’s more able to move, she will use the crib. That will probably be when we get to Tulsa.” 

“I would like to apologize to her as well, is there anything we can do to help you here?” 

“Not really, I mean we keep things clean and all I am doing now is laundry.” 

“We could fix dinner?” Dad asked. 

“I’m not sure what was planned.” 

“Don’t worry about the plan, just let us do that. When does Caleb usually get home?” 

“It ranges from six to eight, depending on the hospital and workload.” 

They asked about likes and dislikes before they headed to the store and I just cleaned up what I could and did laundry, she and I needed clean clothes and Bianca had a load as well. I used the baby laundry detergent for hers and then put things up. Mom and Dad got back and decided they were doing a pork loin meal with complete sides. 

“Are you out of the glass bottles?” 

“We re-used them for a few days and then we tossed them last night. We started using the Dr. Brown’s yesterday. She’s taking a bit more but still using the smaller ones.” 

“You know how to sterilize them, right?” 

“Yes. Caleb actually walked us through it because they needed to be cleaned before using. But, she also has the sterilizer that goes in a dish washer, it’s a rack.” 

She smiled and they began fixing dinner while I got the clothes put up. I had run a load of Caleb’s scrubs so those I laid on his bed neatly to prevent wrinkles. Miranda was skeptical when they arrived, mostly because Mom and Dad were there still but I smiled at her. Kenneth came in behind her with Bianca who was not happy. 

“She didn’t like me getting her out.” 

I took her from him and she settled down pretty quickly, apparently she just wanted Daddy. It was still surreal to be a father. 

“Something smells good.” Miranda said. 

“Mom is cooking pork loin with a bunch of sides.” 

Once everyone settled Mom addressed her and explained she would back off, she didn’t quite realize she was being that overbearing. It was something Miranda liked and they got to discuss it quietly without screaming and yelling. When dinner was done we sat down, Caleb wasn’t home yet so Miranda fixed him a plate and sat it in the microwave before we all sat around the table. 

“Kenneth and I have been talking and we may at some point move to Oklahoma.” Her mom said. 

“Really?” Miranda said. 

“Yes. It’s not set in stone but we are looking into the chance or maybe splitting the time between the two areas.” 

“That would be awesome for you guys. Oklahoma has a lot of good areas both around and away from Tulsa.” Dad said. 

“I spent some time there a while back, we’re thinking close to Tulsa for obvious reasons but it’ll be good to have extra people around when the band is traveling.” Kenneth said. 

“Although, we do know she’ll have a ton of help with just Zac’s family.” Her mom said. 

“Well, yeah she will but sometimes we’re all busy and having extra people around could be beneficial. Especially if they have more.” 

“It’ll be a while before we consider more.” I said. 

“Doctor said at least two years to make sure everything heals completely.” 

“Which is a good time frame, two or more years.” Her mom said. 

The prospect of having her mother nearby was good, it would benefit her in having someone else around that she knows. But, we wouldn’t be excluding anyone in the family either. So, they would all see her and have the chance to be near Bianca as she gets older. 

I finished eating before they did, so when she woke up I got her. I really had missed her today. 

“We’re you bored today?” Miranda asked. 

“No. I did laundry, including some of Caleb’s. His scrubs I laid flat on the bed though so they wouldn’t wrinkle.” 

“Did you use the right settings?” 

“Yes. I actually asked first and he told me the right settings.” 

“Good, first time I shrunk them and he wasn’t happy with me.” 

“Like I did your white shirt.” 

“Yes, like you did my white shirt.” 

Our parents got to talk a bit longer before they left, Caleb had gotten home around 8:30 and he looked different. 

“Caleb? Is everything alright?” 

“They want to transfer me to another hospital.” 

“Where?” 

“They don’t know yet, I’m still waiting to see. But the options are all out of state and I don’t know what to do. I just bought this place and have it all fixed up.” 

“Is the transfer going to benefit you?” 

“Oh yeah, I would be moved up to the position I’ve always wanted. But, the moving.” 

“It’s not bad and you can always find another spot of land Caleb. Maybe talk with Mariah too, because she may move also. She did say once she was bored with the bar here because she wasn’t going anywhere.” 

“Yeah, she’s still not truly happy there anymore. Not really since you left.” 

“See, she may want to move away and start somewhere fresh. Did they give you any ideas on where?” 

“They gave me three. One is here in South Carolina, one is California and the last location is Tulsa.” 

“Tulsa?” I asked. 

“Yeah, there is an available position at one there. I’m not sure if they are truly hiring though. I did rank South Carolina first, but Tulsa is a second choice.” 

“Cali would be cool.” 

“Mariah doesn’t want to live there though. So, I listed it last. Enough about me though, I won’t know about the transfer for like two months. How was it with Mom and Kenneth?” 

“Pretty good actually. Kenneth seems enthralled with Bianca. For someone who basically called me a whore before, he’s been very nice and he adores Bianca. Any whimper and he’s all concerned.” 

“She thawed his frozen heart. I figured she would once he got to really see her. I know it hurt that he was such an ass but at least he came around. Mom was seriously thinking of divorcing him if he didn’t come around.” 

“I know, she was determined too. But you know Mom would ch0se us over anyone else.” 

“I think us getting married helped a bit.” I said. 

“Yes, it did help. He saw that as stepping up and taking responsibility. Added, I wasn’t just a whore then.” 

“Stop saying that Miranda. You were never a whore. You have more respect for yourself. He was just ticked based on his religion which we never identified with.” 

“I agree with him.” 

“I know. Anyway, I’m going to shower and get ready for bed.” She said. 

While she went and did that I finished cleaning up the kitchen while Caleb got time with Bianca, feeding her at nine. He then went to bed and she and I did too. We had a pretty good routine for the night, alternating so that neither of us are awake all night and it helps with four hours versus two hours at a time. She was asleep pretty quickly, but she had been napping frequently during the day and hadn’t today. I wasn’t up much longer either. 

 


	48. Cameron's Confession

POV: Miranda

  

April 1, 2011 

Bianca was a full month old now! She was now up to four ounces of formula at a time and about every three hours, sometimes it was more. It was still amazing that this precious little redhead was mine, but she was. It was even more amazing that her daddy was Zachary Hanson and if I thought he got obsessed with me quickly, he was pretty much obsessed with her the moment he laid eyes on her. 

So much that he was willing to move here but that wasn’t going to be required because Diana had really listened and she had really backed off before they headed home. It was rather nice to just be here most of the time with just Zac, gave us a lot of bonding time and adjusting time. We had developed a schedule that allowed us both to sleep and her moving up to every three hours had helped. 

“Morning.” 

I looked up from the chair. “Morning.” 

“When did she wake up?” 

“About six, she didn’t really eat until seven though. She just wanted to play.” 

He smiled and kissed us both on the forehead. “How do you feel?” 

“Starving.” 

“I’ll fix breakfast.” 

The doctor had cleared me to go home, that sounded so weird to go home. We were going to make the drive after five weeks though because I wanted a little more time, it wasn’t giving him much time though but he was fine because they had flown out to do some last minute recordings they needed and then gone back. So, they didn’t need him back immediately. Zac had packed up what wasn’t needed for me or her right now and it was ready to go back to Tulsa. 

“Cameron called me earlier, asked if he could borrow my wife. Did you have any idea of that?” 

“No. He hasn’t mentioned it to me.” 

“Maybe he wanted to ask first, I told him I didn’t care.” 

“He may ask soon, maybe giving me time to get up.” 

“Maybe.” 

When he finished breakfast we both ate and then he took her for the ten am bottle and the subsequent clean diaper. Shortly before eleven Cameron did message to say he was on his way and I needed to be ready. So, I changed into something more appropriate. 

“You going to be okay alone here?” 

He smiled. “We’ll be fine. We’ll just be sleeping and eating and you can have a good time.” 

“Bribery for when you go to work and stay 16 hours?” 

“Maybe.” 

I giggled and when Cameron arrived I met him at the car. 

“So what are we doing and remember I am limited here.” 

“Just a killing time day, nothing major. Lunch, your choice.” 

I went with something unhealthy and greasy, burgers. Which he groaned about but still went there. He even paid for our lunch and then he drove around a bit before parking at the park. It was warm enough to just walk so that’s apparently the plan. 

“Why do I feel like this is some form of buttering me up? I mean…lunch, day away, park and a walk. You never do this Cam.” 

He giggled. “I’m not technically buttering you up, okay…maybe a little.” 

“Why?” 

We walked another block or two before he paused and looked over the river. 

“I broke up with her Miranda.” 

Her was his latest girlfriend and I thought they were getting along very well. 

“Why?” 

“All she really wanted was a friends with benefits deal and I don’t want that. I want something more real and long lasting.” 

“It makes sense.” 

It grew quiet again and he was just staring over the river, lost in his thoughts. 

“So, anyone in mind?” 

“Not really.” 

“You know I leave in like a week, so whatever you are trying to pry out of yourself, just like…say it.” 

“Who said I had anything to say?” 

I tilted my head to the side. “Really Cam? Same birthday, grew up together I think I know when you’re hesitating by now.” 

He glanced at me and then the river again and he sighed. 

“You know I love you Miranda.” 

“I do.” 

“There’s a part of me that wishes Bianca was ours but we’d never make it married and we both knew that. But, I don’t think I can live with you being 1200 miles away. Just the few months you were there last year, was like hell to me. Not always knowing what was going on, not being there when you needed someone. I know Zac will take good care of you and Bianca. Neither of you will ever want for anything with him..” 

I was aware that I took a baby step away, he’d just said he wished Bianca was ours?! He knew very well that we’d tried and failed at that dating shit and why wait until now?! He couldn’t live with me being that far away? 

“Cameron…” 

He held up his hands. “I’m not saying that you’re like the one or anything. I just feel lost when you aren’t where I can easily see you, when I need to talk or when you’re upset. I hated being here when I knew you were upset and something was wrong in August. I knew Miranda and it was hell knowing that I couldn’t just be there. I know that Caleb is your brother and you often equate us both as being your brothers. But, I feel so…off when I can’t.” 

“But you have phones, Skype, and other methods.” 

He shook his head. “Not the same.” 

“So, what are you saying Cam? I can’t stay here, it wouldn’t be fair to Zac.” 

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that Miranda. You two are married and have a child, you need to be there with him. But, since I can’t seem to be fine without you I kind of asked your husband if I could borrow your spare room. He said he didn’t care but to ask you if you did.” 

I paused for sure then, clearly I hadn’t heard him right. Had he just mentioned using our spare room? That would mean he was leaving and coming to Tulsa too. He’d be under the same roof as Zac and I as well. 

“Are you asking to move in with us Cameron?” 

“Well, for a little while, yes. Until I can get settled in and learn the area. I’ve actually already got a job there, it’s better pay and a bit better than just here.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” 

“Yes? Cuz I need a room Panda.” 

“I mean to the moving part, you really think I’d say no to you being there? As long as Zac’s fine then I am too. But, I mean, you love it here.” 

“I do love Conway, but maybe I need the change Panda. I’ve dated about everyone in town and they all are bitches.” 

I nudged his side. “You have to stop comparing them to me Cam, none of them are me.” 

“I am aware of that, there is only one of you. Pretty sure Zac likes that aspect too.” 

“He does.” 

“Besides, my being there will keep him on his toes!” 

“Seriously? You won’t have to I will do that on my own.” 

“Just, please, for the love of all things. No screaming when I’m there. It’s my only request and well, maybe no sex in the public areas.” 

“You saying I can’t break the couch in?” 

“I’d prefer if you didn’t while I live there.” 

“So rude.” 

“Have you even been able to consummate your marriage yet?” 

“I seriously wish we could but between being sick and pregnant and then surgery, no.” 

“So…you’re saying what…when you get home?” 

“Probably.” 

“Fuck…I’ll just take Bianca for ice cream and leave you two there alone.” 

I laughed. “You know a live in babysitter might be a good thing.” 

He laughed for a moment and then it sank in. “Wait..what?” 

“I’m only half kidding. If you think it’s the best move for you then I agree and you’re more than welcome to chill out in the extra room. Although any financial shit is between you and Zac.” 

He giggled. “We’ve already handled that.” 

“Seriously? Why even ask me then?” 

“Because you live there?” 

I moved my own vision across the river. “I’m going to miss home but I’m looking forward to Tulsa this time.” 

“Have you forgiven Ruby for that fiasco?” 

“Yeah, she really wasn’t thinking with her brain. I mean really, she wasn’t. Not that I blame her, I mean it’s Taylor and I did the same shit with Zac. Only how my luck was to get pregnant that first time, beyond me.” 

He giggled. “Consider it destiny. It knew you two wouldn’t stay so it had to find a creative way to make you, welcome little Bianca.” 

“I think a scare or a shove me in the right places would have been better.” 

He shook his head. “No, Zac needed that push. Besides, you wouldn’t trade it for the world.” 

“That is true. My little red head.” 

“I guess Zac and I need to discuss the process of getting me and you and her moved.” 

“I think our plan was to drive out. We’re going to have to stop this time though because she can’t sit in a car seat that long.” 

“Yeah, I suppose I need my car.” 

“We’re driving mine, he didn’t bring his this time.” 

“Can you drive yet?” 

I nodded. “Yep. The sugar has stabilized and she feels it’ll be safe.” 

“Good.” 

“Why not just follow us? I mean, you don’t even know where I live.” 

He paused and started to say he did but he really didn’t, for that matter I think only Isaac had ever seen the house, no one else had to my knowledge. 

“That is very true. I mean, I know he said your house had a spare room.” 

“It does. It’s not super huge though.” 

“I need a place to sleep and a closet really.” 

“Check and check, I don’t know if the room has a bed though.” 

“It doesn’t, but I can get a twin and be fine. I won’t mind the couch if needed for a bit.” 

“The upside is you and Zac can play videogames together.” 

“While you do what?” 

“Tend to my little mini me.” 

He snorted. “You expect us to come home and play video games after working 12 to 16 hours and not seeing Bianca? Bullshit. You’ll be the one playing video games while we argue who’s going to feed and change her first.” 

I giggled. “True.” 

“Eh, I’ll have to fight Ruby too.” 

“Maybe. She does work a lot.” 

“Yes she does. So, what’s it like being Mrs. Hanson?” 

“Shocking? Little confusing at times. I just hope we can last and it’s not just for Bianca.” 

“Pretty sure his reference to a second kid is a sign he doesn’t plan on going anywhere.” 

“That second kid is nowhere close to the current future.” 

“You say that now…” 

“No No. Three years, minimum. Maybe a red headed boy to match?” 

He smiled. “Sounds good to me. A niece and nephew.” 

“I think Caleb may be moving out too.” 

“I heard, your mom too, right?” 

“I would imagine if Caleb moves too, Dad will also. But he has an established client base here.” 

“Yeah, but he also has partners in that business. He could easily sell his half and move.” 

“Look at you, everything figured out for everyone.” 

“I try.” He said. 

“I guess we should head back. Let him know you are coming.” 

He snorted. “He knew you wouldn’t say no.” 

“Whatever, we can stop for ice cream first.” 

“Ahh! That’s the goal, ice cream.” 

We headed back to the car and went by the ice cream parlor. We opted to sit inside and enjoy our sundaes instead of him trying to eat and drive. I was about a quarter through mine when she came up, smiling. 

“Are you Miranda?” 

I glanced at Cameron, wondering if this was one of his ex’s, but he looked as confused as me. 

“I am, you are?” 

“Julie. Um…is Zac with you?” 

“I’m sorry, he’s not with me. Does he know you?” 

“Probably not.” 

She glanced at Cameron and then me and I was pretty sure what her next sentence would be so I smiled sweetly. 

“He’s a friend of mine Julie, one that Zac knows very well. I really wouldn’t say what you’re thinking. I’m not Melanie and I don’t have to be nice to you.” 

“Of course you do.” 

“Sorry, I don’t. Nothing in our wedding said I had to be nice to fans. Especially ones that feel like I’d be cheating on him when we have a four week old daughter. I’d advise you just move on Julie. I mean, I can tell him your name and how rude you were.” 

Her face blanched a bit and she moved away. Cameron giggled and ate some more ice cream. 

“What’s funny?” 

“I knew my fiery red-head was still there somewhere.” 

“Oh, she never left. Just been too sick to care.” 

“All better now!” 

I laid the phone on the table and knew she wouldn’t stay quiet and I was right, within the time it took to finish our ice cream Ruby had sent a message. 

**_Julie huh? Had to piss off a Julie? Seriously, hope you and Cam enjoyed that “date” with ice cream. For the record, wtfh was mine?_ **

_We split yours :D and we did enjoy our ‘date’._

I looked up at him. “Can I tell her?” 

“Why not? She’ll know when I arrive.” 

**_Bahaha – I am 100% sure that since Bianca wasn’t with you that Zac has her and knows exactly where you are._ **

_He does and Cameron asked him first, lol – Oh! Oh! Speaking of Cam….guess what!_

**_Please tell me he isn’t having a baby with that bitch he was with?_ **

_Nope! But…he is MOVING out to Tulsa! Apparently he can’t live without me, lol._

**_OMG! Seriously? Haha, I knew he couldn’t live without you. Everyone knew that but you_ ** _._

_Yes. Apparently he and Zac have everything worked out and he’ll come out with us I guess. Which is the middle of the month in case Tay hasn’t told you._

**_He told me and Ike asked me if I’d help Melanie clean up a bit since no one’s been inside the house. We’re going to head over the weekend you leave and open up, air out, and clean up a bit._ **

_You don’t have to._

**_I think Zac asked Ike if someone would. He just wants to basically have us dust good, since you’ve not been there in a few months and turn the air on, air out the stuffiness._ **

_Ah-Okay. Makes sense. We should be there the 11 th or 12 th, depending on how often we have to stop. The plan is to leave early Sunday, but we will have to stop for her, so it should be Monday._

**_Gotcha. Uh…be warned…Diana is planning some big party to welcome you guys home. But she said she wanted to ask you first because apparently you’ve been adamant about the number of people at once?_ **

_Yeah – I told her a while back I wouldn’t stand for 50-60 people at once. But, honestly, for the first week or so I don’t want anyone but immediate family, we all need to settle in._

**_Gotcha, I think she was aiming for end of the month. Not sure. She’ll probably message this week sometime._ **

_Ok – We’re headed back to the house now. I’m kind of missing my mini me. I’ll msg you later._

I got an okay and a smiley face and we headed back home. Zac was sitting in the chair with her on his chest, wrapped up and asleep. 

“Did you enjoy your date?” 

“I did, lunch, ice cream, walk in the park. Imagine what she’d think if she knew he was moving in.” 

He giggled. “She would have flipped out. It was a fairly decent picture though. For the record, I really think she missed you. She just fell asleep after pitching one hell of a fit. She clearly has your temper.” 

“Damnit! I was hoping she’d have yours.” Cam said. 

“Wasn’t food, diaper or temp?” 

“Nope. Checked all, she’d just ate and diapers still dry. She just pitched a fit. My guess was she wondered where Mommy was.” 

“Eating ice cream and telling off Julie’s.” Cam said. 

Since she was asleep I left her alone, but when she woke up I got her and sat down, she really did seem like she missed me. Kind of made me feel even better about how things were going. I guess most first time mom’s had doubts and fears, it was natural and I had them. Diana hadn’t quite helped with her constant fussing and once she backed off, it had helped some. I felt like I wasn’t always doing things wrong. 

“So, how are you getting to Tulsa?” Zac asked. 

“Driving, I was actually thinking just leaving when you do. I’ve already turned in a notice and I don’t start the new job until the first of May. That will give me some time to explore the town and get settled in.” 

“You know we’ll have to stop over night?” 

“Yeah, Panda mentioned it earlier.” 

I was kind of shocked that Zac didn’t mind the nickname, but getting Cameron to break that habit was like trying to tell a drug addict to go cold turkey. I highly doubted that he would ever stop, even his wife was going to have to deal probably. 

“Can you get everything in your car?” 

“Yeah. I don’t have a ton of stuff. Are you going to be able to get everything in her car?” 

“Oh yeah, Isaac and Taylor drove back in a rental, took a lot of things with them. So we basically have just basic stuff here.” 

“Do you know if Caleb is moving out too?” Cameron asked. 

“No, he said he wouldn’t know for a bit.” 

They talked, finalized the plans to drive back including where to stop and I just played with Bianca and fixed dinner that night. I think having Cameron with us was going to be good. I wouldn’t be totally alone and separated from everyone but Ruby. Added, he would be there to help if needed. I just couldn’t believe that he was moving that far just because of me. But, we both knew that our love was not romantic in nature. Maybe he was right though, maybe we both needed to be there because I know I was miserable as fuck without him the last time. 

He hung around until after dinner and then headed home. 

“You are okay with him being there right?” 

“Yes. He was hesitant to ask as well. But, I know that what you two share isn’t what we share. I know whose bed you’ll be in and I know that he’ll kick anyone’s ass for trying to bother either of you. Honestly, I think it’s a good thing he’ll be there and even when he does find his own place. It’ll be good.” 

“I knew there was a reason I loved you.” 

“Besides my charming personality and good looks?” 

“Well, those count too, among other things. But, Caleb messaged earlier, he’s staying with Mariah. I’ve cleaned up the kitchen, little miss is ready for bed too.” 

“Agreed, you got up early.” 

We both ended up going to bed and I was looking forward to the move now. 


	49. From Conway to Tulsa

POV: Zac / Miranda

  

April 10, 2011 

Home. I couldn’t wait to get back there and get settled, while I had grown to love Caleb and her family it wasn’t ‘home’ to me. I was hoping that Miranda could see Tulsa as home with Cameron there too and it appeared most of her family was planning to move away as well. So, perhaps she’ll be happy this time. 

Okay – I’ll be honest with myself. She was happy before, but my dumbass self is what caused her to come back to Conway to start with. But, this time I was taking her and our daughter to Tulsa, and this time she was my wife. 

Cameron and I were up early, he had everything of his and had said his goodbyes. Miranda’s family did a big dinner for their farewells last night. We let her sleep and left Bianca there too since she was sleeping well also. 

“Is this everything?” Cam asked. 

“All but the items we have to have for her during the day and night. Miranda packed them up last night before she came to bed. It’s why I haven’t woken her up yet.” 

“Car seat is in?” 

“Yes, it’s in and secured as tightly as I can possibly get it.” 

“She’ll appreciate that for sure.” 

“Are you going to be good being away from your parents?” 

He nodded. “They’ve been wanting to travel and see places, so there making plans to do that now that I’m not here. I tried to tell them they didn’t have to wait. I have everything I need and I got an air mattress for a temporary bed.” 

“Not needed. My brothers purchased a twin bed for the spare room, so you have a brand new bed.” 

“Do I need to plan to owe them anything?” 

“Taylor said if you could give him pointers on exercise he’d be fine. Ike said get him whiskey, good brand.” 

“They are super easy to pay back. Wish everyone was like that in the world.” 

“They are. They’ve actually done quite a bit, like they cleaned and dusted over the weekend and Ruby said she stocked us with some stuff for Monday so we can rest. But, we’ll have to go Tuesday. We have enough formula to last a few days too.” 

“Does she have to change wic or anything for the formula?” 

“No. Because we’re married my income knocks her out of any of those programs. But, she didn’t have anything before. I think Caleb and the doctor worked something out, so it was never a problem.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know about how her doctors were paid or anything, just assumed it was state funded or something. Caleb never mentioned who paid the doctor.” 

“Yeah, so..if you want to take that last box to the car, it’ll go in the front seat, she said she was going to sit in the back with Bianca. After that it’s just the two of them and Bianca’s bag. I’m going to go ahead and fix breakfast then get Bianca ready.” 

“I’ll take Bianca. You can cook for sure, but that way she is fed and changed before we eat.” 

“That works too.” 

He took the box out to the car and came back inside. Her clothes were laid out for the day, something loose and comfortable that would make changing her diaper easy for us as well. When he came back in he watched the sausage while I got Bianca from the bedroom since she was still asleep. I handed her off and he got her diaper changed, clothes changed and I had the bottle waiting before she began to scream. I finished cooking breakfast before I went and got Miranda up. 

“Where is Bianca?” 

“Uncle Cam has her spoiled, she’s eating right now. She’s ready to go though, he’s changed her and dressed her for the day. Breakfast is ready too.” 

The three of us ate breakfast and while she got changed and ready, Cam and I cleaned up good for Caleb. It would be rude to leave him a mess to clean up after the fact, so we made sure the plates and anything else I messed up were clean, dry and put away. I then cleaned the counters and stoves before she swept. We finished loading and by 10:30 we were all on our way to Tulsa. 

“This feels so weird.” She said. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I guess to some degree I knew that Tulsa would be home, I just don’t think I expected it to be with you and to have a baby as well.” 

“But would you change anything?” 

“Of course not.” 

“I think having Cameron there will help you also, someone familiar and we know he’s not running off with Taylor.” 

She laughed. “I hope not!” 

The first few hours were pretty smooth sailing, she had to feed her in the car seat because we couldn’t hold her and drive, unless we wanted to risk a huge ticket or worse and we didn’t. I did have to stop for her to change a diaper but after her next bottle she just didn’t want to be in the car seat. She cried, then cried more and nothing Miranda was doing was helping. 

“Do you want me to stop?” 

“Yeah, maybe she just needs to be held a bit, she’s not use to this.” 

“Send Cam a message then and I’ll get off at the next exit.” 

I saw her message and she kept trying to get her calmed down but she was nearing hysterics at this point so I got off the next one and pulled off at a rest stop. The moment the car was stopped Miranda began undoing the snaps and got her out. Cameron came to the window and frowned. 

“She won’t stop?” 

“No.” 

Yet she must have just wanted to be held or cuddled, because once she was against Miranda she started to calm. We went ahead and took a break while we were here, let the cars cool down, let us stretch, and it gave Bianca time to stretch and know we were both here. We got drinks and snacks and once she was calm and back settled in the car seat we left again. She slept for a little bit longer than normal but then wanted food and a diaper. We were close to the stop and I was kind of glad when we arrived because Bianca was getting fussy again. We just got one room, Cameron could have his own bed and it was cheaper. 

Yet, Bianca was really just over it. Miranda was holding her when I got back to the car and we just drove to the door that way, because she was clearly over the riding for the day. Cameron parked behind me and we got out. 

“What is wrong with her?” 

“I think she’s just over the ride right now. Mom said she’d be fine because she’d sleep all the way, but she does fine for a while and then says screw it I want to be held.” 

“We’ll just order pizza and let her chill.” I said. 

We went inside and Miranda sat down on the bed and bounced and rocked until she calmed down. We all got settled and I called for pizza. I spent some time with Bianca too and so did Cameron. When the pizza arrived we each ate our fill. While Bianca laid on the bed and stretched a bit. She seemed much better about just chilling there and looking around. 

“I think she likes the freedom.” Cameron said. 

“I think I need to adjust her seat some, it maybe up too high.” 

“I’ll adjust before we leave tomorrow.” 

Cameron finished before she and I so he got to feed her while we finished. He then changed her too and got a few somewhat smiles. We didn’t stay up long, both of us would be up and down with her but she told me to sleep since I’d be driving. I didn’t mind really, I would be driving all day. 

 

 **April 11, 2011 - Miranda**  
  
 Getting up all night wasn’t ideal but I didn’t want him to be tired and drive. Once everyone was up we got changed and packed up. Zac adjusted the seat some and maybe she’d like this more, but we did stop for breakfast once we were checked out and before getting on the expressway. It really was a long ride and I’d much rather be driving but at least it was good to nap! Which I did lots of, when I wasn’t thinking.  
  
Returning to Tulsa was a surreal feeling. I’d left heartbroken, upset, and sure that it was the last place on earth I ever wanted to return to. Yet, here I was returning and this time I was hoping that I wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. I had a sweet little baby to look forward to growing up, a husband that really did seem to care and love me. He’d more than shown that he cared and that he loved us both a great deal.  
  
I was glad that Cameron was coming because I really did think having him there would help me adjust and settle in. Why? Because he was my best friend and brother.   
  
I glanced down at Bianca who was sound asleep, she seems to like the adjustment to her seat. We weren't that far from Tulsa when we stopped so by 4 we were pulling up at what would be home. Since the last time I was here there had been some changes. The landscape was now done, along the concrete pathway was a flowerbed filled with colorful plants and hedges. On either side of the house was a eight foot tall stained wooden fence that accented the brick of the house. But, eight feet seemed excessive.  
  
“Tell me it's not that high across the back?"  
  
"No. It's shorter in back. I didn't want the back so high, just the front.”

“Kind of worried me.”

He smiled from the front of the car and got out. I got out and stretched before I got Bianca out of the car, she was waking up anyway because it was nearing her normal bottle time.

“Wow, when you said house you didn't kid…” Cam said.

“Only the best for my ladies. We can take a few moments before we unpack the cars. I am sure that she’s ready for another bottle and probably to be out of that seat a while.”

She really was ready but she was also content to lay here in Mom’s arms a bit too. He lead us inside and now that the big open room had furniture it looked better, more homey and not quite as large. Zac fixed her bottle for me and I settled on the new sofa, which was perfect. They took about fifteen minutes before they went and got the portable crib for her to lay in. Zac went ahead and made it up and fixed the blankets too. They then began to bring in other boxes, bags, and suitcases.

Once Bianca had been fed, burped and then was falling asleep I laid her down and began to help them. I took several boxes to Cameron’s room before I got one that went to ours and when I came in I paused, the walls were the same weird color but they were no longer blank.

There were several clusters around the room, one was of our short little wedding. Large and small prints adorned the set along with a few of us from before and after the wedding. There was a cluster of pictures of Bianca, one of her alone and then with each immediate family member and with friends along with several smaller ones of her.

“When did you….?”

“I thought you'd feel a little more at home if there were memories on the walls. I sent Ruby a bunch and asked her to print, frame, and cluster them.”

“I noticed a few in the living room too but this...it does help.”

“I thought so, there is also a section of family and friends. She didn't have the best maternity picture, I will put it up myself.”

“You better keep that private.”

“I am. So do you feel more at home?”

I sat the box down and looked at him, he seemed concerned that I didn't feel like I was home. Really, I'd just arrived! He just looked so worried about how I’d feel.

“I'm sure once I have things placed where I want them, have these unpacked, and get used to a new bed and a new home I will feel like it's home. It's going to take a few day's Zac.”

“I just wanted you to be at home.”

I walked over and slid my hands around his waist. Soft kisses to those lips I only thought I would ever dream of touching. Ones that were soft and supple, that tasted perfect.

“I am home, because I am here with you and with Bianca. I'll always be home when you are here. The material things just help. But you are my home.”

“Have I ever said how stupid I was before?”

“Once or twice...you know…”

My hands slid from his waist to his ass, slight little squeeze.

“Maybe I can convince Uncle Cam to watch Bianca and we can maybe seal our marriage tonight?”

I could see the little gleam in his eyes, pretty sure he wouldn't turn down that chance and I was technically cleared and well, I'd wanted to jump him for quite some time. But just hadn’t been able to.

“He may go for that, if not, I'm sure I can figure something out.”

“If you want me to watch her so you can have sex...well, I may just agree. But you gotta come unpack and shit first. Hey! Its Panda!”

I looked at him confused. He had said it's panda and I had no idea what he meant until he pointed to the photo and I smiled. Ruby had included one of us from so long ago. That fateful Halloween when he formed my nickname that he refused to let go of.

“That's it. Bianca is going to be a Panda this Halloween.” Zac said.

“Good. And I meant it so let's unpack!”

I giggled and we finished unloading the cars, and even worked on unpacking between her naps, bottles, and diapers.

“So, Cam...what do you want for dinner?” Zac asked.

“Your house and you're asking me what I want?”

I giggled. “Bribery Cam, take it.”

“Oh...well, bribery isn't needed but really, I don't care. Lunch was far too long ago and I only unpacked what I had to.”

Zac chose to do burgers, something he was good at. I helped cut up the sides, grateful that Ruby had foreseen the need for lettuce and tomatoes.

“Have you seen her nursery?”

“No. Just a few pictures.”

I took him to see the awesome pink explosion for himself and he approved. Loved the crib itself but he paused.

“I really don't mind watching her for you.”

“I know. But you know it's not required. It’s not like it’s business or work.”

“I do. But, you two do deserve alone time also.”

“Are you okay? Not homesick?”

“I am just a bit, but I’ve got to adjust. I know it'll even out once I get the feel of the place and area. Once I get unpacked.”

“You'll do fine Cameron. You may even find someone here that appreciates you and can totally deal with your psycho panda friend.”

He laughed and we went back to the living room. Once dinner was over I cleaned up and began to rearrange the kitchen to what I wanted it to be. Where things made the most sense to me. I also boiled water for her future bottles and got her formula and bottles and stuff put up.

“Satisfied yet?” Zac asked.

I glanced up and smirked. “No, but I'm sure you'll make that change soon.”

Cameron and Zac both blinked and then both laughed.

“I totally deserved that response, even if I didn't expect it.”

I put up the items last and then fixed her bottle and handed it to Cameron. He looked at me confused for a moment.

“She's already awake. I'll come get her from you when I'm decent.”

He smiled. “Go make your marriage complete. She and I are going to just chill and relax.”

I didn't even have to move Zac, he’d gone to the bedroom to change. I just stopped him before he came out. Screw waiting any longer! I'd been too sick at the end of the pregnancy and between that and his schedule no time. I was done with that!

I had feared that sex would feel different, hurt, or have some different all together feeling. What I found was it felt even better than before. Maybe it was because we really were married, maybe it was just leftover hormones or shit. I didn't care what the reason was, I was just glad it didn't suck. In fact, he made damn sure I was satisfied before we dragged ourselves up and got a shower.

Once I had my pajamas on I went to get Bianca and Zac began to tidy the bed back up. I found them asleep on the sofa. Bianca was resting on his chest and his hands were around her, making sure she didn’t fall off. I quickly snuck a photo of them before I gently woke him up. He blinked and looked confused.

I smiled. “Go get in bed and get some rest. We’ve got her for the night. Thank you Cam.”

“Okay. Glad I could help.”

I got her from him barely causing her to flinch, I then went and fixed her bottle. Knowing she was going to want it soon. She did wake up not long after I laid her down on our bed. Zac handled the wet diaper and then fed her.

Once she was back asleep we laid her down and laid down ourselves. But, it was a different bed, different room, different house, different town and a different state..

But it was home. 


	50. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Tondada for the editing and for reassurance on the ending :)  
> Thank you to anyone whose read this story and commented, your continued support gives me the drive to keep writing!

POV: Miranda / Zac 

  

**-Miranda-**

As I suspected, settling in Tulsa this time was easier and more pleasant. Zac made it clear that I didn’t have to work at all if I didn’t want to. But, I didn’t feel right just not doing anything so I went back to the transcriptions because I could do that while Bianca slept or played with any number of family members. They had slowly, over a few weeks met her and it was nice. 

Having Cameron and Ruby around was nice too, more Cameron because he was always my grounding person and it worked out well with him here. It helped me settle in and feel at home. However, what helped more was Caleb and Mariah moving out. He took the job at the hospital here in town and they moved out within three months of me. It really didn’t take long before our parents joined us, but Mom and Kenneth chose Oklahoma City over Tulsa. Having them closer helped me view Tulsa as home. Even if Conway was home too. 

 

**-Zac-**

I have to admit to myself that I shouldn’t have ever walked away from Miranda. I should have followed Taylor’s lead and when he moved Ruby in with him, I should have moved Miranda in with me. I shouldn’t have ever been such an ass to her either. However, I’d let Kathryn influence me and it did more harm than good. 

Despite having Cameron in our house, I didn’t feel like anything was going on between them and in fact, he really did act more brotherly. He was also a huge help both with Bianca and in helping Miranda settle in and feel comfortable. When he moved into his own place, I was sad. He had become a really good friend to me as well. I knew that her family moving out had helped also and honestly, I was glad they moved out because I had felt bad about Bianca not being around them. Now, they could help, and see her as much as anyone else.

I now understood Isaac’s behavior better too, being away from my daughter was never easy. I found myself always calling and texting to check on them and when we traveled I had to Skype, talk to her, and I had to know they were both fine. That pull to them was present all the time.

Miranda and Bianca were my home. 

  


End file.
